The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

Episode 90: A new option to stay connected with your kids: A new kid‘s watch!

Staying connected with your kids can be a challenge in this fast paced world. Check out this new option for staying connected with a Gabb wireless watch! 

 

Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!! 

 

Check out the DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT:  GRAB YOUR ALL ACCESS PASS HERE!!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE 

MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

If you are still in search of something to give your kiddo in your wanting to stay connected without giving them access to the entire world. I have another option that I'm going to talk about today for you to consider staying connected with your kids. Like I've always said in all of my podcast episodes, they do not need access to the entire world, but if we can introduce them to the dumber versions of the smart things that are all interconnected everywhere, sometimes that is a great first step to getting them connected, knowing where they are and making sure they're safe, as well as giving them a stepping stone into the digital world. So we're going to talk about a new option in a couple of new options that I think you might be interested in if this is the scenario for you. All right. So stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:49):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (01:14):

Holy moly. Check this out. If you were a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So before we get started on talking about the specifics of this, I just want to take you back for a second to probably what I've mentioned multiple times, if you've listened to several episodes, but back a few years ago, when all of these options for dumb smartphones in different things that had more guidance and stuff didn't exist. And it was like trial by fire, raising kids and giving the digital things.

Speaker 1 (02:11):

And I honestly had no inkling of a clue as to how impactful they can be at such a what I want to say, like an insidious type of influence, like just very subtle and very much not something I was aware of until lots of time and lots of exposure had gone by. So when I talk about these things, the way I view them is that they're, they're like a gift, like such a gift to us parents as we're raising kids in this digital world, because someone out there has been innovative enough to create these things, to help us in this wildly ever evolving and changing digital world that we have to raise our kids in. We don't have a choice. And I would say that it's nearly impossible to raise our kids without having some of these digital things. So when I talk about some of these different things that I'm excited about, and then I have discount codes for it is because I have looked at them closely and I wholeheartedly believe that they are something that could help you in this realm.

Speaker 1 (03:28):

I am very skeptical of most things out there until I've looked at them closely to see the little innuendos and the little ways that our sneaky kiddos can try to get around things with their curiosity and their ability to embrace the digital things at a different understanding than us. So for the little things that they can get around can be kind of elusive to us as parents. So when I talk about these things and when I offer the discount codes, I just want you to know that I do offer them because I do think that they are wholeheartedly going to help you. And I think that our children are our future and our children are being so negatively. I can't say that word negatively impacted by all of the digital things in less. We take that, be that mom proactive stance in this space, they will be negatively impacted if we don't do something about it.

Speaker 1 (04:30):

So I highly recommend you check out all the resources that I have in my show notes and really embrace those and dig through those, get on my email list, which I am quite honestly terrible with sending out emails right now, but I'm getting ready to get myself back into a position of sending those out regularly, along with finishing up my, be that mom movement method course, and a few other things that I have in the works. So download my free resource guide and get on my email list, check out some of these discount codes and things that I have in the show notes. They quite honestly are the things that I think are top notch out there and the best options for our kids. And I think they can just kind of be like a tool or like I've said in some of my episodes, the layered approach that I recommend that you take to all the digital things, they are another layer or a part of your village to help raise your kids.

Speaker 1 (05:28):

So please check those things out for me. Okay. And I think that they can definitely help you also can email me or reach out to me on social media for questions, or, you know, if there's just anything else out there that you've found that you think that I should consider reviewing on the podcast, I certainly am open to that. So just check those things out. Okay. So today I want to talk about a new watch that is out there to help you keep connected with your kids. I think this is such an amazing option to have these days versus, you know, like having your elementary or middle school age kid, having a phone that they're walking around with that has anything and everything accessible at their fingertips. The watch is a great way for you to be able to stay connected. And gab wireless has two different versions of watches.

Speaker 1 (06:21):

One is a watch with the band that actually goes on their arm. And then the other one that they have is a gab watch light, which actually can be made into like, instead of wearing it on the arm, actually have a little go into a little holder thing that then you can clip onto a backpack or something similar. So they have a couple of different options. If your kid maybe doesn't want to wear a watch, you know, things like that. So they're, let me start with that one. That's that can be worn as something other than a watch it's called the gab watch light. And it is a GPS tracker, a step counter and a one-way messaging device for younger kids. It doesn't support calls or texts. So I think that that is a great option for your very first thing that you have them staying in touch with you.

Speaker 1 (07:13):

I think it's comparable probably to like a relay go device, which is kind of like a walkie-talkie thing. So maybe not quite the same thing, but gab wireless is released this as one option for you to be able to stay connected. And it says that it is going to start shipping between December 1st and eighth as a new thing that they're shipping out. And then the other thing that they have is the gab watch. And this one, it says it triples as a cell phone as a GPS device and as an interactive watch, it is a standalone device. It does not pair with their phone. And right now, for both of these, there's some significant discounts. These may not be live by the time you hear this episode, depending on when these discounts end. But if you use my code, be that mom all together, be that mom that should get you a discount on this.

Speaker 1 (08:11):

And one cool thing that gab wireless has said is that because of the shipping delays this year and all the things going on here around the holiday season of 2021, they said that they likely cannot get the watch in the home in your home by Christmas day, at this point in time. So instead, and if that isn't able to happen, they're going to email you some printables that you can create like an unboxing experience for your kid to let them know what they're getting. Once it comes in a couple of days after Christmas. So I thought that was really cool when I saw that, like, you're going to have a way to still give them the watch without actually having the watch, if it doesn't make it to your home yet. So for both of these, when you purchase them, you can choose a cellular plan.

Speaker 1 (08:59):

You can do a two year contract, a one-year contract or no contract and just pay month to month. So that's kind of cool that you have that option. So with the watch device, what it has on it, and I think this is very comparable to the tic talk watch. So if you've heard my episode about that, I do think it is very similar to that. But what I would do is check out both of these and you can compare them and decide which one you feel would be appropriate for you. And the tick talk watch has a couple of different versions, but I do think they each have some different features. So just depending on your preference and how you want the watch to look and the age of your child and stuff like that, those would all be things to look at, to compare the two.

Speaker 1 (09:43):

But this watch that I'm talking about with gab wireless, it has active GPS tracking. It has lock mode scheduling. So what that means is you can schedule times where the phone is locked. Like when they're in a class, like when they're at school to help them stay focused. So they're not distracted by their watch. And then you can also set it up to where it will only enable calls to and from an emergency contact versus, you know, like just not shutting it down completely, but you can set it up to where they can use it if they really need it, but otherwise it'll be shut down so that they can do their schoolwork. Some other things that it has on it is a step counter. So you can encourage them to be able to visually see how active they are in the day. You can also set it up for custom contacts to where only those approved people can call and text them through the watch.

Speaker 1 (10:38):

And then also with the step counter, they also have a thing where you can set up a to-do list. So you can set it up to where they have certain things that they have to do on their watch, or, you know, how some kids like to like check off lists of different things that they do. You can, it gives them some responsibility and fill in, like there you're, you know, they're doing something that you have requested them to do. They also have a, oh, this is kind of cool. It's a pet. It says it's kids, the kids gab go pet that is in the it's like in the watch and you could set it up to where it needs to be fed, walked, washed, and cuddled. And that's another way for them to earn responsibility points. And they actually can earn coins in that, like a little game on the watch.

Speaker 1 (11:25):

And then in addition to that, you can set up to where there are customizable, safe zones. So like if they're going to be at school or at grandma's house or in your neighborhood, you can set it up to where there will be an alert that you receive. If they go outside of that zone, you also can set up SOS and emergency notifications too. And then some cool things is that the watch is sweat and water resistant and comes with like a band and stuff that looks pretty durable and other things like that to help protect it. So I do think that this is a pretty awesome watch. I do think it's very comparable to the tick-tock watch. And in some ways the features on this one seemed to look more mature than the tech talk watch. So definitely worth checking out and considering as a gift for your kiddo, if they're involved in school activities or, you know, stay at a friend's house or whatever, this is a way for them to stay connected with you also make it a little bit fun, doing the digital things without the deep dark blue sea of all of the things that come with a phone and just a way to have an introduction to the digital stuff.

Speaker 1 (12:48):

So definitely check that out. And also the, if you have a younger kiddo, the gab, what is it? The gab watch light would be another great option to where you can stay connected with them and they could message you without having all the extra things and just a way to stay connected and get in touch. Okay. And the gab light one also has the GPS tracking and it has the customizable safe zones and then the SOS emergency notification. So both of those great options, I hope you'll check those out. If you have younger kiddos are looking for something else to get your kids. And if you have any questions, let me know. And I will put in the show notes for this episode, as well as on my blog, the discount codes and the links to grab these things, as well as all of the other things that I talk about all of the time.

Speaker 1 (13:44):

So please check those out. And if you haven't done so already leave me a review so that my podcast ranks higher in all of the podcast platforms. And as always, I appreciate you so much for tuning in and stay tuned might be that mom movement method course is almost done. Life keeps getting the way, like I've said over and over again. I'm tired of hearing myself say it, but it's just the way life has been lately. So I am going to have some more free time here in the next couple of weeks. And I'm going to work on getting that out to the world because you're going to need it. Once you give these digital things to your kids for Christmas, not this digital thing. The gab watch is not one that will be a pitfall, but if you're giving a smartphone or, you know, the other things like the gaming consoles and different things like that, then my method course is definitely going to help you navigate those things.

Speaker 1 (14:36):

And also, you know, if you're still trying to figure this all out, the my method course is definitely going to be an asset in your back pocket to help you as you navigate this crazy in ever evolving world of the digital things. Okay. All right. Thanks so much. If I don't talk in your ears again before then, I hope you have a Merry Christmas and nice holiday season with your family. Feel free to reach out to me and let me know how things are going and what digital products and different tools I've talked about that have been helpful for you in your world of being that mom. Okay. Thanks so much.

Speaker 2 (15:15):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (15:28):

Hey, if you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Episode 89: Kids & phones: Is it annoying behavior or a cry for help?

Sometimes the things kids do around having a phone seems annoying, but when is it more than that, & maybe a cry for help? Listen in for my mom guilt story!

 

Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!! 

 

Check out the DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT:  GRAB YOUR ALL ACCESS PASS HERE!!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE 

MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So as we approach the holidays, I hope you have enjoyed my last couple of episodes that talked about the gift giving guide for digital and non-digital things, as well as the new pinwheel plus phone that is being released soon. Definitely a great option for giving a dumb smartphone or upgrading that dumb smartphone that you have given. And with some more features and a few more things that the phone has on it. But today I just want to talk about, as you give something digital, a few things for you to look at as warning signs that maybe it's time to pivot or revisit what things are being allowed and used in your home, by your kids, with the digital stuff. Okay. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:49):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (01:14):

If you are needing a way to stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the tick talk, watch it is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music has an activity. Tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where, you know, if they go outside of a certain perimeter, such as their school or your neighborhood, check them out today and use code, be that mom for a discount. So as you know, I am a mom that kind of did things in the uninformed and more difficult way. And with that sometimes comes some mom guilt. I didn't listen to my intuition and some of those early days, I really just didn't know what to do or how to do it.

Speaker 1 (02:08):

But when I look back at how things went for us in those early years of all the digital things, emerging and social media, being a thing, and all of that, there's a few things that I wish when they happened, that I would have picked up on them as a reason to pull back from what I was allowing and make a change, or just do kind of like a detox on those things. So if you have kids that have digital things right now in their hands, these things probably have happened to you. And maybe they, aren't a reason to just go cold Turkey, pull everything back, but just look at them as a warning sign and almost a cry for help when it comes to what you were allowing. I personally back when I think back didn't want to be that, that mom, and that's where the title of my podcast comes from, but I didn't want to be that mom that was real strict and that didn't allow these things.

Speaker 1 (03:14):

I wanted to be the cool mom. I wanted to be the mom that was fun and allowed her kids to do these things. I thought they were fun. I didn't realize there was any harm in them, but looking back, I can see that there were a couple of warning signs or cries from help that I wish I would have had more knowledge to change something that I was doing. So, and these are pretty common things. So just think about them, take them with a grain of salt, but kind of, you know, also realize that if you're seeing this more and more, it might be some, a reason for you to change things. So the first thing is the anxiety around the phone when the battery dies or when they have misplaced their phone. And can't figure out where it's at. If you remember me talking in the last episode about the pinwheel phone, one major thing that I noticed in my best friend, whose twin girls have never had a smartphone.

Speaker 1 (04:08):

And if only had the dumb smartphones is that they are not like attached at the hip with those phones. They misplaced them in their home. One of them lost one at when they went to visit the high school for an activity. And while, you know, it wasn't, you know, like she lost the phone. It wasn't that panic and anxiety that I've seen in my own kids when either there were someplace where they can't charge their phone. So it's about to die and that's like the end of the world, or they somehow misplaced it. And can't figure out where it's at. I personally have misplaced my phone before, and I felt a panic because I have so much information on there. And, you know, just all the things that I stay connected with. So, I mean, I think there's a place for that, but when you're seeing it in your kids, that may be a warning sign that they have become too attached to that for whatever reason.

Speaker 1 (05:05):

And I think that reason can be different for different kids, but when mine were younger and I remember a moment and this is kind of a side story, but we used to be in the stock show world where we showed animals. And there was one time where like, we would go to, if you're not from where I am, what you call, this may look different, but for us it was the rodeo. And so we would go to the rodeo. And at this time I think we were showing goats and it was like a day where we were going to be there on the rodeo grounds all day. And for whatever reason, we hadn't liked spent any time charging our phones or any of that. So then it's time to leave and we're going to go home. And we, the parking lot where we parked, they really squished all the cars in.

Speaker 1 (05:50):

And so there was like where our truck was parked. We had like this longer truck where it was parked, we physically could not back out. Like there was no way to maneuver our way out of the space because of how long our truck was, how close all the rows were to each other, how they were angled in the rows. There was like physically no way to get out of the parking lot. And our phone batteries were low. And at this time I think all but one kid had phones as well as myself. And so my phone battery was low and I was trying to communicate with my husband cause he wasn't with us and, you know, let him know what was going on. And he was going to come up and like pick us up because we needed to get home for something. And then we'd come back later to get that truck.

Speaker 1 (06:35):

And so, because I wouldn't give my charger to one of the other kids, there was this panic in tantrum that pursued or ensued. And it really, at that moment, it was like one of those moments where I was like, oh my God, like, why is this child getting so upset about this? This is a bit ridiculous. You know, like it's a phone and why do you have to have it be connected to it at all of the time? But at the time that didn't raise enough alarms or red flags in my head to change anything I was doing other than, you know, like chill out, you will get to charge your phone in a minute. I need to stay in touch with daddy and I'll give you my charger in a minute. You know? So have you ever had an instance like that where they freak out because their phone is going to die or they've somehow misplaced it and can't figure out where it's at and it needs to be with them at all times.

Speaker 1 (07:30):

If so, just keep in a big picture in mind, consider that kind of a red flag and maybe, maybe needs to be a place where you do a little bit of detox or setting up more boundaries for that kind of look at what the underlying thing is there that's causing that anxiety or stress. But a lot of times it's just the addictive quality of that phone. And the fact that they've become used to checking in, used to seeing what's going on and maybe they need to realize that those things don't need to be something that they do all of the time and depending on their age, maybe that needs to be something they disconnect from. The second thing is when they're resistant to your boundaries. So if you have boundaries in place, I honestly did not. And that was a big, huge mistake on my part, I believe.

Speaker 1 (08:18):

But again, there's that grace that I give myself for just not knowing, but if they're resistant to what boundaries you were putting in place. So you know what that might look like for you is where they are using the phone at what things you were allowing on the phone, whether you've set up to know their passwords and they've changed them, whether you are putting it up at a certain time at night and they are coming to get it without your knowledge or just resisting putting it up, if they are using it versus doing their whatever's required to do around the house or finishing their homework or going to sleep at night. All of those things are a warning sign or a for help on some level that something needs to change with what they're doing because the addictive draw of it is becoming too much.

Speaker 1 (09:03):

And then the third thing that I listed, and I think this is kind of the same thing as resisting the boundaries, but pushing back on your established rules, giving you talk back, or, you know, just disregarding what you have said that you want to happen. All of those things, I guess that is the same thing as resistance to boundaries, but just pushing back on whatever rules you make, or if you do set more rules in place and they still push back on that, it's time to go cold Turkey in my opinion. And that was one of the hardest things that we did in when we did decide to do that. And I wish I would have done it with each child when I saw these warning signs happen, but I dismissed them as related to their age to hormones, to puberty, to all of the things other than it being an issue with the digital things.

Speaker 1 (09:52):

And I think that's something that it's a very gray area and it's hard to decipher a lot of times and it makes it hard on us because we don't want to call them a liar that we don't trust them. You know, all of those things, we want to give them their space. We want to let them mature and grow. And we want to dismiss it as puberty as you know, their age as a mood or whatever. But when it's coming in relation to the phone, just look bigger picture and look at preserving that joy of missing out and re-establishing that they can exist without the phone, without the digital things, without being connected to the world. And that it's our life every day should not be about checking in. It should not be about posting a status. It should not be about how many likes or hearts we get on things.

Speaker 1 (10:41):

It should not be about how many views we have on a video. It should not be about us taking the next picture with a filter on it. We should be able to take a picture with no filter and not worry about what other people think. So, you know, we know this as adults, but as kids having all of these things in their possession is just such a insidious and can be such a negative trajectory of influence and impact. So really just wanted to emphasize that for you today because it's one of those things that is such a heavy place of mom guilt for me when I look back and I think about that situation at the rodeo and other situations like that, you know, you kind of laugh it off, maybe, you know, post about it on social media, how, you know, the, the charger I even made a post one time about, you know, I can't remember what it said, but it was something about I'm a mom of teens.

Speaker 1 (11:31):

I spend my days turning off all of the lights, making sure all of the phone chargers are working and that type of thing, it was kind of a joke. So that's one way for us to cope with it is to joke with other parents about it. And you know, it is a common mom's struggle, but just bigger picture of things, kind of look at how their relationship is with the digital things and realize that it's not a healthy relationship for them to have so much anxiety over their phone dying or not having their phone or having rules for putting it away. That's not a healthy place for them to be. And I believe it is a warning sign and a cry for help from them, even though they will adamantly tell you otherwise. So anyways, I hope that this short little episode will be a value to you as you move forward through the, if you celebrate the holidays that we do here in the U S if you celebrate the holidays and you are in the gift giving season, I hope you will use this as you move forward.

Speaker 1 (12:31):

And then also be sure to check out my, be that mom movement method course that will be coming out soon and grab that when you can, because it's going to be a toolkit for you and a roadmap, a method for you to follow as you go down this path, and this will just be one of several things I have in there to help you. Okay. Alrighty. Like I say, at the end of every episode, thank you so much for tuning in and listening and your support. I appreciate it immensely. And it is my true joy to help bring you tips and tools to help you navigate all of these things. I do think this is a new realm of parenting that none of us can ignore. And so I hope that my podcast is a place for you to find tools and tips and to make this whole digital thing a little bit easier, even though I know it, it can be straight up hard at times. Okay. All right. Thanks so much. Thanks for tuning in hope you have a nice holiday and I'll chat with you next week.

Speaker 2 (13:27):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (13:41):

Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom ten four hundred.

Episode 88: End the FOMO with this upgraded dumb smartphone: The new Pinwheel Plus

Avoid the screen zombie struggles with this healthy tech option, the newest dumb smartphone, the Pinwheel Plus. Use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

 

Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!! 

 

Check out the DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT:  GRAB YOUR ALL ACCESS PASS HERE!!

DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE 

MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So the dumb smartphone has to be one of the greatest gifts for parents as we move through giving our kids digital things. Well, today we're going to talk about an expansion of one of my favorite dumb smartphones that is out on the market today and why this may be a great next step for you. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:23):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (00:48):

Holy moly. Check this out. If you were a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So if you've listened to my podcast for even a couple of episodes, you've probably heard me talk about the dumb smartphones and the pinwheel phone, because I love it so much, but pinwheel has been such a remarkable invention creation, whatever you want to call it. It was created by a dad who had the idea of making a phone that put more control into the hands of parents.

Speaker 1 (01:44):

And I will tell you as a parent who came to be a parent of a kid in the newly emerging digital things in like the late 2007 to 2010 time when social media and the smartphone and all the things were emerging, this is a gift for parents today. And I hope that more parents will choose to go this route versus just doing the smartphone from the get-go as time goes on, as you probably have heard me say, I did everything kind of haphazardly and just uninformed about the influence and impact. And a lot of it, I think was just unknown at the time because everything was so new and just emerging. But as time has gone on many of us parents that are now in this space of helping you to navigate this were all the parents that went through this new realm of parenting, just basically with no guidance, no tools, no nothing.

Speaker 1 (02:46):

And so when I discovered when I was first, you know, trying to figure out how to reroute what we were doing, the first thing I discovered was bark. And for someone who's already given a smartphone, that is the best option out there. If you live in the north American continent and that area, if you're another part of the world, bark is likely not available for you yet. So in that case, something like inspi would be a good option. There are a couple other things out there that are good, that are available in other countries, but that was such a gift. When I discovered that it helped me to sleep again at night and I don't, I'm not exaggerating or kidding with that. Like a seriously laid up late at night, kind of waking up in a panic. If I did fall asleep, wondering what I was missing, what things I had missed, because I'd missed so much already.

Speaker 1 (03:34):

And didn't realize what was going on until we reached a, like a, a crossroads where we were like, we're going to go down two different trajectories of life. And it's going to be hard to come back from those if we don't make a serious change or pivot in this moment in time. So then I came across the dumb smartphone options and PennWell was the second one that I came across pinwheel. And what I love about it is that it basically has an operating system that you control. Like they they've set it up to where it there's a portal and an operating system that they own. And you control how that is used. So you determine which apps are allowed to be accessed by your kid. You determine when those can be accessed by your kid. And then you have a portal that shows you their activity shows you their text messages shows you everything you are in complete control, and then you are able to unlock more of that as you see them interact with the digital things.

Speaker 1 (04:40):

And the best part of it is that it keeps this as a tool instead of, I don't know what a comparable word to say, but with smartphones, it's almost like the smartphone controls them. You know, there's an addictive quality there, and it's very influential in pulling you in. I mean, I noticed it with myself with my own phone where I have trouble putting it down at night. And I know that without like blue blocker glasses, the blue light on there is, is affecting me at night and keeping me up at night and affecting, you know, the normal sleep cycle and all of that. So for that in the hands of kids is even more impactful. So what PennWell has done is set that up to where you are in control and, but still gives them the option to start interacting with it, learning how to use it, using it responsibly and being able to put it away.

Speaker 1 (05:35):

And if you listen to my episode from last week, when I talked about giving a digital gift for Christmas or a non-digital gift and the different things with that, I mentioned my best friend and her kids. She's got twin girls that are middle school age. And what I have seen with them is that I'm, like I said, in that episode, she has watched me, my kids are older than hers. And so she has watched me walk through this new realm of parenting, really not knowing what I'm doing and kind of doing everything the harder way. And so she's made decisions to first give them the pinwheel phone. She first gave them a gab phone and now the pinwheel phone. And the funny thing is that one of them went to some type of event at school and lost the phone. And, you know, hasn't been real concerned about it.

Speaker 1 (06:24):

And, you know, while that's not a good thing that she lost the phone, there's been other instances where she would misplace it at home and just not know where it was like, how many kids do you know that have had smartphones that don't know where their phone is. It's like attached at the hip and they absolutely know where it is or they go into a panic. Right? So what I've seen with her kids is they're not attached in that way to it. It is something that they use, you know, but it just doesn't have that control factor when it comes to them, knowing where it is and, you know, catching up with the latest thing. Now, there is a level of the fear of missing out there that I see in them and kind of, you know, being a little bit irritated with her because she won't give them the fancier phone or the social media while their friends do have that.

Speaker 1 (07:09):

Some of them do, but that's just, you know, a decision that we each have to make on our own as to how we want to navigate that. But she has seen firsthand and she knows everything about what we have gone through with my kids. And so she is very adamant that she's not moving forward to a smartphone right now. And right now I believe they're 13 or getting ready to turn 13. So they're going into those really, really what I call the most difficult years of raising kids is, you know, those middle school and early high school years. So, so there is that level, but what PennWell has done is such an amazing thing, going back to the pinwheel plus. So what this new phone is going to be, how it is upgraded from the other ones. So it's kind of like their premium version of their phone.

Speaker 1 (08:00):

It's going to be 5g capable and it's carrier unlocked so you can use any carrier for it. And then it has a larger display. It's a six and a half inch display. It has a camera, it says 48 M P I know the old version is like 15 MP. I don't know what NP stands for, but basically a better camera going to take better pictures. And then this one also has a fingerprint unlock and it has 64 gigabytes of memory. I believe the old model, let me check this out. The old model had a 5.7 inch display, 13 MP camera, and then 64 gigabytes of memory. And so what you do when you purchase a pinwheel phone is you purchase the phone and they, so they have a pinwheel slim, a pinwheel rugged, and now they're going to have this pinwheel plus, and then you pay a monthly fee for a pinwheel subscription, which is basically having access to their operating system and the parent portal, and then whatever fee you would pay for your carrier.

Speaker 1 (09:02):

So yes, there are fees that are monthly, but if you consider the alternative, I think that this is such a major great option. So the two older versions, the slim and the rugged were not compatible with all major carriers, T and T and Verizon would not carry the phones, but this new phone will be all major carriers. So the PennWell plus right now is on pre-order and then it will start shipping as of November 22nd. And the cost is $329. I don't know if I just said that for the phone. So I know that when you look at that, you're probably like, holy cow, that's a lot of money, but think about getting them an Android or a, an iPhone, those most likely will be more expensive. And you know, then it has all these other inherent things that come along. So this is just like, if you've listened to me for a while, you've probably tired of hearing me say this, but this is like you putting floaties on your kid and teaching them how to swim before throwing them in a swimming pool.

Speaker 1 (10:05):

This is just a way for you to be able to give them a guide and really have all of the control within your realm versus giving them a smartphone and anything and everything being available at their fingertips. Any knowledge you may be not don't think is appropriate for them yet. They can find anywhere. They say that pornography is a couple clicks away. Anytime a child is on the internet and then predators have an access to them. The other thing with the pinwheel is that any apps that are allowed to be on the pinwheel as an option for you to enable, and it's always the end line there is that it is all still up to you, which ones your kid has access to. All of those, go through an approval process with a group of individuals that includes therapist and professionals in the area to determine whether or not it is an app that they want to allow on the phone.

Speaker 1 (11:03):

And a big factor that plays into that is whether or not it is able to access the internet or for someone else to get in and access your kid. And then the addictive qualities of things, or if they're shown like ads in different things like that, then it's not allowed. So it really is kind of a safe space for you to start with your kid in terms of what they use and how they use it. And then the last thing that I want to say about that before we wrap up the short episode is that the beauty of some of these tools that are out there and especially the company pinwheel, is that the digital world is not static and like never changes. We know that it's always changing, right? And so just like, I don't know if you agree with this, but I think it's a great thing that like you buy an apple phone and they're continually updating the operating system and giving you new features.

Speaker 1 (12:00):

So to an extent, technology keeps up and you don't have to replace your phone every year, right? Like used to you remember before the smartphones came along, you buy a phone and then, you know, you'd have to buy a new one before too long, or when you go and you buy a computer and they say, as soon as you buy the computer, it's obsolete. Those types of things, like all of the digital things are continually evolving. And so with pinwheel, they are continually evaluating and updating their operating system, their features and all of that. So when you get a pinwheel phone, you will get a pinwheel update. And let me look to see here, you get a PennWell update. I'm trying to see how often I get them. I get them at least once a month, but maybe every couple of weeks or even weekly.

Speaker 1 (12:50):

And they have themes that they're improving. Like I have an email here from November 5th and it talks about they are improving the CA in the caregiver portal for the maps and the locations to load faster so that you can track where your kid or the phone is. And then they have life 360 option on the phone. And so they fixed some issues with that. They fixed something with the messenger that was not loading. And then they improved some of the setup features that they have to help you set up. So I think that is the most beautiful thing when it comes to all of the digital things, is that these things are evolving and changing. You're not going to buy this. And then it just be this thing, you know, that never changes. They will listen to you. They will add things to it. They will be constantly tweaking it in order to make sure that it is what it needs to be in order to keep your kids safe and to help you navigate this whole digital thing with your kids.

Speaker 1 (13:54):

So I think that's a beautiful thing when it comes to all of this digital stuff, because we know that it is always changing and evolving, but the greatest thing about the PennWell phone is just that you have control, and it is a tool for your kid, and it will help guide you into the big, deep blue sea of all of the digital things without just throwing them in the deep end and not giving them a floaty or anything else. As far as, you know, here you go, here's your digital device. Good luck with that. Hopefully I'll notice if you're having any issues with it. Maybe I won't, because I'll be too busy with my life and all of that type stuff, if you know what I mean. So anyways, I hope you found this helpful. I think I say that at the end of every episode, but check out the link for the pinwheel plus and can pre-order and then they'll start shipping as of November 22nd.

Speaker 1 (14:43):

So you'll have it for that Christmas gift. And I don't think I mentioned it already, but my discount code is be that mom 10, if you use my link, it should automatically put that in. But if it doesn't, it's all a letters, no numbers. So be that mom and then T N it used to be that there was a dash between B that mom and 10, they have taken that dash out. So hopefully that link works for you. If you have any issue with it, give me a email@dollyatdollydenson.com, but I believe that should work for you. Be that mom 10 and use my link that's in the show notes and to make sure that you grab it at a discount. Okay. All right. Thanks so much for tuning in, and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (15:23):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (15:37):

Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up everyday, take care of yourself first, so that you could be better present for our digital native.

Episode 87: Top tips for digital & non-digital 2021 holiday gifts for kids

The digital things are usually at the top of every kid's wish list, right? This episode highlights a few top tips to help YOU navigate the digital and non-digital gifts! 

 

Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!! 

 

Check out the DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT:  GRAB YOUR ALL ACCESS PASS HERE!!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE 

MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Whether we want it to be, or not. The holiday season is upon us. And with that comes our kiddos wanting the digital things. So today we're going to talk about a few tips that you can use when deciding on the digital things that you may give as gifts. And then also I'm going to give you some ideas on things that you can get that are non-digital, that will still be something that they really enjoy and treasure. So stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:29):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (00:54):

Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So welcome back to the be that mom movement podcast. I'm so glad that you were here. As we roll into this holiday season, I've planned out a few episodes that I hope you will tune into to help you in this process. As we go into the gift giving season, I personally have a very good friend. My best friend has twin girls and they are in the middle school age.

Speaker 1 (01:45):

And I'm seeing the struggle that she is facing with them wanting the digital things and kind of having that FOMO or fear of missing out. Seeing their friends have, you know, the latest and greatest of the digital things and them wanting that. And she is aware of what I have gone through with my kiddos in the fact that the choices I made were uninformed years ago when we didn't have all of the resources that we have now. So she is very, very set on keeping them away from all of the things that steal their joy and affect their self-esteem is they roll through these very difficult. And in my opinion, the hardest years of raising kids is the kind of those middle school years and early high school years. And while she is adamant on that, she also is dealing with their father who has different beliefs.

Speaker 1 (02:39):

And so he buys them different things. And then, you know, just having them not understand, they truly don't understand why she's so adamant on it. And so she's kind of the bad guy in the situation. And I empathize with her very much because I know that my struggles were made much harder because I didn't stand my, like she is. And so today I just want to talk about a few things around that to help you. And I'm not saying there's a right or wrong with this. Like if you choose to give the digital things, I'm going to give you some guidance on things that I recommend as a mom who's been there and made most of the mistakes in this regard and made it harder for myself and my kids. So I just want to give you some steps that you can use to help you navigate this.

Speaker 1 (03:23):

And I don't think it's black and white. I don't think it has to be don't give any digital things or give all the things I think there can be a gray area in there that you can navigate this and find a middle ground with your kid. However, I caution like highly caution that you seriously consider any social media and smartphone type things, and really, really think hard on those things. And if you go back through some of my episodes, there's one where I talk about it may have even been almost a year ago that I did it, but I talk about how I don't believe that there's any criteria that you can look at in your child to know if they're ready for a smartphone or for more independence in the digital world, because it is an evolving interaction of your kid with the digital things and you, so I don't think there's a black and white with that.

Speaker 1 (04:18):

It's very much gray and it's very much something that you need to be extremely proactive with and be willing to kind of do a dance with it, to see how they interact. And so if you don't have the time or the energy or the focus to do that, I would hold off on giving the more capable devices, the things that have more access to things, because I do think that this can be a full time job trying to navigate it. However, like I have talked about in multiple episodes, there are many tools out there for you that will help you with navigating this and things that I didn't have that I believe are true gifts to us as parents. And if you're in the U S there's the bark parental control platform that I talk about on most of my episodes that will help you to monitor if you're outside of the U S there is inspi is a great one that you can use.

Speaker 1 (05:12):

And I have links for both of those in my show notes. So those are definitely things that can help you to monitor. There's also the dumb smartphone options. And then there are the watches that are great options too. And then there's also a thing called a relay go device. It's like a walkie-talkie thing. So there are options and there's ways for you to navigate this, but you just have to be willing to take those steps. Otherwise, what happens is a very kind of insidious and incremental influence and impact on our children that often isn't evident until much, much later years, years later. And I've gone through that path and chose different choices for different kids. And if I could go back, I absolutely would go and change some things. So as always, that's what my podcast is about is trying to infer a little bit of my experience and wisdom in this realm, just to arm you with some tools as you navigate this.

Speaker 1 (06:11):

So let's talk about tips for giving the digital things. I started out with just three tips and I couldn't stick with it. So I'm going to go through a few more tips beyond that. So the first thing is if you're giving any type of game or device set the precedent for the rules of that device. So what that looks like is not giving it just as a gift and here's, this is yours and you have free reign of it, but yet giving it, and in a loving way, of course saying that this is going to be something that you use, but I am setting this up to where perhaps you give it to me at night, or it's used in these certain parts of the house, or it's used to these certain times of the day. And then the second thing is to really research the inherent risks and dangers of what you were giving.

Speaker 1 (06:58):

If it is a gaming console or a game, then there's different risks than giving a smartphone or a dumb smartphone. So researching those things to determine what things are in there. For me personally years ago, we gave an X-Box console. I had no idea how invasive it could be in terms of chatting with other people and other people chatting with my child, and then the influence of what was seen on the games and then the interaction with peers, and then also the addictive nature of it. So anything and everything I've talked about, most of them on my podcast. So go through some of my podcasts. And like I've mentioned before multiple times, and if you've listened for a while, you're probably getting tired of me talking about it, but I have my be that mom movement method course coming out. I am working on it, but I've had some major life events that have gotten in the way in the last month or two.

Speaker 1 (07:56):

And it's just been unreal, the roadblocks that keep being put in the way, but I am almost done with that. I just need to finish up some things. I'm going to make each one of the modules to where if you're not someone who can watch the video, most of the videos are pretty short, but I'm also going to have the video transcribed and also have captions on it. And then also just have the audio only. And then I have multiple downloads that I'm making to where you can download the things that I'm talking about and use those as a guide as you give the digital things. And so I'm setting that all up as a resource for you too. And I hope to have that out very soon. I won't say a certain date, but I'm wanting to have it out very soon. So when you do give these digital things, you will have this as a resource.

Speaker 1 (08:40):

It includes my layered approach to setting up your house and all of the things for monitoring. And then it will also include tools for you to set the rules and boundaries and pivoting and redirecting as you see how they interact with things. So I don't have that out yet, and I apologize for that, but it's going to be a mega mega resource and basically take all of these things in more that I talk about in my podcast episodes and give it all to you and you'll have it at your fingertips. And I plan on continuing to edit that and add to it as time goes on, because as we all know, the digital world is constantly changing and evolving. So it's not going to be set in stone and static. But what the course is set up to do is to give you basically the tools that you need to evolve and adapt as the digital world changes too.

Speaker 1 (09:33):

So it's giving you the principles and giving you a method to follow. As you go through, you know, navigating all the digital things as your kids get older. The next tip that I want to tell you is be flexible as you see how your kids interact. I guess I already said this, but be flexible in how your kids interact with the device or the game. So that's, you know, goes back to the precedent of setting up rules for whatever it is you're giving that you realize that it's not going to be an all or nothing thing, and it could be different for each child. So if you have multiple kids, you may see interactions and behaviors and things that is going to clue you in to the fact that something needs to change. You know, if there's suddenly pushback on the rules that you have or other responsibilities they have, then it's time to pull back.

Speaker 1 (10:21):

It's time to give that a second thought, maybe have a timeout from that stuff and figure out how to move forward without that constant, like push and pull and battle between y'all. The next tip is to start slow with what you choose to give. If you're in the phase of, okay, I know they're going to be in this school activity or these sports, or they're going to be away from me longer soon. And I want to have a way to get in touch with them. Start slow with the devices. I highly caution against jumping straight to the smartphone. I know some parents do choose to do that. And of course, I am always just giving you information that it's totally your call and your decision, but there are ways to really lock down those devices, but they are inherently addictive and inherently going to draw their attention, their curiosity, and all of that.

Speaker 1 (11:15):

So if you can start slow with the devices and choose the dumb over the smart to start out, then it's going to give you more control at your fingertips versus them having the control and you trying to, you know, figure out what's going on. So there is a place in a time for those devices, I believe because our world is digital and so much of how our world functions has to go through all the digital things. So I'm not one to say, absolutely no, never have that, because at some point they have to get used to using it, but there is a that you reach of maturity and kind of a lot of their beliefs and their self-esteem. And all of that is a little bit more semen tid, but the middle school years and the early high school years are typically not yet at that place, you know, in their development.

Speaker 1 (12:10):

So I would try to delay those things until they're a little bit older, if you can. And then when you do give it, have it kind of like locked down and monitored, not, you know, that you don't trust them, but just that you need to help guide them. Okay. And one of my next episodes, it's probably going to be next week's episode is going to be about a new option for the dumb smartphones. I talk a lot about the pinwheel phone and they're coming out with a new one. So next week, be sure to tune in for that, if you're looking for the dumb smartphone options, because this one is really, really cool, and it is an expansion of the other ones, the next tip is just resist the FOMO, the fear of missing out, resist it. They do not understand they do not have the big picture.

Speaker 1 (12:52):

Their brains are not fully developed for them to understand that their fear of missing out while real is, you know, only one part of the picture. So you can resist that fear of missing out and help preserve their joy of missing out, preserve that childhood curiosity, discovery, all of that, that is a part of their growing up and is kind of like extinguished when my, I believe when you give them the smartphones and in all of the digital things that influence their self-esteem and what they do with their day and different things like that. Okay. So start slow with the devices, choose the dumb over the smart, and then resist the FOMO to preserve the Jomo or the joy of missing out. And I did a couple of episodes about that. The last couple of episodes that I've done have talked about that or a couple of episodes ago.

Speaker 1 (13:43):

So be sure to check those out if you haven't, but in my own kids, I really did see that a lot of their childhood curiosity and joy was extinguished when I gave the digital things. And I didn't really see it until much later in a lot of time had passed. So if you can kind of reserve some of that and, you know, approach it with, from a place of love in terms of they don't understand. And all they see is that their friends have these, you know, smartphones or they're on Instagram or Snapchat. But I really think this is kind of, um, a place where you have a conversation. And I wish that we could get all parents on the same page with this stuff, or that we can get these devices to a place to where this isn't such a big deal, but it there's just no easy answer for it.

Speaker 1 (14:33):

Like it's just going to be, I think, a persistent problem. But at the end of the day, you are the parent, you have their best interests in mind. And so, however you choose to proceed with that, just, you know, I just recommend if it makes sense to you come from a place of love with that and talking to them and while mil still as preteens and teens may not understand that eventually they will. I promise you that. And I will say with my own kids, when I had to take drastic measures in this realm, that at the time I was kind of like, I dunno if hate is the right word, cause it's really harsh. But you know, I was really disliked for my stance on this, but my gut, like I've said before, in other episodes, my gut was telling me that this was necessary and I would not bend when the reality of the influence and the impact on them, their behaviors, their beliefs, all of that.

Speaker 1 (15:24):

When it was really plain as day in evident to me, then my gut was what told me no stick to your guns. And I will say that after some time had passed and the dust had settled and we'd come to a new place of stability and all of that, that I was thanked by my child for the decisions that we made and the actions we made in the fact that we put our foot down and we stuck to it. So, you know, you will probably get pushback from them, but just understand that they don't understand the full picture and they will someday. You just have to kind of give them a little grace for being mad at you, come from a place of, you know, I'm doing this for your best interests. And I know you won't understand now, but at some point you will.

Speaker 1 (16:08):

I promise you. And I do think that it will help to preserve so much of what they are supposed to be experiencing in childhood. If you can start slow with that and choose the dumb over the smart to start out. Okay. Okay. So now let's shift gears here for a second, and then we're going to round this out, but I want to talk about some ideas of things that are non-digital that you might consider as a gift for your kids. Maybe sprinkle in a few of the digital things that they want, or maybe not, you know, that's your decision and only, you know, what's best and how you want to proceed with this because you, you know, if you decide that you want to be proactive in monitoring and you want to proceed with that thing, then certainly do that. But these are some non-digital gifts that have gone over well with my family.

Speaker 1 (16:54):

And I just wanted to share a few of them and just kind of run with this as you see fit. I know that for me, I haven't been in the mood yet for doing much Christmas shopping and all of that. Like the world has just been super, super heavy and I've had some major life things happen that I'm dealing with in my regular world. And so it's hard to think in terms of this, but when I started thinking about what things have worked well and what things I value now, outside of all the digital things, these are some of the things that I'd recommend. So non-digital gifts. The first, I just have two kind of categories I want to share with you. The first is give experiences, give things that you can do together as a family that are going to create memories. The kids may not at first glance, be very excited about it, but fun things that are going to create memories.

Speaker 1 (17:43):

If you think back to when you were a kid, what were the things that were most memorable to you with, you know, maybe your parents, your grandparents, or people that are no longer with us. Think about that and try to create memories around those things. I think those things are so, so valuable and will live on in their memories versus, you know, getting the latest X-Box game or something like that. But, you know, some ideas would be like a scavenger hunt, outdoor activities, like a trip or hiking, different things where you're kind of side-by-side and experiencing that nature and the world, there's a place near where I live. And I think they're kind of all over the United States. And I don't know in other countries, but they have indoor skydiving. We actually bought tickets for them, for us to do this at the end of 2019.

Speaker 1 (18:27):

And we still haven't used our tickets by the way, but they're called I fly. I have no association with them, but they have like an indoor skydiving thing where it's like a vacuum tube thing that you go up in and skydive. And so something like that or getting a membership to like a trampoline park or what is the thing called that my son used to like to go to where you do, like air guns and things like a little, uh, I came to think of the word, but you know, someplace where you go in and you play like strategy with a team, something like Lego land. If they like to do Legos or where I live, we have these like hands-on museums that you can go to with the kids. And they have all these discovery things like a lot of places that schools will take field trips or I've never done geocashing, but I hear that it's something cool.

Speaker 1 (19:14):

Or, um, like the Pokemon things where you find the Pokemon. I don't even know if I'm saying that right now because my kids have gotten older, but giving some type of experience that you do together as a family at an at face value, they may be like, oh, this is a boring gift, but I bet you'll create some memories and fun times that they'll really enjoy and value and you're being active and moving your body. The second thing is something that gets the body or the mind moving. So it kind of falls in the same category, but things like if they don't have a bike, getting them a bike and archery set learning how to shoot a bow and arrow, getting an old fashioned like Polaroid camera, they don't look like the old Polaroids from when I was growing up. But they do have those cameras that produce the instant pictures.

Speaker 1 (19:58):

And then if you have a girl, they make little like string things for them to hold those pictures. So you could give them a set of those that they hang up on their wall in their bedroom, jewelry making, or nail decorating cats, a record player. This was something that when these started coming back into, you know, out into the world, I was really shocked that one of my kids was so interested in getting a record player, but it was kind of cool because I could pull and I'm aging myself here, but I could pull out all my old records that I had as a kid that I used to play with. And she actually listens to those and ones that she gets. And she likes now to go to different places and look for old vintage records. So having an old timey record player to play is kind of cool.

Speaker 1 (20:46):

And then other than that, just puzzles and hands-on games. I think that, you know, a lot of those things have been transferred to digital things, but I think there's so much more value in the manipulation of their hands and, you know, just real life games. I don't think that like having candy land on an Xbox or a we versus having candy land in front of you is the same thing. And there's different stimulation that goes on there. So I think there's great value in continuing to give puzzles and hands-on games and things that they are having to manipulate in an, in real life in front of them. So I hope those were some good ideas that maybe sparked more ideas in you or give you a place to start in terms of giving something that is not necessarily digitally related. My best friend that I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, she said that pretty much everything on the list that her kids are giving her are all digital.

Speaker 1 (21:42):

Mine was the same way when my kids were that age and I was into it, like I was all into it. I was so excited to give them those things and, you know, just loved it. And I don't think that it's necessarily a completely bad thing, but take those tips that I gave you for giving the digital gifts, if you are going to give some of those things, but try to sprinkle in some of these non-digital things for them to do as well to create more balance there. Okay. So hope you found this super, super helpful. If there's anything I can do to help you, please reach out to me, please leave me a review. If you haven't already. That helps me to rank up higher on the charts and get my podcast pushed out to more people. And please check out my show notes for all the different things that I have recommended for you to navigate the digital things and maybe do the dumb versus the smart and all of that.

Speaker 1 (22:34):

And I also have a digital wellness summit link still listed on there, and that is something that's going to stay live for, I think, six months to a year. So if you need help kind of navigating the digital things and having more ideas around that. There's multiple of us that presented in that summit from different backgrounds in different resources, and then stay tuned for my, be that mom movement method that is coming out soon. And that is going to give you everything that you need to navigate this going forward. And as you open up those gifts on Christmas day and you need some help, that will be a resource that you can use to help you going forward. Okay. All right. Thanks so much for tuning in and I'll see you next time.

Speaker 2 (23:21):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (23:35):

Hey, if you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase. 

Episode 86: It is time to introduce the JOY of missing out to your kids!

It is easy for any of us to get sucked into the constant interconnectedness of our world, so that is why it is time we embrace the JOY of missing out!! 

 

​​Be sure to check out my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course coming out soon for more tips on handling the Fear of Missing Out dilemma! 

 

DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

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Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

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Other supplements I highly recommend 

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Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

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Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE 

MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

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Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Oh, the joy of missing out when the world begins to shout and rush towards that shiny thing, the latest bit of mental blank, trying to have it, see it, do it. You simply know you won't go through it. The anxious clamoring in need this restless hungry thing to feed. Instead, you feel the loveliness, the pleasure of your emptiness. You spurn the treasure on the shelf in favor of your peaceful self without regret, without a doubt. Oh, the joy of missing out that is a poem called the joy of missing out and in is written by Michael Leunig. And that is going to be the topic of today's podcast. Talking about how we need to encourage our kids to experience the joy of missing out. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:52):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (01:17):

Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So last week we talked about the fear of missing out and this week. I want to talk about the joy of missing out. And before I get to a few tips to help you with navigating this with your own kiddos, I just want to talk about a little bit of a background on me that you may not know my podcast has been out now for, I can't even believe it when I say it, but a year and a half, I launched it in March of 2020, but as a background for me, I actually really got into the thick of things when it came to my kids and the digital things about six months prior to that was where we kind of hit our rock bottom, but it had been something that had been developing over the previous year to two years.

Speaker 1 (02:32):

And when I look back at a big picture of the decisions that I made with my kids, one of the, well, let me backtrack from that for a second. So before we gave all the digital things, my kids were active in our local FFA and four H chapters. We showed cattle and we showed goats at our local shows and we're very active, outdoor things. We're very active with going to different shows and showing the animals and all of that. The kids were very much into it. They did well at what they did. My youngest actually got like grand champion goat at one of the shows and was really passionate about it and really into making sure that everything was right and that we were raising the animals well and all of that stuff. Okay. Inter a X- Box gaming console and a smartphone. And now when I look back at this, it was a pivotal decision in a pivotal moment.

Speaker 1 (03:34):

And it was a moment where I felt good that we were giving these things. I was excited for him to be able to have them, his friends had them. And so I wanted him to have them and he was going into middle school and we'd done the same thing for the other kiddo, the next one up and kind of at similar ages. But like I've said before each one got the digital things at younger ages. And then of course they're much more interconnected as time has gone on with all of the things that have come out. So we gave those devices and then I can look back now and see a steady, like pulling away from these interests in these hobbies and these things that they were passionate about, where suddenly it was a chore to go out and work with the animals. It was a chore.

Speaker 1 (04:22):

And we got attitude about having to fill the water buckets and feed them and work them and go to the shows and do all the things it suddenly became to where there wasn't the same interest in those things. They were pulling away from those things at the time. I just thought they weren't interested in them anymore. And okay. We moved on to other things, right? Like my interests are not necessarily their interests. And so I'm always trying to make sure that what we are doing is because of what they want to do. Not because I'm trying to interject what I didn't get to do as a kid and that type of thing. Right. So now looking back, I can see that it was the introduction of these couple of things that just steadily kind of sucked them away from having any other interests and their main interests were consuming on these devices.

Speaker 1 (05:11):

And like I have, it said multiple times, I had no clue how to guide them on this. I had no clue of the addictive nature. I had no clue of the risk of predators. Like I truly had no clue period. And so things started accelerating and came to a head to where we reached a point where these things that I was allowing and giving, letting them have in their bedrooms and not having any boundaries around when, or how they use them was affecting schoolwork, was affecting sleep, was affecting every aspect of their lives. Self-esteem confidence, pretty much transformed their lives. However, it coincided with the things that happen already in the middle school years, like puberty, like massive changes in our bodies, right. And more self-awareness in more competition with peers when you suddenly, you know, have that realization of all of the things. So it coincided with those things enough to where I didn't realize what was going on.

Speaker 1 (06:17):

Okay. So then we came to a head of things in 2019, where all of these things that were impacting them had seeped into daily decisions and choice of who they were hanging out with and all of that stuff. Okay. And so that is when we hit rock bottom, where I realized that something had to change and where I realized that there were so much that was going on right under the surface and right under my nose. And it all stemmed to the interconnectedness of these phones of the games of all of the things. And so the only thing we knew to do at the time was removed the digital devices completely until we could get a handle on what was going on and figure out what the hell was going on. Like seriously, it was a major rock bottom, and a major point for me, where I've never felt so alone and so ashamed and just at an, a feeling of utter hopelessness.

Speaker 1 (07:19):

And I thought I was alone. And I thought that I was the only mom that was going through this and just really could not believe where we were because we had up until this culmination of events had really focused on providing family time, like quality family time and all these quality family things that we did. And then at the time we were, it was all so, so like fresh that I couldn't get the perspective that it was the introduction of these things without any guidance, without any boundaries around all this stuff that it sucked them away. And it wasn't, I'm not saying that it's their fault or that, you know, it's just, they're, they're like a victim of this technology and all of these things combined to suck them in and to basically crush them and to make them live in a place of not enough and a fear of missing out in all of the things.

Speaker 1 (08:14):

Right? So that's the perspective that I come from and what brought me to the point of making this podcast and wanting to share this information with you on a weekly basis. And so when I say that we need to help preserve and show our kids the joy of missing out I'm coming from a place of watching the joy, literally be sucked out of my children because I had no idea. And I allowed all of these things. So whether you just provide like certain limitations, such as choosing a dumb smartphone over a smartphone, or you actually put boundaries and put the layers in place that I recommend for the different things in order to build your village around giving your kids the digital things, whatever it is you decide to do that is appropriate for you, and that you want to spend time navigating is okay for you.

Speaker 1 (09:09):

But I hope what I'm conveying to you is that these things are addictive and they're inherently impactful on our children. And it changes from child to child, depending on what you decide, depending on their temperament, depending on their surroundings, their environment, their peers, and all of the things. And so it's important for us just realize that this is something that happens when we make these decisions to give these things. And so we need to have a game plan for talking to them about the fear of missing out and the not enough syndrome and all of those things and preserving that joy of life, preserving what they are supposed to be doing as children and as teenagers in order to discover what they're meant to be in the world. So that is, I'm very passionate, as you can probably tell about this topic, because I watched the joy of life being sucked out of my kids unintentionally, because I did not know.

Speaker 1 (10:11):

And because a lot of these tools that are out here today, weren't out there. And I also had no game plan, no roadmap, no nothing to tell me, where do I need to put my attention now? You know, like where is it? What's the most important thing that I need to be focusing on. I could see that there were all these things, but I didn't know where to start. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I should allow on what I not, should not allow and all of that. So some of y'all that, listen, y'all followed me from the beginning. And I know, you know, so I'm probably speaking to the choir when it comes to y'all, but let's talk about a few tips then on how we can preserve or introduce the joy of missing out to our kids so that the fear of missing out doesn't take over their daily life and in the process, it may be that we also rediscover the joy of missing out.

Speaker 1 (11:08):

I know I personally have really been struggling with disconnecting from the world and, and trying to keep up with the latest news and all of the things. And so I know I could use a few reminders on this too, so hopefully you can as well. And then when you get all of this information, I challenge you to do a little joy of missing out challenge with your family, where you implement these things, and then you miss out on the world. That'd be awesome just to miss out on a few things, spending quality time together. I think we should all make that our goal, like seriously, let's just miss out on things and spend quality time together and quit having to be connected to all of the stuff that is just sounds like an amazing thing to me, to disconnect from the world. So let's talk about a few tips on things that you can do to implement this whole joy of missing out thing, which don't take these tips too, too seriously.

Speaker 1 (12:12):

Just kind of take the, just have them as a way to help guide you and your family and remind you how joyful it can be to be disconnected from the world. So the first thing to be intentional with your time, so schedule things that are important to you, whether it's working out, whether it's a meeting with a friend or it's writing a book or some projects that you have, that you're working on, make your time a priority instead of wasting time. And you'll find that you'll have a ton more time. So instead of spending an hour, scrolling on Facebook, actually schedule out the time for the different things that you know are important in that you need to get done each day. And then you'll find that you don't waste as much time scrolling on social media and things. I know I can sit there and it's just unreal how fast the time goes, as I'm trying to like squirrel through and check up on things, see what everybody's doing and posting and all that stuff in the time.

Speaker 1 (13:08):

It's just a time suck. It's just a time suck that doesn't give you much value other than just looking at things. So the second tip is just to live in the moment, live in the present, take a moment to listen to the sounds and see what's around you. Instead of it constantly rushing by if you're eating take more time to chew the food and taste the flavors. There's just so much that we rush through instead of just being present in the moment. And then the third thing is embrace tech free time, like get off of the things, unfollow people that are triggering that fear of missing out, get off of following people that are causing you some type of negative reaction, only follow the ones that lift you up and even just get off of the apps. I actually took a couple of my social media apps and I moved to them on, I have an iPhone.

Speaker 1 (14:07):

I moved them over to what is it called? The app library. So it's actually not on my main screen and I don't get notifications on my iPhone. So I will only go to those social media apps once a day. And I don't get anything pushed to me showing that, you know, I have a little red number saying I have this number of notifications. So I'm tempted to click that and see what's going on. Like, I literally have no notifications on my phone for the social media apps. And so that keeps me from wanting to go and check in all of the time. I sometimes still do just to see what's going on or to post to my story. But I have severely decreased. How many times I check in and look at that because not readily readily, I can't talk readily accessible from my main screen.

Speaker 1 (14:58):

The next thing is practice saying no, say no to some events and all of the different things. If you don't feel like you want to go to them, you don't have to keep up with anybody else. You can say, no, you can sit at home. You can, you know, do whatever you want, or if you are wanting to go to something, go to it. You know? So it's basically just doing what you want to do instead of doing what you feel like you have to do. The next tip is experience real life, not social media life. And this is something to really emphasize with our kids. Is that what we're seeing on social media is a highlight reel. It is not real life. It is not reflective of every person's struggles at every person's flaws. You know, it's like it's filtered. And so it's important for us to realize that and to get off of it and to realize we have life around us and life is going to pass us by if we aren't being proactive to be out into the world.

Speaker 1 (15:55):

And when it comes to my kids, that's what I saw was the biggest suck was to realize that all their interests shore sucked away and all they wanted to do was all these things that are on the digital things. And not that that's not okay to do, but it became where it was too much of that. So it's important to realize that if allowed to just do that, that it is going to suck them in and it's going to like suck all of their ambitions away to where all they want to do is that, and it can affect their self-esteem and all of that, like I've said before. And then the really the last tip is just to slow down, to slow down in everything and take more time, slow down and observe the world around us, slow down and appreciate our kids stages and our kids, you know, things that they do that annoy us slow down and just experience life.

Speaker 1 (16:50):

And I guess that's a duplicate of the one before, but just slowing down and experiencing the real world, getting out into the real world and not always just being connected digitally. Okay. So hopefully those made sense. I think some of them kind of overlapped a little bit, but the, just of it is to be more present in real life, experience, joy in life and experience the joy of missing out on catching up on all the things digitally and seeing what everybody's doing and knowing that whatever we're doing is enough. Whatever our kids are doing is enough and that they aren't there to prove anything to anybody else, or to get a certain number of likes, like seriously. And it is such a joy to miss out on that stuff and to just be out in the real world, doing real things. Okay. All right. I hope that this was super helpful to you and that you found this inspiring.

Speaker 1 (17:42):

And I hope that you'll take me up on the challenge of doing the joy of missing out challenge, share with how you are doing that. What things are you doing with your kids? That's in the real world, real life face- to-face side by side and disconnected from all the digital things. I cannot wait to hear from you and see what you were doing for that. So message me, email me dolly@dollydenton.com or message me on social media. I can't wait to see how you are going to embrace this challenge and run with it and really make your kids or help your kids experience the joy of missing out. All right, thanks so much for listening and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (18:26):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (18:40):

Hey, if you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Episode 85: Get this if your kid is screaming FOMO with texting friends!

Fear of missing out is real, and exponentially more intense in our kid's digitally connected world. Check out this option for an alternative to the phone!

 

Be sure to check out my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course coming out soon for more tips on handling the Fear of Missing Out dilemma! 

DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE 

MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

It's classic. We've all heard it. Right. But mom so-and-so has this, or, but mom I'm being left out because I don't have the ability to chat with my friends. We've heard it. And it's probably the thing that makes so many of us cave when it comes to giving a phone or allowing social media today, I'm going to chat about a few practical tips to help you approach that with your kiddo. And then I'm going to give you one option. That is a relatively new thing that I've learned about. That could be your saving grace. If you're not ready yet to give them a phone, even a dumb smartphone or a watch or anything like that. So stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:44):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (01:10):

Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So before I jump into the topic for today, I just want to say thank you so much for all of you that have jumped in to the digital wellness summit that I've posted or mentioned in my last couple of episodes, the link is still in the show notes.

Speaker 1 (02:00):

It is still live. It's going to be good for a good six months to a year after the actual date of the event. And I cannot emphasize enough how much experience comes to the table when we created this, there are so many different backgrounds and educations of the speakers. And so it's a great resource for you. And especially if you have multiple kids, different ages, all of that, it's just a great resource. So if you haven't grabbed it yet, click the link in the show notes and you can get your all access pass for that. And there's all kinds of extra bonuses and things to help you out there. So thank you for those of you that have already opted into that. And if you haven't yet, the link is still live. So click on that and grab that today. Okay. So other thing I want to mention is that I've mentioned this in a couple of episodes about my wellness coaching and my fit club that I run.

Speaker 1 (02:50):

It's a virtual group, and we use tools created by a company that puts out amazing things that are so effective. And I know that this is a podcast all about helping you with your kids, but you have so much power when you help yourself first. And so I just want to emphasize if you haven't joined that or checked that out yet, please get in touch with me. It has such a gift within it that pays you back over and over and over in your health, not only in your health, but also in the trickle down effect that you will see in the example that you set for your kids. So if you're struggling in the world today, which is kind of handling all of the things, when you have a place for you to stand to prioritize yourself, and when you feel good in your skin, it has such an amazing power from inside.

Speaker 1 (03:38):

You radiating outward. So definitely get in touch with me and I can chat with you about the different options I have for that and connect you with my community of women that are just amazing. And right now they are so on fire with motivation and momentum in what they're doing. And it's just an amazing thing to see. So as a nurse practitioner and someone who's so passionate about our own health and our own wellness, and really taking that power within ourselves and empowering ourselves to be healthy from within is just not something that I can go without mentioning for too long. So please check out the links in the show notes for that, or get in touch with me via email@dollyatdollydenson.com. And I can get you more information about that and how it can help you. Okay. Okay. So fear of missing out. It is a real thing and it has been around for forever, but when it is combined with all of the digital things, all of this shiny objects and all of the really convenient ways to get in touch with and keep in touch with friends, it is like FOMO on steroids, right?

Speaker 1 (04:45):

Like, I don't know if that's the most appropriate way to say it, but basically fear of missing out. It's not new. We had it when we were kids. When we knew that someone had, you know, got a certain toy or gift or get got to go do something that we wanted to do. And we had that jealousy there. Right. And, you know, we figured out how to deal with it. But when it comes to the digital things like holy cow, how do we deal with this? When all of the other friends have phones and are in these group chats and are getting to stay connected and our kid doesn't have a phone and how do they stay connected? And we don't want to give them access to the entire world. So first off, the first tip that I can give for this type of situation is texts all of those other moms and say they are grounded for life.

Speaker 1 (05:39):

Like I am serious. This would not be an issue. If we were all on the same page, why can we not be on the same page with this? No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Okay. We all got to make our own decisions and what we decide may be different than someone else. And ultimately that is okay. We just got to figure out how to navigate it for our kiddo. And so, yes, the, my first tip is text the other moms and say they are grounded for life. The second thing is just to help educate them on the risks and the dangers of giving these devices without any type of monitoring and limitations. But the third thing that I want to mention is what I discovered, and that is Google voice. Have you heard of Google voice? I had never heard of it. So it's actually something that you sign up with.

Speaker 1 (06:29):

Mike, the Google suite of things, you know, like Google drive, Google forms, Google all of the Google things. So if you go in, like if you have Gmail, you can click on there and it has all of the different things, or just Google, Google voice. I'm going to start sounding like really weird saying Google 10,000 times. But if you look up Google voice, what Google voice is, is called official name, it's called voice over internet protocol service. So V O I P service. So if you are, I don't know if this is available everywhere or if it's just like where I am in the U S and Canada, but if you're in another country and this isn't available to you look for voice over internet protocol services, and you'll be able to find some other ones. I did find some other ones, but I do think Google voice is a good setup for a kiddo because some of the other ones, you pay a monthly fee, which you could do that.

Speaker 1 (07:32):

Most, some of them are really inexpensive, but just to have this as a way to be in a group, chat with other kids, this is really, really cool because you don't have to have a phone in order to get it. And you also aren't charged any fees. So you basically, what, the way they have it set up. And what it's for is for businesses that maybe want to have a separate phone number for their business, but use the same phone instead of carrying multiple phones around. Right. But you can do this without a phone. So you can set it up to where they have a phone number, but it's accessed on a computer. So if you have your house set up to where you are, letting them use a computer, this is a way for them to be able to communicate with their friends in a group text without having to give them a phone.

Speaker 1 (08:26):

So if we think about the, what are the advantages of that? You know, I think that giving a phone is okay, especially a dumb smartphone or the watches or those types of things. Those things are okay. If you are ready to do that, and you are ready to help guide them in that process to help learn how to use it responsibly, right? But if you are not wanting to give that phone, this is a way to do that. And some of the things that I noticed with my kids and other parents mentioned too, is in when you give that phone, if it's not the dumb smartphones, but an actual smartphone, even if it's very well locked down, it's a time suck, right? Like it's like a thing that they carry around that they're looking at all of the time and that sucks them in to where it's sucking them away from real life experiences.

Speaker 1 (09:20):

So there are things that go along with the phone, do you may not necessarily want to give them, and in that case, this Google voice is a really, really cool option. Now I tried to look and see, you know, I talk about all the time about the, you have to look at whether or not someone can, like someone from the outside world can get in and access your kiddo and try to prey upon them in some way, always have to consider those things. And when I tried to research them, I don't see any risks such as that if you are using or allowing them to use it supervised, right. I don't see any risks like that. But as always, I caution you that anything that is connected digitally has that risk inherently there, regardless of what it is. So proceed with caution with it. But I really just wanted to mention it.

Speaker 1 (10:15):

And as an option for you to deal with that whole FOMO conversation, when it is revolving around, I have all these friends that have phones and are in this group text, and this is the way that we communicate. And I keep being left out of these conversations. This is a way for you to be able to get around and maybe delay the whole phone thing for a little while. Is that not cool? I think it is the coolest thing. Now I did find a couple of other options. In addition to Google voice, some of the, I was kind of looking for like critics of Google voice and seeing if there were like drawbacks to it. And it's basically from the perspective of it being used for a small business, that it's possible that they will discontinue Google voice before too long. And then that it does not have like a support line if you have glitches there's oh, it does say there's no signups outside of the U S so if you're outside of the U S like I said, just look for that voice over internet protocol service, and see if there's something like that where you live.

Speaker 1 (11:21):

But some of the other things that are mentioned in here is just that it's basically drawbacks for someone who is wanting to use it for business, but, and you can, so you can make phone calls with it, but you can also text. So that's where this comes in. If they're wanting to be in their group text, and it also keeps them off of the addictive phone, it keeps that phone out of their pocket. It keeps you from having to deal with the push and pull that sometimes comes with the phone in terms of when and where they can use it and all of those things. So that I think is just mega awesome. And so that is why I wanted to bring this to your attention. Like I know it probably has some negative things to it. I know it's not perfect. And maybe that this them being on their computer and using it will open up other doors for things that you have to be concerned about, such as them being on a browser on the computer and being tempted to look at other things.

Speaker 1 (12:19):

But if you can somehow regulate that by perhaps having them use it on a locked down or limited use iPad or whatever limitations you want to send in place. I still think it's a great option versus giving them a phone if they're super young. Okay. So I hope you found this helpful. And I was really excited when I stumbled across this. So like, oh my God, I need to write this down. And I need to share this on the podcast. And so I was looking for alternatives and there are some alternatives that aren't with Google. One is called open phone. And that really seems like the only option that would be like a good option for you just using it for a kid. The other reviews that I found were based on someone using it for a business and all of the plus and minuses of using it for business, but just for your kid, being able to group text open phone does look like it's a good option and has the, the group texting and those types of things.

Speaker 1 (13:15):

But it does cost. It looks like it's $10 per month for a number. So definitely still inexpensive, but Google voice is free of charge, I believe at this time. Okay. So hope you found this super helpful, and I hope everything in your world is going well. And certainly get in touch with me. If you have any other topics you'd like to discuss. If you have a unique experience, a success story with how you're managing the, all of the digital things, I would love to hear from you love to feature a few moms on the podcast. If you would like to share your story can do it anonymous if you want. So reach out to me@dollyatdollydenson.com and put in the subject line of your email, that you are a listener of the podcast, and that you have an idea for a show or want to share with me your story. So I don't miss your email in all of the emails that hit my inbox each day. So can't wait to hear from you and I hope you're doing great. And I will chat with you again next week. Have a good one.

Speaker 2 (14:20):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (14:34):

Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up everyday, take care of yourself first, so that you could be better present for our digital native.

Episode 84: Cyberbullying part 2: Is your kid at risk of being a cyberbully??

Could your kid be at risk of being an online bully? You'd be surprised how the anonymity of the digital world can lend itself to this! Listen in for a few tips!

 

https://cyberbullying.org/

 

DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE 

MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So last week, we talked about the types of cyber bullying. Today. We are going to dive into what to look for, to know whether or not your kiddo might be the bully and what to do. I'm going to just give you some tips on things to help you navigate that. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:22):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (00:47):

Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So again, like I've said in other episodes, you know, I'm a mom that is like so passionate about paying forward. Some of the things that I've learned, and I have been there where I know how overwhelming it is, I know how you don't really know what to focus on. And it's all just kind of overwhelming. So if you were anything like me, you're just like, I just kind of hope they figure this out because I don't know what to do.

Speaker 1 (01:40):

And I don't have time to figure this out. Right? So if you were in that space, every single one of my episodes is here to help you navigate these little things that I think all of us need to know. I'm just trying to give you some nuggets, not from the standpoint of an expert, other than I am a mom that raised three kids and did it all the hard way. And I'm here to help you not do that. Now, if you are looking for more of a roadmap, I am coming out with that, be that mom movement method course, and it is going to be your roadmap and your tool kit, to be able to look at all of the different things and really help you navigate it. I have a resource list that has a ton of things for both you and things you can show to your kid, as well as things you can print out in order to fill out as sort of like an agreement between each other and all of that.

Speaker 1 (02:35):

So if you are that mom, that wants to be proactive, please check out my method course that is coming out soon. I am working diligently on it and trying to get it out. Life keeps getting in the way, but I promise you, it is almost to completion. And then I will be putting out the information on how you can get your hands on it. When you get it, you will have lifetime access and I will be updating it periodically so that it stays relevant with new things that roll out, because we all know that this digital world is ever evolving and we always have to be on our toes. So I just want to make sure that I am giving you something that stays relevant and that will have all the different things that you need to be able to come at this, no matter how the world evolves, it will give you a roadmap and a method to follow so that you don't have to do everything the hard way like I did.

Speaker 1 (03:29):

Okay. So keep your eye out for that. It's coming soon now for today's topic, we're just going to talk about cyber bullying, the context of you finding out that maybe your kiddo is the bully or things to look forward to know. Now, like I said, in the last episode, if you are using a service like bark, if you're outside of the U S or even in the U S and using a similar one, there are some other ones that are out there. One of them that I have mentioned a couple of times, it's called M spy. And it doesn't exactly do the same thing as bark, but there are other options other than bark, just none of them are as robust as bark in terms of how they monitor. But whichever one you may be using, that is one way for you to detect conversations and be able to be on the top of this without having to look too much into other things.

Speaker 1 (04:20):

I mean, we always want to look into the other things, right, but that's just one way that you will be alerted quickly if there's any sort of bullying going on that bark can detect. So one of the first things to realize and accept when you may be suspecting that your kiddo is somehow involved with this is to realize that it doesn't mean that your kid is a bad kid. This is key to understand and think in the context of their brain and their judgment and their reasoning not being completely mature. And we know that that doesn't happen until the ages that we consider to be adults, right? So it's important to watch your language when it comes to this. You know, I mean, of course you can do whatever you want, but labeling them as a bad kid or thinking you're a bad parent for this happening is just not something that I would recommend you burden yourself with, because it is just a natural tendency of being a child without the ability to reason through this and not really realizing the ramifications of it.

Speaker 1 (05:29):

So in this is kind of one of those things of like parenting psychology that you may have heard, but it's basically just avoiding, labeling them. Like as a bully, you could say, instead of like labeling them to where they feel shame as them, like something's wrong with them, it's better to address their behavior like saying that they have bullied are there, that, that they are engaging in bullying behavior this way. At the younger ages, it doesn't become intertwined with their child identity and the same thing for the person being bullied, saying the bullied child instead of the victim, which I think that's, it's pretty common for us to see that. But just in general, you know, when you're talking to your kids and stuff, instead of labeling them as bad, it's better to see that their behavior is bad. So there's many different reasons why a kid that you would consider to be well adjusted may be engaging in this act of bullying and treating others antagonistically.

Speaker 1 (06:31):

And like I said, they're often not emotionally or intellectually developed like adults are. So their actions to us seem frustrating, irrational. And sometimes we're just like, what, like, how could you do that? You know, how would you do that? But some common reasons is they want to fit in. They want to be like their friends, maybe they're being bullied by the someone themselves. Maybe they're looking for attention, or maybe they're being naturally more assertive or not realizing that what they're doing is going to come in on the other end as being aggressive behavior or harmful or harassment type behavior. So I think the moral of that story is that they don't have the maturity to realize oftentimes the ramifications of what they're doing in the tendency of the anonymous nature. I shouldn't say that word instead. The anonymous nature of the digital things lends itself to this type of harassing behavior, because they don't often have a way for the other person to know who they are.

Speaker 1 (07:39):

So it can just kind of lean into that. So there's the obvious times that you may know that your child is participating in some type of bullying behavior. If bark detects it, if somehow someone observes it, if you're notified by the school for some reason, but if you're not a hundred percent certain, whether they are in some sort of bullying behavior, I'm going to go over some warning signs that bark has listed, that they have identified as something to pay attention to. So one is that they often act aggressively toward family teachers or other adults. They may demonstrate controlling behavior. They may be hot tempered and get frustrated easily. They frequently test boundaries and break rules such as where you want their device used or when they can easily talk their way out of difficult, intense situations, and seem to have little sympathy towards others.

Speaker 1 (08:34):

Now, these are all things that they identify as, you know, a bullying behavior. But I truly think that the other thing on the flip side of that to think about is just their behaviors with their device or their console. Are they secretive about it? This, you know, and this could be a situation where it could be, they are bullying also be the bully, or maybe they are a part of some type of grooming relationship with someone else. So it can be nonspecific, but the bottom line is the red flags that it should raise. So, you know, thinking in terms of their behavior with their device, as in terms of following any boundaries or rules you've set in place for when they turn it into you, if you have their passwords, if they're only allowed to use it in a certain part of the house or a certain part of the day, if they're pushing against those boundaries, if you have those, then that is just a red flag that you need to investigate more and that it possibly could be something like bullying, but it also could be that they are the ones being bullied.

Speaker 1 (09:42):

It also could be that they are somehow being groomed or preyed upon by someone. So there's a lot going on there, but the bottom line is there's a red flag there that something's going on. And maybe it's not even those things, maybe it's just that they have this draw to the device and it's time to reign in on those boundaries that you set. So if you should discover that your child is somehow involved in bullying others, the most important thing to do is to sit down and communicate to them, talk to them, listen to their side of the story and see how they react to stress that you love them, but that their bullying behavior has to change. Talk about how it impacts that other person and how it makes them feel. And the statistics, you know, not necessarily like using numbers, but just say, you know, kids that are being bullied tend to have their self-esteem affected and tend to have more anxiety or nervousness around things.

Speaker 1 (10:39):

They tend to be more depressed. And they've even found that kids that are being bullied have a higher rate of suicide. And, you know, all of those things are important to just help them understand coming from a place of you realizing they probably don't realize those things and just address that with them. So, in addition to that, when you hit found out that they are participating in this bullying behavior, besides communicating those types of things, I personally would try to uncover the reasons why they are doing that. And it could simply be that they don't understand the ramifications, but what I found with my interactions with my kids, it was sometimes there's something else going on there. You know, how, when we were kids and things were happening with a friend or something like that, there's a lot of times, there's an underlying issue there that you need to uncover.

Speaker 1 (11:34):

Like if they are bullying someone else, perhaps they're being bullied or perhaps there's something going on at their school or with a teacher, like there's a lot of things. There's a lot of psychological things that can manifest as them bullying someone else. And I think it goes for the same as if we had no digital things and it was just us out in recess, or, you know, some peer interaction type social situation. It still comes back to the same psychological things that kids bully for various reasons. I'm not a psychologist or anything, but, you know, it's like their way of controlling something because perhaps they are being manipulator controlled in another space. So looking for the warning signs, having open communication, and then also trying to dig deeper and not just assuming that it is them being mean because they're anonymous, but also don't discount the fact that the, maybe there's something else going on, maybe, you know, a relationship, a friend that, that they have is doing something.

Speaker 1 (12:43):

There's all kinds of things that could be happening there. But the bottom line is digging deeper and realizing that it's a red flag with my kids, as I've said before, there were times where I had red flags going up, but I didn't know if it was their natural maturity process that goes on, you know, with puberty and with the hormone changes and all of the things that they're going through. But looking back on the other side of that, it truly was my intuition telling me something was going on and that I needed to investigate it more. And it's such a, kind of like an eggshell type tiptoe through the eggshells type situation, because, you know, you don't want to invade their privacy and you don't want to them to think that you don't trust them and that you, you know, they may get mad at you every time you breathe.

Speaker 1 (13:31):

And so many different things that make this, this whole scenario difficult. And it was all difficult before the digital things. And then the digital things came in and made it like a hundred thousand times worse. Right? There's so many things that go on there, but I just encourage you to realize that when you have that gut feeling, when you have a nagging that you just can't get past, know that that's your intuition telling you something. And it may take you a little while to uncover it. If you don't want to blatantly ask them and confront them, and maybe you even do do that. And they deny it all, which happened to me too. All of those situations just know that if you have that nagging feeling, that is something to listen to. And even if you don't get a response or don't uncover it, just continue to kind of explore that.

Speaker 1 (14:20):

And it may reveal itself. You're not wrong for doing that. And however you want to approach that is okay. Like I always say your approach is what works best for you. Don't think that there's a one way or the highway type situation with this stuff. You just have to kind of proceed with however you feel appropriate, but keeping those lines of communication when it comes to the digital things is so very important. And then when you have certain things in place to where it can detect some changes in behavior and things that will be red flags, such as pushing against your set rules or boundaries around different things. When you have some of those things in place, it will help you to realize something's going on before it gets too bad, hopefully. Okay. So I hope that that makes sense. And that is helpful for you as part of the focus on the whole bullying thing this month.

Speaker 1 (15:14):

I just wanted to kind of highlight that it is quite common for kids that we would not expect to be bullies, to actually be bullying another child. And so just realizing that and taking that shame and guilt away from yourself is such an important thing to do in this process. Okay. So I hope you found this helpful, and I hope you have checked out my digital wellness summit link in my show notes. I hope you will grab my method course when it comes out, because it's going to be a roadmap and a toolkit for you. And if you don't have bark, if you don't have some of the other tools, I mentioned like, if you need a dumb smartphone, gab and PennWell are awesome. If you want to start out with something like a watch, I've got links for the different watches. Gab has a watch now, too.

Speaker 1 (16:04):

You can use my link for them. So there's so many things out there to help you as a part of your village. So please grab those things. And if you need a place to stand for your own wellness, please connect with me. I have tools that will help you to navigate your own fitness and nutrition from a flexible standpoint of what works for you, but really can help you to implement healthy habits in your life. I can't tell you how much having that for myself has helped me so much through the years and through all the struggles. And I never expected it to be such a place of strength for me and a place for me to really dig in and take care of myself so that I can take care of my family better. They see that when you exercise, it helps secrete hormones and different things in your body that will help your mental state and all of that.

Speaker 1 (16:54):

And I, so I can attest to that, that when I had my hardest days, that was one thing I can control. And now in the midst of so many crazy things going on in my life right now, that is still a solid place for me to stand, to keep myself healthy among all of the COVID stuff, working out in the world as a nurse practitioner, and then with my family and helping us to all stay healthy and all of that. So check out my links or get in touch with me. If you need a place to stand for your own fitness and nutrition, the tools are things that the wellness library that I use can be used for the entire family. It has all sorts of different workouts from live workouts, group workouts, cycling workouts now, and then programs that you can follow that are proven to work.

Speaker 1 (17:44):

And I've used a ton of them. And I still cannot believe in five years, I'm still getting results. I'm still in, on dropping weight and toning and just really being the healthiest I have ever been. And if you don't know me and don't follow me anywhere, I am 47. Yes. I'm 47 and I'm in the best shape of my life. So whatever age you are, and however you're old, your kids are, that is something that is so powerful that you can do for yourself. So please don't discount that. Okay. I know my podcast is about digital safety and being that mom and proactive and all of that stuff, but your health and your daily healthy habits are so very powerful and will have a trickle down effect to your kids. Even if they're denying that, that they're watching, they're watching trust me. And it may take years and years because they are already preteens or teens and thinking that, you know nothing, but they're watching and it has a trickle down effect to them.

Speaker 1 (18:41):

They will eventually adopt the habits that you're demonstrating. And there's nothing more powerful than walking the walk and showing them even when they will not admit that they're watching, they are watching. So please implement that for yourself in your life. It's so very powerful. Okay. All right. I will get off my soap box and I hope you found this helpful. And please reach out to me if there's anything that you want to share with me. If you have a topic you'd like me to cover, please leave me review. If you haven't already. And I hope you have a fabulous week.

Speaker 2 (19:20):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (19:34):

Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up everyday, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native.

Episode 83: Cyberbullying on the rise! Be in the know to protect your kiddo!

Cyberbullying is on the rise!  Listen in to this episode for more info on the different types to be aware of and what you need to know to protect your kiddo! 

 

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FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

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Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

I think it's safe to say when we were kids, a lot of us encountered bullies. Maybe we were even the bully nowadays with our kids on all the digital things and everything. So interconnected, it is very, very common and almost guaranteed to encounter a bully. If our kids are online on whatever platform they may be on, it is also very common for kids that you would not expect like our own kids to be the bully in certain situations. And so since October is national bullying prevention month, I'm going to take some time to really break this down and talk about the types of bullying that are out there and things to look for in terms of whether or not your kiddo is being bullied or might lean towards being the bully or witnessing it and how to educate them in these things so that we can make sure that no one out there is being the victim of this. Okay. So this episode, we are going to talk about the different types of bullying that occur. So you are aware that it's not just one thing and there's lots of things to think about. Okay. So stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (01:15):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (01:41):

Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Alrighty. So thank you so much to all of you that have checked out the digital wellness symposium thing that I have shared on my last couple of episodes.

Speaker 1 (02:25):

I still have that link in the show notes. So if you were still wanting to check that out, it is still available. You can get a digital, all access pass with the ability to listen to all of the different talks from all of the different experts in different areas that were in that. So please check that out. I think it is such a vital thing for us to be aware of the digital influence regardless of our kids' ages. And especially when they're younger and we don't realize that they are being influenced. So if you haven't checked out already, the link is in the show notes and that is available for anybody worldwide. So wherever you are give that elicit. Okay. I think it'll be a really good thing for you to check out. So like I said, October is national bullying prevention month. And so we all know, and most of us should be aware by now that there is a thing called cyber bullying and in the stats that bark has put out in their annual report where they basically, if you're not familiar with bark, it's basically a monitoring system where they monitor the activities of kids on their devices.

Speaker 1 (03:39):

And they are able to gather so much data. They don't like spy on the kids. They just alert parents of certain conversations, certain keywords that they're picking up on. And so they have such an amazing vantage point to provide information on this. That's why I love, love, love bark. And if you're not in the us and you don't have access to them, still go to their website. I believe you can still access it from anywhere. They have so much stuff on their blog. So many helpful things that they provide. They're such an amazing company, but they have such a great vantage point when it comes to stats like this, because this is what they do. They are monitoring across so much information and you know how kids can text and be active on things. Like if you have them texting through your phone, you can literally have hundreds of texts in a day between little group chats and things that they have.

Speaker 1 (04:36):

So it's a monster in bark is somehow navigating it. And so some of their stats show that 76% of tweens or the pre-teen age and 82% of teens experienced bullying as a boy victim or witness. And I believe these stats are from the year 2020. Yes, they are from 2020. And then according to some other stats that have been reported, one in four students report being bullied and during the whole pandemic scenario of the last year and a half, with all the virtual learning, it's led to new forms of bullying such as zoom bombing. So it's just crazy, right? It's crazy. All that we have to navigate and deal with. So what I want to talk about today is just the different types of cyber bullying. And I looked at different sources and there's different names for some of these. Some people don't have all of these types, but this is five common types that bark identified with all of their stats and things.

Speaker 1 (05:43):

So if you're not familiar with cyber bullying, it's basically just bullying. It's just online. And, you know, kids have their digital things intertwined with real-world life. So it's bullying and it can go across platforms and into their real life, into their school life, all of that stuff. Okay. So the first type of bullying that I want to talk about is harassment. It's repeatedly doing some form of abusive behavior against someone online. It could be something that is happening to them in a message in a social media platform. It could be happening on the chat of a game that they're doing through a gaming console. It could be happening in the game of, you know, something where they play with other people like on roadblocks, it could be happening in social media posts in the comments, and it could be happening in texts and emails. There's just, it can happen anywhere if they are online, it can happen to them where they are repeatedly harassed by somebody.

Speaker 1 (06:50):

So many parents with harassment, believe that blocking is the answer, but this doesn't always stop it. So you have to be aware that they can go across different platforms. They can create new accounts in order to continue to do this. If it's on Instagram, for instance, they have where you, when you block an account, it will ask you, do you want to block this account in any new accounts they create because they found that. So what, when blocked, some people will go and just make a new account and then start harassing them. That way they've actually had kids really, really get stressed by this and parents not knowing what's going on is a huge, huge factor in this. So when someone really wants to be a bully and they can be anonymous in it, they can really take this to the extremes in order to harass somebody.

Speaker 1 (07:48):

So recently in right now, as I'm recording this in 2021, Instagram has released more things to help you to control the messaging in those types of things in their app. But I know that if you don't have them on Instagram, just be aware, it's not just Instagram. It can happen anywhere and it can happen across platforms. So it's something really to talk to your kiddo about. The second form of bullying is masquerading. That is pretending to be someone you're not in order to hurt someone else. So masquerading is quite, quite common in the virtual world because anyone can make an account and you don't have to put your picture your face on the account. So you can always say you're someone else. And with all of the different apps that are out there for editing pictures and changing them up, there are editing apps that can make an adult look like a kid.

Speaker 1 (08:45):

So masquerading as someone to where you're anonymous is a very powerful thing where they can then go on and, you know, bully this person in some way, by pretending that they're someone else, this is also where the predators often start because they will pose as someone else. They will obtain innermost secrets from that child, like who they have a crush on and what they're mad at their parents about, you know, different things like that. And then they can take that and turn it on them or manipulate them with it. That's where a lot of the grooming and predator type relationships start, they're gaining trust. The kid is thinking that they are someone else. And that's where it starts. The next form of bullying is exclusion. When someone is intentionally left out of a group message in event or a photo. So it doesn't necessarily have to be them, you know, sending them messages and harassing them like that, but excluding them from different activities where they are seeing that they were being left out of things can be a form of bullying.

Speaker 1 (09:57):

Now, this situation can be something that, you know, it's just a matter of the kiddo, understanding that they're not always going to be included in everything. You know, all the things that their friends are doing. Like they are allowed to have other friends and do other things. And not everybody all be invited, but sometimes it can escalate and really cause hard feelings and different things. When they are blocked by someone, you know, something like that, they use the blocking, they use the different ways of excluding them to really hurt them. The next form of bullying is called doxxing. And this is basically where you release someone's private information to cause them harm. This is actually something that is really problematic and is happening more and more like, you know, releasing their home address or other private information about them. So this is where it is vital that if you are letting them on some platform that you go through the privacy settings and make sure that it is like, especially like Snapchat, make sure that it is turned off to where it doesn't show their location because kids have been doxed in situations.

Speaker 1 (11:09):

I don't know if that's you doxing, I guess docs would be the correct term, but they've been doxed in situations where someone is mad at them. And so they will call the police. And there's someone in a parent chat that actually told all of us about this, that they will call the police and they know your location. So they'll call a police to your address and see that there's someone in that address that is abusing the child, or has a gun, different things like that, something to where it creates this problematic situation. And this parent that was telling us about it, actually it was something like they said that the dad had a gun and was threatening them. And so all of a sudden their house was surrounded and they to prove that that was indeed not true. So it can be a very, very serious form of harassment and bullying.

Speaker 1 (12:02):

And, you know, can turn into creating a criminal situation and fraud and all sorts of things like that. So that's why it's important to not give them access to the entire world. And when you do step into the world of giving them access to something where other people can access it, that your privacy settings are set up to where they cannot be located like in real time. And then the last one that I want to mention is trolling. And that's where they are provoking or baiting someone just to get a rise out of them. Unfortunately, I think adults do this a lot too. And unfortunately I do think some of the social media platforms actually have, there's a way to like set up bots for some of this so that it invokes people getting mad and arguing and being divided about things, but a person trolls, when they make like inflammatory anonymous statements online for the sole purpose of derailing, an online conversation or provoking other participants in the discussion, it can be where they are just making an individual feel bad by constantly leaving negative comments on social media posts to hurt their feelings.

Speaker 1 (13:18):

But, you know, it can just be something where someone is trying to invoke a response or, you know, make the conversation go in a certain direction. That type of thing. I think it happens a lot in the last year or so since the election in the us and all of that stuff. So definitely something to consider when it comes to our kids. So those are the five types of cyber bullying that are identified on barks information and their stats. Another place you can check out for more information is cyber bullying.org. And on that, a couple of things, I just wanted to mention that when they talk about cyber bullying, it's for their definition, they just describe it as this it's willful, meaning that the behavior is deliberate, it's repeated, meaning it reflects a pattern of behavior, not just an isolated incident, there is harm that is being inflicted.

Speaker 1 (14:15):

And then it is basically, if you think about bullying in person between like an, you know, like out in the school yard at school, there's usually some imbalance of power. And so if you think of cyber bullying in a similar manner, it is some way of them invoking power over the other child. So it is some way for them to manipulate the person that they're bullying to control them in some way. Okay. So that is all I wanted to talk about today was just those types of bullying so that you can be aware that it does occur. And if your kids online it's likely to happen. And it is common for kids, you know, we wouldn't expect our kids to do it, but because it's online stuff can be so anonymous that they will have a tendency to just do it, not realizing the ramifications.

Speaker 1 (15:11):

So I think the biggest thing to take away from this is we need to talk to our kids and it goes along with us having the conversation and helping them to be mature in what they do. And as a mom that has raised three kids. And if you know my history, you know, that they all got introduced to phones at different stages because of how far apart they are. And so I saw the impact of that being different on each one of them, but I've also walked the path of choosing to course correct, and redirect what we did and take it completely away and then wait for a maturity level to come about before I let to that freedom out more so than I was doing. So I have seen that there is a maturity that happens. So when a kid has a free range, phone and access to social media or whatever at younger ages, they just don't have that judgment capability there that they will have when they get older.

Speaker 1 (16:16):

And it always has an addictive tendency. So I just think that it's our responsibility to have that conversation and be proactive with making them aware of what this is, that it has a name and that it's not okay to do it in. There can be legal ramifications. And they find that kids that are being bullied have a higher incidence of suicide, anxiety, depression, those types of things. So it comes back to communication with our kiddos and making sure we are very proactive in this space. The other thing is too, if you are giving them a full phone, putting bark on it. So you know what their activity is, you don't have to wonder. And in another episode, I'm going to talk about some of the signs that you can look for. And again, I'm a mom that is just passionate about helping other moms in this space.

Speaker 1 (17:09):

I have no expertise as far as like a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I have walked this path. And sometimes I think that, you know, when we are looking for advice, at least for me, I couldn't take it from someone who wasn't walking my same path. And so it's always my goal to give you that viewpoint. But I also want you to make sure you reach out to an expert. If you feel like you were in over your head as always, okay. I say that all the time. And so I hope you understand that there's no guilt in that. There's no shame in that or anything like that. Okay. So that concludes our episode today. Just being aware of what type of cyber bullying is out there and having that conversation with our kiddo. And if you don't have bark on their phone, get bark on their phone.

Speaker 1 (18:00):

If they don't yet have a full phone, I would delay that if you can use something for the younger kids, like I talk all the time about, and I have links in the show notes for the watches for kids, and then also the dumb smartphones. They are a gift to us moms to have those things. And if you choose a pinwheel phone, you have complete control over when they can use that and how they use it, what apps they have on it. And you can put bark on it. So in places like the text messages, it can help you monitor so that it will pick up on conversations and alert you. So you can take a closer look and see if it's something that you need to be concerned about. All of those tools out there are such a gift right now. So if you aren't utilizing them, please check out my show notes and grab my discount codes and get them in place. They are part of your village that will help you to navigate this. Okay? So that's it for today. I will stop my rambling on and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (19:05):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (19:19):

Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native.

Episode 82: How & when to pull back on screen time, and how to do that in a positive way!

How and when should we pull back on screens? This episode discusses a few things you can use to evaluate this & one fun way to spin that positively! 

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Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

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Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So it's no doubt that screen use affects our kiddos. And sometimes we allow it more than we want to, right. Life gets busy and we just allow more time in, it becomes a very slippery slope. And before we know it, we're seeing that maybe that's not the best positive influence. So how do we know when we need to reel it in? What are the warning signs for that? And then what are some things that we can do to make it a positive twist? When we are trying to instill our preferences and our boundaries for screen time and screen use in general, that's what we're going to chat about today. So stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:45):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (01:10):

Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Alrighty, so welcome back to another episode of the be that mom movement podcast. I was looking yesterday, I was working on my be that mom movement method course, and I was looking through my podcast to see a certain topic that is going to be discussed in one of the modules.

Speaker 1 (02:02):

And as I was looking, I noticed the stats for the podcast on how many downloads I'm getting each month, where they are in the world. And then the total number of downloads that I've had now, the growth of my podcast has been slower than other podcasts I know of, of other podcast hosts that I know personally. And that's just because I have so many different things that I'm working on in my life definitely have a lot of different passions. So I have not been able to bring on guests like I would like to and be on guests on other shows as much as I would prefer. And then my course has not been out in the world yet. And I want it to be very soon. It has been a passion project for me for nearly a year that I've been working on it. So it seems crazy to think it's been that long, but man, the world has been crazy this past year, but I was looking at that and I'm just blown away by the number of downloads and the number of people that are listening.

Speaker 1 (02:56):

Hopefully you all are listening. You didn't just subscribe. And it's just one of those things that's downloaded to your phone. I do have some podcasts I've subscribed to in the past that I just don't have time to listen to. And therefore they get downloaded and get counted as a download for them. And maybe I'm not listening to them. So maybe all of y'all are not listening. And I am talking to the wind, but if there is one or two people at least out there in the downloads that I'm having every month that is finding this helpful I make, or I believe that this is worth it in the end. At the end of the day, I am not here to promote something to you specifically, except for paying forward. What I have learned, what I have went through with my own family and trying to help you navigate this once I saw the big picture of things and went through some hard, hard, hard days as a mom.

Speaker 1 (03:48):

So I hope at the end of the day that you realize that's what I'm here for. The reason that I bring that up is I was in this group on Facebook. That was about like moms of boys or something like that. And this mom posted about kind of what we're going to talk about today, but she posted about screen time with her kid and she felt like, you know, she's just like lost him and it's hopeless and all of this. And so I commented on that post and said, you know, just some of my experiences and what I recommend. And then I commented that I had a podcast. Well, my posts got deleted by the people that run that group because they said that there can be no self-promotion honestly I can understand that how that could get out of hand if people are coming in and be like here, buy this, buy this, do this.

Speaker 1 (04:34):

But honestly, I, I really took time to comment from the heart to tell that mom that I had been there and that same exact spot is her and what I had done. And then they just deleted it because I mentioned that I have a podcast that I am paying forward the stuff, and I would do this completely for free. So it's not about whether or not you are using my affiliate links to subscribe to bark or pinwheel or any of that. I am providing that and hopefully passing on a discount for you because I know how hard it can be. But at the end of the day, I do this regardless of that. And so it kind of hurt me a little bit, that that group was all about, oh, we'll offer help, but don't offer help. So I get it, you know, I get it on the one hand, but I was really kind of offended by that.

Speaker 1 (05:18):

So I just wanted to bring that up, that I am here for that mom that finds her in the place that I was or for that mom that is not wanting to get where I was. And I hope that you know, that I hope that you feel that from my heart, the topics that I bring up are things that I'm seeing out in the world that are relevant, that I've been through. And that I just don't want you to take the hard road that I did. Not that you can't still get through it, but things are ever changing in this digital world. So we really have to be proactive and all of that. And you know, if you've listened to any number of my podcasts, I am like preaching to the choir right now. But if you're new to my podcast, I just want to say that I am here provide you, I can't speak, ride you with some nuggets to help you on this path.

Speaker 1 (06:02):

Yours will look different than mine, but at the end of the day, my goal is for you to help guide your kid through this and to not just leave them out in that big, vast, deep blue sea of all the digital things and whether you realize it or not, they are being impacted and influenced by the things that they see and consume and things that may try to get in touch with them, that type of thing. So not trying to be doom and gloom or scary or any of that, but I truly am just here to provide you tools and all of those things. Okay. So let's get to today's topic. So what I want to talk about today is when should you be concerned with screen time or, you know, like the effect of them being on some type of digital stimulation and like, what are the warning signs for that?

Speaker 1 (06:51):

And then what are some positive ways that we can kind of turn that around to where it's not just a negative, these are your restrictions. You better abide by this, or I'm going to take it away. Some kids need that, but I think there's a couple of things that are pretty exciting that I was looking at today that I, if I wish that when my kids were younger, that I would have had these things, I actually think they are like kind of vital to the raising of our kids and a huge missing piece in their education if we have them in a traditional educational setting. So I'm excited to kind of talk about this stuff today. So let's talk about when you are allowing your kid on screens. Of course, you've probably heard me say this before, but it's best to have it set up to where you have some control over that in terms of where they consume those things and for how long, but let's say you have kind of let them have free reign because they've, you know, been doing good and life's crazy and you're busy with work and those types of things.

Speaker 1 (07:50):

And you've just kind of let that go. And you notice that some things maybe you need to, Hmm, maybe you need to do something, but you're not sure, right. Or you're at the point to where it's obvious that there's something that you need to do, but you don't know what to do. So I was researching this and I found a psychologist's page, but where she was talking about four phases or four categories that kids can fall in in terms of the influence of digital things and where they fall determines what your next action should be. So before I go into those four kind of categories, I want to just say that when I was going through this, when we were really kind of having some issues and I didn't have any inkling of an idea of how to manage all of the things we did, some trial runs of just some restrictions and pulling back on how much was allowed.

Speaker 1 (08:49):

And it became very obvious, very quickly that wasn't going to be enough that we needed to more drastic. And then it came to a point to where it was blatantly obvious that something had to change. And that's when we pulled completely away from all the digital things for a period of time. And I don't think there's a right or wrong with this. I think this is something where you have to use your own judgment. So let's talk about the four categories. So the first one is healthy functioning, and this is where digital media is used as a tool to reach a desired goal. This is where there is limited use of entertainment and social media on digital things. This is where they have healthy mood fluctuations, which sometimes those are kind of hard to gauge because you know, the whole preteen and teen thing, things can just naturally be dramatic.

Speaker 1 (09:43):

This is where there's no screen use two hours before they go to bed and comfortable interacting socially with other kids in person they're physically and socially active, they engage in a wide variety of hobbies and activities. Their social interactions are primarily face-to-face and they have consistent performance in the things that they are involved in, in their lives, whether it be school, whether it be sports, whether it be some type of outside the home activity, that's the healthy functioning category. Now the next one, this psychologist terms it reactive or common distress category. So this is where digital media is used to relieve distress on occasion, increasing use of entertainment, video games, and social media is occurring. At times they may be irritable and impatient. They use the screen right up to going to sleep. They have some discomfort interacting socially out in the world, and they have decreased physical and social activity because they are using the screens more.

Speaker 1 (10:51):

They have limited engagement in a wide variety of hobbies and activities. They have less face-to-face social interaction and they have inconsistent academic or work performance. So if you decided to go ahead and give a phone or give an X-Box, and now you were kind of seeing some of these creep in, those are kind of like red flags or warning signs for you that maybe we need to look at. Dolly's be that mom movement method course if I had it out yet, or just look for some way to kind of pull back from things that was kind of a spontaneous little plug there, but truly, um, that's just one option out there, but now let's go to the third category. This is called impairment in functioning. So this is where digital media is used most of the day for extended periods of time. We'll look at a combination of things in terms of their activity and how much they're consuming.

Speaker 1 (11:48):

So it doesn't mean just sitting in front of one thing. It may mean a phone, a computer, an Xbox, that type of thing. This is preoccupation with entertainment, video games and social media. They may have a depressed mood, anxiety, or anger. They may have trouble sleeping and seem tired all of the time. They have a breakdown and healthy relationships. They are physically deconditioned, likely overweight or even underweight because they're not eating enough or eating junk infrequent, social involvement, limited face to face social interaction, and then academic failure or employment difficulties. Okay. So, and let's go to the fourth one and then I'll say what I was just going to say. So the fourth one is distress and persistent impairment. So this is significant difficulty managing digital media use limited non-virtual pursuits, significant emotional difficulty, sleep deprived breakdown, and healthy relationships, physical health problems, limited social involvement, infrequent face-to-face social interaction and suicidal thoughts, intent or behavior.

Speaker 1 (13:01):

So I think that we can have kids that wax and wane between these different categories. And if your kiddo falls into that third or that fourth one, I would definitely take a serious look at what's going on and try to come up with a game plan. This psychologist that created this chart actually says that that third and the fourth one that you may want to consider professional care. Now I will tell you that there is no shame in seeking outside help. And I hope you know, that we sought outside help for a brief period of time when it became too big for us. So if you have gotten to the point to where your child is not functioning out in the world, and you were seeing some of these warning signs, please, please, please seek outside help. If you feel like it is too big for you to handle.

Speaker 1 (13:51):

And that is completely fine completely. Okay. I know there's a social stigma around that. And a lot of times there are reasons to feel ashamed for that. And I did, I truly did by sitting on the other side of it, it was one of the best things we could do to get an outsider, to help us navigate it. Okay. So that got me a little choked up thinking about it and taking me back to that time for us. So now that we've talked about these different categories and we've thought about, I'm sorry, I should have turned off notifications on my computer here. Now that we talked about where your kid might lie in those, I would consider what to do next. So if you feel like they are leaning into the second or the third, or even the fourth category at times, then there's different ways that you can do this and it's going to be completely up to you.

Speaker 1 (14:46):

But what I recommend as you communicate your concerns with your kiddo, as well as your expectations for use, and you can do a trial run of that and see how that goes. Or if it's already been something you've tried to implement some sort of boundaries, think about making a verbal or written agreement as to, you know, the consumption of there things, other expectations that you have for them, such as things that they do around the house every day or every week, those types of things. And then also, like I said before, if you feel that it's bad enough, sometimes what is necessary is a cold Turkey detox. Like you cut off the digital world completely. If you haven't listened to my episodes that talk about the effects on the brain and gaming addiction and all of the things that are happening, just having that knowledge, that this is not, it's kind of like, this is not your kid that is necessarily doing this.

Speaker 1 (15:46):

This is in very intricately designed system that is there to addict us and draw us in and make us push aside the other things in life that are important to us when you realize that, and you realize that it's basically kind of like your kid's brain on drugs, so to speak, it makes it, it almost empowers you a little bit to realize, okay, I didn't fail here. I shouldn't be feeling shame as a parent, those types of things, which I felt all of those things. When you realize that these things are designed to suck them in, it is empowering. At least it was for me to realize that, okay, okay, like we're here. You know, and we're in this situation with their school and their friends and all of the things, because this entity of digital things is designed to do this to my kid and to me, to all of us, right?

Speaker 1 (16:41):

So a cold Turkey detox will likely produce what I call a preteen or teen tantrum if they have been allowed to be on, on the things a lot, because their brain goes through a physiological chemical withdrawal. I'm no expert in that area. But from what I have read and studied about from experts, people that are experts in the area, there is a withdrawal that goes there. They will think that their world has ended, whether it's because they've been on social media or because they're spending a ton of time on a gaming platform, the brain truly goes through a detox, boredom, like not having anything else to do and not knowing what to do with themselves. We'll see more intense. And they truly do go through withdrawal my recommendation for that. If you go down that route, besides getting outside help, if need be is, stand your ground, do not cave in to the tantrum.

Speaker 1 (17:36):

Trust me, it passes. And it's a beautiful thing when you get to the other side, because you will see that child that you had before you introduced all the digital things. And didn't really know that they were to have the impact they had. You will see them coming back. It's almost like, oh, wow, where have you been? And old interest resurface, new curiosity comes. And it's a beautiful thing, but it's painful and it's painful. And it is not fun depending on how much time they have been allowed to be on the screens. Okay. So that is where I would try to course correct redirect. And that's just going to be up to you and your decision in how that, and what that looks like for you. But what I want to talk about now to indoubt this episode is to talk about some things that are out there that are kind of cool to enforce positive responsibility in their lives.

Speaker 1 (18:37):

Some people call them, you know, like chores, but I think chores has kind of a connotation of being negative or being work. And maybe they need to have that, you know, need to know while there is work in life. But what I want to talk about is just kind of like teaching responsibility in terms of expectations that you expect with things that they do around the house. And also some things that are out there, apps and different programs and things that you can use to help them at the same time, learn how to manage money and learn how to earn the money. So I want to talk about, let me flip over here on my computer. So if you haven't heard about these, of course, you can just do traditional list of chores or responsibilities on your refrigerator, on a calendar, those types of things, but these things kind of make it fun.

Speaker 1 (19:28):

And I will tell you that with my kids being older teens, this is one place that I did not provide enough guidance with in terms of managing money, earning money, saving money, those types of things. And this is something that you can utilize from, like, if you have a local bank or credit union, they likely have a program like this, but these things are kind of cool too. So the things that I'm talking about, there's one called go Henry, and then another one called rooster money. And then another one called busy kid. So it, and I think these can be used for any age. So if you have a teenager that you're trying to redirect and ensure that they are being responsible and stuff, this is certainly something you can use for them. So I'm just kind of looking at their websites, go Henry. And all of these are kind of have a combination.

Speaker 1 (20:20):

There's also the green light card, which I think has similar things. And I've done an episode on the Greenlight card too, but go Henry and I am I not on the main page here go Henry and then rooster money and busy kid. I think they all have a combination of where you can have a card or some, one of them at least has, or you can just do the app and where they earn money, and then you can give it to them or they have where you can choose to get a debit card. So if you have a younger kid, you could use one of these apps just where, you know, they check off when they do certain things and then you give them money that way. Or you can actually set it up to where they earn money on a card that you have.

Speaker 1 (21:05):

And then like rooster money has a virtual money tracker. And it also has a chore tracker. So this is just something that I thought was really cool to talk about in terms of kind of giving them a visual of, and you know, what, with them, all the kids being so digital, now this would give them like a visual of things that they need to do. It also teaches them responsibility and earning their reward of spending time on whatever the digital things are and just giving them a place to work towards things. I tried to do this when my kids were little and it's funny because one of them was like, it's okay. I don't need money. Like, I'm not going to do any chores because I don't need money. I'm good with sitting here with no money. And then another one was so gung ho about money that I couldn't afford the child.

Speaker 1 (22:05):

Like they were like, I'll do the dishes. I will sweep. I will vacuum. I'm going to clean the bathroom now. And like little entrepreneur earning all the money, except I didn't have enough money to pay the kid. So your kid can fall all along that spectrum. But I saw one parent in one discussion that I was looking at said that what they did was they had a kiddo that was like that, where they made non-negotiable chores that they had to do. And some lists like brushing your teeth and those types of things. I think those can be something for a little kid, but personally, I'm not one that's going to be rewarding a kid for doing something that they need to be doing every day anyway, you know, brushing your teeth and taking a bath. Those types of things are just like, to me, there are things that you do because you're a human being and you need to have clean teeth and a clean body.

Speaker 1 (22:55):

Right. But that's totally your call anyway. But that parent said that she put the non-negotiable chores that they had to help with. And then the extra one. So non-negotiable could be like doing the dishes and making their bed, those types of things. And then the bonus ones like helping to rake leaves or helping mow the grass or helping with washing the car, those types of things. So my point in bringing this up is that I think you can be really innovative with this in terms of giving them incentives that make it fun and also teach them responsibility while also teaching them how to manage money. And I think that managing money is a crucial piece that personally I think is forgotten in our formal education system. And maybe that's because we need to be teaching it as parents. We can't make everything fall back onto the education system.

Speaker 1 (23:51):

Although I do think there's a lot of things there that could be taken out and more life skills could be put in there in their place. Some things I just don't think are necessary for our kids to be spending time on if they're not spending time on things about living healthy, healthy habits and managing money and how to, you know, just live out in the world in that not every kid needs to go to a four-year college, that some it's more appropriate to go to tech school, all of that stuff, but that's a whole nother topic. My point with bringing this up is just for you to check these things out as a way to make it fun. And as a way to teach responsibility while helping them learn how to manage money and just how to be a responsible person in the world and not go into major debt and all of that.

Speaker 1 (24:36):

So I hope that you will check those out, go, Henry is@gohenry.com. And by the way, I have no affiliation with any of these. My kids are older or managing their money in their own accounts. So I don't have an account with these, but I read through some different discussions of different parents that are using them. And these were their top three that were mentioned and that they raved about. So there's goHenry@gohenrydotcomandthenroostermoney.com. And then the last one is busy kid.com. So all of them look really cool. And like I've said before, I wish I could go back in time with some of this stuff to when my kids were younger. It sure would've made things simpler for me, but in the end, our path is our path for a reason. And I always have said that that whatever struggles we've had are there to create our strength.

Speaker 1 (25:29):

And I believe that we all have a path to leave in this world, a path to lead in this world. And this just happens to be mine, that we didn't have all of these cool tools and things to help me out in this whole new digital realm of parenting is just a new thing out there. And we kind of took the hard road, but I surely hope that even one of my podcast episodes will help you in some way so that your kiddos will not have to take that same hard road and we'll stay safe in the world. Wow. What happened with my voice there? And we'll stay safe out in the world and we'll grow up to be healthy and prosperous individuals that know the beauty of the world and to the gifts that they have to offer the world so that, you know, we can just live in a healthy and balanced world for our futures.

Speaker 1 (26:25):

That was a little bit of my soap box there too. So I hope you found this episode helpful. I say that every single time, but I truly, truly do. If you can, if you have been listening and you find this helpful, leave me a review in whatever app you were listening to me through, that helps me to rank higher and to get pushed out into the suggestions for people looking for similar content. And that is my major mission is to get into the ears of more moms and to help you be proactive in this space and be that mom that is going to be a guide for your kid so that these, all of these digital influences do not become a negative trajectory for them. It is absolutely possible for us to raise kids in this digital world. And co-exist with all these digital things, without them influencing them negatively. I seriously can't talk today negatively. And you know, just not being able to find a healthy balance with the things. So thanks again for tuning in and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (27:36):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (27:50):

Holy moly, check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10, four.

Episode 81: When the world is heavy, help your kid/teen focus on this!

Sleep deprivation & stress overload are on the rise along with a spike in anxiety and depression among our youth (and us)! Use these tips to help mitigate that in your family! 

 

DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

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Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

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MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE 

MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So, regardless of where you are in the world, you likely are experiencing a heightened level of stress. And if you are, that means that your kiddos are too regardless of age. So today I just want to talk about some strategies and some thinking points for you, for yourself and for your kids and your family in general, to help you. Because I think that these are some things that we all need to be focusing on in the effort to control what we can in a very uncertain world and uncertain times right now. Okay. So stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:37):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (01:02):

Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So before we get rolling on anything today, I have to ask, did you check out the digital wellness summit that I mentioned in last week's episode, it went live over the weekend and oh my God, what an amazing response that we had, there are so many presenters in there that come from different backgrounds and have so much valuable information.

Speaker 1 (01:58):

So if you haven't grabbed access to that, it is still available for you. So check out the link in the show notes, and they do have an all access pass that has extra bonus things included. So please check that out. My presentation is one of several, and again, we come from all different backgrounds and the presenters just are amazing in what they bring to the table. And some of them have some really tragic backgrounds and tragic stories, but the common thing among all of us is that we've had some sort of experience or struggle in this world of kids in the digital things. So if you have kids, you need to check this out. So check it out in the show notes, click the link, and you should be able to grab your all access pass there. Okay. Okay. So onto our topic for today, I think it's a given the world is heavy regardless of where you live or what is, you know, your present state of things.

Speaker 1 (02:53):

I think we all can tell that the world is heavy. There's lots going on. There's a lot of information out there that's hard to, and this does not go unnoticed in our children. And so I just want to talk about a couple of things that I think can be very powerful for you to focus on very simple things that you can implement or encourage and things that you can start with now that I think can go a long, long way to help your kids to help you and your family in general. And these things that I'm referring to is looking at sleep for your kids and for you, and then looking at your stress and coming up with a plan for lowering those things. If you're new to my show, you probably haven't heard me say this, but I am a nurse practitioner by formal education in my day job.

Speaker 1 (03:43):

And I am also very passionate about like empowering ourselves to take care of our health and realizing that we have so much that's within our power. And as a part of that passion, I'm currently working on a level two certification as an integrative health practitioner. And I'm also working on a certification as a functional medicine health coach. So those are just two things that I'm focusing on. I'm also a wellness coach using fitness and nutrition tools that kind of simplify the whole thing. And that gives you a place in a plan to follow. So I do a lot of focus on this and have a great passion for that, and it intertwines with what we do with our kids. But I know my podcast is specifically focused on digital health and digital safety and kind of helping you navigate all the things. But I do think that our own health and what we do for ourselves is a trickle down effect to our kids.

Speaker 1 (04:38):

And you know what? We feed ourselves. They watch the habits that we have each day they watch and they follow us right? While I think that one thing that I neglect very easily, these two things are things that I neglect very easily. And so that's why I just thought they were relevant topics to talk about today. Because number one, sleep deprivation in kids is huge, huge, huge. I was researching this and I actually came across a survey. I don't even know. I didn't write down how many people, how many teens were in the survey. But the survey said that 97% of teens wished that they could get more sleep. And then 84% recall feeling sleepy during the day and 83% believed that they miss out on fun and relaxation to due to their homework load and extracurricular activities. 83% recall feeling tired at school. That's like redundant.

Speaker 1 (05:27):

That said that twice. Sorry about that. And then 73% had fallen asleep in class and 59% have been late to school because they overslept. So my question to you is, does your kiddo struggle with sleep? Do you, I mean, they're in a growing period, so they need more sleep and they're usually harder to wake up and all of that, but look at what your kiddo or your teen is doing in terms of when they go to bed and what their sleep routine is. For me personally, with my kids, once they got to the teen years, our routine around bedtime kind of went out the window. And of course, you know, if you listen to me for any length of time, you know, that I did all the things, kind of the, I went the wrong way with it all. I mean, I shouldn't even say the wrong way.

Speaker 1 (06:12):

It was just which kind of, we didn't know what we were doing. So we didn't really have rules set in. We kind of let them have some freedom. And I don't think that it means that you have to be real strict about this, or it'd be like, okay, it's nine, o'clock at your bedtime. But I think there's a couple things that you can implement here. That even if you have a teen, if you can, could encourage these things while also modeling them yourself, this can create a routine, a solid routine for health, for themselves as they get older. You know, like I think that if you think in terms of a teens health, even if they eat junk food, all of the time, they likely aren't gaining weight, they likely are, you know, feeling fine, but their energy level may be low and their developing habits going into adulthood that aren't going to serve them.

Speaker 1 (07:01):

So now's the time to kind of plant those seeds while they're still under our roof, right. While they're still somewhat impressionable, even though they won't let you know that they are right. So now's the time to kind of focus on sleep. But a couple of things that you can do just think about these things right now, as you're listening to them. Number one is, is there technology in their bedroom because they can't resist it. It's too tempting. So getting that out of the bedroom is one huge, huge thing in a way to be able to set a boundary, but also just to take that temptation out of their fingers out of their grasp. And then the other thing is that the blue light that is emitted from electronic devices, tricks the brain into thinking it's daytime. This causes the body to slow down melatonin production, which is needed for the body to feel sleepy.

Speaker 1 (07:49):

So if they're saying, you know, they're on their phone and they're saying, I'm not sleepy, mom, I'm not sleepy. It may be because they're on their phone. So the solution, if you don't want to take the device away or they need to be on the device because they're working on homework is the blue block blue. I don't know if it's blue blocker, blue block glasses, having them wear those or putting a blue blocker shield on their screen of their computer or on their phone. Those do exist. I bought one for my Mac computer. When I first got my Mac, my eyes were really bothered. And so I got one of those screens for it. And then also like dimmed the light and set the settings on the computer to where it would dim it at night. So it didn't have as much of that blue light.

Speaker 1 (08:31):

So those are a couple of easy things to look at in terms of helping them with their sleep. And then the other thing is just developing like sleep hygiene is what they call it, but basically just developing a routine around sleep where besides keeping the device out of the room, putting the device up at night or using blue blocker glasses, but also, you know, maybe putting it away sooner just to put it down and stimulate your brain in that way. Go back to reading a book before you go to bed. You know, like when we, when they're younger and we all read them a book, at least I did having another re more relaxing routine of something that reduces their stress, listening to some calm music, maybe diffusing some essential oils. You could also, they make a new, or there's a new thing that I learned about.

Speaker 1 (09:17):

I don't think it's new, but it's some different apps that have like brainwave frequencies on them that are supposed to be calming. They call it. One of the things I heard is, and I don't know how to pronounce it, but it's binaural beats B I N a U R a L beats. Those are supposed to stimulate the brain for sleep. So that would be another thing that you could consider, but just focusing on this, both for yourself and for your kid, be very helpful for them. So that leads us into stress reduction. And I think we all can benefit from stress reduction, but thinking in terms of your kiddos, just that routine around sleep will pay you back in multiple ways in that regard. But stress reduction is one of those things that it's important every single day for us to bring our stress down.

Speaker 1 (10:09):

I find, and I've had this trouble in the last couple of weeks when I've been really stressed about work. And all of the different things is that I come home and I stay stressed. And I think that we need to develop routines around bringing our stress down, not starting out our days with stress, like picking up the phone and immediately consuming the news. And what's the latest world event that's going on or the latest numbers for this or that. Not starting out our day like that. So having intention around what we do in the morning, around our morning routine to start out relaxed, to start out, focusing on the positive, to start out, moving our body. If you can, even if you're not doing formal workout at the time I work out every single morning. Now it's just a part of me to work out.

Speaker 1 (10:56):

But even if you're not doing a formal workout and just moving your body is a good way to wake yourself up and start out in a low stress state, but then coming home and bringing that stress level down. So I'm talking in terms of you, but I think that it's good for us to look in terms of our family and reducing the stress. So some of the things to think about for them in our worldly times is to not have the news on around them, to not always be talking about the news and to have discussions about what is stressing them right now, what is going on at school or in their peer group that is stressing them. I hear a lot of different things, different opinions, different viewpoints, and what we say trickles into our kids. And then they are like voices to each other and it can become a place of conflict among their friends.

Speaker 1 (11:48):

So I think it's important for us to have a discussion around what is stressing them out and then taking time away from all of that and having, you know, digitally disconnected time where you're doing something side-by-side or face-to-face, that is quality time for you. I know that each day of the week, it may not be feasible for you to always do something like that, but just taking a few minutes to check in with them and to see how their day went. And I think that we all do this right, for the most part, but it's easy for that to slip away. So another thing is for us to just model that behavior again and make sure we're bringing down our stress. And then when they see that we are taking our time out away from screens away from the news away from all of the things that they may follow suit with that.

Speaker 1 (12:37):

Okay. So those are the two things that I really wanted to talk about today in terms of something that's really powerful that you can do something that I've always struggled with and neglected. And over the last couple years is I have been on a journey for prioritizing my own health in order to be stronger for my kids. It really has had a trickle down effect to my kids and my family. And now all of us do work outs regularly. All of us focus on nutrition. We all have a smoothie that we drink every day that has superfoods and all this nutrition in it to help our bodies. So all of that started with me and what I did, and my kids were of an age old enough that they were resistant to making any changes. And so that was a huge, huge mom's guilt that I had for the longest time that I had that it was too late.

Speaker 1 (13:29):

And I hadn't made the changes that I should have made when they were younger, because they didn't know any different. And it has been quite the opposite. It's been an amazing thing to watch that they have, even though for the longest time, they wouldn't make changes. They have been watching and they are absorbing what they are seeing me do. They're seeing me being more energetic and all of that, but the one place, or the two places where I have continued to struggle has been with sleep and has been with stress reduction. So that is why I wanted to talk about those things today. And I think they're both very simple and powerful things that you can do. And I hope I made sense with everything I was saying, I didn't have like a set outline or a set number of tips to give you, but I just kind of wanted to talk about these topics as something that you can start with today.

Speaker 1 (14:19):

And that is often overlooked and was certainly overlooked for me as well. Okay. So I hope you found this super helpful before you go. I just wanted to tell you that I am offering a discount for another type of programs, similar to bark. I think I did a podcast episode on it a couple months ago, but it's called inspi. And it is a platform for you to be able to monitor what your kid is doing on all of the digital things. And it doesn't have the same platform as bark, but it is available in more places than bark. So it has a lot of customizable monitoring in it. So I'm going to put a link in the show notes for that, as well as a discount code for you. If you want to check it out as an alternative to bark, if you're just wanting to compare the two, or if you're in a place that does not have bark, because I believe bark is in the U S only.

Speaker 1 (15:13):

And I know quite a few of you that listen to my podcast on a regular basis are not in the United States, which still amazes me, but inspire is available in most of the world outside of, in the U S but also outside of the U S. So if you are needing a way to monitor your kiddos digital activity on their phones, on the computer, and all of the things inspire is a great option for that. So please check that out. And then another thing before you go is that I am almost done with my be that mom movement method course. So I hope that you will keep an eye out for that. I'm going to have it ready to go soon. I hope to have had it done by this week, but of course, a couple of things in life slowed me down, but that does not mean I am not almost done with it.

Speaker 1 (15:54):

I actually am almost done with it. I just need to make some few tweaks and hopefully in the next couple of weeks, I will have it out to you. So please stay tuned for that as well. Okay. Thank you so much for listening. I am so honored to be here and to be able to speak to you and to bring topics to you. If there's any topic that you have that I have not covered, or if you would like to be a guest on my show, please reach out to me. If you have some sort of success story with your kiddos and the digital things, if you have something that you've done that I have not mentioned that you think my listeners would find helpful, I want to hear from you. So connect with me. My email is dolly@dollydenson.com. And if you're in a similar space as me, where you were trying to pay back your struggles to help other moms and would like to chat with me about how we can collaborate, I'd love to chat with you as well. Okay? So reach out to me, connect with me on social media or wherever you can connect with me and we'll chat next time. See ya.

Speaker 2 (16:56):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (17:10):

Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first, so that you could be better present for our digital native.