Are you struggling with raising kids in the digital age? Do you have a nagging feeling that you need to be doing more, but don’t know what? Or have young kiddos asking for tech and don't know where to start? Going a little crazy with navigating all of the digital things? Welcome to The Be THAT Mom Movement, a movement of moms born out of discovering the hard way that we HAVE to be proactive about protecting our children in our digital world with this new realm of parenting! Being THAT Mom is an empowerment movement, where we are unafraid of taking a stand for our children, & where we get to choose what is right for our family, our kids, & ourselves. Being THAT Mom also means finding time to get grounded, tapping into our inner strength, self-care, health, & living a life by design, because navigating this new realm of parenting needs us to be fully present and strong. Join me in stepping up into being THAT Mom with strength, knowledge, and courage, so that together we can be proud of protecting our kids while navigating the ups & downs of this new realm of parenting. #beTHATMom #beTHATMomStrong #beTHATMomMovement
Episodes
Nov 8, 2023
Nov 8, 2023
10 min
Navigating the driving years can be hairy and scary no matter what, but here are a few tips to help you make it less painful!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone!
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
Align Your Life Wellness LLC: Consult options can be found here: https://www.bit.ly/alignoptions
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Functional Medicine University: CLICK HERE
Health/Wellness Partner opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness advocate with BODi: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES AND LINKS: https://www.linktr.ee/dollydenson
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1: (00:00)
Well it took me a lot longer to get to this episode than I expected, but we are at episode 100 that is a milestone. And today we are gonna just talk about briefly a few things that I found helpful and kind of things that I wish I would've done differently when taking my kids through the driving years and getting them their first car. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2: (00:25)
Welcome to your source for tips, tools and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age. Inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that Mom Flare. This is the Be That Mom Movement with
Speaker 1: (00:45)
Your
Speaker 2: (00:45)
Host Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1: (00:51)
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep, easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the Bark app and yes, bark like a dog, bark, bark, bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month. You can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with Bark Today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Okay, so before I get into the topic today, I just want to say that after recording the last episode that I published, I had a lot of hesitation about publishing it.
Speaker 1: (01:39)
And the reason for that was after reflecting on it for a little bit is that the impact of my legal case and how much they dug into my life, which I don't think I really mentioned in the episode, haunts me. They dug into every aspect of my life, listened to my podcast episodes, looked at things from my past like my little brother dying and the reason behind my, my podcast episodes and anything and everything you could think of, they asked me about, it shook me and it's been really hard to put myself out into the public again. I actually like cut back on how public I was about anything. So most people didn't know about us selling our house, didn't know about us moving into our rv, didn't know a lot of the things going on, and I even made all of my social media private for a little while too because it was so disturbing how much they were trying to dig things up so that they could avoid having to face the fact that they're wrong.
Speaker 1: (02:38)
So that's what's so infuriating about not having the due process that I'm legally supposed to have and that they could manipulate the process like they did because they know they're doing something wrong. . So just wanted to say that, that I considered not publishing, that I considered not continuing with the podcast, but ultimately then they win and I'm not gonna allow that. I have something to offer here. I have information that might be helpful for you. I went through some really hard times raising my kids and did it all the harder way as I've said before. And so I'm just gonna keep sharing that stuff and I hope you're here for it. Alright, so today's topic about taking your kids through the driving years, how scary is that? Have you already reached those years of them actually being behind the wheel and driving? Holy cow.
Speaker 1: (03:30)
For my three kids, each one was different. We did each one a little bit differently in how we had them train. The first one did parent taught, the second one did a driving school and then the third one did parent taught. And I don't know which way is better because each one of them, it kind of fit their personality. So the second born doing the one where she went someplace and was taught by somebody else, it was helpful for her to learn from somebody else than from us. And each one just, you know, was different in how they approach driving And it seems to me that kids, well at least one of my kids wasn't as anxious to get her license and and get going. And then the other one was like out the door the day she turned 16. So I was gonna say that kids are seem to be getting their licenses later and this and that, but that's not really true when I think about it because it just, it wasn't that way for each one of them.
Speaker 1: (04:27)
They just had different things going on and then also covid happening and all the stuff around that affected how we did things with the the youngest. But the biggest thing that I wanted to share, and this is probably gonna be a really short episode unless I kind of go off on a tangent, the biggest thing I wanna share is how we handled the cars. So with the firstborn, I was at that time I was driving my car for work and so we got her a car, we ended up buying her a new car and it wasn't planned to do that, but buying her the new car kind of like set the stage for the other ones, which probably wasn't wise on our part, but we just got a really, really good deal at the time. You know, this is way pre covid before everything blew up with the used car and new car market the way it is right now.
Speaker 1: (05:13)
But we ended up getting her a new car because it was like at the end of the month and they needed to move the cars, you know, move some of the cars off the lot. And so they made us an offer that was like less than what we were finding for the used cars. So we got her that car and to this day, I'm trying to think how many years it's been now, when did we get that for her? I guess it's been eight years and she still has that same car. So it's been a good car for her. Now when we decided to get the car that we did, what I did was I researched the safety ratings for different vehicles and I narrowed it down to three vehicles that had good safety ratings for teen drivers. It was important for me that you know, they had like the airbags and all the things and that had been found to be a, a good car rated for teen or inexperienced drivers.
Speaker 1: (06:05)
So that's how I found her car, the make and the model and how we started looking for it. We just didn't go out there and get any car that was a good price. We looked for one that had the good safety rating. Now by the time the second born got to driving years, the job I was in provided me a vehicle and so my car was just sitting in the garage and not being driven a lot. So I went ahead and let her use that car and that car became like the , the teen driver car. So she used that car until the younger one got to driving years and then it passed on to him and we got her her own car, which was the same make as the oldest ones. And then the youngest one drove in my car until he was ready to buy himself a truck.
Speaker 1: (07:00)
And when I stopped driving that car and was provided a car for my work, that car was at 110,000 miles. He just recently bought himself that truck. And so now the car, which is a Honda so it's like it drives forever and ever it seems it is now at 200,000 miles. So I stopped driving it at 110,000 miles the second born probably put a good chunk of that, those miles on it. And then he finished off using it for his first couple of years of driving and bought himself a new car around the time that he turned 18. So, or bought himself a new to him vehicle but having that car that wasn't a new car had some miles and was paid off, worked really well for us. So now that car that he drove has passed back to me, it's now my car again.
Speaker 1: (07:55)
It has 200,000 miles on it but it's still driving. We just had to get the air conditioning fixed because it went out right at the end of the summer and or I guess it was last month in September, but it's still driving. It has a little bit of like noises it makes and this and that, but it's still going. And so all of that to say, what I recommend is if you're not yet at those driving years, kind of look at what you're doing with vehicles for you and your spouse if you have one, and see if it's gonna come to a place to where you're gonna move into a newer car and then move them into your old car if that's possible. The other thing to say is the car that I drove that ended up being the second and third born's car for a little while, um, that one was also one that was rated high for safety ratings.
Speaker 1: (08:46)
The Honda c r v the only thing is and verify that now 'cause that could have changed. So don't take my word for that. But the only thing at the time when I was getting the firstborn, her car was at Honda CRVs, they hold their value a lot or at least they did. I don't know if they do now. And so it seemed like they were really high priced and we couldn't afford that. So second born ended up getting that one and the third born did too. So just wanted to share that piece of gotten past the teenage driving years wisdom to just give you a, a piece of information. The other thing is if you get a newer car and you finance it, get gap coverage. , I can't tell you how many vehicles we've had to have totaled or they've totaled them since we got out of those initial years and moved them into other vehicles and um, these weren't accidents that were their fault, it was them being hit by somebody else.
Speaker 1: (09:41)
So just so happened, I think we've had three totaled cars in the last year, so that's been a bit frustrating. But that first car we bought in the other one that was the teen driver car, neither one of those has had issues wrecks or anything like that. It was the subsequent vehicles that we got. So hopefully this helps you. I don't know what's spunky with my voice if it sounds a little funny right now. But hope this helps you and feel free to provide me feedback. Let me know how things have gone for you and I'll see you next time. Thanks for tuning in. Being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom
Speaker 2: (10:19)
Strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on
Speaker 1: (10:22)
Social and join Dolly's free community. Till next time. Holy moly, check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact and will help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone. Check out pinwheel@pinwheel.com. Use code be.mom 10 for a discount.
Jan 5, 2022
Jan 5, 2022
41 min
EMF radiation exposure & our kids' digital devices is the topic of this interview with Defendershield founder, Dan DeBaun. Tune in to hear his top tips and tools!
Check out all that Defendershield has to offer for your kiddo HERE!!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
Check out the DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: GRAB YOUR ALL ACCESS PASS HERE!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone!
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
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Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
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Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
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MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
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Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So the topic of my podcast is often about how to help you be proactive as a mom when giving your kids digital things and helping to guide them in that world. That is what the podcast is founded on and what it's all about. Well, today's episode, we are going to go into another realm of this whole thing around the digital stuff that I've never dived into before. And I'm so excited to bring you an expert in this field to help you get on the top of this too. All right. So stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flare. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about. Start at a small fee each month. You can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Okay. So today I am so excited to bring you an interview or a conversation that I had with an expert in the field, around the exposure of our kids, to what our devices are putting off.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
I'm talking about how they communicate with the world and get all of their information that has to come from somewhere. And when it is collecting information, we are inadvertently being expos to electromagnetic frequency radiation. So today I am talking to the founder of defender shield. His name is Daniel Debaun, and he is an internationally recognized expert in EMF, radiation, EMF, shielding, and EMF related health issues with a special focus on the effect of exposure from mobile devices, such as laptops, tablets, and cell phones. His concern regarding the health impact of EMF emissions grew from over 30 years of engineering experience in telecommunications industry, he has had a variety of executive positions in multiple large businesses, such at and T and bell labs in various other things. He's been the co-author of a book called radiation nation, the fallout of modern technology. And he is the CEO of defender shield, which is the world leader in EMF radiation protection solutions.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
So I'm so very excited to invite him onto the podcast today. He shares so much valuable information to help you take these nuggets and use them for your kids. Like seriously, make sure you listen to this entire interview and in our convers, and at the end, he gives some very useful nuggets, very useful tips that you can take today to help make sure that your kid is minimizing their exposure to the things that our devices are inadvertently putting out, whether we are aware of it or not. Okay. I hope you find this so very valuable. I absolutely did, and I am so very excited to bring it to you. So stay tuned. All
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Right. So I am so excited today to be talking to Dan with defender shield, and I am really kind of amazed that I have not explored this topic on my podcast yet, and it's very important. So I'm have you here today. Dan, tell me a little bit about yourself and what brought you to this space.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
Well, Dolly, thanks so much for inviting me. I'm excited to chat with your, uh, your listening audience, uh, about a subject that's really fairly controversial and really understood. And so we have an opportunity today to sort of chat about that, to help people understand this space. I started in telecommunications 30, 40 years ago. I, I actually wrote the technical standards and, and did the testing on telecommunications equipment for years and years and years. So about 10 years or so, 15, maybe close to 15. Now my sons were visiting me. They had their laptops on their, my wife says that can't be good for you. I want grandchildren. And she was implying that there was an emission coming from a, from a laptop that, that, um, affected the male sperm. Um, and I said, look, I've been doing this stuff for many, many years. There's no way the power levels are gonna have any sort of impact to the human body.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
But then I thought about it a tiny bit. I had never looked at the research side of, uh, the medical research side about these kind of exposures. And even back then, Dolly, it was true that after three or four hours, it's potentially true up to 25 per center of the mill sperm became became immobile. So we, we knew from that study work, that it, it actually can affect you. And then of course, other data that I was stumbling, of course, stuff I've never looked at before seemed to verify that there are potential concerns that we should have as parents and users of these technologies. I built a laptop shield for my sons, cuz I'm actually a mechanical engineer. Although I'm an industry, I spent an electrical world and I built a shielding device for my kids. And um, by the way, Dolly, I, I still don't have grandchildren, but uh,
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Uh, it's really interesting. And isn't it crazy that it's kind of like we won't have anything on our radar until someone makes a comment or, or, you know, just kind of spikes your interest on something and then it takes you down a rabbit hole of exploring that a little bit. Oh yeah.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
I mean, I used to worry about electronics interfering with electronics. I never worried about electronics interfering with the human body, but after my wife's comment, she had an intuition which is actually pretty accurate and it did start a journey that, uh, didn't intend, but certainly have embraced over the last 10 years.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's amazing. So your book is called radiation nation. The fallout of modern technology is that like on Amazon Barnes and noble, those type of places.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
Yeah. Amazon it's like one of the best sells on Amazon. Uh, it's like interesting how, you know, um, there this, he hemp up interest in trying to understand this space and we wrote the book that, that, that was really intended to try to let people understand what it is, what science says, so they can make their own choices and, and it's been fairly successful fortunately for us.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
That's awesome. So kind of to, as a baseline, just if you can explain, like in layman's terms, what, like, for someone, you know, I hear things about 5g and I'm like, is that 5g in my phone? Is it 5g someplace else? Like just an understanding for the general public, what should we know about like EMF, electro magnetic, frequency, radiation, and 5g and all of that.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Okay. So my wife was commenting on the laptop that my sons were using and it was the wifi. It's the connection to the router. That is a transmitter and it is being transmitted from the, a laptop to the router. And it's a power, there's a certain amount of power being trans. You can't see it, you can't smell it, you can't touch it, but it's actually there and it's making a connection. And, and so when you have a device like that, what it transmits out of the device in all directions within that room and keeps on going into the other rooms, those can go up to almost 2000 feet. It's fairly, they can go fairly far and it's called an omnidirectional signal. It goes every way you are using it. Well, that's true for, uh, cell phones, tablets, anything that's using Bluetooth, wifi or cell tower connections are transmitting power with a cell phone.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
You have the generations of cell phones, the first, second, third, and fourth generation. And then as you pointed out, you have a fifth generation, the fourth generation up to the fourth generation, those signals that you use for your cell phone, they can go actually up to five miles. So there's enough power to get five miles and it's going in all directions. And, and so that's the fundamental characteristics of technology today, and we're putting it very, very close to our body. And then here comes 5g, which is fifth generation next generation technology, which what's really interesting about that. Dotty, it's not introducing a lot of it is not introducing new connections from a cell phone to a cell tower. A lot of it are all what's referred to as sub gigahertz. It's like the speeds are not that fast. Uh, but, uh, uh, the speed of the frequency rate is, is around one gigahertz.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
It's, it's a, a, um, a wave that moves in the air and, and it's moving at a rate of one gigahertz, um, roughly, um, three feet in milliseconds and it gets to the cell tower with 5g. The other part, which is really the more controversial part of it is that there's new rates that are being introduced much, much higher speeds. And that's where science is getting pretty concerned because we've never had these really, really, really fair speeds in our environment. And that's really what you hear about in the controversial space. Most of what you have in the 5g today is not out there is, is the stuff we've seen all along is coming out of our cell phones, no different than it has been in the past, but it's when it's the small cell site, the, the cell tower right in front of your house, that's about 15 feet high or less. And it's transmitting at much, much higher, fast 23, giggers, uh, 60 gig it's 90 gigahertz. They're really, really fast rates. And that's where the controversial lies that is producing broadband services to the house at speeds, UN uh, haven't been available in the marketplace and now is, and that's where the controversial lies.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Okay. Wow. So that's interesting. That makes it makes sense more. So what are the, you mentioned the thing about the sperm count, what are the health effects and the things that are known
Speaker 4 (11:43):
Over? So it varies substantially some research scientists that do the work, talk about the danger potentially can lead to, uh, cell damage D DNA damage cell damage, and Dr. Powell, for example, or Paul, however you wanna announce it. He talks about the cell breaking down and becoming potentially a tumor or a non-cancerous or cancerous tumor. That is the been reinforced by study work for the national toxicity program, which is the federal government study coup several years ago, with 25 million they spent, and they found that the epidemiology study that found frontal lobe cancer and heart cancers related to ex exposures, statistically significant changes. In other words, the populations were big enough that we could conclude from the epidemiology study, that there could potentially be that danger with that kind of exposure valley. Those are the, uh, those are the most extreme, uh, and, and are not the things so much.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
We find in the human body with kind of exposures every day. However, something like 20% of us or so were actually impacted in very different ways. There could be neurological impacts, physiological tingling, a of the eyes, uh, ring, uh, the tinnitus, the ringing in the ears. You may be tired, depressed, fatigued. You may have memory loss. So these are varying degrees of exposure, which influences the, the body. And in fact, some argue like in the classroom, there's so much wifi in the classroom today that it it's like millions of, um, of times more than it was 50 years ago. And, and that constant increased invisible power level in the classroom is, uh, potentially impacting, uh, our kids. Uh, um, and so that's the controversy you hear about that is the power that's found within the classroom. Now that's a constant seven, eight hours that they're exposed and there's, you know, maybe depression, anxiety, stress of independent of the schoolwork that's itself.
Speaker 4 (14:12):
And, and so there's that kind of thing that impact the human and, and by the way, do believe it or not, it's, it's like more women than men, which science has not been able to, to, uh, define why, but we know that roughly 20% of the human is impacted by the exposures to cell phones and laptops and wifis. And it, it it's, um, a growing component because maybe our environment is growing and, and of that 80% of women that are affected, you know, you may have a headache, uh, all day. And, um, that's because it could be true. You're sitting next to a router all day. So all of a sudden these technologies we have around us, you just have to be aware of those things around you and the potential influences that may have on, on, on you and your kids.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
So it's not like, um, I mean, it's just kind of like most other things like in moderation and being aware.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
Yeah. I it's like the world health organization who considers, uh, RF signal the signal from a cell phone to the cell tower as a two B carcinogenic. That, that means that it's a potential cancer. So it's not like the world's avoiding it. They're beginning to understand it. And many argue that it'll become a probable carcinogenic the next round with the hook. So it's not like nothing's happening, but it is a controversial space. And it's more are our environment today. And, and 20% of you are influenced, uh, in a negative way.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
So interesting and something we just so much need to be aware of as they ramp up the power of our phones and all of that, all you, you know, like before I was aware of all of this, I would just think, oh, wow, a faster phone, you know, remember this and stuff like that. Like, yeah,
Speaker 4 (16:14):
We're, you know, AEC actually dial, that's a really, really good point. We've had electronics around us for long, long amounts of time. But think of this as only the last five, 10 years, we have all this electronic stuff, you in our pockets, you know, you had a mainframe computer down drive a hundred feet in a building you had that had huge power levels of exposure. It didn't matter because I wasn't in the room now that is in my computer, on my laptop, same power levels, same computing capacity, and it's sitting on my lap. So it, it is, that's why it's sort of, of our, our technology. Our environment is changing along with the technology exposures there's potential impacts to the world health organization. I, I mentioned it's a, a possible carcinogenic. Uh, so is gas when you smell gas, that odor it's a, um, is so an organic material smell and that's considered a two B Cogenic as well. So if you have a wifi in your room and you have a, a gasoline 55 gallon drum gasoline open and spewing the volatile organic compounds into the room, there are equivalent in terms of what the world health organization defines.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
So really it's just about being aware of it, being an influence, and then being able to kind of have it in moderation and not, you know, always have it, you know, like on your chest or in your pocket or on your lap, that type. So
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Absolutely does. In fact, giving you a description of it, what would you do? You'd put a top on it and you take the gasoline and you put it in the other room. That's what you'd do. And the same thing with a router. Uh, you, you don't need it in the same room as you are. All you gotta do is figure out what room it can be in. That's relatively safe for your right.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Okay. So then let's take this a step further when it comes to kids. So I'm a big proponent of them not having their phones in their bedrooms and all of that. I mean, it's not even the, not just the phones, but like now we have like the Amazon echo devices that they have as their alarm clock in their bedroom and those type of things. So it's really about an awareness that, that does, Haveit something. And so maybe it needs to not be on their nightstand at night and maybe they need to not have it someplace
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Okay. So, uh, uh, let's chat a little bit about that. There is a federal communications commission standard. It was generated about 30 years ago, and it's describing what the power of a signal between a, a, a cell phone and a cell tower. So the federal government does define the standard. It was over 30 years ago, and I remind people over 30 years ago, if I had a cell phone, none of my friends had it. So I wasn't very much on it very, very often. So all the transmit power levels were, you know, at that time there wasn't much of it. So that standard sort of was okay, well, the standard was established by the FCC looking at six foot male military. And they established that if a signal penetrates one to two inches and it heated up less than two degrees, the power level would have to be no more than 1.6 Watts.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
Just remember 1.6 Watts. And, and so, and why heating
Speaker 4 (20:46):
And so the standard that was developed 30 years ago to protect the user represents protection for about 3% of the population. What does that mean? Well, again, the cell phone standard protects, uh, six foot male from one, two inches penetration into the head us year, old child. It goes completely through their head. There is no resistive path for that signal. Good. Remember it's not object signal. It's not just connecting to the cell tower. It's also going through your head. And so now you have a six foot child, a six, a six year old child. That's using a phone fairly regularly, unlike you and me when we were growing up and it's going completely through. So what's the implication. We really don't know cause phones have not been around that long at this kind of pervasive use. And so the standard is not been updated by the FCC.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
And it, it, there is a lot of Contra from the medical community and the FCC actually, to the extent, uh, Dolly, that they actually went to, uh, a court. They had an appeals court in Kennedy and, and Dr. Deborah Davis, a couple of scientists, they, they bought a court case to the FCC and the FCC see lost in court because they actually didn't evaluate modern science to understand where it really was and how much impact it really had on the human. So the FCCS been pushed back to look at it. So we know for sure, as I said, it represents 3% of the population, and we have a lot of I, a plethora, thousands and thousands and thousands of studies that show potential concerns. And so even the FCCS been pushed back to start looking at it. So for all of us, all of that means is you have to be aware of what you're using and, and how you're using it. And how much time are you using it and, and know your environment.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Oh, very interesting. I mean like the gist of it is there are concerns. We don't know exactly what act, but for a small body and a small child, we know it's not a positive thing most likely. Right.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
And, and right. We, we don't know. Uh, I mean, honestly don't know, like we were talking about five to G you know, most of 5g is gonna be fine. It's sort of the same as everything, not fine. It's still the same as everything else has been for us, but the stuff in front of your house, that 23 gigahertz, if someone tells you a scientist tells you that it's dangerous, they don't know what they're talking about because there's no studies that characterize what the danger could be or not be. It's just different. If, if you are an informed researcher, you may think there could be comparisons to the current technologies being used to that new, but we really, as you just pointed out, we really don't know. And so that's where question becomes important. Right?
Speaker 3 (23:54):
So to then tell me what you have created with your company defender shield, as far as like what products you have and how that can help parents out there with devices.
Speaker 4 (24:04):
Well, I, I mentioned to you about my son's using a device. I created called a defender pad, and it's a bunch of shielding technologies. We put in into a platform to prevent the signals from passing from the device to the human. We have cell phones, shielding devices, we blankets, we have pregnancy, uh, protection. Why do I say pregnancy protection? There are some scientists that say when a, a young woman, 12 years old puts a, a cell phone in her back pocket, the signals strong enough to influence the egg, maybe potentially mutate the egg. And so when a child puts it and, and it, she becomes, uh, married. And once kids, there's a potential for that mutated today to be influenced in the child if a child's born. So there's that kind of concern. And that's why I begin looking for, we know from a study in San Francisco that at high levels of exposure to first trimesters, uh, you are three times more likely to miscarriage in that first trimester with those I elevating, uh, conditions.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
So you have to be aware of those. And that's why the, the protection for the, uh, for the, uh, pregnant woman, uh, we have pouches, we have, I have earbuds I'm using right now as we are chatting. And I actually created a, uh, a device in which I convert the, the electrical signal and I put it into, uh, an acoustical connection. So I have no emissions at all, uh, at the head level. So that was another one of the devices. Uh, we, we came up with that would, it's not much, let's put it this way. When you have a, a cell phone directly to your head, a as we we've talked about it, there's a potential that it can influence the frontal lobe cells. If you have it, one who feet away, 80% of that danger is gone by four foot, 98% is gone. So we have devices when you choose to pick something close to your body, but you don't need it close to your body.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
If you are taking a, a cell phone and you put it four foot or more away, a laptop, four foot, or more way, you are actually fairly safe. And, and it turns out that if you have a laptop, not in your lap, on your desk and you use to need the net connection to it, you really don't need any device protection, because all you're doing is moving that signal. That would be the wifi signal to the router, and you're eliminating it by connecting it. So there are ways of mitigating potential dangers by simply managing your environment. In fact, Dolly, I often talk about it as, uh, bees in the room. If you are aware of where the bees are, they're the transmitting power levels, and you begin turning them off or moving them away. You reduce exposure in general, one B won't kill you a thousand will.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
And all you have to do is think about where those bees are in the room and just turn 'em off and move 'em away. And you're pretty safe, very actually by simple management of your time. Another thing is, it's not just, um, the closeness, uh, how close you are to the device. It's how much you use the device. If you are using a, a device, a couple of minutes a day, a cell phone, till you had a couple minutes a day, it was unlikely that it'll ever impact you. If you are using it heavily more than an hour to two every day in 10 years, you are two to three times more likely to have frontal cancer, believe it or not. And so the duration of use of the technology is also important. So let me get back to other of things we have, we have blankets that are for, for moms that wanted actually, it was a baby blanket originally, but well, a lot of adults choose it, believe it or not. We have the earbuds adult headset, uh, headset to that are acoustical pouches, blankets, uh, devices that you can, we have a whole bunch of products, all designed to protect you. If you choose to have a device next close to your body for an extended period of
Speaker 3 (28:34):
Time. Okay. I love that kind of that summary in your, um, points about being four feet or more away connecting laptop to an ethernet cable and than the duration that you're using, the, the device, those are three really good things that parents can use as a strategy for mitigating the exposure. Right? Um, in addition to the tools that you, that
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Val, let's say, you're taking your child in a stroll, in a stroller, don't put your cell phone in the back of the divide of this stroller. That's close to your child's head. So keep it in your, not near your, your body, but in your, as a wallet or in, in your, anywhere other than the child's back. So that's a simple thing you can do and keep the child protected. And you still have the device available in, in, uh, to be used when you want to mm-hmm
Speaker 3 (29:29):
Speaker 4 (29:37): Yeah. Right? Exactly.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Exposure while you're on your walk, Dolly.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
We, we were talking, I just remembered there was some other question about sleep. You were talking about a, and so let's talk about that because that's important be because kids are going to bed with these, uh, I'll, I'll give an example, um, by telling you a story, I was on a, a podcast and I was talking to this person, very, very bright person. And I said, your bedroom's a sanctuary. There should be no transmitting signals in that room. Uh, all devices, even in, in the case of a cell phone, I, I don't even recommend you've put it four foot or more way, get it out of the room. You don't need it in that room, eliminate all those kinds of things. And the person was very nice. And, uh, she said, well, you know, like that's good coaching. Uh, I'm, I'm sure that, uh, my husband and I, we have our phones in our room.
Speaker 4 (30:38):
And, well, thank you so much for letting us know about three or four weeks later, she calls me up and she said, I didn't believe a word. You said the way she would describe me. She says, I didn't believe a word you said. And I said it in the RF signal influences the head. It influences the sleep. Um, and so like, you have to get in the pattern, taking these things outta your room, because it disrupts the, my, uh, the, uh, me toin that's being generated throughout the body. And she said, my husband and I are now sleeping throughout the night. We simply took the laptops. Or in fact there was the phones out of our rooms. The other dimension of that discussion I had with her was simple. When you look at a, um, a lap, a laptop or, or tablet, when you're sleeping, before you go into bed at night, there is a blue light.
Speaker 4 (31:26):
You may have heard of this Dolly, a blue light blue light is part of the spectrum of sunlight, right? It's it's believe it or not visible electromagnetic radiation. That's what it is. It's visible. The blue component is very high on the spectrum of light and very, very close to what what's known as ionized radiation, x-ray radiation. That's roughly where it is. And it is the part of light that actually helps you go to sleep or stay awake. In other words, blue light is the trigger in the back of the eye. The crypto pro is a protein in the back of the eye that turns the on and off switch for a melatonin. And so when you are looking at the screen at 11 o'clock at night, and you've decided to go to bed, the melatonin hasn't been turned on because you had the blue light penetrating your eye and the switch hasn't turned off.
Speaker 4 (32:26):
And so believe it or not, it disrupts the, the, uh, the pattern of sleep only because it delays the melatonin and, and, and the, and the potential, uh, deep sleep and everything. The, the sick nature of our 24 hour cycle. Is it being impacted when you are actually looking at that blue light at night, before you go to bed? So it's a combination of removing products and watching how the technology you're using is impacting, uh, the, the sleep pattern and other ways. Um, so it is a, it is no question, very important for sleep that you really pull tablets, laptops, cell phones out of your sleeping area. Particularly if it's close to you, you do not wanna do it. Cause it is disrupting your sleep pattern.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
So will the, you have like think guys saw him on your website, the blue blocker glasses. Oh
Speaker 4 (33:21):
Yes. Did they actually, yeah, actually, that's why I did it because people were like, during the day, you're not gonna not use a screen. And it is only the blue component of the signal of the, of the light that you're worried about. So we have filters that we put on that takes that signal out, and we have a light 50% shielding and another one that's 99% shielding. And that's why we did it because people who want to read at night, they can go with the, the shield 99% shielding, and they actually have no impact to sleeping pattern as a result
Speaker 3 (34:01):
Of that. Okay. So then that would be a good alternative if they need
Speaker 4 (34:05):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. If you wanna do it, you can take that precautionary measure.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Okay, cool. The other thing I wanted to go back to was on the earbuds. So kids are, you know, like all crazy about their AirPods and things like that. Is there anything that can be put on AirPods specific that helps to block it? Or is it just kind of a lost cause with those
Speaker 4 (34:24):
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Okay. Yeah, that was gonna be, my next question was the difference between the wired ones and the wireless ones, cuz like all of the iPhones. Now you have to use an adapter in order to use the wire ones cuz they don't have a Jack anymore.
Speaker 4 (36:28):
I know it's like crazy. It was good for business, I guess,
Speaker 3 (36:31):
I guess so. I mean I have my own pair of AirPods that I bought years ago before I realized that as any, I just didn't really, you know, it was always kind of like one of those things like surely they're protecting us and wouldn't put something out that's gonna cause this harm. But it's, it's clear that there is exposure there and every kid ha seems to have those in their ears when they're walking around. So
Speaker 4 (36:53):
Dolly actually you bring up a really good point. One of the things I always say is you have the architect and you, your own destiny, you can't rely on anyone to keep you protected the FCC. They didn't intentionally. They certainly did not intend to create a standard that was 30 years later. Not as protective as it should be. They didn't do that. But that's a consequence when, when I smoked cigarettes 12, when I was 12 years old, many, many, many years ago, you know, I, I was a big man and believe it or not, even back then science knew about the link between cancer and smokey. How many years later did it take for us all to know that you shouldn't smoke over 30, 40 years ago, right? Trans fats, you know, there was a lowly biochemist 30 years ago. He said, it's not the cholesterol in the eggs that are killing us. It's the trans fats were used in the Cookoff French fries. It's Cogenic and how many years did it take for that to be banned it band in the us now it's been that way for two years, but we knew 30 years ago that it was potentially dangerous from a science perspective. I don't see this as that much different. It's a technology that we created in our environment, which is really, really good for us in so many different ways. It, it changes our lives, but it also introduces the concerns that we should be thinking about.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Right. So cigarettes are a prime example of that and they're still out on the market, even though we know that you're right,
Speaker 4 (38:27):
Exactly. It's obviously I don't smoke anymore. I haven't for 40 years. So
Speaker 3 (38:34):
Yeah. So, okay. So I think you have given some really, really valuable tips on navigating this because technology's not going away. There's advantages to it. Like we're here connected right now because of it. So I think this is really good starting point for parents to just be aware of this and to help try to mitigate the risk of the exposure because you know, we're not gonna get the devices out of these kids' hands and no,
Speaker 4 (38:59):
No. Hey Ali, in fact, you reminded me when you mentioned that when we had the defendant pad, I wasn't really thinking we're gonna create other product lines. And then I read an article one day that these parents bought a, uh, their six year old daughter, a cell phone. She kept on pushing, pushing, pushing. And a year later after they got her, she, she passed away from, uh, front lo cancers. And I said to myself, I know I can stop that signal. I did it with the defender head and I said, look, we're not gonna throw away our technology, but we have to find a way of maybe making it slightly safer if you think it's endangering. And that's when I adopted the technology from one device to another simply because I'm not gonna throw my cell phone away. But at that time, believe it or not, I never had a cell phone close to me. I was just, I never did. But now I will, because I know I'm protected with a shielding device. So if you're gonna use it, watch your time, your distance and duration, uh, as well as the shielding, uh, if, if you choose to have devices long, extended period of times, close to your body. Awesome.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Thank you so much for spending the time with me today. That's the, the, you just summarized it all with time, distance, duration and shielding. So yeah. Yep. Um, I really, really appreciate your time and your expertise and really taking the time to explain all this. And I think that all of the parents out there are really gonna benefit from this. So thank you so much for putting your passion into something that can help people. Well,
Speaker 4 (40:35):
Thanks so much daddy for invite. I mean, I, I really did enjoy this. I always, I, I think our goal in life is to try to help people understand what decisions they need to come up with. And, and that's what I consider pretty important for us to do so. And I think you do as well. So thank you so much for the work you do as well.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
Yes. You're welcome. Thank you so much. We just have to kind of join hands and, and move forward and, and create your own destiny like you said, so. Yep.
Speaker 4 (41:03):
Yeah. Whether you we're architects of the, our own destiny, don't let wait for anyone else to help you.
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (41:11):
All right. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom is isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Hey, if you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with
Speaker 1 (41:33):
Anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul. C B d.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.
Dec 16, 2021
Dec 16, 2021
32 min
In this episode, Troomi wireless founder Bill Brady shares all the details of their new safer phone option for kids made to grow smarter as they grow older.
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I've said it once I've said it twice, I've probably said it a hundred or maybe even a thousand times since I launched this podcast a year and nine months ago. And that is that all of the options that have come out in the last couple of years to help parents navigate this wild, wild west of the digital world and all the things are true gifts to us parents. And as if everything that's out there, isn't awesome enough. We have a new option for the dumb smartphones. Like, yes, I am not kidding. Knock your socks off. This is incredibly exciting. So for this episode, I have an interview with the founder of this new phone, and you are going to want to listen to this state to
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life, proud to be that mom layer. This is the be that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
So yes, I am not kidding. You are not gonna wanna miss this interview. This is for a new company that has created what I call a dumb smartphone, but this one, an extra feature that makes it not so dumb. The company is called Tru me, and I will leave it to the founder to explain the meaning behind that name, which is pretty awesome and gave me kind of chills because it's exactly the things that I talk about all the time, but yeah, it grows with you and it kind of fills that app that a lot of parents have told me about. And then I hear complaints about when it comes to the dumb smartphones that they are great for when they're younger and as they get a little bit older, but there's kind of a gap there where you're not quite ready to give them access to all of the things, but they're kind of outgrowing that phone.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
So one creates a little bit of a bridge there gives you much more control and kind of lets you guide them into what I've referred to before is the deep blue sea of all of the digital things. So I think you are going to absolutely love this as a new option for your kiddo. And if you have younger ones to start them out and help guide them and teach them healthy habits around tech. Okay. So I won't delay any further in introducing the founder of Trumie who is bill Brady. And I will let him explain who he is and what's he about and all of the things around this phone. And before I shift over to that, there is a link in the show notes to grab this phone with a $30 discount and you can also go to their website directly and use my code, be that mom for that same discount. So check it out in the show notes or use the code at checkout. Be that mom. Okay.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
All righty. So today I have bill here with me with Trumie wireless and I am so excited to have you join us today. So tell me a little bit about yourself, about your family, wherever you wanna share with me and what brought you to create the Trumie phone.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Hey, thank you, Dolly. Great to be with you. So yeah, my name is bill Brady and uh, I'm the co-founder and CEO of Tru me wireless. That's actually not my most important job.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
Even going back to my time as an undergrad student in university, I was concerned about what I called the dehumanizing effects of technology. And, and so picture that, you know, 20 years ago or 25 years ago for that almost that was before everyone one had cell phones and it was certainly before smart phones. And it was certainly before social media, but as, as a marketer who uses all of these tools, I've watched with a high level of conscientiousness about what does technology really do to us. And as I became a dad was even more are concerned and sensitive about, Hey, you know, I don't want to give my kids too much too soon and just have them be living life on the screen instead of living life in real life.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Awesome. Um, so just outta curiosity, where does the name truly come from?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Our mission has everything to do with helping kids accomplish their full potential. We want kids to have, you know, energetic, confident, vibrant lives, where they can really become all that they want to be, where they can find their true selves if you will, or they're true me. And we took that concept and, and put a little bit of an invented, spin on it and call it true me. So there's layers of meaning there. Wow.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
I love that. Um, any of the ones that have listened to me on my podcast for a little while, know that I, I say this all the time that I feel like the digital space and the digital world that we allow our kids to be in is like robbing our kids of their full potential. It's a distraction. And it's like hindering their exploration of the world and all of that, and being able to find their true self. So cow, I love it.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
That's awesome. And you know, you, you touch on a really important point there and it's a fine line. You know, certainly if kids only live virtual lives where robbing them of everything that you know is beautiful and good in the world that the world has to offer and the depth of the true depth of human relationships. On the other hand, there are aspects of technology that are great. You know, the, the fact that my kids can, you know, have a, a video conference with their grandparents, wonderful. They live on the other side of the country. Recently, my kids did a tour of Jamestown with a doc who had been working at Jamestown for two decades. And it was so good that they felt like they were there and they had this great positive experience with history, you know, so there are some wonderful aspects of technology, but when it gets into just this default for life, you know, if that's all they're doing at the expense of being side and being in nature, playing face to face with friends, and you know, that that's where we really get into problems. And certainly with, you know, all the dangers that come with social media, for example, you know, there's a, uh, some, some, some very obvious things to watch out for there that we try and keep our kids away from.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Totally agree. Wow. That is awesome. Like you are like right on the same wavelength as me, when I first discovered that there were, what I call 'em is, I don't know if I've said this to you yet. What I call them is dumb smartphones. Have you heard, heard them referred to that? That, in that sense? Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
It, this certainly this, this, uh, category I've heard that what we've built is, is, is very, very flexible. So it's, it's probably less dumb than, than some of the other things out there, but definitely a limited, a limited experience smartphone. Yeah, for sure. Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Yeah. So we'll, let's dive into that a little bit. That was my next topic was let's talk about the actual phone, what features it has, how does it work and how is it different from the other ones on the market that are kind of aiming for that same goal of, of limiting access to the entire
Speaker 4 (08:26):
World? Yeah. So there's kind of a, if you think of, of the spectrum of options out there for parents, when it comes time to get their child a phone, you know, on, on one end of the spectrum, you have what I call the wild west, you know, it's get your child a $1,200 iPhone. It does anything and everything. It could probably launch a space shuttle if you wanted it to
Speaker 4 (09:26):
And again, as parents we're learning, Hey, it's not worth the risk of, of immersing our kids in that stuff. On the other end of the spectrum, as an extreme, you've got some options that are completely limited to talk and text only, and particularly for younger kids, Hey, that's a great starting point. And, and I agree, you know, you, you don't need to give a seven or an eight year old, anything more than basic talk or text the challenge with, with some of those solutions though, is that they don't grow with the child. And as, as we were starting, Tru me, our goal was to create an operating system where you could give a younger kid a very limited experience, but then graduate them into increasing levels of responsibility and functionality based on real needs and based on their individual personality and maturity. So that's what we've done.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Our, our phones, our Samsung devices, quality devices, the kids are, are happy to use. And the in dependable devices that parents don't have to worry about getting fixed all the time. And we've on those devices, we've put what we call our kids smart operating system. And, and that's exactly what it does as I described it. It gives parents the ability to custom fit that device with some very, very easy, intuitive controls, custom fit it for an eight year old or a 10 year old, or a 12 year old, or even a 14 year, 15 year old. It, it would still be relevant to them and the needs that they have for school and for their hobbies. That is awesome.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
So as far as like how it grows with them, I saw on your website that it has a parent portal and then GPS locator and safe listing is where they can, you can put in, who can contact them and versa. Right?
Speaker 4 (11:18):
Yeah. And that was, that was very important for us based on feedback. We'd heard about, you know, other solutions out there, you know, picture giving your, your child something that's completely locked down to talk and text, but if anyone can talk or text with your child, then it might not be as safe as you think it is. So, so when, as we were building Tru me, one of the things that was really important for us was to build this concept called safe listing, where you can, you can set that up with different, different levels of, of security, but make it so that the child can only talk or text with the, the people that you designate for a young child that might be 10. But then, you know, as that child grows, there might be 30 or 40 contacts, or, you know, 75 or a hundred contacts for an older child. You could, you could elect to remove that safe listing all together. For example, I have a 15 year old daughter and she knows what to do. If she gets an unintended call, she's not gonna get pulled into something dangerous at this point. You know? So in her case, I have the safe listing turned off for my 12 year old and younger absolutely. That safe listing is turned on. Okay. I will
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Of that too. How about with, so with the safe listing, like texting, only the people that are on the list can text them. That's
Speaker 4 (12:40):
Correct. Even, uh, even in group text. And that was one of the things that we had to build, you know, brand new functionality for. There was no existing mobile device management platform that, you know, would prevent having a, a safe, listed text contact, not be able to pull in, you know, additional people to a group text that was a way to get around that, that function. So with our safe listing, even in group text, you've gotta be on that list in order to have a conversation with, uh, with
Speaker 3 (13:12):
The child. So then how would it work? Like say that they have a group of like five friends and they have, you know, the, the access to the entire world phones and they try to send a child with this phone, a text. And some of those people aren't on the list is the entire text
Speaker 4 (13:27):
Blocked. Yeah. So the, the, the, you know, my child, they would not get the text, the rest of the group would, but my child would not get the text from that person that was, uh, who's not on their list. Okay. So like,
Speaker 3 (13:42):
If the, the main person that's sending it is on the list and then the other people are not, it would just be blocked completely.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
I mean, if I'm, I'm not sure I understand completely the question, but yeah. If, if a person that my child has on their list has started a group conversation, but they've invited people that are not on my child's list. My child would not be able to send a receive with the people, not on the, not on the approved list. Something that's really important to note though, too. And this is a, this is an improvement we've made as we've gone. We quickly realize that there are situations where kids do need to have immediate act us to a person that might meet might not be on their list. So for example, my 12 year old daughter was going to babysit for a family who does, who didn't have a home phone. And, and that family said to her, Hey, take our cell phone number so that if you need to contact us, you can, and if we need to contact you, we can obviously that's important.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
Right, right.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Okay. I like that, how it kind, I mean, it all kind of grows with them then, you know, like the features of it in the parent control.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Another, another example of growing with is being able to add internet access, you know, for my, my eight or nine year old, they probably don't need the internet. But once my kids are getting into fifth grade and sixth grade, certainly by seventh grade, you can't do schoolwork without the internet. Like that's just not the way our schools run anymore. And so what he developed was what we call our kids smart browser, where you can give children access to this browser. And in the parent portal, you designate what sites are available to them and picture the awesome conversation you get to have with your kids. You know, we, we've designed all of this to encourage a, a Cooper collaborative relationship where you're sitting down with your kids and saying, Hey, help me understand what you need. Here's where I'm turning on the kid's smart browser. What are the websites that you would like access to?
Speaker 4 (16:25):
And then as a, as a parent, you can look at those sites with your kids and, and make sure that you feel good about them, and then put them on that list. Then when your child is using their phone and they open the browser, they see a dropdown menu with all those sites that were designated in the parent portal. And that's the O those are the only sites they have access to. There's not even a place to search for anything else. There's no search bar. You literally can go to the sites that are in that dropdown menu. So you're able to create a completely safe internet experience for your child, as opposed to just saying, no, we don't do the internet. You don't need the internet on your phone. That's just not practical that that's for, for a, a growing kid. That's not practical for the needs they have for school and for healthy high.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
I totally agree with that. And that's really kind of the drawback of some of the other options that are out there right now is the, you know, you reach a point to where I've got a, uh, my best friend has twin girls and they're just turned 13 and they both have one of the other options out there for dumb smartphone.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
That, that's the right. That's the right paradigm. We do the same thing with apps actually, you know, know, I, I'm not ready for my kids to have the entire app store at their fingertips. And as a parent, I don't have time to go and, and vet every single app out there that my kids might want. So what we've done at Tru me is, again, it goes back to that great parent portal that we've built, we've curated and vetted a suite of apps that are available for, to, for parents to put on the phone. There's no app store on the phone. So the kids don't see an app store of any kind, but inside the parent portal, I can look at apps for school, for hobbies, for music, for creativity, for spirituality, all those different categories. And then I literally just go click, click, click, click, choose the ones I want.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
And in a matter of minutes, they appear on the phone. And what parents love is that if we have put those apps in our collection, they can have a high degree of confidence that we've, we've gone through the vetting process to make sure there's no inappropriate content and there's no back doors for creeps to, to get at your kids. Some of those apps include, you know, the most popular digital classroom apps, a Google classroom, canvas, Blackboard Skyward. We've got apps from music streaming in there, apple music, Spotify, Spotify, kids, iHeartRadio, family, Amazon music. So if you're comfortable and some parents aren't some parents aren't, and it's your choice. If you're comfortable with your kids having access to a, a streaming service, then they get to in, you know, have that on their phone.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Okay. That's awesome too.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
Thing. Yeah. The way we've built that right now is for any function or any app, you can, you know, build the window of time when that's available. So for example, we have a daughter who loves, loves, loves audio books. There there's an app on the phone called Libby where she can, you know, get digital audio books from the, from the library. Well, without a restriction on there, we would be wrestling with her all day all on that. So we have it set up. So that app is only available after school. And it turns off before she goes to bed, otherwise she would stay up all night, you know? So you can, you can set that kind of functionality with any app or, or frankly, any function, including the calling and texting. Okay.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
How about, what are the options for like the plans and, and the type, the, the, like the, is it the same phone for all the plans and you just choose the different plan that you pay
Speaker 4 (20:37):
For. That's exactly it. So we have a, a couple of, of Samsung devices, the Samsung galaxy, a 12 and the Samsung galaxy, a 32. Those are the two phones that we've started with. They both have phenomenal cameras. The one has a 16 megapixel camera and one has a 48 megapixel camera. The reason we, we wanted to do quality devices like that is cuz pictures matter to kids. If they're gonna take, if they're gonna take pictures, they want them to be good. They want them to be good quality. So we we've gone that route and, and used good devices, not expensive devices, but enough quality that the, the, the picture quality isn't compromised when it comes to the plans, you, you know, first you choose your device and then you choose which plan you want. Unlimited talk and unlimited basic is 1495 a month. So very, very affordable.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
If you wanna change that to group text and picture texting the cost increases to 1995 a month. And if you wanna add the kid smart apps and the kid smart browser, it goes to 24 95 a month. And those are all truly on unlimited plans. We're not just pooling, you know, pooling a, a big block of minutes and data and hoping it's gonna work out. It's truly unlimited for every user. And those include calling to Canada and Mexico as well. So, uh, great plans at a, at a very affordable, very affordable price and phones. Uh, I should mention, you know, the, the ones, uh, a hundred and seventy nine ninety five, and the second one is two hundred and seven seventy nine ninety five. So again, we've tried to keep those at, uh, at prices that make sense for kids. I've never thought it was a good idea to get my kid a $1,200 phone. I just don't think it's necessary.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Crazy that, that, and the only, that was the only option when my kids were young.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Now. Thank goodness. Holy cow. I truly, I always mentioned this on my podcast that having these options is truly such, like, I call it a mother's gift, but a parent's gift. Yeah. Because it's just, there's so much out there. And unfortunately my kids minor, my youngest is 16 and my oldest is 23. They were in this middle school age when none of these things existed. So, okay. I'm so thankful for
Speaker 4 (23:13):
Yeah. I just, I just think of the whole philosophy behind, you know, kids and safe devices. You know, this, this might be another place where, where we're different from some of our competitors. I think kids are inherently good. They're parently. They, they wanna do what's right. They wanna be successful. It's our job as parents to guide them and to give them some guardrails when they, when they need the guardrails. But I I've always thought that that approach of just saying to a, a, a child, Hey, I'm locking you down to talk and text only kind of sense the wrong message. You know, it, it almost feels like a lack of trust to me. And I think the phone has, yes, of course, it's gotta keep them safe today. That's a given, but it's also gonna prepare them for the future. It's also gonna give them access to good content content that would help them in school content that would help them develop healthy hobbies.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
And certainly by the time they leave phone home, they've got to be disciplined, responsible users of technology, cuz technology will be part of their lives. So I think we do them a disservice. You know, if we say, Hey, I'm locking you down to talk and text only. And as long as you live in my house, that's all you're gonna have. I don't think that's the right way to go. So we, we, our goal was to, to create a, a positive, healthy relationship between kids and parents give the kids the guardrails, they need give them technology that's per to their age, but you've gotta help them develop, you know, some of that discipline and responsibility on their own, all, all the while, keeping, keeping them away from the pornography and the predators and stuff. But they've gotta learn how to use apps and learn how to use the web.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
I totally agree. Like it's just kind of setting them up for success versus sending 'em down the dark. Like I call it the deep blue sea often, like sending them out into the deep blue sea without any flotation device. Never taught them how to swim, but yeah, go out there and then I'm gonna be mad at you all of the time for, you know, not knowing what you're doing.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
It's a good, good analogy.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
Yeah. So was there anything in your, if you're willing to share any of this, was there anything that happened with your kids that made you more aware that brought you to the awareness of the threat? Or was it just that past experience that you had that you mentioned? Yeah,
Speaker 4 (25:37):
We've been, we've been very, very fortunate in, in that we haven't had any of the, the really, you know, the really dangerous stuff happen with our kids. Partly because we were always very cautious. You know, we, we didn't, we didn't just say, Hey, here's your, here's your wild west phone? You know, we were, we've always been pretty de uh, deliberate about it. I've had numerous friends and especially while I've been in this space, numerous friends, tell me just some harrowing stories of sit situations. Their kids have gotten into some extremely dangerous situations in a, in a, you know, in a couple cases I've said to my friend, Hey, you know, forgive me for if this is too personal, but why on earth did you not have that phone locked down with the right parental controls? And on more than one occasion, the person has said to me, I thought I did.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
You know, and some of the controls that have been available to this point are so hard to use so complicated, so hard to stay on top of that. Parents don't know what really is set up correctly or not. Or in some cases, the kids are so smart, they get around the controls. And, and for that reason, we didn't build truly as a piece of software that just gets added to the phone. It's the operating system itself. You cannot, you know, a kid cannot can't get away from it. They can, they can reboot the phone. They can go on and off different network works, whatever they want to try, that operating system is always there. And so we we've built it with that level of, uh, conscientiousness, you know, hearing some of the, the other stories that are out there. So
Speaker 3 (27:12):
That brings up another question I wanted to ask you is about like the parental control apps that are out there that are real popular. Uh, I don't see that one of those would even be needed. Is that something that's an, an option that can be added to it or do y'all have that capability on it? You know, like the ones that monitor what texts are going out and kind of tell you what the kids have been doing as far as activity goes.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
Yeah, great question. And there are some good apps out there. They're not infallible, uh, but there are some good, you know, good apps for most, you know, for a lot of situations, our goal was to, to make them less needed. So for example, with, uh, with our operating system coming very, very soon, uh, in our next big release, you'll be able to remotely monitor all of your kids' texts, right? In the parent portal. You won't have to say, Hey, let me look at your phone and look at your text. All of that monitoring will happen right in the parent portal with some pretty advanced functionality, as that gets built out, you know, for alerting parents to potential problems and, you know, inappropriate language or inappropriate pictures or language that sounds like, Hey, this could be a bully or a predator, that kind of thing. And of course, that's something that's gonna, you know, improve as we continue to build it over time.
Speaker 4 (28:25):
But the first release of that is coming very soon. And, but you know, the other side of that is the need for monitoring. Everything goes down dramatically. If your kids are only talking to people that you've decided that you trust. And if they're only going to websites that you have pre-approved, I mean, just the whole need goes down dramatically. That's not to say that in the future, we won't have some kind of a, a, a partnership with, you know, with one of those companies, uh, you know, we may, we may do that at some point, but, uh, certainly right now the need doesn't exist. Like it, like it does if you're on another phone. Right, right.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
I get that. So when you, like, when you're gonna, so right now the parent portal doesn't have where it shows the text, did you say you're y'all are adding that?
Speaker 4 (29:10):
Yeah. That'll, that'll, that's coming in our next release, our next, uh, big release of the software. So, uh, literally a matter of weeks.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Okay. And then with that, you can basically just see like a running list of what their conversations have
Speaker 4 (29:23):
Been running list. And then, you know, we're gonna add some filters that allow you to see, Hey, your kid talks to these people, here are the top five people they talk to the most. And if you wanna dig down on any of, one of those people, just click that. And they're the text with that person in particular, you know, you'd be able to see in that dashboard, Hey, here are the text messages that were flagged for potential inappropriate language or bullying language. All of that will be there. And also note that in, in the parent portal, you'll see everything. Whether or not a, a text has been deleted, it's still showing up, you still see everything it's all collected there. Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
So then you're hitting some of the high points of things that I often mention as places where things slip through. And that's like, yeah, the sheer volume of text that can go through between people, a parent can often miss the conversation
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Yeah. Yeah. And better, you know, better that you get over alerted than under alerted, you know, better that you
Speaker 3 (31:16):
Yes. All right. Well, I think that's everything that I had enlisted that I wanted to ask you about. Anything else you can think of that you wanna share? No,
Speaker 4 (31:25):
I think that's it, you know, happy to, to invite people, to come check things out. We do a lot on social media, uh, in a lot on our blog by way of, you know, trying to help parents really get through some of these questions that they have, uh, relative to parenting around technology. So on our website, it's Tru me.com T R om i.com go to our blog there and you'll find a lot of great content to help with some of these questions. And then on, uh, Instagram and Facebook, we are at Tru me wireless.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
Right. Awesome. Well, I appreciate you coming on today and sharing all of this with my audience. I think this is gonna be super valuable and I'm very excited to get this out into the world into more hands of parents so they can help their kids be their true selves. That's really awesome. Thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (32:15): Thank you, Dolly.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Dec 8, 2021
Dec 8, 2021
19 min
This episode highlights a few survival tips for parents to navigate the digital frontier of this holiday season and beyond!! Listen in to be prepared!
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Christmas time is upon us. And chances are you have some sort of digital thing that you're giving your kid or that your kid is going to receive this Christmas season. Am I right? My guess is I'm right. I know it will be for my kids. And so today I wanna talk about three of my top survival tips as you enter the digital frontier this holiday season and beyond stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned to in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flare. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Hey friends, did you hear is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use? It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a, some mall fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So before I get started on today's topic, I have to say something that I needed to say a couple of episodes ago. Like holy cow, I am going on two years of having this podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
I launched it March of 20, 20 days before the big lockdown around the world. And all of the things that have come to be since then, it has been a lifeline for me in of like a mega storm that I had in my own life, trying to figure out all these digital things that happened about six months prior to launching the podcast really longer than that. But that was when things really came to a head. And it's amazing to me, as I am recording this episode, it is likely going to be episode 91. So I'm going on a hundred episodes. And that's typically about one episode a week for a while there I was doing two episodes on some weeks, but I just couldn't keep up that pace. So I've been doing one episode. I know other podcasts that launched around the time I did like shot off to the moon
Speaker 1 (02:45):
And mine has been more slow and steady, but it is what it is. It's been a place for me to come and pay forward. Some of the struggle that I had as I tried to figure this out and also to pay forward what I see going on in the digital world and what I know being a mom that has kids that are kind of on the other side of those years, that are so very critical for their development. And the fact that I kind of took the hard road on all of that.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
And so the fact that I took the hard road, just because I was that first generation of parents as smartphones emerged, and all of the things came to be the fact that I can pay this forward is a place for me to help with my healing and a place for me to give myself grace and forgiveness, knowing that it wasn't all for not. And I know it isn't all for not, but you know, it's just one of those things as a mother where we have guilt and it's hard to move past some things that we may have done more out of ignorance than any thing else, but we wish we could get a do over on. And this is one thing that I have wished many times that I could get a do over on, but at the same time, I wouldn't be sitting here today talking to you if it wasn't for all that I went through when I did.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
So holy cow, 91 episodes, that is so amazing. It's sometimes I'm like, I don't know what I'm gonna talk about next week. And then I just start looking through things. And I see parents that are struggling and are in a place like I was, and it, you know, the topics come and they kind of like roll with the times and the tides and the things that evolve. And I, I do think that this digital world is just ever evolving and changing. And it's one of the most important things that we can do is get a handle on this so that we can help guide our kids. And so that it's not someone else that's out there influencing our kids and molding them into the person that they're going to be while we unknowingly gave them these digital things. And didn't realize that the impact that they would have.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
So thank you so much for being here and for listening, if you are someone who has listened since the beginning of my podcast, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart, your support has been amazing. And I truly do come, come to this each time I sit down to record and truly try to think through the things that are being talked about and the things that are out there and to come at it from a perspective of how I have seen my kids evolve through the times. So I hope you find this helpful and you'll continue to keep coming back. So let's talk about three top survival tips that I have come up with for this digital frontier of this holiday season. These are things that I truly take to heart and I'm using for my own family. And so I hope that you will utilize these in whatever way, shape and form.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
They are helpful for you. Okay? So if you're still shopping, these things are going to be helpful for you too. So my number one survival tip is to keep, keep some things dumb. What does that mean? That means don't make them all, something that is smart and interconnected and going to connect them to the outside world. So the first survival tip is to keep some things dumb. Do you know what I mean? Like everything has to be interconnected. Not everything has to have an internet connection, a wifi connection, be able to connect to all the friends, be able to look up the internet, be on the internet, be able to tell you what the weather is. Be able to tell you what packages were delivered to your house today.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
And I don't know about you, but I am frankly, a little bit terrified with how interconnected things are such as a post. I saw the other day, where it was a kid that was tweeting from their, a refrigerator because the parents had taken all of the electronics away and they were trying to get word out to the world that they had no electronics, that they couldn't tweet and that they were tweeting through the smart refrigerator that they had. Like, I know there's a time and a place for things to be connected. And that it's a wonderful thing in several instances, but in the hands of our kids, not everything needs to be connected. So let's keep some things dumb that they get. Okay. So if you're listening to this before Christmas or before a birthday, keep some things dumb, look for some toys in different things that don't have an net connection and aren't connected to all the things.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Okay. I hope that made you chuckle. It made me laugh when I was writing it.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
If you give a smartphone, if you put bark on a smartphone and you find they've disabled, it, whatever it is, that's digital. Even if it's something simple as a gaming console or, you know, some other digital thing that you've given a handheld digital device, and you find that they are breaking your rules, your boundaries, or whatever it is that you are setting in place, then that's where you need to rethink what's going on. So that's number two tip under this one is if you get push back, that means you push back because you are the parent. Okay. So look at the big picture of when you're getting push back, what is it that is causing that pushback? It is it the draw and the addiction of the digital thing that they are doing? Is it just them not being able to handle the influence of that thing?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Is it that maybe you need to re-look at how you have it set up for them to play that to where it's, it's more clear when the time is up for that. Look at the big picture with that pushback means you push back as the parent and figure out what is going on there and why you're getting push back. And then my third tip under this category is to balance the non digital things with the digital things. You have to find a balance for that. If you have any kid at OS that have been in the gaming world, or had like interaction with digital things for a prolonged period of time, and you notice that there are attitude issues, there are, you know, just something going on, where they are, are not doing their normal things. They've lost interest in extracurr activities. Their personality seems different.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
They are constantly wanting to get done with it, with whatever family thing you're doing so they can get back to their game. All of those things are clues. Like I said, in one of my previous episodes in the last couple of weeks, all of those are like a, what I wanna call it like a, a shout out, a cry for help. They are trying to tell you that they are not handling the digital influence well. And so it's important to balance the non-digital things, the things that don't have that immediate dopamine release that immediate reward center being stimulated in their minds when they're playing them, it's an important for you to balance those things. So set up boundaries in place to where they are not only doing digital things and that they do have to do non-digital things in the world, too. Okay. So those are the three things that I recommend in terms of keeping the big picture in mind.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Now, my third survival tip for the digital frontier. This holiday season is preserve their, I am enough view of the world. If you've listened to some of my episodes, you know what I'm talking about. But like I have said many times before when we give them the digital things, when they learn about different things that are out there combined with their normal curiosity, their normal hormonal changes their normal development through puberty. When we give them this vehicle to where they can compare themselves to other, where they can go down rabbit holes of comparison and of learning new things of curiosity, that they start to think they are not enough. And when this is at an influential age, this creates a imprint on their mind, on their self-esteem to where they are not enough because they are comparing themselves to other things. So what I recommend that you do, and I have three tips under this category.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Two is to have an open conversation about comparison. So if you are going to give them that smartphone or something to, or they have access to other things out in the world, have an open conversation about comparison and how pictures can be edited and filters can be used. And social media is a highlight real and is not the real world is not reflective of people's entire lives and likes and comments and things on their posts do not equate to their self worth and how you know, how valuable they are in the world. And you know, all of the things that surround that the second at tip under this category is to keep a close tie on social media. If you are giving a smartphone or giving them access to social media, have a very, very close eye on that and what they are doing on there, I would highly, highly, highly recommend delaying that as much as you can, then keeping a really close tie to them and what is going on, what they're seeing, what they're doing, who they're interacting with.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Some of this is a black hole that you will not be able to control completely. So just be aware of that and be willing to do the work. If you are going to allow these things, be willing to keep that conversation open. If it's a younger kiddo, I, of course don't recommend it. I've made all the mistakes with this, but if you can have them have their login on your phone for certain apps, like some of them don't allow you to have more than one phone logged in, but other ones do have their login and go through their information, go through their messages, go through all of their things and have guidelines for if they post when they post and those types of things. And then my final tip for this is get your hand ends on my, be that mom method course when I get it published in it, I have a roadmap and I have tools for you as this journey evolves for you in this digital frontier that I'm talking about.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
As it evolves, this method that I have set up, it's gonna help you to evaluate new devices, games, all of the things. And it's gonna give you different tools to help you with navigating this with your kid. Okay? So let's go back and recap, cuz I kind of blurred some of those together. I think, to where I wasn't real clear about what I was saying. So top three tips or to keep some things dumb, keep that big picture mind and then preserve their, I am enough view of the world. If you are allowing them to have outside access to the world through various things and outside interaction with friends and other people out in the world. Okay? So with the, keep some things dumb, not everything has to be connected, you know, so interconnected to the world under keep that big picture in mind, think about how they interact with their digital things and respecting your boundaries.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Pushback means you push back as the parent, not meaning that you fight with them, not meaning that you start from a police of being suspicious or all these restrictions in place. But I, what I mean is be aware that when you get pushback, that means something. And so I encourage you to dig deeper and figure out what's going on there and then balancing with non-digital things. So they are doing some things that are not stimulating their mind, digital dig, can't talk, oh, digital it, okay. Not being stimulated with the digital things. Let's just change the word altogether. Maybe that wasn't even a word. And that's why I can't say it. And then the preserving, the I am enough is just opening up up that conversation about comparison and keeping a close watch on social media. And grad might be that mom movement method course when I get that up and running.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
And I, my apologies for talking about that forever in a day and not having it out yet, but it is what it is. Life keeps getting in the way and I promise you, it's going to be amazing once you get your hands on it. Okay. All right. So I hope that you grasp these survival tips that can use them, this digital frontier, the digital things are not going away. And I think they can be fun and they can be productive in all of that. If we just have some of these guidelines in mind. All right, thanks so much for tuning in. If I don't get into your ears in the next couple of weeks, have a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday season with your family. If you do celebrate that, I hope that you find peace and joy and love and all the things that you're hoping for through this season. All right. Thanks so much for listening.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom in isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more or present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day. Take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.
Nov 24, 2021
Nov 24, 2021
14 min
Sometimes the things kids do around having a phone seems annoying, but when is it more than that, & maybe a cry for help? Listen in for my mom guilt story!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
Check out the DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: GRAB YOUR ALL ACCESS PASS HERE!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape!
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So as we approach the holidays, I hope you have enjoyed my last couple of episodes that talked about the gift giving guide for digital and non-digital things, as well as the new pinwheel plus phone that is being released soon. Definitely a great option for giving a dumb smartphone or upgrading that dumb smartphone that you have given. And with some more features and a few more things that the phone has on it. But today I just want to talk about, as you give something digital, a few things for you to look at as warning signs that maybe it's time to pivot or revisit what things are being allowed and used in your home, by your kids, with the digital stuff. Okay. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
If you are needing a way to stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the tick talk, watch it is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music has an activity. Tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where, you know, if they go outside of a certain perimeter, such as their school or your neighborhood, check them out today and use code, be that mom for a discount. So as you know, I am a mom that kind of did things in the uninformed and more difficult way. And with that sometimes comes some mom guilt. I didn't listen to my intuition and some of those early days, I really just didn't know what to do or how to do it.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
But when I look back at how things went for us in those early years of all the digital things, emerging and social media, being a thing, and all of that, there's a few things that I wish when they happened, that I would have picked up on them as a reason to pull back from what I was allowing and make a change, or just do kind of like a detox on those things. So if you have kids that have digital things right now in their hands, these things probably have happened to you. And maybe they, aren't a reason to just go cold Turkey, pull everything back, but just look at them as a warning sign and almost a cry for help when it comes to what you were allowing. I personally back when I think back didn't want to be that, that mom, and that's where the title of my podcast comes from, but I didn't want to be that mom that was real strict and that didn't allow these things.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
I wanted to be the cool mom. I wanted to be the mom that was fun and allowed her kids to do these things. I thought they were fun. I didn't realize there was any harm in them, but looking back, I can see that there were a couple of warning signs or cries from help that I wish I would have had more knowledge to change something that I was doing. So, and these are pretty common things. So just think about them, take them with a grain of salt, but kind of, you know, also realize that if you're seeing this more and more, it might be some, a reason for you to change things. So the first thing is the anxiety around the phone when the battery dies or when they have misplaced their phone. And can't figure out where it's at. If you remember me talking in the last episode about the pinwheel phone, one major thing that I noticed in my best friend, whose twin girls have never had a smartphone.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
And if only had the dumb smartphones is that they are not like attached at the hip with those phones. They misplaced them in their home. One of them lost one at when they went to visit the high school for an activity. And while, you know, it wasn't, you know, like she lost the phone. It wasn't that panic and anxiety that I've seen in my own kids when either there were someplace where they can't charge their phone. So it's about to die and that's like the end of the world, or they somehow misplaced it. And can't figure out where it's at. I personally have misplaced my phone before, and I felt a panic because I have so much information on there. And, you know, just all the things that I stay connected with. So, I mean, I think there's a place for that, but when you're seeing it in your kids, that may be a warning sign that they have become too attached to that for whatever reason.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
And I think that reason can be different for different kids, but when mine were younger and I remember a moment and this is kind of a side story, but we used to be in the stock show world where we showed animals. And there was one time where like, we would go to, if you're not from where I am, what you call, this may look different, but for us it was the rodeo. And so we would go to the rodeo. And at this time I think we were showing goats and it was like a day where we were going to be there on the rodeo grounds all day. And for whatever reason, we hadn't liked spent any time charging our phones or any of that. So then it's time to leave and we're going to go home. And we, the parking lot where we parked, they really squished all the cars in.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
And so there was like where our truck was parked. We had like this longer truck where it was parked, we physically could not back out. Like there was no way to maneuver our way out of the space because of how long our truck was, how close all the rows were to each other, how they were angled in the rows. There was like physically no way to get out of the parking lot. And our phone batteries were low. And at this time I think all but one kid had phones as well as myself. And so my phone battery was low and I was trying to communicate with my husband cause he wasn't with us and, you know, let him know what was going on. And he was going to come up and like pick us up because we needed to get home for something. And then we'd come back later to get that truck.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
And so, because I wouldn't give my charger to one of the other kids, there was this panic in tantrum that pursued or ensued. And it really, at that moment, it was like one of those moments where I was like, oh my God, like, why is this child getting so upset about this? This is a bit ridiculous. You know, like it's a phone and why do you have to have it be connected to it at all of the time? But at the time that didn't raise enough alarms or red flags in my head to change anything I was doing other than, you know, like chill out, you will get to charge your phone in a minute. I need to stay in touch with daddy and I'll give you my charger in a minute. You know? So have you ever had an instance like that where they freak out because their phone is going to die or they've somehow misplaced it and can't figure out where it's at and it needs to be with them at all times.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
If so, just keep in a big picture in mind, consider that kind of a red flag and maybe, maybe needs to be a place where you do a little bit of detox or setting up more boundaries for that kind of look at what the underlying thing is there that's causing that anxiety or stress. But a lot of times it's just the addictive quality of that phone. And the fact that they've become used to checking in, used to seeing what's going on and maybe they need to realize that those things don't need to be something that they do all of the time and depending on their age, maybe that needs to be something they disconnect from. The second thing is when they're resistant to your boundaries. So if you have boundaries in place, I honestly did not. And that was a big, huge mistake on my part, I believe.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
But again, there's that grace that I give myself for just not knowing, but if they're resistant to what boundaries you were putting in place. So you know what that might look like for you is where they are using the phone at what things you were allowing on the phone, whether you've set up to know their passwords and they've changed them, whether you are putting it up at a certain time at night and they are coming to get it without your knowledge or just resisting putting it up, if they are using it versus doing their whatever's required to do around the house or finishing their homework or going to sleep at night. All of those things are a warning sign or a for help on some level that something needs to change with what they're doing because the addictive draw of it is becoming too much.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
And then the third thing that I listed, and I think this is kind of the same thing as resisting the boundaries, but pushing back on your established rules, giving you talk back, or, you know, just disregarding what you have said that you want to happen. All of those things, I guess that is the same thing as resistance to boundaries, but just pushing back on whatever rules you make, or if you do set more rules in place and they still push back on that, it's time to go cold Turkey in my opinion. And that was one of the hardest things that we did in when we did decide to do that. And I wish I would have done it with each child when I saw these warning signs happen, but I dismissed them as related to their age to hormones, to puberty, to all of the things other than it being an issue with the digital things.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
And I think that's something that it's a very gray area and it's hard to decipher a lot of times and it makes it hard on us because we don't want to call them a liar that we don't trust them. You know, all of those things, we want to give them their space. We want to let them mature and grow. And we want to dismiss it as puberty as you know, their age as a mood or whatever. But when it's coming in relation to the phone, just look bigger picture and look at preserving that joy of missing out and re-establishing that they can exist without the phone, without the digital things, without being connected to the world. And that it's our life every day should not be about checking in. It should not be about posting a status. It should not be about how many likes or hearts we get on things.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
It should not be about how many views we have on a video. It should not be about us taking the next picture with a filter on it. We should be able to take a picture with no filter and not worry about what other people think. So, you know, we know this as adults, but as kids having all of these things in their possession is just such a insidious and can be such a negative trajectory of influence and impact. So really just wanted to emphasize that for you today because it's one of those things that is such a heavy place of mom guilt for me when I look back and I think about that situation at the rodeo and other situations like that, you know, you kind of laugh it off, maybe, you know, post about it on social media, how, you know, the, the charger I even made a post one time about, you know, I can't remember what it said, but it was something about I'm a mom of teens.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
I spend my days turning off all of the lights, making sure all of the phone chargers are working and that type of thing, it was kind of a joke. So that's one way for us to cope with it is to joke with other parents about it. And you know, it is a common mom's struggle, but just bigger picture of things, kind of look at how their relationship is with the digital things and realize that it's not a healthy relationship for them to have so much anxiety over their phone dying or not having their phone or having rules for putting it away. That's not a healthy place for them to be. And I believe it is a warning sign and a cry for help from them, even though they will adamantly tell you otherwise. So anyways, I hope that this short little episode will be a value to you as you move forward through the, if you celebrate the holidays that we do here in the U S if you celebrate the holidays and you are in the gift giving season, I hope you will use this as you move forward.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
And then also be sure to check out my, be that mom movement method course that will be coming out soon and grab that when you can, because it's going to be a toolkit for you and a roadmap, a method for you to follow as you go down this path, and this will just be one of several things I have in there to help you. Okay. Alrighty. Like I say, at the end of every episode, thank you so much for tuning in and listening and your support. I appreciate it immensely. And it is my true joy to help bring you tips and tools to help you navigate all of these things. I do think this is a new realm of parenting that none of us can ignore. And so I hope that my podcast is a place for you to find tools and tips and to make this whole digital thing a little bit easier, even though I know it, it can be straight up hard at times. Okay. All right. Thanks so much. Thanks for tuning in hope you have a nice holiday and I'll chat with you next week.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom ten four hundred.
Nov 3, 2021
Nov 3, 2021
19 min
It is easy for any of us to get sucked into the constant interconnectedness of our world, so that is why it is time we embrace the JOY of missing out!!
Be sure to check out my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course coming out soon for more tips on handling the Fear of Missing Out dilemma!
DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape!
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, the joy of missing out when the world begins to shout and rush towards that shiny thing, the latest bit of mental blank, trying to have it, see it, do it. You simply know you won't go through it. The anxious clamoring in need this restless hungry thing to feed. Instead, you feel the loveliness, the pleasure of your emptiness. You spurn the treasure on the shelf in favor of your peaceful self without regret, without a doubt. Oh, the joy of missing out that is a poem called the joy of missing out and in is written by Michael Leunig. And that is going to be the topic of today's podcast. Talking about how we need to encourage our kids to experience the joy of missing out. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So last week we talked about the fear of missing out and this week. I want to talk about the joy of missing out. And before I get to a few tips to help you with navigating this with your own kiddos, I just want to talk about a little bit of a background on me that you may not know my podcast has been out now for, I can't even believe it when I say it, but a year and a half, I launched it in March of 2020, but as a background for me, I actually really got into the thick of things when it came to my kids and the digital things about six months prior to that was where we kind of hit our rock bottom, but it had been something that had been developing over the previous year to two years.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
And when I look back at a big picture of the decisions that I made with my kids, one of the, well, let me backtrack from that for a second. So before we gave all the digital things, my kids were active in our local FFA and four H chapters. We showed cattle and we showed goats at our local shows and we're very active, outdoor things. We're very active with going to different shows and showing the animals and all of that. The kids were very much into it. They did well at what they did. My youngest actually got like grand champion goat at one of the shows and was really passionate about it and really into making sure that everything was right and that we were raising the animals well and all of that stuff. Okay. Inter a X- Box gaming console and a smartphone. And now when I look back at this, it was a pivotal decision in a pivotal moment.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
And it was a moment where I felt good that we were giving these things. I was excited for him to be able to have them, his friends had them. And so I wanted him to have them and he was going into middle school and we'd done the same thing for the other kiddo, the next one up and kind of at similar ages. But like I've said before each one got the digital things at younger ages. And then of course they're much more interconnected as time has gone on with all of the things that have come out. So we gave those devices and then I can look back now and see a steady, like pulling away from these interests in these hobbies and these things that they were passionate about, where suddenly it was a chore to go out and work with the animals. It was a chore.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
And we got attitude about having to fill the water buckets and feed them and work them and go to the shows and do all the things it suddenly became to where there wasn't the same interest in those things. They were pulling away from those things at the time. I just thought they weren't interested in them anymore. And okay. We moved on to other things, right? Like my interests are not necessarily their interests. And so I'm always trying to make sure that what we are doing is because of what they want to do. Not because I'm trying to interject what I didn't get to do as a kid and that type of thing. Right. So now looking back, I can see that it was the introduction of these couple of things that just steadily kind of sucked them away from having any other interests and their main interests were consuming on these devices.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
And like I have, it said multiple times, I had no clue how to guide them on this. I had no clue of the addictive nature. I had no clue of the risk of predators. Like I truly had no clue period. And so things started accelerating and came to a head to where we reached a point where these things that I was allowing and giving, letting them have in their bedrooms and not having any boundaries around when, or how they use them was affecting schoolwork, was affecting sleep, was affecting every aspect of their lives. Self-esteem confidence, pretty much transformed their lives. However, it coincided with the things that happen already in the middle school years, like puberty, like massive changes in our bodies, right. And more self-awareness in more competition with peers when you suddenly, you know, have that realization of all of the things. So it coincided with those things enough to where I didn't realize what was going on.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Okay. So then we came to a head of things in 2019, where all of these things that were impacting them had seeped into daily decisions and choice of who they were hanging out with and all of that stuff. Okay. And so that is when we hit rock bottom, where I realized that something had to change and where I realized that there were so much that was going on right under the surface and right under my nose. And it all stemmed to the interconnectedness of these phones of the games of all of the things. And so the only thing we knew to do at the time was removed the digital devices completely until we could get a handle on what was going on and figure out what the hell was going on. Like seriously, it was a major rock bottom, and a major point for me, where I've never felt so alone and so ashamed and just at an, a feeling of utter hopelessness.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
And I thought I was alone. And I thought that I was the only mom that was going through this and just really could not believe where we were because we had up until this culmination of events had really focused on providing family time, like quality family time and all these quality family things that we did. And then at the time we were, it was all so, so like fresh that I couldn't get the perspective that it was the introduction of these things without any guidance, without any boundaries around all this stuff that it sucked them away. And it wasn't, I'm not saying that it's their fault or that, you know, it's just, they're, they're like a victim of this technology and all of these things combined to suck them in and to basically crush them and to make them live in a place of not enough and a fear of missing out in all of the things.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Right? So that's the perspective that I come from and what brought me to the point of making this podcast and wanting to share this information with you on a weekly basis. And so when I say that we need to help preserve and show our kids the joy of missing out I'm coming from a place of watching the joy, literally be sucked out of my children because I had no idea. And I allowed all of these things. So whether you just provide like certain limitations, such as choosing a dumb smartphone over a smartphone, or you actually put boundaries and put the layers in place that I recommend for the different things in order to build your village around giving your kids the digital things, whatever it is you decide to do that is appropriate for you, and that you want to spend time navigating is okay for you.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
But I hope what I'm conveying to you is that these things are addictive and they're inherently impactful on our children. And it changes from child to child, depending on what you decide, depending on their temperament, depending on their surroundings, their environment, their peers, and all of the things. And so it's important for us just realize that this is something that happens when we make these decisions to give these things. And so we need to have a game plan for talking to them about the fear of missing out and the not enough syndrome and all of those things and preserving that joy of life, preserving what they are supposed to be doing as children and as teenagers in order to discover what they're meant to be in the world. So that is, I'm very passionate, as you can probably tell about this topic, because I watched the joy of life being sucked out of my kids unintentionally, because I did not know.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
And because a lot of these tools that are out here today, weren't out there. And I also had no game plan, no roadmap, no nothing to tell me, where do I need to put my attention now? You know, like where is it? What's the most important thing that I need to be focusing on. I could see that there were all these things, but I didn't know where to start. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I should allow on what I not, should not allow and all of that. So some of y'all that, listen, y'all followed me from the beginning. And I know, you know, so I'm probably speaking to the choir when it comes to y'all, but let's talk about a few tips then on how we can preserve or introduce the joy of missing out to our kids so that the fear of missing out doesn't take over their daily life and in the process, it may be that we also rediscover the joy of missing out.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I know I personally have really been struggling with disconnecting from the world and, and trying to keep up with the latest news and all of the things. And so I know I could use a few reminders on this too, so hopefully you can as well. And then when you get all of this information, I challenge you to do a little joy of missing out challenge with your family, where you implement these things, and then you miss out on the world. That'd be awesome just to miss out on a few things, spending quality time together. I think we should all make that our goal, like seriously, let's just miss out on things and spend quality time together and quit having to be connected to all of the stuff that is just sounds like an amazing thing to me, to disconnect from the world. So let's talk about a few tips on things that you can do to implement this whole joy of missing out thing, which don't take these tips too, too seriously.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Just kind of take the, just have them as a way to help guide you and your family and remind you how joyful it can be to be disconnected from the world. So the first thing to be intentional with your time, so schedule things that are important to you, whether it's working out, whether it's a meeting with a friend or it's writing a book or some projects that you have, that you're working on, make your time a priority instead of wasting time. And you'll find that you'll have a ton more time. So instead of spending an hour, scrolling on Facebook, actually schedule out the time for the different things that you know are important in that you need to get done each day. And then you'll find that you don't waste as much time scrolling on social media and things. I know I can sit there and it's just unreal how fast the time goes, as I'm trying to like squirrel through and check up on things, see what everybody's doing and posting and all that stuff in the time.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
It's just a time suck. It's just a time suck that doesn't give you much value other than just looking at things. So the second tip is just to live in the moment, live in the present, take a moment to listen to the sounds and see what's around you. Instead of it constantly rushing by if you're eating take more time to chew the food and taste the flavors. There's just so much that we rush through instead of just being present in the moment. And then the third thing is embrace tech free time, like get off of the things, unfollow people that are triggering that fear of missing out, get off of following people that are causing you some type of negative reaction, only follow the ones that lift you up and even just get off of the apps. I actually took a couple of my social media apps and I moved to them on, I have an iPhone.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
I moved them over to what is it called? The app library. So it's actually not on my main screen and I don't get notifications on my iPhone. So I will only go to those social media apps once a day. And I don't get anything pushed to me showing that, you know, I have a little red number saying I have this number of notifications. So I'm tempted to click that and see what's going on. Like, I literally have no notifications on my phone for the social media apps. And so that keeps me from wanting to go and check in all of the time. I sometimes still do just to see what's going on or to post to my story. But I have severely decreased. How many times I check in and look at that because not readily readily, I can't talk readily accessible from my main screen.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
The next thing is practice saying no, say no to some events and all of the different things. If you don't feel like you want to go to them, you don't have to keep up with anybody else. You can say, no, you can sit at home. You can, you know, do whatever you want, or if you are wanting to go to something, go to it. You know? So it's basically just doing what you want to do instead of doing what you feel like you have to do. The next tip is experience real life, not social media life. And this is something to really emphasize with our kids. Is that what we're seeing on social media is a highlight reel. It is not real life. It is not reflective of every person's struggles at every person's flaws. You know, it's like it's filtered. And so it's important for us to realize that and to get off of it and to realize we have life around us and life is going to pass us by if we aren't being proactive to be out into the world.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
And when it comes to my kids, that's what I saw was the biggest suck was to realize that all their interests shore sucked away and all they wanted to do was all these things that are on the digital things. And not that that's not okay to do, but it became where it was too much of that. So it's important to realize that if allowed to just do that, that it is going to suck them in and it's going to like suck all of their ambitions away to where all they want to do is that, and it can affect their self-esteem and all of that, like I've said before. And then the really the last tip is just to slow down, to slow down in everything and take more time, slow down and observe the world around us, slow down and appreciate our kids stages and our kids, you know, things that they do that annoy us slow down and just experience life.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
And I guess that's a duplicate of the one before, but just slowing down and experiencing the real world, getting out into the real world and not always just being connected digitally. Okay. So hopefully those made sense. I think some of them kind of overlapped a little bit, but the, just of it is to be more present in real life, experience, joy in life and experience the joy of missing out on catching up on all the things digitally and seeing what everybody's doing and knowing that whatever we're doing is enough. Whatever our kids are doing is enough and that they aren't there to prove anything to anybody else, or to get a certain number of likes, like seriously. And it is such a joy to miss out on that stuff and to just be out in the real world, doing real things. Okay. All right. I hope that this was super helpful to you and that you found this inspiring.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
And I hope that you'll take me up on the challenge of doing the joy of missing out challenge, share with how you are doing that. What things are you doing with your kids? That's in the real world, real life face- to-face side by side and disconnected from all the digital things. I cannot wait to hear from you and see what you were doing for that. So message me, email me dolly@dollydenton.com or message me on social media. I can't wait to see how you are going to embrace this challenge and run with it and really make your kids or help your kids experience the joy of missing out. All right, thanks so much for listening and I'll chat with you next time.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
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Oct 20, 2021
Oct 20, 2021
20 min
Could your kid be at risk of being an online bully? You'd be surprised how the anonymity of the digital world can lend itself to this! Listen in for a few tips!
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So last week, we talked about the types of cyber bullying. Today. We are going to dive into what to look for, to know whether or not your kiddo might be the bully and what to do. I'm going to just give you some tips on things to help you navigate that. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So again, like I've said in other episodes, you know, I'm a mom that is like so passionate about paying forward. Some of the things that I've learned, and I have been there where I know how overwhelming it is, I know how you don't really know what to focus on. And it's all just kind of overwhelming. So if you were anything like me, you're just like, I just kind of hope they figure this out because I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
And I don't have time to figure this out. Right? So if you were in that space, every single one of my episodes is here to help you navigate these little things that I think all of us need to know. I'm just trying to give you some nuggets, not from the standpoint of an expert, other than I am a mom that raised three kids and did it all the hard way. And I'm here to help you not do that. Now, if you are looking for more of a roadmap, I am coming out with that, be that mom movement method course, and it is going to be your roadmap and your tool kit, to be able to look at all of the different things and really help you navigate it. I have a resource list that has a ton of things for both you and things you can show to your kid, as well as things you can print out in order to fill out as sort of like an agreement between each other and all of that.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
So if you are that mom, that wants to be proactive, please check out my method course that is coming out soon. I am working diligently on it and trying to get it out. Life keeps getting in the way, but I promise you, it is almost to completion. And then I will be putting out the information on how you can get your hands on it. When you get it, you will have lifetime access and I will be updating it periodically so that it stays relevant with new things that roll out, because we all know that this digital world is ever evolving and we always have to be on our toes. So I just want to make sure that I am giving you something that stays relevant and that will have all the different things that you need to be able to come at this, no matter how the world evolves, it will give you a roadmap and a method to follow so that you don't have to do everything the hard way like I did.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Okay. So keep your eye out for that. It's coming soon now for today's topic, we're just going to talk about cyber bullying, the context of you finding out that maybe your kiddo is the bully or things to look forward to know. Now, like I said, in the last episode, if you are using a service like bark, if you're outside of the U S or even in the U S and using a similar one, there are some other ones that are out there. One of them that I have mentioned a couple of times, it's called M spy. And it doesn't exactly do the same thing as bark, but there are other options other than bark, just none of them are as robust as bark in terms of how they monitor. But whichever one you may be using, that is one way for you to detect conversations and be able to be on the top of this without having to look too much into other things.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
I mean, we always want to look into the other things, right, but that's just one way that you will be alerted quickly if there's any sort of bullying going on that bark can detect. So one of the first things to realize and accept when you may be suspecting that your kiddo is somehow involved with this is to realize that it doesn't mean that your kid is a bad kid. This is key to understand and think in the context of their brain and their judgment and their reasoning not being completely mature. And we know that that doesn't happen until the ages that we consider to be adults, right? So it's important to watch your language when it comes to this. You know, I mean, of course you can do whatever you want, but labeling them as a bad kid or thinking you're a bad parent for this happening is just not something that I would recommend you burden yourself with, because it is just a natural tendency of being a child without the ability to reason through this and not really realizing the ramifications of it.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
So in this is kind of one of those things of like parenting psychology that you may have heard, but it's basically just avoiding, labeling them. Like as a bully, you could say, instead of like labeling them to where they feel shame as them, like something's wrong with them, it's better to address their behavior like saying that they have bullied are there, that, that they are engaging in bullying behavior this way. At the younger ages, it doesn't become intertwined with their child identity and the same thing for the person being bullied, saying the bullied child instead of the victim, which I think that's, it's pretty common for us to see that. But just in general, you know, when you're talking to your kids and stuff, instead of labeling them as bad, it's better to see that their behavior is bad. So there's many different reasons why a kid that you would consider to be well adjusted may be engaging in this act of bullying and treating others antagonistically.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
And like I said, they're often not emotionally or intellectually developed like adults are. So their actions to us seem frustrating, irrational. And sometimes we're just like, what, like, how could you do that? You know, how would you do that? But some common reasons is they want to fit in. They want to be like their friends, maybe they're being bullied by the someone themselves. Maybe they're looking for attention, or maybe they're being naturally more assertive or not realizing that what they're doing is going to come in on the other end as being aggressive behavior or harmful or harassment type behavior. So I think the moral of that story is that they don't have the maturity to realize oftentimes the ramifications of what they're doing in the tendency of the anonymous nature. I shouldn't say that word instead. The anonymous nature of the digital things lends itself to this type of harassing behavior, because they don't often have a way for the other person to know who they are.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
So it can just kind of lean into that. So there's the obvious times that you may know that your child is participating in some type of bullying behavior. If bark detects it, if somehow someone observes it, if you're notified by the school for some reason, but if you're not a hundred percent certain, whether they are in some sort of bullying behavior, I'm going to go over some warning signs that bark has listed, that they have identified as something to pay attention to. So one is that they often act aggressively toward family teachers or other adults. They may demonstrate controlling behavior. They may be hot tempered and get frustrated easily. They frequently test boundaries and break rules such as where you want their device used or when they can easily talk their way out of difficult, intense situations, and seem to have little sympathy towards others.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Now, these are all things that they identify as, you know, a bullying behavior. But I truly think that the other thing on the flip side of that to think about is just their behaviors with their device or their console. Are they secretive about it? This, you know, and this could be a situation where it could be, they are bullying also be the bully, or maybe they are a part of some type of grooming relationship with someone else. So it can be nonspecific, but the bottom line is the red flags that it should raise. So, you know, thinking in terms of their behavior with their device, as in terms of following any boundaries or rules you've set in place for when they turn it into you, if you have their passwords, if they're only allowed to use it in a certain part of the house or a certain part of the day, if they're pushing against those boundaries, if you have those, then that is just a red flag that you need to investigate more and that it possibly could be something like bullying, but it also could be that they are the ones being bullied.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
It also could be that they are somehow being groomed or preyed upon by someone. So there's a lot going on there, but the bottom line is there's a red flag there that something's going on. And maybe it's not even those things, maybe it's just that they have this draw to the device and it's time to reign in on those boundaries that you set. So if you should discover that your child is somehow involved in bullying others, the most important thing to do is to sit down and communicate to them, talk to them, listen to their side of the story and see how they react to stress that you love them, but that their bullying behavior has to change. Talk about how it impacts that other person and how it makes them feel. And the statistics, you know, not necessarily like using numbers, but just say, you know, kids that are being bullied tend to have their self-esteem affected and tend to have more anxiety or nervousness around things.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
They tend to be more depressed. And they've even found that kids that are being bullied have a higher rate of suicide. And, you know, all of those things are important to just help them understand coming from a place of you realizing they probably don't realize those things and just address that with them. So, in addition to that, when you hit found out that they are participating in this bullying behavior, besides communicating those types of things, I personally would try to uncover the reasons why they are doing that. And it could simply be that they don't understand the ramifications, but what I found with my interactions with my kids, it was sometimes there's something else going on there. You know, how, when we were kids and things were happening with a friend or something like that, there's a lot of times, there's an underlying issue there that you need to uncover.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Like if they are bullying someone else, perhaps they're being bullied or perhaps there's something going on at their school or with a teacher, like there's a lot of things. There's a lot of psychological things that can manifest as them bullying someone else. And I think it goes for the same as if we had no digital things and it was just us out in recess, or, you know, some peer interaction type social situation. It still comes back to the same psychological things that kids bully for various reasons. I'm not a psychologist or anything, but, you know, it's like their way of controlling something because perhaps they are being manipulator controlled in another space. So looking for the warning signs, having open communication, and then also trying to dig deeper and not just assuming that it is them being mean because they're anonymous, but also don't discount the fact that the, maybe there's something else going on, maybe, you know, a relationship, a friend that, that they have is doing something.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
There's all kinds of things that could be happening there. But the bottom line is digging deeper and realizing that it's a red flag with my kids, as I've said before, there were times where I had red flags going up, but I didn't know if it was their natural maturity process that goes on, you know, with puberty and with the hormone changes and all of the things that they're going through. But looking back on the other side of that, it truly was my intuition telling me something was going on and that I needed to investigate it more. And it's such a, kind of like an eggshell type tiptoe through the eggshells type situation, because, you know, you don't want to invade their privacy and you don't want to them to think that you don't trust them and that you, you know, they may get mad at you every time you breathe.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
And so many different things that make this, this whole scenario difficult. And it was all difficult before the digital things. And then the digital things came in and made it like a hundred thousand times worse. Right? There's so many things that go on there, but I just encourage you to realize that when you have that gut feeling, when you have a nagging that you just can't get past, know that that's your intuition telling you something. And it may take you a little while to uncover it. If you don't want to blatantly ask them and confront them, and maybe you even do do that. And they deny it all, which happened to me too. All of those situations just know that if you have that nagging feeling, that is something to listen to. And even if you don't get a response or don't uncover it, just continue to kind of explore that.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
And it may reveal itself. You're not wrong for doing that. And however you want to approach that is okay. Like I always say your approach is what works best for you. Don't think that there's a one way or the highway type situation with this stuff. You just have to kind of proceed with however you feel appropriate, but keeping those lines of communication when it comes to the digital things is so very important. And then when you have certain things in place to where it can detect some changes in behavior and things that will be red flags, such as pushing against your set rules or boundaries around different things. When you have some of those things in place, it will help you to realize something's going on before it gets too bad, hopefully. Okay. So I hope that that makes sense. And that is helpful for you as part of the focus on the whole bullying thing this month.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I just wanted to kind of highlight that it is quite common for kids that we would not expect to be bullies, to actually be bullying another child. And so just realizing that and taking that shame and guilt away from yourself is such an important thing to do in this process. Okay. So I hope you found this helpful, and I hope you have checked out my digital wellness summit link in my show notes. I hope you will grab my method course when it comes out, because it's going to be a roadmap and a toolkit for you. And if you don't have bark, if you don't have some of the other tools, I mentioned like, if you need a dumb smartphone, gab and PennWell are awesome. If you want to start out with something like a watch, I've got links for the different watches. Gab has a watch now, too.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
You can use my link for them. So there's so many things out there to help you as a part of your village. So please grab those things. And if you need a place to stand for your own wellness, please connect with me. I have tools that will help you to navigate your own fitness and nutrition from a flexible standpoint of what works for you, but really can help you to implement healthy habits in your life. I can't tell you how much having that for myself has helped me so much through the years and through all the struggles. And I never expected it to be such a place of strength for me and a place for me to really dig in and take care of myself so that I can take care of my family better. They see that when you exercise, it helps secrete hormones and different things in your body that will help your mental state and all of that.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
And I, so I can attest to that, that when I had my hardest days, that was one thing I can control. And now in the midst of so many crazy things going on in my life right now, that is still a solid place for me to stand, to keep myself healthy among all of the COVID stuff, working out in the world as a nurse practitioner, and then with my family and helping us to all stay healthy and all of that. So check out my links or get in touch with me. If you need a place to stand for your own fitness and nutrition, the tools are things that the wellness library that I use can be used for the entire family. It has all sorts of different workouts from live workouts, group workouts, cycling workouts now, and then programs that you can follow that are proven to work.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
And I've used a ton of them. And I still cannot believe in five years, I'm still getting results. I'm still in, on dropping weight and toning and just really being the healthiest I have ever been. And if you don't know me and don't follow me anywhere, I am 47. Yes. I'm 47 and I'm in the best shape of my life. So whatever age you are, and however you're old, your kids are, that is something that is so powerful that you can do for yourself. So please don't discount that. Okay. I know my podcast is about digital safety and being that mom and proactive and all of that stuff, but your health and your daily healthy habits are so very powerful and will have a trickle down effect to your kids. Even if they're denying that, that they're watching, they're watching trust me. And it may take years and years because they are already preteens or teens and thinking that, you know nothing, but they're watching and it has a trickle down effect to them.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
They will eventually adopt the habits that you're demonstrating. And there's nothing more powerful than walking the walk and showing them even when they will not admit that they're watching, they are watching. So please implement that for yourself in your life. It's so very powerful. Okay. All right. I will get off my soap box and I hope you found this helpful. And please reach out to me if there's anything that you want to share with me. If you have a topic you'd like me to cover, please leave me review. If you haven't already. And I hope you have a fabulous week.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up everyday, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native.
Oct 14, 2021
Oct 14, 2021
20 min
Cyberbullying is on the rise! Listen in to this episode for more info on the different types to be aware of and what you need to know to protect your kiddo!
DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape!
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I think it's safe to say when we were kids, a lot of us encountered bullies. Maybe we were even the bully nowadays with our kids on all the digital things and everything. So interconnected, it is very, very common and almost guaranteed to encounter a bully. If our kids are online on whatever platform they may be on, it is also very common for kids that you would not expect like our own kids to be the bully in certain situations. And so since October is national bullying prevention month, I'm going to take some time to really break this down and talk about the types of bullying that are out there and things to look for in terms of whether or not your kiddo is being bullied or might lean towards being the bully or witnessing it and how to educate them in these things so that we can make sure that no one out there is being the victim of this. Okay. So this episode, we are going to talk about the different types of bullying that occur. So you are aware that it's not just one thing and there's lots of things to think about. Okay. So stay tuned,
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Alrighty. So thank you so much to all of you that have checked out the digital wellness symposium thing that I have shared on my last couple of episodes.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I still have that link in the show notes. So if you were still wanting to check that out, it is still available. You can get a digital, all access pass with the ability to listen to all of the different talks from all of the different experts in different areas that were in that. So please check that out. I think it is such a vital thing for us to be aware of the digital influence regardless of our kids' ages. And especially when they're younger and we don't realize that they are being influenced. So if you haven't checked out already, the link is in the show notes and that is available for anybody worldwide. So wherever you are give that elicit. Okay. I think it'll be a really good thing for you to check out. So like I said, October is national bullying prevention month. And so we all know, and most of us should be aware by now that there is a thing called cyber bullying and in the stats that bark has put out in their annual report where they basically, if you're not familiar with bark, it's basically a monitoring system where they monitor the activities of kids on their devices.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
And they are able to gather so much data. They don't like spy on the kids. They just alert parents of certain conversations, certain keywords that they're picking up on. And so they have such an amazing vantage point to provide information on this. That's why I love, love, love bark. And if you're not in the us and you don't have access to them, still go to their website. I believe you can still access it from anywhere. They have so much stuff on their blog. So many helpful things that they provide. They're such an amazing company, but they have such a great vantage point when it comes to stats like this, because this is what they do. They are monitoring across so much information and you know how kids can text and be active on things. Like if you have them texting through your phone, you can literally have hundreds of texts in a day between little group chats and things that they have.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
So it's a monster in bark is somehow navigating it. And so some of their stats show that 76% of tweens or the pre-teen age and 82% of teens experienced bullying as a boy victim or witness. And I believe these stats are from the year 2020. Yes, they are from 2020. And then according to some other stats that have been reported, one in four students report being bullied and during the whole pandemic scenario of the last year and a half, with all the virtual learning, it's led to new forms of bullying such as zoom bombing. So it's just crazy, right? It's crazy. All that we have to navigate and deal with. So what I want to talk about today is just the different types of cyber bullying. And I looked at different sources and there's different names for some of these. Some people don't have all of these types, but this is five common types that bark identified with all of their stats and things.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
So if you're not familiar with cyber bullying, it's basically just bullying. It's just online. And, you know, kids have their digital things intertwined with real-world life. So it's bullying and it can go across platforms and into their real life, into their school life, all of that stuff. Okay. So the first type of bullying that I want to talk about is harassment. It's repeatedly doing some form of abusive behavior against someone online. It could be something that is happening to them in a message in a social media platform. It could be happening on the chat of a game that they're doing through a gaming console. It could be happening in the game of, you know, something where they play with other people like on roadblocks, it could be happening in social media posts in the comments, and it could be happening in texts and emails. There's just, it can happen anywhere if they are online, it can happen to them where they are repeatedly harassed by somebody.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
So many parents with harassment, believe that blocking is the answer, but this doesn't always stop it. So you have to be aware that they can go across different platforms. They can create new accounts in order to continue to do this. If it's on Instagram, for instance, they have where you, when you block an account, it will ask you, do you want to block this account in any new accounts they create because they found that. So what, when blocked, some people will go and just make a new account and then start harassing them. That way they've actually had kids really, really get stressed by this and parents not knowing what's going on is a huge, huge factor in this. So when someone really wants to be a bully and they can be anonymous in it, they can really take this to the extremes in order to harass somebody.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
So recently in right now, as I'm recording this in 2021, Instagram has released more things to help you to control the messaging in those types of things in their app. But I know that if you don't have them on Instagram, just be aware, it's not just Instagram. It can happen anywhere and it can happen across platforms. So it's something really to talk to your kiddo about. The second form of bullying is masquerading. That is pretending to be someone you're not in order to hurt someone else. So masquerading is quite, quite common in the virtual world because anyone can make an account and you don't have to put your picture your face on the account. So you can always say you're someone else. And with all of the different apps that are out there for editing pictures and changing them up, there are editing apps that can make an adult look like a kid.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
So masquerading as someone to where you're anonymous is a very powerful thing where they can then go on and, you know, bully this person in some way, by pretending that they're someone else, this is also where the predators often start because they will pose as someone else. They will obtain innermost secrets from that child, like who they have a crush on and what they're mad at their parents about, you know, different things like that. And then they can take that and turn it on them or manipulate them with it. That's where a lot of the grooming and predator type relationships start, they're gaining trust. The kid is thinking that they are someone else. And that's where it starts. The next form of bullying is exclusion. When someone is intentionally left out of a group message in event or a photo. So it doesn't necessarily have to be them, you know, sending them messages and harassing them like that, but excluding them from different activities where they are seeing that they were being left out of things can be a form of bullying.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Now, this situation can be something that, you know, it's just a matter of the kiddo, understanding that they're not always going to be included in everything. You know, all the things that their friends are doing. Like they are allowed to have other friends and do other things. And not everybody all be invited, but sometimes it can escalate and really cause hard feelings and different things. When they are blocked by someone, you know, something like that, they use the blocking, they use the different ways of excluding them to really hurt them. The next form of bullying is called doxxing. And this is basically where you release someone's private information to cause them harm. This is actually something that is really problematic and is happening more and more like, you know, releasing their home address or other private information about them. So this is where it is vital that if you are letting them on some platform that you go through the privacy settings and make sure that it is like, especially like Snapchat, make sure that it is turned off to where it doesn't show their location because kids have been doxed in situations.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
I don't know if that's you doxing, I guess docs would be the correct term, but they've been doxed in situations where someone is mad at them. And so they will call the police. And there's someone in a parent chat that actually told all of us about this, that they will call the police and they know your location. So they'll call a police to your address and see that there's someone in that address that is abusing the child, or has a gun, different things like that, something to where it creates this problematic situation. And this parent that was telling us about it, actually it was something like they said that the dad had a gun and was threatening them. And so all of a sudden their house was surrounded and they to prove that that was indeed not true. So it can be a very, very serious form of harassment and bullying.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
And, you know, can turn into creating a criminal situation and fraud and all sorts of things like that. So that's why it's important to not give them access to the entire world. And when you do step into the world of giving them access to something where other people can access it, that your privacy settings are set up to where they cannot be located like in real time. And then the last one that I want to mention is trolling. And that's where they are provoking or baiting someone just to get a rise out of them. Unfortunately, I think adults do this a lot too. And unfortunately I do think some of the social media platforms actually have, there's a way to like set up bots for some of this so that it invokes people getting mad and arguing and being divided about things, but a person trolls, when they make like inflammatory anonymous statements online for the sole purpose of derailing, an online conversation or provoking other participants in the discussion, it can be where they are just making an individual feel bad by constantly leaving negative comments on social media posts to hurt their feelings.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
But, you know, it can just be something where someone is trying to invoke a response or, you know, make the conversation go in a certain direction. That type of thing. I think it happens a lot in the last year or so since the election in the us and all of that stuff. So definitely something to consider when it comes to our kids. So those are the five types of cyber bullying that are identified on barks information and their stats. Another place you can check out for more information is cyber bullying.org. And on that, a couple of things, I just wanted to mention that when they talk about cyber bullying, it's for their definition, they just describe it as this it's willful, meaning that the behavior is deliberate, it's repeated, meaning it reflects a pattern of behavior, not just an isolated incident, there is harm that is being inflicted.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
And then it is basically, if you think about bullying in person between like an, you know, like out in the school yard at school, there's usually some imbalance of power. And so if you think of cyber bullying in a similar manner, it is some way of them invoking power over the other child. So it is some way for them to manipulate the person that they're bullying to control them in some way. Okay. So that is all I wanted to talk about today was just those types of bullying so that you can be aware that it does occur. And if your kids online it's likely to happen. And it is common for kids, you know, we wouldn't expect our kids to do it, but because it's online stuff can be so anonymous that they will have a tendency to just do it, not realizing the ramifications.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
So I think the biggest thing to take away from this is we need to talk to our kids and it goes along with us having the conversation and helping them to be mature in what they do. And as a mom that has raised three kids. And if you know my history, you know, that they all got introduced to phones at different stages because of how far apart they are. And so I saw the impact of that being different on each one of them, but I've also walked the path of choosing to course correct, and redirect what we did and take it completely away and then wait for a maturity level to come about before I let to that freedom out more so than I was doing. So I have seen that there is a maturity that happens. So when a kid has a free range, phone and access to social media or whatever at younger ages, they just don't have that judgment capability there that they will have when they get older.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
And it always has an addictive tendency. So I just think that it's our responsibility to have that conversation and be proactive with making them aware of what this is, that it has a name and that it's not okay to do it in. There can be legal ramifications. And they find that kids that are being bullied have a higher incidence of suicide, anxiety, depression, those types of things. So it comes back to communication with our kiddos and making sure we are very proactive in this space. The other thing is too, if you are giving them a full phone, putting bark on it. So you know what their activity is, you don't have to wonder. And in another episode, I'm going to talk about some of the signs that you can look for. And again, I'm a mom that is just passionate about helping other moms in this space.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I have no expertise as far as like a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I have walked this path. And sometimes I think that, you know, when we are looking for advice, at least for me, I couldn't take it from someone who wasn't walking my same path. And so it's always my goal to give you that viewpoint. But I also want you to make sure you reach out to an expert. If you feel like you were in over your head as always, okay. I say that all the time. And so I hope you understand that there's no guilt in that. There's no shame in that or anything like that. Okay. So that concludes our episode today. Just being aware of what type of cyber bullying is out there and having that conversation with our kiddo. And if you don't have bark on their phone, get bark on their phone.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
If they don't yet have a full phone, I would delay that if you can use something for the younger kids, like I talk all the time about, and I have links in the show notes for the watches for kids, and then also the dumb smartphones. They are a gift to us moms to have those things. And if you choose a pinwheel phone, you have complete control over when they can use that and how they use it, what apps they have on it. And you can put bark on it. So in places like the text messages, it can help you monitor so that it will pick up on conversations and alert you. So you can take a closer look and see if it's something that you need to be concerned about. All of those tools out there are such a gift right now. So if you aren't utilizing them, please check out my show notes and grab my discount codes and get them in place. They are part of your village that will help you to navigate this. Okay? So that's it for today. I will stop my rambling on and I will chat with you next time.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native.
Oct 6, 2021
Oct 6, 2021
28 min
How and when should we pull back on screens? This episode discusses a few things you can use to evaluate this & one fun way to spin that positively!
Go Henry: https://www.gohenry.com/us/
Rooster Money: https://roostermoney.com/
Busy Kid: https://busykid.com/
DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape!
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So it's no doubt that screen use affects our kiddos. And sometimes we allow it more than we want to, right. Life gets busy and we just allow more time in, it becomes a very slippery slope. And before we know it, we're seeing that maybe that's not the best positive influence. So how do we know when we need to reel it in? What are the warning signs for that? And then what are some things that we can do to make it a positive twist? When we are trying to instill our preferences and our boundaries for screen time and screen use in general, that's what we're going to chat about today. So stay tuned,
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Alrighty, so welcome back to another episode of the be that mom movement podcast. I was looking yesterday, I was working on my be that mom movement method course, and I was looking through my podcast to see a certain topic that is going to be discussed in one of the modules.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
And as I was looking, I noticed the stats for the podcast on how many downloads I'm getting each month, where they are in the world. And then the total number of downloads that I've had now, the growth of my podcast has been slower than other podcasts I know of, of other podcast hosts that I know personally. And that's just because I have so many different things that I'm working on in my life definitely have a lot of different passions. So I have not been able to bring on guests like I would like to and be on guests on other shows as much as I would prefer. And then my course has not been out in the world yet. And I want it to be very soon. It has been a passion project for me for nearly a year that I've been working on it. So it seems crazy to think it's been that long, but man, the world has been crazy this past year, but I was looking at that and I'm just blown away by the number of downloads and the number of people that are listening.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Hopefully you all are listening. You didn't just subscribe. And it's just one of those things that's downloaded to your phone. I do have some podcasts I've subscribed to in the past that I just don't have time to listen to. And therefore they get downloaded and get counted as a download for them. And maybe I'm not listening to them. So maybe all of y'all are not listening. And I am talking to the wind, but if there is one or two people at least out there in the downloads that I'm having every month that is finding this helpful I make, or I believe that this is worth it in the end. At the end of the day, I am not here to promote something to you specifically, except for paying forward. What I have learned, what I have went through with my own family and trying to help you navigate this once I saw the big picture of things and went through some hard, hard, hard days as a mom.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
So I hope at the end of the day that you realize that's what I'm here for. The reason that I bring that up is I was in this group on Facebook. That was about like moms of boys or something like that. And this mom posted about kind of what we're going to talk about today, but she posted about screen time with her kid and she felt like, you know, she's just like lost him and it's hopeless and all of this. And so I commented on that post and said, you know, just some of my experiences and what I recommend. And then I commented that I had a podcast. Well, my posts got deleted by the people that run that group because they said that there can be no self-promotion honestly I can understand that how that could get out of hand if people are coming in and be like here, buy this, buy this, do this.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
But honestly, I, I really took time to comment from the heart to tell that mom that I had been there and that same exact spot is her and what I had done. And then they just deleted it because I mentioned that I have a podcast that I am paying forward the stuff, and I would do this completely for free. So it's not about whether or not you are using my affiliate links to subscribe to bark or pinwheel or any of that. I am providing that and hopefully passing on a discount for you because I know how hard it can be. But at the end of the day, I do this regardless of that. And so it kind of hurt me a little bit, that that group was all about, oh, we'll offer help, but don't offer help. So I get it, you know, I get it on the one hand, but I was really kind of offended by that.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
So I just wanted to bring that up, that I am here for that mom that finds her in the place that I was or for that mom that is not wanting to get where I was. And I hope that you know, that I hope that you feel that from my heart, the topics that I bring up are things that I'm seeing out in the world that are relevant, that I've been through. And that I just don't want you to take the hard road that I did. Not that you can't still get through it, but things are ever changing in this digital world. So we really have to be proactive and all of that. And you know, if you've listened to any number of my podcasts, I am like preaching to the choir right now. But if you're new to my podcast, I just want to say that I am here provide you, I can't speak, ride you with some nuggets to help you on this path.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Yours will look different than mine, but at the end of the day, my goal is for you to help guide your kid through this and to not just leave them out in that big, vast, deep blue sea of all the digital things and whether you realize it or not, they are being impacted and influenced by the things that they see and consume and things that may try to get in touch with them, that type of thing. So not trying to be doom and gloom or scary or any of that, but I truly am just here to provide you tools and all of those things. Okay. So let's get to today's topic. So what I want to talk about today is when should you be concerned with screen time or, you know, like the effect of them being on some type of digital stimulation and like, what are the warning signs for that?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And then what are some positive ways that we can kind of turn that around to where it's not just a negative, these are your restrictions. You better abide by this, or I'm going to take it away. Some kids need that, but I think there's a couple of things that are pretty exciting that I was looking at today that I, if I wish that when my kids were younger, that I would have had these things, I actually think they are like kind of vital to the raising of our kids and a huge missing piece in their education if we have them in a traditional educational setting. So I'm excited to kind of talk about this stuff today. So let's talk about when you are allowing your kid on screens. Of course, you've probably heard me say this before, but it's best to have it set up to where you have some control over that in terms of where they consume those things and for how long, but let's say you have kind of let them have free reign because they've, you know, been doing good and life's crazy and you're busy with work and those types of things.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
And you've just kind of let that go. And you notice that some things maybe you need to, Hmm, maybe you need to do something, but you're not sure, right. Or you're at the point to where it's obvious that there's something that you need to do, but you don't know what to do. So I was researching this and I found a psychologist's page, but where she was talking about four phases or four categories that kids can fall in in terms of the influence of digital things and where they fall determines what your next action should be. So before I go into those four kind of categories, I want to just say that when I was going through this, when we were really kind of having some issues and I didn't have any inkling of an idea of how to manage all of the things we did, some trial runs of just some restrictions and pulling back on how much was allowed.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
And it became very obvious, very quickly that wasn't going to be enough that we needed to more drastic. And then it came to a point to where it was blatantly obvious that something had to change. And that's when we pulled completely away from all the digital things for a period of time. And I don't think there's a right or wrong with this. I think this is something where you have to use your own judgment. So let's talk about the four categories. So the first one is healthy functioning, and this is where digital media is used as a tool to reach a desired goal. This is where there is limited use of entertainment and social media on digital things. This is where they have healthy mood fluctuations, which sometimes those are kind of hard to gauge because you know, the whole preteen and teen thing, things can just naturally be dramatic.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
This is where there's no screen use two hours before they go to bed and comfortable interacting socially with other kids in person they're physically and socially active, they engage in a wide variety of hobbies and activities. Their social interactions are primarily face-to-face and they have consistent performance in the things that they are involved in, in their lives, whether it be school, whether it be sports, whether it be some type of outside the home activity, that's the healthy functioning category. Now the next one, this psychologist terms it reactive or common distress category. So this is where digital media is used to relieve distress on occasion, increasing use of entertainment, video games, and social media is occurring. At times they may be irritable and impatient. They use the screen right up to going to sleep. They have some discomfort interacting socially out in the world, and they have decreased physical and social activity because they are using the screens more.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
They have limited engagement in a wide variety of hobbies and activities. They have less face-to-face social interaction and they have inconsistent academic or work performance. So if you decided to go ahead and give a phone or give an X-Box, and now you were kind of seeing some of these creep in, those are kind of like red flags or warning signs for you that maybe we need to look at. Dolly's be that mom movement method course if I had it out yet, or just look for some way to kind of pull back from things that was kind of a spontaneous little plug there, but truly, um, that's just one option out there, but now let's go to the third category. This is called impairment in functioning. So this is where digital media is used most of the day for extended periods of time. We'll look at a combination of things in terms of their activity and how much they're consuming.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
So it doesn't mean just sitting in front of one thing. It may mean a phone, a computer, an Xbox, that type of thing. This is preoccupation with entertainment, video games and social media. They may have a depressed mood, anxiety, or anger. They may have trouble sleeping and seem tired all of the time. They have a breakdown and healthy relationships. They are physically deconditioned, likely overweight or even underweight because they're not eating enough or eating junk infrequent, social involvement, limited face to face social interaction, and then academic failure or employment difficulties. Okay. So, and let's go to the fourth one and then I'll say what I was just going to say. So the fourth one is distress and persistent impairment. So this is significant difficulty managing digital media use limited non-virtual pursuits, significant emotional difficulty, sleep deprived breakdown, and healthy relationships, physical health problems, limited social involvement, infrequent face-to-face social interaction and suicidal thoughts, intent or behavior.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
So I think that we can have kids that wax and wane between these different categories. And if your kiddo falls into that third or that fourth one, I would definitely take a serious look at what's going on and try to come up with a game plan. This psychologist that created this chart actually says that that third and the fourth one that you may want to consider professional care. Now I will tell you that there is no shame in seeking outside help. And I hope you know, that we sought outside help for a brief period of time when it became too big for us. So if you have gotten to the point to where your child is not functioning out in the world, and you were seeing some of these warning signs, please, please, please seek outside help. If you feel like it is too big for you to handle.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And that is completely fine completely. Okay. I know there's a social stigma around that. And a lot of times there are reasons to feel ashamed for that. And I did, I truly did by sitting on the other side of it, it was one of the best things we could do to get an outsider, to help us navigate it. Okay. So that got me a little choked up thinking about it and taking me back to that time for us. So now that we've talked about these different categories and we've thought about, I'm sorry, I should have turned off notifications on my computer here. Now that we talked about where your kid might lie in those, I would consider what to do next. So if you feel like they are leaning into the second or the third, or even the fourth category at times, then there's different ways that you can do this and it's going to be completely up to you.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
But what I recommend as you communicate your concerns with your kiddo, as well as your expectations for use, and you can do a trial run of that and see how that goes. Or if it's already been something you've tried to implement some sort of boundaries, think about making a verbal or written agreement as to, you know, the consumption of there things, other expectations that you have for them, such as things that they do around the house every day or every week, those types of things. And then also, like I said before, if you feel that it's bad enough, sometimes what is necessary is a cold Turkey detox. Like you cut off the digital world completely. If you haven't listened to my episodes that talk about the effects on the brain and gaming addiction and all of the things that are happening, just having that knowledge, that this is not, it's kind of like, this is not your kid that is necessarily doing this.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
This is in very intricately designed system that is there to addict us and draw us in and make us push aside the other things in life that are important to us when you realize that, and you realize that it's basically kind of like your kid's brain on drugs, so to speak, it makes it, it almost empowers you a little bit to realize, okay, I didn't fail here. I shouldn't be feeling shame as a parent, those types of things, which I felt all of those things. When you realize that these things are designed to suck them in, it is empowering. At least it was for me to realize that, okay, okay, like we're here. You know, and we're in this situation with their school and their friends and all of the things, because this entity of digital things is designed to do this to my kid and to me, to all of us, right?
Speaker 1 (16:41):
So a cold Turkey detox will likely produce what I call a preteen or teen tantrum if they have been allowed to be on, on the things a lot, because their brain goes through a physiological chemical withdrawal. I'm no expert in that area. But from what I have read and studied about from experts, people that are experts in the area, there is a withdrawal that goes there. They will think that their world has ended, whether it's because they've been on social media or because they're spending a ton of time on a gaming platform, the brain truly goes through a detox, boredom, like not having anything else to do and not knowing what to do with themselves. We'll see more intense. And they truly do go through withdrawal my recommendation for that. If you go down that route, besides getting outside help, if need be is, stand your ground, do not cave in to the tantrum.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Trust me, it passes. And it's a beautiful thing when you get to the other side, because you will see that child that you had before you introduced all the digital things. And didn't really know that they were to have the impact they had. You will see them coming back. It's almost like, oh, wow, where have you been? And old interest resurface, new curiosity comes. And it's a beautiful thing, but it's painful and it's painful. And it is not fun depending on how much time they have been allowed to be on the screens. Okay. So that is where I would try to course correct redirect. And that's just going to be up to you and your decision in how that, and what that looks like for you. But what I want to talk about now to indoubt this episode is to talk about some things that are out there that are kind of cool to enforce positive responsibility in their lives.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Some people call them, you know, like chores, but I think chores has kind of a connotation of being negative or being work. And maybe they need to have that, you know, need to know while there is work in life. But what I want to talk about is just kind of like teaching responsibility in terms of expectations that you expect with things that they do around the house. And also some things that are out there, apps and different programs and things that you can use to help them at the same time, learn how to manage money and learn how to earn the money. So I want to talk about, let me flip over here on my computer. So if you haven't heard about these, of course, you can just do traditional list of chores or responsibilities on your refrigerator, on a calendar, those types of things, but these things kind of make it fun.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
And I will tell you that with my kids being older teens, this is one place that I did not provide enough guidance with in terms of managing money, earning money, saving money, those types of things. And this is something that you can utilize from, like, if you have a local bank or credit union, they likely have a program like this, but these things are kind of cool too. So the things that I'm talking about, there's one called go Henry, and then another one called rooster money. And then another one called busy kid. So it, and I think these can be used for any age. So if you have a teenager that you're trying to redirect and ensure that they are being responsible and stuff, this is certainly something you can use for them. So I'm just kind of looking at their websites, go Henry. And all of these are kind of have a combination.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
There's also the green light card, which I think has similar things. And I've done an episode on the Greenlight card too, but go Henry and I am I not on the main page here go Henry and then rooster money and busy kid. I think they all have a combination of where you can have a card or some, one of them at least has, or you can just do the app and where they earn money, and then you can give it to them or they have where you can choose to get a debit card. So if you have a younger kid, you could use one of these apps just where, you know, they check off when they do certain things and then you give them money that way. Or you can actually set it up to where they earn money on a card that you have.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
And then like rooster money has a virtual money tracker. And it also has a chore tracker. So this is just something that I thought was really cool to talk about in terms of kind of giving them a visual of, and you know, what, with them, all the kids being so digital, now this would give them like a visual of things that they need to do. It also teaches them responsibility and earning their reward of spending time on whatever the digital things are and just giving them a place to work towards things. I tried to do this when my kids were little and it's funny because one of them was like, it's okay. I don't need money. Like, I'm not going to do any chores because I don't need money. I'm good with sitting here with no money. And then another one was so gung ho about money that I couldn't afford the child.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Like they were like, I'll do the dishes. I will sweep. I will vacuum. I'm going to clean the bathroom now. And like little entrepreneur earning all the money, except I didn't have enough money to pay the kid. So your kid can fall all along that spectrum. But I saw one parent in one discussion that I was looking at said that what they did was they had a kiddo that was like that, where they made non-negotiable chores that they had to do. And some lists like brushing your teeth and those types of things. I think those can be something for a little kid, but personally, I'm not one that's going to be rewarding a kid for doing something that they need to be doing every day anyway, you know, brushing your teeth and taking a bath. Those types of things are just like, to me, there are things that you do because you're a human being and you need to have clean teeth and a clean body.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Right. But that's totally your call anyway. But that parent said that she put the non-negotiable chores that they had to help with. And then the extra one. So non-negotiable could be like doing the dishes and making their bed, those types of things. And then the bonus ones like helping to rake leaves or helping mow the grass or helping with washing the car, those types of things. So my point in bringing this up is that I think you can be really innovative with this in terms of giving them incentives that make it fun and also teach them responsibility while also teaching them how to manage money. And I think that managing money is a crucial piece that personally I think is forgotten in our formal education system. And maybe that's because we need to be teaching it as parents. We can't make everything fall back onto the education system.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Although I do think there's a lot of things there that could be taken out and more life skills could be put in there in their place. Some things I just don't think are necessary for our kids to be spending time on if they're not spending time on things about living healthy, healthy habits and managing money and how to, you know, just live out in the world in that not every kid needs to go to a four-year college, that some it's more appropriate to go to tech school, all of that stuff, but that's a whole nother topic. My point with bringing this up is just for you to check these things out as a way to make it fun. And as a way to teach responsibility while helping them learn how to manage money and just how to be a responsible person in the world and not go into major debt and all of that.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
So I hope that you will check those out, go, Henry is@gohenry.com. And by the way, I have no affiliation with any of these. My kids are older or managing their money in their own accounts. So I don't have an account with these, but I read through some different discussions of different parents that are using them. And these were their top three that were mentioned and that they raved about. So there's goHenry@gohenrydotcomandthenroostermoney.com. And then the last one is busy kid.com. So all of them look really cool. And like I've said before, I wish I could go back in time with some of this stuff to when my kids were younger. It sure would've made things simpler for me, but in the end, our path is our path for a reason. And I always have said that that whatever struggles we've had are there to create our strength.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
And I believe that we all have a path to leave in this world, a path to lead in this world. And this just happens to be mine, that we didn't have all of these cool tools and things to help me out in this whole new digital realm of parenting is just a new thing out there. And we kind of took the hard road, but I surely hope that even one of my podcast episodes will help you in some way so that your kiddos will not have to take that same hard road and we'll stay safe in the world. Wow. What happened with my voice there? And we'll stay safe out in the world and we'll grow up to be healthy and prosperous individuals that know the beauty of the world and to the gifts that they have to offer the world so that, you know, we can just live in a healthy and balanced world for our futures.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
That was a little bit of my soap box there too. So I hope you found this episode helpful. I say that every single time, but I truly, truly do. If you can, if you have been listening and you find this helpful, leave me a review in whatever app you were listening to me through, that helps me to rank higher and to get pushed out into the suggestions for people looking for similar content. And that is my major mission is to get into the ears of more moms and to help you be proactive in this space and be that mom that is going to be a guide for your kid so that these, all of these digital influences do not become a negative trajectory for them. It is absolutely possible for us to raise kids in this digital world. And co-exist with all these digital things, without them influencing them negatively. I seriously can't talk today negatively. And you know, just not being able to find a healthy balance with the things. So thanks again for tuning in and I'll chat with you next time.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Holy moly, check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10, four.
Sep 15, 2021
Sep 15, 2021
17 min
This episode features an interview with Nicole Rawson, the founder of Screentime Clinic, a coaching network to help families navigate all the digital things, and the author of the book, Screen Smart Sam Battles the Bad Habit Monsters. Nicole is the mom of two teens, and has walked the walk of learning the hard way on how screens impact our kids, as so many of us in this space have done.
You can find more info about her and her mission as well as purchase the book at https://screensmartfamilies.org/ or on Amazon HERE.
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So as we know the influence of the digital things starts at any age that we put a device in the hands of a child. So today's episode is going to highlight a friend of mine who is on the same mission as me, for helping moms and families to navigate this world of so many interconnected, digital things. Stay tuned for an interview with Nicole Rawson, from Screentime clinic and the author of the book screen smart Sam battles, the bad habit monsters stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So before we get started with chatting with Nicole, I just want to give you a heads up that there's only link in the show notes for accessing the digital wellness education summit. This is going to go live on September 25th, and there are different versions of tickets that you can purchase, where you can access the content in real time. Or you can have an all access pass in order to listen to it at a later time and in different versions.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
So please check this out. If you're a parent, if you're an educator, if you have any interaction with children, you have to get this information and listen to it and take it to heart because our children are our future and the digital things absolutely do have an impact. And as long as we are staying on the forefront of awareness and working together in our village to surround our children and move forward as things evolve and change and ever changing influence on our kids, we need to have this information at our fingertips. So check out the link in the show notes for the digital wellness education summit. It is an amazing resource that I want you to have access to. I am not the only speaker in it. There are, I believe, 13 of us plus the two co-hosts. And it's just a great resource for you to have, and to be able to kind of wrap your mind around all of the things digital and how it's influencing our children.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
So please check that out in the show notes. Okay. So today we're going to get rolling on an interview that I did with Nicole Ross and she is the founder of screen-time clinic. She is a former teacher and has two children that are in upper teenage years. She has walked this path very similar to mine where we kind of didn't know what was going on. We saw the influence of things, and we decided to turn our struggle into strength and offer this gift back to the world. So I hope you enjoy this interview I had with Nicole and that you find this helpful and that you will get this book as a resource for you and your kids or someone, you know, in your life that is having kids or has grandkids, whatever it may be. If you have kids, you need this book. Okay. So let's check it out. So today we have Nicole and she is the author as screen smart Sam battles, the bad habit monsters. And so I just wanted to talk to her today and introduce her to all of you so that you can learn more about what she has to offer and this amazing book that she has written. So thanks so much for joining me today. I am so glad that you're here.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Oh, thanks for having me on. This was really fun to talk and I love your podcast. Thanks for all you do for getting the information out there to everybody.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yes. Like we both kind of went through this whole struggle and brought us to this same place with our kiddos and stuff. So I know you kind of have a similar background as me, so for everybody that's listening. Tell me more about you and what brought you to be working in this similar spaces? Me, yeah,
Speaker 3 (04:16):
I'm a former middle and high school teacher and I also have two now 17 and 18 year old boys. So mine is kind of a mix of seeing what's happening in the classroom. And also I got involved in interested in digital wellness and gaming addiction and, you know, the psychology behind all of that because of my own children. So that's what really inspired me to take a deep dive and research because in San Diego, there really weren't any specialists. And still even today, there's a waitlist for a rehab center for gaming addiction that has 300 people. And yet there's still not enough psychologists to help parents create these habits. So I just really wanted to create resources to help parents and have something. And the earlier the better that's kind of where the book came from. Then after I founded the company screen- time clinic to help parents, parent coaches, helping parents reach their goals. And yeah, so it's been a good journey. Wow.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
So you definitely have similar experiences as me with the gaming addiction and all of that stuff. And I didn't know that about the waiting list, so that's quite interesting, but I can totally see that that's such an issue.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Yeah. And it's too bad that it gets to that point where then, you know, you have 17 and 18 and 19 and 20 year olds that are really failing in life because of the gaming habit and just not flourishing doing their best or just really having problematic behaviors. And, you know, my whole goal now, my mission in life is to prevent that and really start very early talking about it and the risks, because I still run into parents that say what video games are addictive, prove it. Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Yes. I totally see that too. And I do think like that's one thing that I've talked about recently on some of my other episodes is just how much believe that all these digital distractions and addictions to the games and different things basically like divert their development to where it's, it's kind of almost stopping it. So they're not moving on and in development in life and gaining independence and interests in the outside world and careers and all of that. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Yes. At the very least it's preventing them from reaching all those other potentials. And honestly, the more we researched, the more I talk with experts, it really does change the brain chemistry and has long-term effects by only using that one part of your brain for so much time fixated on the games, thinking about them, talking about them, playing them. So with screen smart, Sam, the book it's meant for elementary school kids any age, honestly, it would be a great gift for a new parent, even just to talk about it and to like have that in the back of your mind, that we don't need to give our children video games to make them happy. There's other ways to spark joy and interest. And, you know, if you do, it has to be really tightly monitored because a lot of kids are at high risk for gaming addiction.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
If they meet a whole host of certain criteria, including autism, spectrum, male, gender, premature birth, any sort of behavior disorders, learning disorders, they're at extra risk. So even though it may look like it's helping them, it really creates a lot of dysfunction and screen smart. Sam talks about the different ways to really keep that in check. And we're not anti tech, but it just is to have healthy habits. And for parents to read the book and see, you know, what are some ways that we can make change in the home to set our kids up for success? When they're little,
Speaker 1 (07:53):
I love the, a bad habit monster. Like I was reading through it this morning as I was getting ready for us talking today. And I was like, oh my God, I love this. It's like all the things that we walked through and didn't know that we had this common ground among all of us with this, you know, all that, all of us that I call it a new realm of parenting. And basically we were like the first generation of parents to walk through it with no guidance and no clue what was happening to our children until damage had been done. And now we have this whole generation of parents that are doing this and this space to help educate the next generation, but the bad habit monster, and all of that was just it's. It's so cute. And how you illustrate it and talk about it
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Because it is, you know, it's a, it's a draw. It's something that kids want to do. And once they start it, they're always going to be drawn to it. Unless, you know, kids don't have, and teens don't have that self- regulation ability just to stand up and say, Nope, I'm not going to do it. It's not good for me. I'm just going to walk away. It's, it's something that they will always be drawn to, even if they know they shouldn't. And there are parameters it's like that little monkey on your back that once it started, it's hard to stop. Yes. Like all the other tasty things in life that we ended up doing.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Exactly. So the book is geared more toward parents of younger.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Yes. Yes. And it's meant to be code red. It's a parent engagement tool to talk with your children about, you know, we have parents of toddlers reading it. You can see on our Instagram page, screen, smart Sam ways to actively read with your toddler, that you don't have to read word for word, that you're looking at the pictures and talking about healthy habits, just like green light foods and red light foods like screens or red light. We try to avoid them. And then, you know, fourth and fifth graders, those are the ones that can read the book themselves more and internalize the message a little bit more and do some worksheets and really think about how they can make those changes with their parents and why it's necessary. Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
So to get those other resources, I think it says it at the front of the book, right? As it's screened smartfamilies.org.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Yes. Yep. There's a whole website just dedicated to the book. And we've had a lot of sponsors that have made it possible to donate books to schools. So the teachers can use them in their classrooms that way, but parents are welcome to order their own copy there and there's worksheets and just screen-free ideas and a whole lot of other books on that topic also.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
So this sounds amazing. And it's like, I think it's, so I feel like the middle school years are so critical when parents are unknowingly giving the smartphone they're giving into that pressure and social pressure. But like we've talked about before this influence starts young. Any time we put a digital device in their hands. So this is kind of gearing toward a little bit younger ages up to those years of giving this the phone. So
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Exactly. Cause kids are so persistent and persuasive and little, little kids, they want phones and they want to be on screens. And it, it just speaks to how stimulating the younger the child is. The more they're stimulated by media, whether it's TV, media, or iPad media, the bigger the screen, the closer the screen, the more interactive the screen. So children are really, really drawn to it. And then it just kind of gets the parents in this loop of technology that they don't even realize is problematic until like middle school, when grades start coming in and they're sweet kids, you know, aren't able to make B's and A's.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Yep, definitely. And then another thing is like, we, I know when my kids were younger in the first smartphones came out and I first had an iPhone, there was this tendency, you know, when you had to get things done around the house, just give them the phone to play with, you know? Yeah. And I had no idea that there would be any influence there. And I'd imagine like, if there's, if you're only giving it a short period of time, then not necessarily anything to worry about, but it's that making it, the babysitter type thing that we tend to get into to where, you know, it's becoming more and more and they're spending more and more time on it. Right.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
It really counteracts your intentions. It's not worth the babysitting short-term solution to have a really long-term addiction problem potentially going on, especially depending on the child and their needs. So, yeah. And you know what I love about the book that it just takes the pressure off of mom's parents. Like you're not crazy. Look in the book, like screen smart. Sam is having a problem with screens and too much time. This is what's going to happen. And it's not just like, you're a crazy person. Like mom, why can't I have a screen? Like everybody else is doing it. Literally all my friends have it. It's a great way, you know, to show kids like, no, actually this is what could happen. And you don't want to be like screened dumb Sam.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
I love that because we take so much of the burden on like my podcast being that mom has such a negative connotation and that's my movement is to try to turn around that connotation and make it a positive. So this is a way for us to take some of the pressure off of us. Right, right, right,
Speaker 3 (13:17):
Right. I didn't want an email. I screened dumb Sam, you know, fines finds the light at the end of the tunnel, but
Speaker 1 (13:26): Wow. That's awesome.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Yeah. It's a great story. And certainly there's 16 different aspects of screen time that it actually covers and 16 different solutions. So even though it's your standard, 32 page children's book, it really has a lot of information in it that I think parents will love to consider when they are raising their children.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yes. I think it is so awesome. So that's, I'm so glad that you were able to come on today. So when they want to get the book, they can go to screen smart families.org. And then is it also it's available on Amazon, right?
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Yeah. It's available on Amazon Barnes, noble target pretty much anywhere can order books and yeah.
There's links on screen-time clinic too. We have that website and it's everywhere.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Okay. That was the other thing I was going to ask you is tell me more about how they connect with you. In addition, I know you do more than just this book. So tell me more about what you do screen time clinic and all of that. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
The screen time clinic is actually there to help parents. Once maybe you read a book like this and think, oh my goodness. Like, I don't even know where to start. I had no idea because there's so much information on the internet and there's so many books. I mean, it is just very time intensive to make yourself an expert in this area and really figure out what is going to work for your family and your particular situation. Because honestly, I was a single mom raising my kids most of the time. And, you know, we thought my son was on the autism spectrum, turns out it was just gaming addiction, but there's all sorts of things to consider. And at Screentime clinic, we have a network of coaches and you're one of them that people can choose from to connect with and really sit down and make a plan and talk through how are we going to handle screens in our home. And having a family media plan is really essential because these years go by so quick and you know, week by week, you just don't want it to take you by surprise it's way better to plan or make a new plan. It's never too late to start planning to.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Awesome. Thank you so much for having all of that service. And I'm so glad that we connected. You actually reached out to me, I think on Instagram a couple months ago, but I'm so glad that we've connected and I appreciate you inviting me to be a part of your world and all that that you offer because this is a team effort. And what I like to always say, we have to have like a village in order to raise kids.
Speaker 3 (15:54): Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Thanks so much for being a part of the village.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
You're welcome. Nice to partner and teamwork with you. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yes. Okay. Well, thanks so much for joining me today and I will put links in the show notes so that
people can get in touch with you and get in touch with this, getting your book in their hands. Very good.
Speaker 3 (16:13): Thank you. Okay.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
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