The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

Episode 70: Is my kid going to be an outcast if I limit the digital things?

Concerns for singling out our kids by being THAT mom that limits their time on digital things, is a real & common concern. Listen in for help navigating this! 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

Digital Resource tools:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

MSpy parental controls (a great option for those outside the US) CLICK HERE

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

Mom Wellness recommended tips/tools:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

 

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Black Oxygen Organics humic/fulvic acid supplements CLICK HERE (I recommend CellCore as highest quality and most comprehensive for humic/fulvic acid supplements, but if not able to do their protocol yet, this is the next best thing)

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by PristineHydro (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!)  CLICK HERE

Interested in starting your own podcast or having your own business or side hustle? These are a few of the resources I use and opportunities I recommend:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info! 

Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So, if you decide to be that mom and not give your kids all of the digital things, or maybe start with a dumb smartphone or watch, or you limit their social media, is your kiddo going to be an outcast? Have you thought that I certainly did. Let me share with you some of my insight as someone who went ahead and gave all of the things to start not having a clue, that's what we're going to talk about today.

Speaker 2 (00:32):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson. Holy moly check.

Speaker 1 (00:58):

If you were a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So I saw this discussion or this question on one of the, or in one of the parenting groups that I'm in on one of the social media apps. And it got me to thinking about it took me back. It took me back to when I first gave my kids smartphones and I truly was clueless. Now my first one, my oldest one, she's now in her early twenties.

Speaker 1 (01:50):

And there wasn't a smartphone. When, you know, when she got to middle school age, what was that middle school age she would have been, or would it have been around? What is middle school age? Usually about 11. So that was around 2009. So I think that's when smartphones were first starting, but that is not the first phone that she got. She first got like a little flip phone or something similar to that barely had texting capability. It definitely no internet capability and social media. And I think Facebook was the thing, like my space and things like that were a thing before that, but I never got into those things, but Facebook was a thing, but it certainly wasn't something that was accessible by her phone, by the second in the third born getting to middle school age, which is when I gave him these things.

Speaker 1 (02:37):

These things were a thing. And my thought then was I wanted them to have it because I wanted, you know, it's, it's fun. It's a way to connect. You know, Instagram at the time was what I thought was just like looking at pictures and maybe connecting with a few friends. So really clueless to the potential of these things. Now, initially when these things started, I don't think were to the nature degree that they are now in terms of predators, in terms of all of the things that are out there, like advertising to our kids, trying to get at our kids and then the drug dealers on Snapchat in all the different things that we have to worry about. Now, back then, these things were not as prevalent and as much of a thing, but I still was clueless. I thought the only threat that my kids had was maybe some weirdo trying to get in touch with them in Shirley.

Speaker 1 (03:30):

They would let me know that otherwise they're just there to keep in touch with their friends. That's what I thought. And I thought, you know, I want to give this to them. Um, you know, it's like a good thing. I want them to have this. I want them to be able to stay in touch with their friends and then bonus. I can know where they're at and I can keep in touch with them. Right. So I went ahead and gave all the things. I had no boundaries. I had no restrictions on anything at that time, there was no dumb smartphone. There was no tick talk watch, or a gizmo watch. There was no relay go device. There was no bark. There was nothing to monitor. There was nothing. Okay. So gave all of the things, didn't worry about it. Didn't take the phone up at night.

Speaker 1 (04:08):

Didn't do any of the things. Now, some parents may be like, well, I did that too. And my kids are fine. I honestly think that this is a very fluid thing. And it depends on the child and the situation such as their peer group and, you know, multiple different things that will create the influence on them. But I do think that no matter the child, if they are given the digital things connected to all of the things, curiosity is a natural childhood thing, right? All of them are curious bottom line, no debate. All kids are curious because that is a natural childhood state to be curious, to learn, to discover, you know, all of that. And then the other thing that is a non-negotiable among all the kids is that they are in development, developing their self-esteem, developing their beliefs, developing their interest in things that is a non- negotiable something all kids are doing because it's a natural childhood development thing.

Speaker 1 (05:08):

Right? So if we've got that, those two things, no matter if your child's upbringing who their peers are, what their influences are, what you allow, the digital things, the social media, all of that does influence them. It does. And there are some things that will be more obvious as influencing them, such as a predator, trying to get in touch with them, such as you know, them sending a provocative picture to someone, you know, all the different things that kids do when they stay connected on social media, whether it's a predator or just a peer, but the most insidious thing. And the reason why I encourage you to quote on quote, make your kid an outcast in the sense, which I don't think they are an outcast. And I will elaborate on that in a second, but the influence of these things is insidious and it becomes ingrained and intertwined in their beliefs and their thoughts to themselves and what they do in life.

Speaker 1 (06:05):

And it's hard to like basically peel apart what that influence was and where it was because it's influenced them. It's influenced them enough to where it's become part of their belief. And maybe it was meant to be that way. You know, maybe those are their beliefs in all of that. But I do think that there is a somewhat not ideal influence or force that gets placed upon our kids. If they are given all of these things without guidance, without monitoring, without you putting their floaties on. So to speak as if you're teaching them how to swim bottom line. When, before the digital age came along, we had our kids and basically kind of like a cocoon. They went out into the world when they went to school and, you know, they had certain things that they did in school, but they weren't interconnected to every kid on campus.

Speaker 1 (06:54):

Plus every other campus that you can think of, you know, maybe you took them to church or some form of worship. And they were in a, what I call Sunday school class. So they saw some other kids, you know, there's those kids, parents, you know, the Sunday school teachers, family, that type of thing. So you kind of had control over how they were influenced, but now we have taken basically a deep blue sea of the wide huge world and given them access to all of that. And it's not all bad, there's lots of good things about it. If it wasn't for all of the digital things we have, we wouldn't have been able to stay connected as much as we did during the pandemic. I made this podcast during the pandemic. I launched it right as this pandemic was starting. So it's been an amazing way for me to still get into people's ears and to reach them.

Speaker 1 (07:42):

And then as last year progressed, despite the censorship and all of the things that are have been happening on social media, I have still been able to reach things. So I'm not saying that the digital world is a bad thing, but I'm seeing that in the hands of our kids, they don't need to have access to anything and everything in the world. And when it comes to like being an outcast among their friends, what we need to encourage is for more parents to have this approach to where it is normalized for our kids to not have smartphones at the age of nine, 10, or 11, it is normalized for kids to not be on social media in a soap box of mine with social media. Now is I believe that it is probably created by the predators, because if you look at some of the stuff that has happened over the last six months, if someone has a certain topic that they want to talk about, if that topic goes against the grain of what the overlords of these social media apps want, or don't want to be discussed, it is immediately labeled and sometimes deleted, but yet they can't catch all the predators that are reaching out to our kids.

Speaker 1 (08:48):

They can't catch the drug dealers that are reaching out to our kids on Snapchat. The mom that I mentioned in a, a few months ago, where her son got fentanyl laced, drugs, or a pill that he was taking, and he didn't know it was laced with fentanyl and it killed him. She couldn't get access to the messages that he had on Snapchat because Snapchat had them locked down and apple had it locked down to where she couldn't even get into his phone. Cause she didn't know that his passcode into his phone. She didn't know his passwords to his different social media apps. If they can shut down certain narratives and certain things that are said, but they can't shut down these things. It makes me wonder who is controlling these apps. So my whole point is whether you want your kid to be an outcast or not, you need to look at the bigger picture and think about what kind of outcasts do you want them to be.

Speaker 1 (09:35):

And it's our responsibility as parents to guide our kids. And this is another portion of where we need to provide guidance. And another side of that story is that we cannot control everything and your kid is going to go, you know, if you go to a regular public school or they ride a bus, there's going to be other kids on there that their parents aren't aware of the dangers in the influences or don't care. And they are going to expose our kids to things. So it's out there. It's going to be out there and there's no way to keep your kid completely from it. But my point is, we need to normalize being more proactive in this space. We need to normalize making these social media apps and companies and the makers of the smartphones, be more accountable for putting parental controls and safety monitoring on needs devices.

Speaker 1 (10:25):

I know they're not made for kids, so maybe they don't need to be in the hands of kids until we can get those sorts of things in place. And that's why the pinwheel phone and the gab phone are such amazing things. Listen to my episode, 33 and 38 about pinwheel and about the tick talk watch, there's also the relay go device that you can use. It's like a walkie-talkie thing. There's the gab phone, which doesn't have as much controls and much ways to monitor who they're talking to, but it's still a step up from a smartphone. So all of these things that we have now are ways for us to still give an introduction to our kids, for these things, but not give them access to the world. So I think the moral of the story of what I'm trying to say here, and maybe I'm becoming repetitive, but me as a parent sitting on the other side, almost on the other side of raising three kids, two of them are still teenagers.

Speaker 1 (11:19):

I can see the influence of this because I did all the wrong things and not necessarily all wrong. They're doing beautifully. Now. They are adjusting and stuff like that. But I do think that I made their growing up years harder because I wasn't aware. And I can now see a maturity in them at older ages that I think that's the more appropriate time to give access to more of the things. But when that maturity level isn't there, you're going to get more curiosity, curiosity, more exploration, more not knowing something could be dangerous. You know, the mindset of, uh, of a teen that doesn't quite grasp ramifications of certain actions, sending things out into the world that you can't take back all of those things. So when it comes to your kiddo, being an outcast, I had that same thought and I went down the road of a hope and a prayer and not much else.

Speaker 1 (12:13):

And so I'm here to say it is such a blessing and a gift right now for you to have so many options for this. So explore the different options and choose to make your kid an outcast in the sense that you are guiding them in their development. And I guarantee you, it will pay off in the future. You may get pushed back. You likely will get pushed back. You likely will be told that they are the only kid that doesn't have this or that. But at the end of the day, you are the parent that is guiding them through this world. It is a dangerous and unpredictable world. The influence on them is also unpredictable and insidious. And so you are going to take a proactive stance. And I think you just have to communicate that with them, let them know that you promise them that you love them, and you were doing this in the best interest and someday they will understand.

Speaker 1 (13:03):

Okay. So I hope that was helpful in the sense that it is hard. I've been there and no one wants to be an outcast, but if we can push towards educating more parents about the influences, share my podcast with them, share the resources with them, and let's make it a normal thing for them to not have a smartphone and access to all the social media apps. Let's make it a normal thing that they are walking around with a dumb smartphone and that they can keep in touch by texting. If you have a pinwheel phone, you can control who they are contacting and when they're contacting them. So you can make sure that they have healthy sleep and a healthy routine at home, and that they still have their childhood discovery and all of those things. Okay. So again, I hope this was helpful for you. Please reach out to me. If you have any questions, comments you want to tell me about your own experience, please dip down into the show notes by just scrolling up on this episode, to get some of my freebie download resources, as well as some of the other things that I mentioned in all of my episodes, and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (14:08):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time either 

Speaker 1 (14:22):

Before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

Episode 69: Anxiety on the rise! Does your kid or teen struggle with it?

Anxiety is a normal response to stress, but its prevalence among kids & teens continues to rise. Listen in for tips to help you recognize & navigate it!  

 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

Digital Resource tools:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

Mom Wellness recommended tips/tools:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

 

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Black Oxygen Organics humic/fulvic acid supplements CLICK HERE (I recommend CellCore as highest quality and most comprehensive for humic/fulvic acid supplements, but if not able to do their protocol yet, this is the next best thing)

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by PristineHydro (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!)  CLICK HERE

Interested in starting your own podcast or having your own business or side hustle? These are a few of the resources I use and opportunities I recommend:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info! 

 

Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Anxiety in teens and kids is on the rise. And it's no wonder, right? Because of all of this stuff that has gone on over the past year and a half, if you are listening to this at the time of my recording, which is in 2021, but this is something that is a very prevalent issue that can have lifelong effects if we don't face it, head on. So that is what we're going to talk about today.

Speaker 2 (00:25):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (00:50):

Needing a way to stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the tick talk, watch it is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music has an activity. Tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where, you know, if they go outside of a certain perimeter, such as their school or your neighborhood, check them out today and use code, be that mom for a discount. So before we get started today, I just want to give you a heads up on a couple of things, because I've had a couple people questioning me about this. And I have tried to correct some of my recordings where I talk about it, but in case you have missed it for the pinwheel phone, my code changed a couple of months back.

Speaker 1 (01:42):

And it's B that mom dash T E N 10. So if you're interested in getting your kiddo a pinwheel phone, you can use that code to get a discount. And then for the bark app and the Tik TOK watch and the gab phone, my code has not changed and it's still be that mom altogether. One word. Okay. Okay. So before we get started, I just have to tell you this. So a couple of months back, sorry, I didn't silence something. So something's dinging, sorry about that. But a couple months back, I was uploading a podcast and was having some trouble or something. Somehow I uploaded one of my podcasts to my, like my iTunes store on my phone. So it shows up like in my list of music and it popped up the other day as I was listening to music. So I was driving.

Speaker 1 (02:29):

And so I listened to the podcast just to, you know, hear what I had to say. And, you know, since it was a couple months back, I thought, well, let me see if I've improved on some of the things. And I was just amazed at how much I kind of was repetitive with a few things and went on and on and on about a few things. And, you know, kind of feel like a little bit embarrassed about that, but also pat myself on the back for putting myself out there anyway. Right. So I just wanted to say that I appreciate you. I am appreciative that you show up and you listen to this, that you've given me support and that you, me, as I am my imperfect self and that I am not a pro in any way in this broadcasting out to the world, but I am a mom that had challenges put upon my heart that I never expected.

Speaker 1 (03:10):

I would have to face as a parent. And I feel like I have a somewhat unique experience in that my kids is ages fell to where initially didn't have to deal with the digital things. And then we very much had to. And so I've seen the effect on my children across the age spans that they are. And so it's just something that was placed upon me as a challenge. And I come here regularly to just share what I learned because I'm passionate about helping other parents. And I do believe that this digital age is a new, has like put a new realm of parenting on our shoulders and it is something that we cannot ignore. So I just want to thank you for showing up and listening to my podcast if it's your first time, or if you've listened since the beginning. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (03:57):

Thank you for accepting my imperfections. And I do my best to bring you quality information and the things that are at the forefront of what we are dealing with on a daily basis. So I hope that you find it helpful, and I would love to hear from you if you do, or if you have suggestions on topics or if you want to share with me your own story of how you have overcome a struggle in relation to this. I know that it's just something that is absolutely something we can't ignore, but a lot of parents do. And so my mission is to get this into the ears of more people, to where being that mom becomes the norm, instead of us feeling like we are singling out our kids and they're somehow going to be missing out on things or made fun of or anything like that.

Speaker 1 (04:39):

So anyways, just wanted to say thank you for showing up and to giving support of this podcast and all of the things. Okay. So anxiety is something I wanted to bring this up and talk about this because I've seen this kind of a spike or elevate among the teen and young adult generations in, especially over the last year and a half. I think that it's been perpetuated by our situation that we've had in the world. If you're listening to this in real time, when I publish it, I'm recording it in 2021. So I'm speaking of the last year and a half since 2020, when we have had the pandemic and all of the things that have gone on since then. So I want to talk about some reasons why I believe that anxiety is an issue in teens and that we need to address it.

Speaker 1 (05:25):

And then I'm going to give you some thinking points on things that you can do and implement with your own family and your kids so that you can help them to manage this and to cope. Okay. So I think anxiety is a normal reaction to stress. Oh, and before I get further into this, another side note is I am speaking as a mom who has witnessed this in my own kids and dealt with it myself. I am in no way, an expert, I am not offering medical advice. I am just giving you a place to start in exploring this for yourself. If you feel like is a very much huge issue in your kid's life, please don't hesitate to reach out and seek professional help as someone who has education and a background in treating this, you know, seeking help is not a bad thing.

Speaker 1 (06:09):

And I think it's kind of stigmatized, but seek help if you need to. But what I'm sharing with you today are just a few points that I have found helpful, and that I think that are good things for all of us to explore with our own families. Okay. So anxiety, like I said, is a normal reaction to stress. There's nothing wrong with having anxiety when we are dealing with a new situation or, you know, something that's going on in our lives, it spans across all demographics. I don't think that it is unique to any specific demographic or age or anything like that. It's just a normal thing that we have at when we were kids. You know, if you're old enough to be listened to this because you have kids then, and you likely grew up and in it less digital age. Right. And I think things were different for us.

Speaker 1 (06:54):

Like they were the same, but they were different. And so let's talk about a few things that I think have made this kind of more of a, a big problem for our kids than it was for us. The first one, I believe is higher expectations and more pressure to succeed in the noisiness of all of the other things of life right now. And, you know, like standardized test the test that you take to get into college. I know when I took the sat and act, I had to take them, you know, you likely had to take those to get into college. I felt like a complete dummy when I took those tests, honestly had to go back and study like vocabulary and different things just to get my test score up higher. But I think the standardized tests that our kids take in regular school in the regular school year have become harder.

Speaker 1 (07:37):

There's more pressure and more wheat put on those tests. And then there's just so much distraction in the world, which makes it harder for them to focus on those things. The second thing is there's a lot of uncertainty in the world. There's a lot of change going on in the world, especially the last year and a half. I don't know how much you're aware your kids are aware of all of the things going on. I think there's different levels of awareness there, but in general, the uncertainty and the division and all of the things around the masks in, in the shot and all of the different things that are out there, there's a lot of uncertainty. There's a lot of disagreement, a lot of divisions. So I think that is putting more anxiety on all of us, but as adults, we have more coping mechanisms usually than our children do.

Speaker 1 (08:21):

And then the third thing is social media, the pressure of social media, like there's absolutely pressure in social media. It is not just about being social as adults. We feel it right. You feel it in, you want to like, look as good as the other family, you know, have the, the big vacations and all of the things. There's that comparison thing. That's just natural for us as human beings to compare and feel like we're less than. So I think that is pronounced in children when they're on social media, because they're still kind of developing their sense of self. And the pressure just is, is bigger and larger in their lives than it is if you were older. And then the fourth thing is that I believe that anxiety is perpetuated by the interconnectedness of our digital world. You know, the not being able to disconnect, always being connected to something, being tracked by parents on life 360.

Speaker 1 (09:15):

I mean, I don't track my kids, but we have life 360. So I can just see where they are, what I need to know where they are. Right? All of those things of the digital world, where you are connected to everything. I think perpetuates it too. I believe that anxiety that is not recognized or is not treated is what leads to depression, what leads to substance use and abuse. And ultimately it can lead to suicide. And suicide has gone up in our world in the last year and a half as well. So this is definitely something to think about and explore with your kiddos. So now what I want to do is just give you some thinking points and some things, some places for you to start to make sure that you are addressing this in your family as well. So the first thing would be to be aware of the signs signs in your children.

Speaker 1 (10:08):

So them being more fearful, expressing more worries about, you know, going to a party, you know, doing the different social things that are just normal childhood things. If they show more worrier or fear about that, and what goes along with that too, would be to not continually expose them to the fear related information that is put out into the world, such as the news and news sites on the internet and those types of things. So being aware of what they are exposed to on social media, on the internet and those types of things, if they are avoiding social situations, they normally would be okay with, if they're having a drop in grades, if they're just isolated more, they're happy with staying in their room, which might be a normal teenage thing too, but they're more isolated and don't want to get out of that isolation.

Speaker 1 (10:58):

If they have a change in their behavior, their demeanor, they used to smile and laugh with you. And now they suddenly don't. And that also, I think, is a normal part of like the middle school, early high school age is for them to do that as they're becoming more self-aware and you know, their hormones are changing. They're going through puberty. They start thinking, oh, maybe my parent doesn't know everything. And then they start saying that, you know, nothing. And as you can see, I have been through this three times. So I've seen that pattern and I do think it's a normal part of growing up, but also something to be aware of and make sure that it's not going too far into, you know, being isolated. And then another sign would be physical complaints. And I think that spans across all ages. And since we were kids in terms of like a stomach ache or, you know, different things that they complain about, they can't go do this or that because of something or other that, you know, they're feeling.

Speaker 1 (11:51):

So those are some of the signs that you may notice. I'm sure there's others, but just kind of be aware and look for some of those signs and really some of the problem with all of the stuff around anxiety is that a lot of these, like I said, can be normal childhood development things. So the next thing would be to talk with your child, to talk to them about these things that you're noticing that they're expressing or that they're doing with their behaviors and such to see if they're okay, check in with them and make sure that you're a safe place to land. That's like no judgment. Like you're a no judgment zone. You were here to help them. You were their guide through their childhood years, whether they like it or not. And so check in with them and see what's going on with them.

Speaker 1 (12:31):

Just be point blank. You know, you're concerned about them. You know, there's a lot of heavy things going on in the world, where are you at with these things? You know, that type of thing. If you don't have that sort of relationship with your kid, just start working on that. It is easy for that to slip away when they're always pushing back on you, but just push back on that because it will be worth it in the end and then encourage healthy ways of coping. You know, so instead of going and being isolated in their rooms, getting out and moving their body, some form of exercise, a healthy diet, eating fruits and vegetables, drinking, water, getting good sleep, having a routine around sleep, have a routine around waking up. If you're into like reflection, meditation, reading for personal growth, encourage those things. If you're not into those things, I highly recommend those for you too.

Speaker 1 (13:21):

But you know, encouraging all of those things as healthy ways of coping and really talk to them about coping mechanisms. And, you know, if you're a person that's like, I'm going to go get a drink because you know, this is just too stressful while I do that. Sometimes like when I was doing my taxes the other day, I certainly got myself a little mixed drink just because I was getting stressed, but that's not necessarily a healthy way of coping. So, you know, having your own self-awareness around what you do to cope in trying to make that a healthy thing for all of y'all, you know, not that you can't do that sometimes, but that shouldn't always be the thing, at least in my opinion, that shouldn't always be the thing that we go to, to cope. I do find that I'm more balanced if I exercise or move my body in some way every day.

Speaker 1 (14:02):

So modeling that behavior and then encouraging them to do something similar to that. Also be mindful of the expectations you have for them. When I was a kid, the expectation that my mom always told us was you need to have A's or B's on your report card. Right. And that was totally fine. That was realistic for when I was a kid, but now at least like where my kids have gone to school, the way they grade things is different. I don't necessarily agree with how they grade things, but it's like, it's harder to achieve the higher grades. It's like, it's almost like things are pushed down a little bit and they're not rewarded as much for what they do. I don't know. That's probably not a really accurate way to say that, but I had to move myself away from the expectation of the grades and look more bigger picture as to how they were doing in school and what they were learning and what they were doing in their life and types of things.

Speaker 1 (14:51):

So be mindful of the expectations you have for them, make sure that there's something realistic and, you know, just encourage them in a realistic way to reach for more, to do well in the things that they do, you know, that type of stuff. Another thing would be to disconnect from the world like disconnect. If you think about it with our phones, with smartwatches, with our computers, even like our refrigerator can have wifi. Now, the wifi in our house, there's the Alexa machines and the echos and all of those different things. There's so many ways to stay connected to the world. And sometimes we just have to disconnect. If you are able to do something where you're outside in the sunshine, being active, being something together and doing something together in nature, those types of things encourage a regular disconnect like every weekend or at a certain time of each day, where you were disconnected from all the other things, taking that pressure of the world away to just be within, you know, your own self and your own family.

Speaker 1 (15:55):

Another thing would be to talk to them about social media illusions, you know, social media is an illusion. Talk to them about that, let them know. And they were probably aware of this, but just for you to reiterate that it's a fake world on social media, you know, pictures are edited. Blemishes are removed, wastes are made smaller, all kinds of things can be done with pictures, just like predators can take a picture and make it look like a kid. When they're actually an adult. There are so many things that can be done with the pictures. Talk to them about that and reiterate that they are enough how they are exactly how they are. They do not have to be like that girl, you know, in this show or that they see on social media. And the number of likes that they get on pictures is not something that determines their worth, that type of stuff.

Speaker 1 (16:43):

Social media creates so much illusion and so much of the feeling of not enough. So if you do allow them on social media, definitely talk to them about those things so that they are not walking around feeling like they are inadequate every day and then encourage social situations. So that means get them out of the house, get them doing stuff with people face to face, put the phones away, you know, like having friends over and everybody's sitting on their phone, that's not really being social, you know, so encouraging social situations where they are out and they are doing normal childhood things. I was telling my husband the other day that I feel like all the digital things, the gaming, the smart phones, all of the things where the kids get absorbed in that, because it's fun, right? Like it's fun to play games. We play games when we were kids.

Speaker 1 (17:31):

It just wasn't as addictive. And it didn't suck you in as much. It wasn't so realistic, like real life. But I feel like all of the digital things almost, and I've said this in another podcast, they distract our kids from them, discovering who they really are. They basically are hindering their childhood development to where maybe they never find their true interests. Maybe they are taken so off course that they don't go through the normal childhood discovery and they never discover what they are really meant to be. Does that not take your breath away to think that like how crazy is that, that these digital things could zap in Rob our kids of their childhood? So while I'm not saying completely disconnect from the things there has to be boundaries around what they use when they use it, where they use it. And when you can put those boundaries in place, then they are still allowed to do normal childhood things.

Speaker 1 (18:29):

Boredom is okay, boredom creates creativity, right? So let them be bored. Let them discover ways to entertain themselves, let them be creative, let them play outside in the dirt, let them ride their bikes, you know, shoot hoops, do all the things that we did as kids, because that is where they learn who they are. And they learn that there are enough and that they are capable and they're smart and all of the things, right? So put boundaries around the digital things and encourage social situations where they have to be face-to-face and side-by-side with other people without being digitally connected. And then finally, like I said, at the beginning, if you feel like it has become more than what you can handle, if you feel like you need an outside perspective or, you know, just someone else that can come and talk to your child, seek outside help.

Speaker 1 (19:19):

There's no shame in that. We have done that with our own family. And I know many families that have done that as well. Sometimes it just takes the outside perspective of someone else to come in to help you kind of get a grasp on what you have going on, because it absolutely is so overwhelming raising kids in our digital age. And so it's just, there's no shame in asking for outside help if you need it. Okay. And I think that like, if I think back to my childhood and my teenage years, I did have a lot of anxiety too. So my guess is you probably did too. But the difference now is number one more isolation because of all of the things that have happened in the last year and a half since 2020. And so that's naturally made everybody more isolated and then they have more ways to kind of defer or divert facing these things, head on, you know, encouraging them to get out and get a job and things like that is something that can help them to work through it too.

Speaker 1 (20:20):

But I just feel like by them being able to, I can't talk by them being able to connect through texting versus talking, being able to connect through things on social media versus talking like talking on the phone, I think has kind of funneled our kids into being more isolated and not being as social. And so we need to encourage them to still talk to people, talk to them on the phone, have face-to-face interactions as we move past all of the stuff around that pandemic. And we're out into the world more, depending on where you live, we need to get back to being social and doing things together because they can get creates a, um, a stigma and a feeling of isolation and then almost an anxiety around having to be talking to people and things like that. And I know for me, I personally like if I'm texting someone and then they call me, like, I've just texted them.

Speaker 1 (21:15):

And then they called me, I'm like, dang it. Like, I didn't say call me. I was okay with texting, but I don't feel like talking, you know, I think we all kind of do that. Right. Or maybe I'm the only one, but I think it's natural for us to go towards the isolation type. You know, the less social, maybe depending on our personality, maybe I'm just more introverted, but I think it's kind of a natural thing, but I think we have to push past that. What I was saying when I got kind of sidetracked just a second ago, was that as kids and as we were growing up, we didn't have all of these digital things to stay connected. So whether you were nervous or not, you still face your fears and you still did it because otherwise you didn't live. Right. So we pushed past those things because that's how life was.

Speaker 1 (21:57):

And that's how we communicated with each other. So the convenience of all the digital things and not having to talk to people directly or call them on the phone is something that creates this feeling of isolation, which funnels into the social anxiety and the whole situation whoops, around the anxiety. So I hope this was helpful for you in these were some good thinking points for you to move forward with your family. I don't think that it is abnormal to have anxiety at all, but we do have to encourage them to work through those fears and those worries and all of the things and make sure that they are still developing that character strength of being able to be social and talk to other people and push past it when they have anxiety. Okay. Again, I hope you found this helpful and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (22:44):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 3 (22:58):

If you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Episode 68: What things to look at when checking a kid‘s phone.

Privacy is a highly debated when it comes to a kid's phone, but if you are wanting to check your kids phone, use these suggestions on what to check!

 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 

Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So, if you ever want to get parents riled up, ask the question in a parenting group, whether or not a kid deserves privacy on their phone, have you ever done that? Have you ever looked at those conversations? Wow. It can get heated, right? Well, today we're going to just dive into a couple aspects around that topic to help you. If you are in the place where you are needing to inspect their phone and some alternatives that you can use in order to not have to go into their phone as much and worry about missing something, okay. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:38):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (01:04):

Needing a way to stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet. Check out the tick talk. Watch it is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music has an activity. Tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where, you know, if they go outside of a certain perimeter, such as their school or your neighborhood, check them out today and use code, be that mom for a discount. So privacy around the use of a phone. I get it. It is definitely something that we need to honor. As our kids get older. It is like one of those things where they are trying to gain more independence and think that we don't understand them and all of that stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:53):

But what you have to understand when it comes to giving them digital access to the digital world, to smartphones and whatever it is, whatever it looks like for you is that the information that they have at their fingertips is like the world, like the entire world. So think of anything and everything that they may be curious about. They can find information about it and we can all agree that yes, we want them to expand their thinking, to learn more things, but some stuff is just not something they need to be exposed to at certain ages. Right? So the biggest thing is to not feel pressured into giving that first smartphone, right? Like at some point we have to put our foot down and say, it's not okay to be giving an eight and nine and 10 year old a smartphone, right? Like of course some parents do that and your kids do fine, but other ones do not.

Speaker 1 (02:43):

And they crash and burn. And so we have to recognize there is an impact for this and that when we are giving them something, I believe these things need to be earned. And then we don't have to necessarily be diving into all of their conversations once they have developed and demonstrated that responsibility around what they are doing back in the day and age, when all a phone would do is taxed. And you know, anybody and everybody didn't have access to your kid's phone number. It probably wasn't that big of a deal. My oldest kid's first phone was a flip phone. And at that time, the flip phone had no internet access, but we're living in a different day and age now. So I believe that, like I've said, in other episodes that we need to start with baby steps, put floaties on them and help guide them.

Speaker 1 (03:30):

So, but once you have given that smartphone at that point, I do believe there needs to be monitoring. Now the alternatives to taking up a phone and looking through it is to use something like that. Bark. I know you've heard me mentioned that before or choosing a different type of phone, one of the dumb smartphones. And I, I have those listed in my show notes, but those are an alternative and they take some of the work out of it. But let's say that you're in the place right now, where you do not have bark. Maybe you're thinking about it, but you haven't gotten it set up yet, or it's not available where you're at. What things can you do? What things do you look at when you go to take up their phone? I want to talk about 10 things. Some of them kind of overlap, but 10 things that you can think about and look into when you pick up that phone and then go from there.

Speaker 1 (04:18):

Once you have gotten into a routine of looking at things, and if you are in a place where you can get bark, it will take some of the legwork out of this. And any of these things are not completely full-proof. So, you know, just realize that no, that if you are spot checking it, your kid may get smart to the fact that they know you're going to spot, check it at a certain time. And so they delete things. They get rid of things, they delete apps, different things like that. So you can't see what their activity is. So that's kind of the risk that comes along with giving them a device that has so much information, so much power, so much influence in impact that you do run that risk of there being some dishonesty, as a result of most likely their innocent curiosity, to a point before they start doing it intentionally because they want to do whatever it is that they want to do.

Speaker 1 (05:06):

So let's talk about this. If you're picking up the phone, you don't yet have a parental control type thing on there, or you can't get one on there. I first off would look at their conversations, their texts, who are they talking to? What are they saying? There's no way that you probably can scroll through all the conversations, but I would set it up to where there's boundaries around, who can they talk to? And then maybe generally scroll through, like maybe if they've got a group message with other peers, it might be good to kind of scroll through that and just kind of see what the general conversation is. Okay. So the first thing would be to look at the text, who are they talking to? What are they talking about? That type of thing. The second thing would be what phone calls are they getting in?

Speaker 1 (05:48):

Who are they calling? If they're getting a bunch of random numbers might want to go through there and block some of those numbers, I've looked at my kid's phone, they were getting all kinds of spam. And so I've gone through and blocked those numbers. So they would quit calling them. The third thing would be to look and some of these things, there's where they've learned to hide things. So that's, I'm just kind of highlighting some of the places that they may be trying to slip things past you. So the third thing would be notes. Notes is a place where they can, you know, put passwords down. They can put the different things that they're trying to remember save or whatever. And so I would look through the notes and just see what they have there. The fourth thing would be emails. If they do have their email access on their phone, I would look through and just see if they they're getting emails from someone other than who y'all know, or, you know, sometimes they're spam emails that can kind of deceive them into thinking there's something real, like click this and you're going to win this.

Speaker 1 (06:40):

And then it ends up implementing a virus or, you know, something to that effect. So we'll look at the emails, see who they're emailing and who they're getting emails from, maybe unsubscribed from things that they have may have subscribed to. And now they're getting a bunch of spam emails. The fifth thing would be their pictures. And when I say pictures, I mean also look at their deleted pictures. So I would look through and see what things they're taking. Pictures of, look and see if they've deleted anything. If they know how to delete the deleted folder, then you still may miss things. But that is a place where you might pick up on something they're doing or saying that you may not think is ideal. The sixth thing is look through the files of the phone, another place where they can hide things is in the files of the phone.

Speaker 1 (07:23):

The seventh thing would be their contacts. And I personally, if you have an iPhone, I would set it up on your screen time controls to where they can not add any contacts. And you can do that in there and you could set it up to where they can add contacts or not add contacts. And then I think there's a few other things in there. Like you can set it up to where they can can't call after a certain time, or they can only call these certain numbers at, or these certain contacts at a certain time. So you can set it up to where they have like your preferred list of people that can contact them and vice versa. So I would look through the contacts, make sure there's no one knew that you don't know and that everybody that's on there as someone that they know in real life in person, the ninth thing I would look at is time spent and where it was spent.

Speaker 1 (08:10):

So their screen time controls or their Google family link, screen controls. And on an iPhone, if you haven't set up through your phone, you can look at this through your phone, what their activity is, what apps they're spending more time on, how much time they were on their phone, all of those things, I would pay attention to that and see where they're spending their time. And then the last thing to mention is, oh, I skipped one. So I did, I skipped, I think I skipped number seven, but I don't know if I said six or seven or eight. So the next one is hidden apps. So I have an episode that I talk about some common hidden apps. Let me see if I can find it. Okay. So if you go to episode 53, I talk about different apps and features of smartphones that are made for hiding things.

Speaker 1 (08:58):

Highly recommend that you check out that episode because there are apps that are made specifically to look like a calculator or different things. So that's what you think it is, but it actually has like hidden messages or hidden photos, different things like that, hidden on the phones that you can not see it. And if you ever see in an app that you have not approved, or, and that's another thing is, make sure you have it set up to where they cannot add or delete apps without your permission. And then that will save you a lot of sanity when it comes to finding something that you didn't approve of on their phone. But if you come across an app that looks different, you can go to the app store and search that app, you know? So just try to find that app in the app store and then look what at what its description is.

Speaker 1 (09:41):

That's one way to figure out if it's one of those apps. I mean, you know, there's always new apps, there's always new things going on. So it may not be something that's listed in my episode because there's always something new to skirt around what parents want our kids to do. So be sure to check out the app store for that. And then the last thing is just to check out if you are allowing any social media, Snapchat, Tech-Talk Pinterest, Instagram, any of those always be aware that those are algorithm based. So if you open up their app and it suddenly is showing them something, that's like, you know, risque something that you didn't want them to see. No, that it is showing things according to either something that they are browsing or searching for or talking about, that's how the apps work, unless you have it set up to block those things.

Speaker 1 (10:27):

But on most of them, it's hard to block it. So, you know, you, you search a certain thing and then suddenly it shows up on your Facebook feed, right? We've probably all experienced that. Or you talk about something and suddenly there's an ad for it. So when you go into their social media apps, one thing you can do, if you're kind of spot-checking this, if it allows you to, you can have a log in on your phone for certain apps. Instagram is one that you can do this. And so you can log out of yours and log into theirs and see what their activity has been. You can also kind of interact on theirs and interact with some things that you know, that they'll be interested in. So those are the things that it's shown in the app. If that makes sense, you know, so it's algorithm based.

Speaker 1 (11:07):

So you could go in, even if you can't do it on your phone, you could go in on their phone, click around on some things that you know, that they'll like on Snapchat, subscribe to certain things that channels that, you know, that is educational things for them, that type of thing. And then what they're shown is those things versus pornography or whatever. Now I'm not seeing or suggesting that it's okay to put your kid on a social media platform. I think that's an individual decision and there is responsibility that goes with that. Us understanding that there are dangers there that even with our best efforts, a predator that is savvy and knows how to work a kid or to work around parental controls can very much very quickly get into our kids' lives. Somehow one way to block that one thing that is very common, that they do is to kind of be friend the child, claiming that they're the same age or they somehow relate, you know, somehow gain their trust.

Speaker 1 (12:04):

And then they have them, they get them off of that platform. So they may like have them add them to their contacts. And then they're just another contact in the phone. So the parent won't notice that type of thing. So that's another reason why it's important to set up their contacts with where they can't add or delete contacts without your permission. Okay. So the social media thing is a big, huge thing that requires multiple episodes to help you navigate. So don't take that lightly and do supervise closely with that. Okay. So those are the tips that I have as far as things to just spot check. If you're going to spot check your kid's phone, I do still recommend that if bark is available in your area, it is absolutely top of the line, the best thing out there. They have a heart of gold.

Speaker 1 (12:49):

It is made by parents that like me have gone through the early days of having our kids on the digital things. And they have your kids and your best interest at heart. They will, if they detect something on your kid's phone, they will follow up with you. Once they send a message to make sure you and your kid are doing okay, they help you to navigate these things. And it's not just like a bot that detects things and sends it to you. There's different ways to control it to where you can make it more sensitive or less sensitive. You can bot check certain things. There's just so much to it. It's such a gift. Other than that, you know, there's the dumb smartphones. The pinwheel phone is top of the line gives you most control. It kind of takes a lot of these things that I'm mentioning and makes them to where they're not possible on a pinwheel phone because there's no internet access, the apps that are on there, you have to approve, you can set up modes for when the phone is functional, what things are functional when all of those things.

Speaker 1 (13:44):

So for a pinwheel phone use code, be that mom dash 10 T E N. And that will get you a discount on that phone for bark. It's be that mom is my code, and that will get you 20% off for the life of your subscription in a seven day free trial. The other things out there like the Tik TOK watch that will help you stay connected for a younger kid, but not necessarily access to the whole world with the phone. So there are things out there to help you, but use these tips to help you in the case that you are not able to get ahold of those things right now, or you're just kind of wanting to get a gauge on what your kid is doing and what's going on. Maybe you don't feel like those things are necessary yet. Okay. Or, you know, you just decide that you're not going to do those things, which is totally your call. Okay. Hopefully this was helpful for you and was, um, relatively short and sweet. I intended on it being a little bit shorter, but talked a little fast this time, I think. But hopefully you are doing well and having a great summer so far or whatever season it is, where you live and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (14:46):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Episode 67: Amazon Kids: Safe shopping with your approval

Anything and everything can be bought on Amazon. Use this feature of Amazon to make sure your kid is accessing & purchasing only the things you approve!

 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 

Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

As if your mind, isn't already like overwhelmed with navigating all the digital things today, I'm going to share something with you that you may have not thought about, but I think you need to know about that enough information to do the intro. I think so. Okay. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:17):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 3 (00:42):

Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb, smart phones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount.

Speaker 1 (01:09):

Okay. So, you know, my podcast is just all about giving you a heads up, right? Giving you a heads up and giving you a few pointers to help you along this wonderful world of raising kids in the digital age. Right. That's what we're here for. So today I just want to talk about, and kind of open your mind to a couple of possibilities in give you some specific places to start. So was that not vague or was that not vague? I know that was vague. So what I'm talking about is do you use Amazon to buy things? And if you do say your kids need something, do they have their own account or do they use your account? I initially let my kids have their own account. I put my credit card on their account and it was like, okay, just let me know when you need something and we'll order it.

Speaker 1 (01:55):

I don't know why I did that. It was years ago now, but I found a feature just probably in the last year that I was like, oh yeah, this is another thing that I could have used back then. And like I've said before, my whole parenting days in the earlier years of the internet and all of that is like, whew, Guinea pig, Guinea pig. Like we have done all the mistakes. So if you have kids that are younger, be so very thankful that we have blazed the path for you and made some of these mistakes. So you can learn from them. Not that you won't make your own. I'm sure that there's always something because everything is always changing when it comes to the digital things. But here's one pointer that hopefully you can learn from my mistake on. Okay. So on Amazon, they now have a feature that's Amazon kids and there's different features to it.

Speaker 1 (02:46):

And I don't use all of it because some of it is like helps you to find educational things. But the way I have used it is I've set it up to where, when purchases are made on their accounts, I have credit card on there, but I get a text anytime they want to purchase something and I have to click to approve it in order for the order to go through. This could also be something to look into on other things where you have to put your credit card, that they didn't use to have things in place. Like we had kind of a horror story when it came to the early days of iTunes where one of the kids purchased like a ton of songs and thought that they were all included like in our, like monthly auto, not audible, but our monthly iTunes membership, but they weren't.

Speaker 1 (03:31):

And so we ended up with like a $700 bill and it was all like songs downloaded and you know, so, so I've heard. And I think we had this happen with one of the kids buying stuff through game where they thought it was just buying like the fake money of the game. And it turns out that it was actually buying things with our credit card that we had used one time to purchase something. So anytime you're putting your credit card in on anything that they're purchasing, look for those controls, but I wanted to just specifically highlight this about Amazon, that they have this in place now. And to just kind of expand your thinking a little bit, think of, you know, if you give free reign of that credit card, say they have themselves, or a friend wants to get something and they know that your kid has that account and your credit card is on there, like anything and everything is available on Amazon.

Speaker 1 (04:27):

Right? So think in terms of like the kids these days, some of them in, depending on where you live and what school they go to, and all of that experiments like experimenting with drugs and different things is such a very, very prevalent thing now. And it's so very dangerous, but I don't think that it's necessarily a new thing. I think there's always been experimentation in the teenage years, but it's just more accessible now, which makes it more dangerous. Well, think about some of the things that they may want to get hold of in order to experiment things like cold medicine, things like Benadryl, there are these things available on Amazon. So even if you think your kid's going to be responsible and would never purchase anything without talking to you first, it's still just a good idea to set up these parental controls on their account.

Speaker 1 (05:17):

And don't give them free reign. Even if it's not them, it could be a peer saying, Hey, order it, order this and I'll have it shipped to this address. So they'll never know whatever. I mean, you know, if your credit card, then you'd probably notice that there's been these purchases on there, but there's all kinds of ways that they may try to get around this. So I'm just speaking from the experience of having put my card on different things. And specifically with Amazon, it just kind of blows my mind to think of the possibilities. If they have free reign of buying things and don't have to have your approval first. There's just so many things that are available on Amazon. And it's not always like, you know, it's not a PG or it's not like a, what do I want to say? Like there are things on there that we would not want our kids to see or have access to.

Speaker 1 (06:04):

Right? And then there's the things like experimentation. That could be a concern. So just wanting to give you a heads up and let you know that there is this Amazon kids option, just go to your account. And then I think it's like your profile or something like that. And you can set it up to where your kid is underneath you and has an Amazon kids account. Then it texts you when they want to make a purchase. And then they can go ahead and make the purchase if you allow that much independence online. So, and then this could also be a place of education, no matter what their age is in terms of like budgeting and learning how to navigate different things while not having complete free reign of things. And I believe it also, when you set it up as the kids' account, it limits their browsing ability, which we know is not going to be foolproof.

Speaker 1 (06:55):

And we need to still kind of have a keen eye to the possibilities. But the fact that it's set up to provide more safeguards for that, both for yourself and for them. I think it's a pretty cool thing, a pretty awesome thing to have. And as always just, you know, keeping an ever expanding mind to the possibilities and never put it past a child or adolescent to push the boundaries of whatever we are setting in place with their natural childlike curiosity, you know, in discovery and all that. So this just is another way to help us navigate that. All right. So hope you found this helpful. I hope you will share this with other moms that may need these type of tips too. Don't forget to take that extra time for yourself and take care of yourself as well, so that you can be present for your kiddos. Like I've mentioned in the last couple episodes. Okay. I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (07:50):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time either before you

Speaker 3 (08:05):

Go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

Episode 66: A summer screentime game plan: Don't leave it to chance!

Don't leave your kid's screen time to chance. Here is a game plan for you to follow as we roll into summer, with 5 tips you can use today!

 FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOM-TEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Oh, my gosh. Can you believe it? Summer is upon us. I just can't believe it. It's like, how is it already? The beginning of June? It seems like we have like, had the longest year and a couple of months of our lives, but also really quick and other aspects, right? Like crazy, crazy. Well, as we go into the summer months and maybe your kiddos have more time at home, more free time, which also means more digital time. I want to talk about a few tips on how you can keep that time spent on digital devices, kind of reigned in so that it doesn't just become a problem, an issue, a thing that interferes with other things that our kids need to be doing with their freedom during the summer. Right? That's what we're going to talk about today. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:52):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson

Speaker 3 (01:17):

Friends. Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out.

Speaker 1 (01:52):

So I guess I should interject that. I know I have listeners from all over the world, so I recognize that some of you may not be going into your summertime, which seems weird to me because I've always lived in the United States. But if you happen to be in another country where your, your world is kind of opposite of ours, just know that these tips can be used for you any time your kids have extra time to be on the digital things. Okay. So take it with a grain of salt that I've said summertime, let's just talk about when you're a kids that I have more free time and want to be on all the digital things. How do you manage it? What can you do to kind of rein that time in? Okay, so that's what we're going to talk about. So this whole topic is kind of around boundaries, right?

Speaker 1 (02:33):

So it's something that I've talked about in several other of my episodes about how we need to have boundaries around the digital things. Probably the biggest mistake that I made in those earlier years when I gave the gaming device and the different things like that was just giving free rein of that device. The second biggest mistake was probably allowing it in the bedroom and actually putting that gaming console in bedroom with, you know, just unlimited use. That was probably the second biggest mistake. So those are the two things that I would really focus on this summer. But in addition to that, the first thing that I would do is set up a routine for your kids. Even if you're not at home, like if they're old enough to where they're staying at home and you're going to work, I would make a kind of a check-off responsibility list that has to be done before they earn that time on the digital devices, the gaming consoles, whatever it is that they tend to spend too much time on if you let it.

Speaker 1 (03:35):

So if you listen to one of my episodes, it's been quite a while ago. I'm not sure exactly which episode it is, but I talked about a certain psychologist who talked about high dopamine and low dopamine activities. And the problem with being on a digital device for prolonged periods is it's kind of a, an easy reward system. And it's a high dopamine activity, meaning that it, you know, you don't have to do a lot of work in order to get to the rewards. And it's been equated as far as the effects on the brain as similar to using drugs. So you want to be aware of that and then implement some boundaries in place so that your kids have breaks from that. Like, it's not something that's necessarily going to harm them. Long- term in small doses, but if you're doing these prolonged periods of them doing it, you know, being on some device and with no interruptions and doing nothing else, then you will start to see the effects in their behavior.

Speaker 1 (04:37):

And the, some of the things that they do, if you're someone that has a kid that's been gaming or on digital things a lot, you probably know what I'm talking about and that they actually go through sort of a withdrawal when they don't have those easy reward, high dopamine activities going on. So you have to kind of bring them off of that. If you have allowed them to have a lot of uninterrupted time on there, you have to kind of let them go through that withdrawal. So let's do a little bit of a roadmap to help you navigate this as you go into the summer, because I hear it over and over and over again that you're like, well, I just, I'm glad that they are out of school and you know, they have all this free time. I just want them to have fun.

Speaker 1 (05:21):

I just want him to spend time with their friends. There's this, you know, this COVID thing going on. And so I just want them to spend time with their friends and they can't always be together. So I'm just going to let them play their games. And then what I hear a lot of times is, oh my God, I should have set some boundaries up around that. And I don't know how to proceed from here. Okay. So first thing I would do is set up kind of a routine for responsibility. So their day has to involve this certain amount of responsibility in your home. So you can make a list of according to the, you know, like the, the task that you want them to do in the house. So it could be something like clean their bathroom, take out their trash, empty, the dishwasher, rinse the dishes in the sink, sweep, mop, you know, whatever it is that you want them to do, but they have that certain amount of responsibility.

Speaker 1 (06:13):

Or if they're a little bit younger, like making their bed, brushing their teeth, those certain tasks. So make a list of those things that they're responsible for and then require that they have like two or three that are completed, that they have to do every day when they wake up or whatever the pattern of the routine is that you want to put in place. The second thing is require that part of their activity every day is to do some form of active activity that was redundant. Wasn't it, some form of active exercise, recreation getting outside, you know, something, something busy, something active, something where they're moving their bodies, something where they're exposed to sunshine, not just the four walls of their bedroom or the living room or the house, but something where they are doing childhood discovery things. And I know once they get to the teenage years, they don't really want to do this very much.

Speaker 1 (07:10):

And they'll probably give you attitude about that, but just reiterate that that is part of your routine or responsibility that is required before they get the privilege of spending time on those digital things. The third thing is to have a time limit, don't let them do a free for all, have a time limit of how much they can spend on a game or device, phone, social media, whatever it is that you are allowing them to have, have a specific set time do not let it just be to chance or because they don't have anything else going on. They're just going to do this. It is a time suck and it's hard once their mind gets into those things. It's so addicting that before, you know, it, hours and hours and hours have gone by you're busy. You may not even be at home. And so you can't really monitor closely.

Speaker 1 (08:06):

And it's just kind of like a slippery slope that gets going faster and faster and faster. If you haven't set up some type of limit on the time that they can do that, the fourth thing is have them do whatever activity you're allowing in a public space of your home. I know that may be hard if they're actually home alone. But like I said, at the beginning, I caution against allowing things in the bedroom when they're, especially at younger ages, but definitely recommend that they be supervised in their activity. And even if they're old enough to where they don't necessarily have to be supervised so much, have them in a public space, because like, especially like with gaming where it kind of sucks you in and is addictive and has that high dopamine reward system going on, it's very easy for them to feel isolated.

Speaker 1 (08:54):

And then, you know how, like, if you're around, like if you're a female, which I would think you are because you're listening to a be that mom podcast. But if you're a female, think about like being in a social setting with other women, or when you were younger, like a teenager or middle school, remember how you could listen to, or kind of see or overhear some other girls. Maybe it was just me, but you could hear someone talking and you kind of are paranoid that they're talking about you. That's kind of how I envision when the kiddo is in their room and kind of isolated and excluded from the rest of the activity in the house is they start feeling isolated. They may start imagining that you're mad at them or that you're talking about them, or, you know, something going on to where they're like not a part of it.

Speaker 1 (09:43):

They're isolated or, you know, it's so natural for middle school and young teens and teenagers to feel like they're different in that they're not understood. And so I think that this gets magnified when you allow this thing to go into their bedroom and then, you know, they have the four walls closed in not to mention the fact that that makes them easier prey on the predators that are out there that makes it easier for them to be curious, and to go down the rabbit holes of all of the things on the internet. You know, they say that pornography is only a couple clicks away from anywhere that our kids are online. So there's just so many extra things when they're not in a public space in your house and not somehow when they're not supervised in some way. So along those lines, I highly recommend that you do look into some of the tools if you haven't already, that I mentioned over and over and over again on here about like having a Griffin or gray phone router in place or a router that has parental controls.

Speaker 1 (10:46):

I have a link for the Griffin Griffin. I wish I knew how to pronounce that correctly. Router in my show notes, if you need a router that has parental controls, but screen time controls on the phone or the Google family link on an Android bark to help monitor conversations and activity without necessarily being all in their business all of the time. And then, you know, for this phone options, definitely a pinwheel phone is better than a smartphone to start. And then the router, plus like, if you want to do something like bark home, that is something that you can set up to where they have access to certain things or can't access certain things. Like there's all kinds of ways now to help you supervise. So even if you are the mom that is not at home and your kid is home alone, I still recommend that you require or have certain boundaries around where they can use those devices and for how long, but also have something in place that can help monitor that can help block those sites that you don't want them going to.

Speaker 1 (11:42):

And, you know, just give you those extra eyes and those extra years that you need to help navigate this kids move. So Fastly, Fastly is not a word so fast through these things, and it's impossible to keep up. It truly is. And they will find a way around most things. But when you have multiple layers, like I've said in a couple other episodes a few months ago, probably when you have these layers, it's like, it's extra, extra eyes for you. So if you have the layers of the, the router and you could put bark home on that, on top of that, if you want, if you have a bark monitoring for conversations and activity, if you have the screen time controls through an iPhone or the Google family link through an Android, all of those things can help you to supervise. Okay. So don't think that just because you're not home and it's a lost cause and you should just let them do a free for all, because you're just, your plate is full.

Speaker 1 (12:36):

You're busy working. How in the world are you going to do all the rest of this stuff? Right. That's me. That's what I used to think. So I'm saying that in the voice of I've been there, I know, I know that feeling, but just know that you have all these tools, just utilize them. They're all so very affordable. And I just can't emphasize enough how much they're going to pay you back in years to come. When you see your kids mature enough to where they can navigate these things more on their own, they can recognize the red flags more and they can regulate themselves more because they realize that there are more things in the world than just sitting on a game or buying these skins or getting these rewards on the game. When they realize that there are these other activities that are fun and enjoyable like they did before you let them have the digital things.

Speaker 1 (13:24):

You can tell that this is something that I've really, really struggled with because I keep on talking about it. But it's just an amazing thing. How distracting and how much of a time suck these things are. So put those boundaries in place around that and help supervise. Okay. And then the last thing that I want to say is related to balancing the high dopamine and the low dopamine. So when I say like put a time limit, that psychologist that I mentioned earlier, he actually recommends that you have like bursts of time. Like I think for adolescents, he mentioned like an hour on two, an hour off, you know, so you get set up to where they have a timer and so you get to play for an hour, but then you have to be off for an hour or, you know, whatever it is that you want to do for your kid.

Speaker 1 (14:08):

And I would recommend to, I recommend that you kind of use your kid's behavior as judgment. So if you notice it that they're kind of like more hyper, more distracted, more attitude, all of those things after they're coming off of playing their console, or, you know, they spend way more time going through a certain social media site or whatever, and then they don't want to get off to do other things. They give you attitude about things. Use that as kind of a, a clue that maybe you need to pull back on that time. The one thing that I always, when I looked at that and looked at like setting a time limit was I just looked at it and I was like, that's not realistic. I can't just tell my kid. I can, they can only do it for 15 minutes a day. You know?

Speaker 1 (14:53):

So I was a little bit more lax with that, but just use your own kiddo is as the judge of it. So you're getting more attitude and all of that pull back on that time and say, you just have 30 minutes, you're getting 30 minutes. And then you need to go outside and swim, ride a bike, you know, whatever it is that you can get them to do, that's active, shoot. Some hoops, throw a ball, do something that is just normal childhood things other than the digital things. Okay. So if you balance those low dopamine with the high dopamine, it's better for their brain. So another way to say that is like a quick reward and a slower reward type thing. And one example that that psychologist uses is like, he says that like baking a cake, you get a reward when the cake is done.

Speaker 1 (15:40):

Well, you also get a reward when you make the batter. I love to eat better. And cookie dough, cookie dough too. So you get a reward when you mix those ingredients together, right? It takes some work though. They have to measure things out. They have to mix it up and then it's ready to eat, right? While a game it's like you go in and you get that instant reward. It's not a lot of work. That's what he's talking about with the high dopamine and the low dopamine activities. So balance those games with things that are more hands-on and more active, it doesn't just mean exercise. It doesn't just mean being active physically with their body, but something that uses their brain in a different way and gives them a reward in a different way. And like I've said before, I believe childhood is about discovery and they develop by interacting with the world and interacting with different things to discover what it is that they are interested in for life, right, for a profession, for what their likes and dislikes are, what their hobbies are going to be.

Speaker 1 (16:45):

And when they spend all their time playing in this make-believe world, it distracts them from that. It delays them from that. And it just gets to where we see like a generation of kids that have very little ambition or no ambition to go out and do other things to do the, the gifts, the things that they're meant to do, right. It distracts them and keeps them from discovering who they are meant to be. And I think that's a tragedy. And I think that is the biggest thing that we, as parents need to focus on with all the digital things is it's not all bad and we do have to help them navigate. But at the same time, putting these boundaries, these limits around what you were allowing allows them to still have the childhood that they're meant to have right outside of the digital things.

Speaker 1 (17:37):

And when I think of like my middle school years, summer was like freedom. You know, it was like, oh my God, we have all these long days of summer, all this sunshine, we lived in a neighborhood where we had a neighborhood pool. And so me and my best friends would ride our bikes to the pool. We'd spend the entire day at the pole. We, you know, we'd have 45 minutes where you could swim. And then 15 minutes where it was like the adult swim. And so we'd get out and we'd be starving. So we'd go to the snack bar, you know, concession stand thing and get us some, some hot fries or some Cheetos or a candy bar, different things like that. And I remember it tasted so good because I was so hungry because I was just swimming all day long and then the whistle would go off and it would be time to get back in the pool.

Speaker 1 (18:27):

So we'd put our snack down. We jumped back in the pool and we swim non-stop with all this imagination and all these themes that we were doing. I don't even know how we could spend the entire day swimming, but we would spend the entire day swimming. And, you know, just spending time with each other imagination, swimming in the deep end, jumping off the diving board, all of that stuff. And then at the end of the day, our eyes were like red because we didn't, weren't wearing goggles. We did use sunscreen, but maybe had a little bit of a sunburn and then, you know, still ravenous hungry and we'd ride our bikes home to go eat supper, you know, and go home for the night. Those were the best memories. But I think that, uh, and you know, we all have different childhoods, different opportunities. So your child may not have those same things.

Speaker 1 (19:14):

And certainly in today's day and age, I wouldn't be letting my kid right through a neighborhood to go to the pool by themselves. That was, you know, way back when, but I think if, if back then we had the digital things, imagine all the things we would have missed out on. And that's what I worry about with our kids is that they're going to miss out on these things that they need to do. Like how would I have known how to do certain things? If I hadn't had these childhood experiences, how would I know what I like or dislike? You know? So that's what I think you need to keep in mind as we go into the summer is that we need to preserve their childhood and their childhood experiences. And yes, we live in a digital world now, and it's not all bad and it is a part of their lives and a part of our lives.

Speaker 1 (19:56):

And it has so many blessings that go with it because we can stay connected, even though we've had this worldly pandemic thing going on and all of the things, there are so many pluses, but when it comes to these things that can have an impact on our kids. I think that these are some very vital tips that you can use as you go forward through this summer and also to maintain your sanity, right? Like we don't want to get to July or August and be like, oh my God, like they are just so out of hand because they've just sat here all summer playing this game. So I've probably rattled on enough and gone on, on enough tangents that you're like, okay, wrap it up, Dolly, go wrap it up. But use these five tips to help guide you. I think that they are a great way to summarize everything and to help you navigate this so that you can, their summertime discovery and freedom and all of that, while also allowing them to spend time with friends, if that's what you allow or, you know, whatever it is that they do digitally, just try to balance it and preserve that childhood discovery for them.

Speaker 1 (21:01):

Okay. So hopefully this was helpful as I always say at the end of all my episodes, and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (21:11):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey, if you 

Speaker 3 (21:26):

Are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Episode 65: Social media & online etiquette: The internet never forgets

The internet never forgets and that is why our kids need guidance on how to "behave" online! Check out these tips for you and your kid to keep this in mind!

 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Social media and on online etiquette, it is a thing. And it's something to consider when you're talking to your kids and help guiding them in the deep blue sea of the big, massive digital world. So today I'm going to give you five tips to help you. As you go down this path, stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:22):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (00:48):

To stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the tick talk, watch it is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music has an activity. Tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where, you know, if they go outside of a certain perimeter, such as their school or your neighborhood, check them out today and use code, be that mom for a discount. So, as I've said in a couple of other episodes, I have to apologize if there's a little bit of background noise. I need to pick a different day to record these episodes because the day that I am recording it is often also laundry day. Or I need to have a new location where I'm not right next to the utility room.

Speaker 1 (01:40):

You know, so if you hear some background noise, me and I can't talk today, that is our dryer and our washing machine. And I'm hoping that the microphone does not pick it up, but a Yeti microphone is amazing at picking up sounds so it may pick it up. So I apologize for that. If you do hear that background noise. So before I get started, I also want to tell you that me and my husband just came back from a trip to Riviera Maya, Mexico. It was the most amazing trip meant so much. It was so relaxing because it's been so long since we've been able to do anything like that. So I just want to recommend to you wherever you are in the world, find something that you can do safely, according to what the situation is for you, where you live, but find time for yourself, find time for you to relax, to let your mind rest, to disconnect from all of the things, because it's so very powerful when we put ourselves before all the other things, it's so easy to get up and to grab the phone and to start looking at all the latest events and what's going on today and who said what and who posted what and all of those things.

Speaker 1 (02:48):

And we lose track of ourselves and all of that. And I think that this past year has seriously highlighted how important it is for us to put ourselves first, to take care of ourselves and really a concerted, intentional effort to take care of ourselves. And when it comes to being in a relationship, if you have a significant other or a spouse, highly recommend that you take individual time with them, you know, quality time talking to each other face to face, put the phones away, disconnect from all the things it's so important to keep that connection and have that time to just reconnect and do all of the things outside of the busy-ness of life. And when it comes to raising kids, I feel like it's just the norm for it to be a rollercoaster. It was before all this digital stuff, I'm old enough to know what it was like to raise a child before the digital things entered our realm.

Speaker 1 (03:42):

And unfortunately, my kids were the kind of the Guinea pigs when it comes to all the digital things, because some of these things that are out there now that I always mentioned are such a gift for parents these days to help guide you. They didn't exist then because we weren't aware of the dangers. So in order for you to help yourself navigate this rollercoaster, I highly recommend that you are taking time for yourself and whatever that looks like for you. But you know, some big things that you can do are starting out your morning with intention. I mentioned this in some of my episodes, but starting out your morning with intention, don't grab that phone right away. I need to do that myself. I'm very bad at picking up my phone as soon as I wake up and I'm getting out of bed, but, you know, leave that phone aside, get some positive thoughts going in your head, maybe listen to a meditation app that has like a short five or 10 minute little talk or reflection or meditation or Bible verse.

Speaker 1 (04:38):

And then after that start with maybe a little bit of movement or exercise plan out your day for what you're going to eat and how you're going to drink and all of those things. And that goes such a long way. When it comes to caring for ourselves, setting an example for our family, and then also just giving ourselves that space to take care of ourselves so we can better take care of them. I think that's one of the most impactful things that I've did. Like I've mentioned in some other of my early, early episodes. One of the most impactful things I did for my kids was to realize that I needed to take care of me first. And then it wasn't selfish to do that. And even though I started it later in the game and they were a little bit older, it still has had an influence, even though I kind of instilled some, not the best habits with their eating and things like that over time, I have seen them, you know, like kind of absorb what they're seeing me doing and saying, and eating and exercising and all of that.

Speaker 1 (05:35):

And they're implementing those same things. So just whatever it looks like for you, be the example for your kids by taking care of yourself first. Okay. I just can't emphasize that enough. And like I say, at the end of some of my episodes in my fit club ad that I've put at the end, I do have a support community. I have tools to help you. I do wellness coaching on the side of this podcast. It's just another one of my businesses. So if you are in need of more guidance in that area, I connect you with some experts in design tools and I provide a support community to help you. And very soon, I'm going to provide another level of coaching that I will expand on at a later date and related to some coursework that I'm doing right now in order to expand my nurse practitioner practice.

Speaker 1 (06:21):

So I will be expanding on that right now, but I do have a wellness coach business, and I have a space for you. If you're needing to tame the crazy and get yourself back on board in your own life, I do have that for you. So please connect with me. Okay. So just wanted to mention that because our trip to Mexico was so refreshing. It was not long enough. It needed to be a couple of days longer, but the sunshine, the waves, listening to the ocean, just spending some quality time with my husband was so very valuable and I'm able to come back and be much more present with my family, my kids, and do the things that they are needing me to do. Even though, you know, it's challenging in high demand because I have taken care of myself and also me and my husband make it a point to take care of our relationship together.

Speaker 1 (07:09):

So can't emphasize that enough. So today let's get to our topic of social media and online etiquette. I saw this in a discussion in one of the parenting groups that I'm in and I just thought, oh my gosh, that is so very important and such a good point for parents to make a parent posted in this group and said, I'm getting ready to give my kid their first phone. I understand some of the dangers, you know, blah, blah, blah. But I want to know what are the top things that you tell your kids or that I should tell my kid when it comes to what they do online. And so I went through some of the responses of the different moms, and here are the top five ones that I picked out of there that I do think will be valuable for you as you help guide your kid as well.

Speaker 1 (07:55):

So the first thing, and probably perhaps the most important one of all five is to never, ever provide personal identifiable information ever. So this is their full name, their birthday, their address, where they attend school, what their parents' names are, other things that would help someone to be able to find to them or to track them. And I may think of a couple extra things now that I'm talking about this. So that would be super important because you don't know who it is on the other side of that screen, they can say that they're a 14 year old girl or boy or whatever, but they're actually a 29, a 39 or 49 year old person, you know, so never, ever provide personal identifiable information to anyone that you meet online ever. The second thing is, if a person you meet online offers you a gift or, you know, somehow wants to give you something that, that is a red flag.

Speaker 1 (08:57):

Like, to-do go tell mom and dad, okay. So they want to gift them a skin. They want to gift them something in the mail. What's your address I'm going to mail is to you, that type of thing, never, ever, ever accept gifts from anyone that you don't know. The third thing is always, always, always lead with kindness. So you don't know, I know who that person is on the other side. And just like, you don't know if they're a predator for you, you don't want to be the bully for someone else. You know, writing outwards is more harsh than speaking them oftentimes, right? Because you can't infer tone when you're reading something. So sometimes something can be misconstrued and the child could be taken as the bully for someone else. You don't know what that other person is going through. They might take it personally.

Speaker 1 (09:49):

You know, you just can't infer tone. And so went online, always be kind. The fourth thing is at the internet, never forgets, never things are recoverable. Even if they're disappearing pictures, even if they're a disappearing message, even if they're within a certain app, there are ways to recover anything and everything that is put out there. So never, ever, ever put anything out there that you don't want mom and dad to know about. You don't want future college to know about, you don't want a future coach or, you know, someone looking at you for a scholarship to find out never, ever, ever put anything out that in any way, shape or form is something that you don't want blasted everywhere. Right. Okay. And then the fifth one that I had on my list here is when, in doubt, when there's any, you know, kind of an uncomfortableness, you're not sure about this certain situation that you're in online, walk away and go tell mom and dad.

Speaker 1 (10:48):

So that one kind of has a gray area. And I think kids don't have the best judgment. So all of them, you know, this and all the other ones are good Gleaners to tell them, but also always know that their judgment is different than yours. You know, just think back to your middle school and teenage years and the stupid things that you did and not seeing that that's not a normal thing. That's a normal thing, but we need to realize that access to the online world, along with them still being in the childhood young adult development can be a collision course with the things we don't want to be them to be a part of. Right? So those are the five tips that I had written down. But I want to say one more that I just thought about, and that is that if you don't know them in person, you haven't seen them in real life.

Speaker 1 (11:39):

Do not trust what they are telling you. So if you meet someone that looks like someone you went to elementary school with, and they're saying that they're such and such age, and they remember you from elementary school and you look at their picture and you don't quite them, but okay, well, elementary school was a long time ago. And then you start talking to them, just know, always know this is what I would impart to them. Always know that all of the information they're sharing with you can be completely made up and their pictures can be completely edited, that you can take an adult picture and make it look like a child or even a young toddler with the different filters that are out there. And you just never know who is on the other side of that screen. So right along with not providing any personal identifiable, I can't say that word information always assume that what people are telling you isn't necessarily the truth, unless you know them in real life.

Speaker 1 (12:32):

So along with that, do not give your personal information to anyone you haven't met in real life. Like uncle Joe, that you follow on a certain social media platform, but then you have this other person that you just connected with, you know, through a post that you were following or something like that. You just can't trust that that other person is who they say they are without meeting them in person and knowing them in person. Okay. So those are the tips that I wanted to give you today about social media and online etiquette. I hope that this was helpful for you. Like I say, in every episode as I'm finishing it, I truly, truly do. I did everything the wrong way. And my kids were, unfortunately, the Guinea pigs as the digital world emerged in its early years, there wasn't enough known about the effect of it.

Speaker 1 (13:19):

And so they were the Guinea pigs, and I was the parent that just didn't know that the impact was going to be as much as it was. And so my mission here is to help you navigate this, to help you be that mom that is proactive in this space, but also be that mom that knows that this is important and is something that we need to pass on to other moms. So if you run across another mom who is not familiar with some of these things that you were trying to instill and guide your child with, please share it with them, share these tips, share my podcast, share the tools that I mentioned, because I think that what we have to do as a generation of parents is we need to spread this beat out, mom movement out to more parents. And in the long run, it is our children that are going to benefit from that.

Speaker 1 (14:08):

Because there won't be so many that are peer pressured because they don't have that fancy phone that everybody else has. We need to realize that these things do have an impact and no child should have a phone at a young age without guidance, without boundaries. I'm not here to tell you which one is right for you or what path is exactly right. But it's undeniable that these things do have an impact in our kids need guidance. So spread the word, share my podcast, share these tools. And my code for bark is be that mom, it gets you 20% off. Plus a seven day free trial. My code for the pinwheel phone, the dumb smartphone that I highly highly highly recommend is be that mom dash 10 T E N. And then for the tick- tock watch as a first kind of way to keep track of your kid as they become more independent and do more things away from you.

Speaker 1 (15:00):

My code for the tick talk watch, I can never say that altogether is be that mom altogether, all caps. So those are the things that I highly recommend. I also had an episode about M spy. Another thing that's similar to bark. If you're outside of the U S and are needing something similar to that, look in my show notes for a digital resource download that I have that gives you some steps and gives you some of these pointers that I share in my episodes. The things that I think are the most important stay tuned for my course, that's coming out soon. I keep saying that and I keep having to push the date back of it, getting out because there just so many different things going on. So I hope that with all these resources you will share, share, share, and let's get this to where being that mom is not a bad thing.

Speaker 1 (15:45):

It's not a negative thing. It's just the way it is. Okay. So let's spread this movement and let's get more people on board. So our kids aren't too. The ones that are the different ones are the outcast because we are being proactive. Our kids are the ones that are developing and developing on track and in a positive space and where they don't feel like they're not good enough. And they don't have to worry about being bullied and being, um, you know, preyed upon, by a predator. All of those things, all of those things that are a risk once they start getting online. But, you know, we have a tendency to kind of bend on those things when they have peers that are pressuring them and saying that their mom is too strict and all of that, okay. I am sitting on the other side of all of that stuff.

Speaker 1 (16:31):

And I did it all with kind of the peer pressure in the wrong way for my kids personally. And so I just want to impart upon you some of the experience and knowledge I've had and to help you not have such a difficult path like I did. And now that we're on the other side of it, I can see that it was so very worth it for us to do the things that we did, even though it was mega hard at times, it was so very worth it. So stick with your instincts and stick with your rules and your boundaries and all the things that you need to in order to help guide your kids along this path, as they get more and more into the digital world. Okay? So take this social media and online etiquette tips, pass them along, use them for your kiddos, and I'll chat with you next.

Speaker 2 (17:14):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time, real

Speaker 1 (17:28):

Quick. If you are that mom that is wanting to make tweaks with what you're eating and supplements that you're taking, I want to recommend that you check out Paleovalley Paleovalley is a company that provides high quality products to help you kind of make those little tweaks that over time, add up and make a huge difference your life because eating is the fuel for our body and creates the future that we wish to see when we give our bodies, what it needs, their be sticks are delicious. They're bone broth is a great way to supplement your gut health. Add it to a smoothie every day. There's also at different supplements like for tumeric, Oregon complex, vitamin C apple cider vinegar. I cannot say enough about paleo valley. So check them out today. Use the link in my show notes and grab your 15% off your order.

Episode 64: A content sharing app known for sexual content! Eeeek!!

While a content sharing app for any creator, the OnlyFans app has become popular for making money quickly and for sharing sexual content for money. Yikes!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Okay. I just have to do a big sigh because today we're going to talk about yet another platform that we as parents need to be concerned about. If you have bark, they're already on it. Trust me on this, but regardless you need to be aware of this one. It is one that is creeped up and has a lot of risks. So stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:24):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable, real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, he friends did

Speaker 1 (00:51):

Here. There is an app that will transform the safety of your kids. Smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. We were growing up there wasn't an internet, but our dream of becoming famous often mean that we wanted to be an actor or singer or some type of professional sports player. Which one did you want to be?

Speaker 1 (01:39):

I can't remember what I wanted to be, but it's a common thing for kids to want to be popular, to want to be famous and becoming popular and famous on YouTube or Tik TOK has become more and more of a thing, right? We have shifted as a society in terms of what we value in content, as well as the intimacy of social media or intimacy of how we connect and what we connect with because of social media. So things like zoom and the pandemic brought us together. Facebook groups bring us together over common themes or content that we want to know. And this app is one thing that is bringing kids together, but you were not going to believe what it is tending to do. It is tending to provide pornographic content to our kids. Yes. In an app, this app is called only fans, all one altogether, O N L Y F a N S.

Speaker 1 (02:40):

So get the screen time or Google family link settings set on your kid's smartphone, or get that phone out of their hands and get them a pinwheel phone that won't have apps like this. Of course use my code, be that mom dash tin. If you do need to get a pinwheel phone and just move away from these dangers for a bit and have control over what can be in their inbox. But if they do already have a smartphone, get the, uh, setting set up to where they cannot download apps on their own, they require your approval every single time and have this app in the back of your mind, knowing that it can be bad news. Okay. So let's talk about what this app is and how it came to be and what you need to be watching out for which basically just means don't let them download it at all.

Speaker 1 (03:28):

But basically this is a place where people can go and they can make a channel and people pay them a monthly fee to view their posts or their content. And it sounds like Patrion, right? Have you ever heard of Patrion? I've heard of that for a couple of months. Never really looked into it until today. And I think it's actually a really cool platform where someone that wants to know what your content is, wants to have a regular feed of your content can pay a small fee every month, like $5 so that they can have access to your exclusive content. That's pretty amazing when you have these valuable things to offer people. But what they are seeing happen with this app is that the accounts are often sexual content. So as of March 20, 21 more than 120 million users, and 1 million creators are active on this platform.

Speaker 1 (04:26):

A primary driving factor for creators is the fact that the company allows them to keep 80% of the money they make. There's even an interactive tool on the app that allows the creators imagination to kind of run wild because it estimates how much they can earn by starting an account. So young people can be lured by the potential of a six figure salary with the more followers that they have. And while lots of different creators use the platform like makeup artists, musicians, it has become almost exclusively known for its sexual content. Pornography is allowed and is a prominent among its creators. Many of whom are sex workers of some kind, the creators can upload videos. They filmed, or they can broadcast live to their fans. They can also provide their content in a subscription or a pay per view model. In some of the most popular creators can make tens of thousands of dollars each month.

Speaker 1 (05:25):

So officially you have to be 18 or older to sign up for only fans, but ultimately who's verifying that right? Who is technically verifying that now to subscribe to the pages that have a charge you're asked for a credit card. And while this may seem a barrier, it is very easy for kids to get a prepaid visa card or some type of gift card that they can then use to purchase these things. So just because they're not old enough to have a credit card does not mean that they don't necessarily sign up for something like this. And this is what they have found has been happening. So to become a creator on the platform, there's a more vigorous verification process. So they don't necessarily have the ability to make a creator account if they are younger, because it has to connect to a bank account and it has to be able to receive payment.

Speaker 1 (06:22):

So unless they have access to that, as you, as a parent, they're not going to be able to do this very easily until they a bit older and have a bank account that could be verified. And as we know, fake IDs are a thing. So if someone's old enough to be able to get ahold of a fake ID, that's certainly an option that they may use. So on the platform right now, a lot of times it's amateur creators, but it has been talked about enough that some of the creators are celebrities like Cardi B. And I don't know who some of these other ones are that I'm finding in this article that I found, but they do have celebrities that go on there and are making money for the ones that subscribe to their account. So a couple interesting things to look at is a couple of former child stars have created accounts on there, such as I don't know who these are, cause I don't watch regular TV haven't for a few years, but says when Disney star Bella Thorne joined in 2020, she quickly made $1 million after just a single day on the platform.

Speaker 1 (07:26):

And then more recently the rapper bad Babby says that there's a meme about him called Kashmir outside a few years back. He made more than that. Other one, he talked to 1 million in just six hours and that first Disney star created her account just days after turning 18, which prompted an enormous debate on the internet about whether or not this type of platform should be allowed at that age. So as far as dangers for kids as fans, you know, if you're not able to make a creator account, as fans is seeing the porn, kids are curious, they seek out different ways to view sexual content. So depending on how old they are, this may be inappropriate for them to see. I think it is for all kids. But if they're curious, this may be a route that they go to finding things. And even if you are strict with what you're doing, like I said, a couple episodes back about the trickle down effect.

Speaker 1 (08:23):

My definition of that trickle down effect the context that I used. It was that even if you are limiting these things for your kid, there are always going to be peers, most likely that do have free reign of their smartphones. So it's definitely something to talk to your kiddo about, be very open about, but also be aware that, you know, the kids talk and compare notes and all of that. So it's definitely something that your kiddo can be exposed to through someone else that has unmonitored access of a smartphone. So a couple other things to know about is that kids discuss this app now just like they do tick talk. They often refer to it as O F for short. And if they do find a way to create a creator account, they can be contacted by other users and could end up in situations where there's sextortion or predators after them, those types of things.

Speaker 1 (09:21):

I think those things kind of, you know, if you listen to this podcast and are in this space of trying to be proactive and all of that, you already know those things. So I don't necessarily need to say them, but honestly, it's just one of another, one of those things that we need to be talking to our kids about. We need to be aware about. And just as how these things pop up, I don't know how long this app has been out here, but when it gains popularity is usually when I start seeing it talked about in groups that I'm in and on parenting blogs that I follow and stuff like that. So just like anything else, this is constantly evolving and ever changing. It's not something that we're ever going to have a complete grasp on. And so that's why I always emphasize some type of parental control monitoring thing, not giving us a smartphone too quickly, setting up the boundaries for them of when they can use it and how they use it.

Speaker 1 (10:09):

And then just being proactive and walking this path together, knowing that we cannot avoid the digital world completely, but we absolutely need to help guide them. And then if you have something like bark or the app that I mentioned in a previous episode, inspired something similar to that or those apps, they are going to help you to walk this path and they will be on top of this before you are. One of the articles that I've read about it is on barks blog. So bark is on top of these things. They are doing the legwork for us. They are our eyes and ears and have our kid's best interest in mind. So please get one of those things. And if you need to pull back from what you've allowed, pull back from that, you were still the parent who still are the one that is responsible for guiding them into the big, huge world of life.

Speaker 1 (10:59):

And so pull back from that, make a course correction. If you need to follow your gut and get them a pinwheel phone or a gab phone, if need be pinwheel phone is absolutely my top recommendation. If you have a younger kid and you're wanting to figure out how to keep them connected, I have episodes about this, but tick talk, watch. I always have trouble saying those words is a great option to stay connected and to have some capabilities to text and do different things between each other and to know where they're at and like have one of those GPS zones where you know where they are and when they leave that zone, there's so many features of that. So there's a link for that in the show notes of each one of my podcasts. So there's lots of options for you other than giving the open smartphone.

Speaker 1 (11:44):

And at some point we have to give it. And I do think, I mean, you know, you don't necessarily have to, but I think as our kids get older, at some point we need to help guide them. It cannot be a, this is forbidden and you can't do it. I've seen so many kids that like a parent that's really strict about drinking alcohol. Then once they can drink alcohol, they just go off the deep end, drinking alcohol. So one, the approach that I've always had as a parent is to ease them into that and make them see the reality of it versus always it being this forbidden thing, because they're curious and they'll just want it more because you've forbidden it. So I think that with the phone, as a whole, with digital use, as a whole, we need to use all these tools to help us with this.

Speaker 1 (12:24):

But at the same time, we need to guide them in this use in, in the use of it and what we do and apps like this can have a good aspect or good side to them, but we always need to research anything new that they're wanting to download and see what other parents are saying and see what parent blogs and parent groups, what other parents' experiences are with this. And, you know, just take the time to figure out if it's something that you want to allow your kid to have. Ultimately, it's always our decision. So you make that decision for you and your family, but I hope that you found this helpful and have another little police of awareness for another thing that your kid may be coming to you asking about if they do already have a smartphone. Okay. All right. Thanks so much for listening. I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (13:16):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (13:31):

Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code, be that mom 10 for a discount.

Episode 63: Are you guilty of sharenting? How much is too much?

Sharing our kid's lives on social media has become common, but there is a point where we may overshare. Here are a few tips to help navigate this!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 

Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

It is a term now officially in the dictionary. And that is the term Sharon tink, which is a combination of sharing in parenting and how most parents will go on social media to share about their kids and sometimes overshare about their kids and what that means as far as oversharing can be anything from things that may be when they're older, they want to be kept private, or they might find them embarrassing to some parents who create accounts. That's all about shaming, their kids, or just, you know, kind of talking about all the struggles of parenting and not necessarily intentionally shaming them, but ultimately kind of doing that by kind of making light of it or making fun of it or being sarcastic about it. So that is a phenomenon kind of a controversial thing that we are seeing now, now that social media and all the things have been out for over a decade. And so it's definitely something that us as parents that are being proactive in this space need to think about and need to think through and realize that our actions on social media are also going to impact our kids. So that's what we're going to talk about today.

Speaker 2 (01:14):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, Hey friends. Do,

Speaker 1 (01:40):

Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So a little bit of a disclaimer here today. I am in my closet recording. It's the quietest place in my house. If you've listened to my podcast for any length of time, you probably heard me mention it.

Speaker 1 (02:25):

Well, it is right next to the utility room and our house, like on the other side of one of the walls. And it seems that one of my inhabitants of the house is washing their clothes and drying their clothes. Now we all do our own laundry. Me and my husband do ours together. And then each one of the kids does theirs, right? So earlier today I wash some clothes and I purposely waited until I had finished washing and drying them before I came in here to record, because I didn't want to have that background noise from when specifically when the dryer goes off or when the washer is like doing it spin. So I must have not made it clear when I was coming in here to record that I needed those things to be off. And someone has come in and I applaud them for doing their own laundry because I don't want to have to do it all again.

Speaker 1 (03:12):

That was like mountains of laundry with three kids and all the things and years ago. So if you hear that, I apologize for that background noise. I think that, that my microphone is very, very sensitive. So it does pick it up on occasion. And in the past I have had to rerecord things because it was so loud in the background. So hopefully it's quiet enough that you don't hear it, but if you do my apologies, the other options I have are to go outside and you would hear the background noise of like cars driving by or the wind or whatever. So I had already started recording this when someone came along and put something in the dryer. So I'm just going to be happy that they're doing their laundry and hope that you'll forgive me for the background noise. So today let's talk about that.

Speaker 1 (03:51):

So let's talk about how most of us social media, wasn't a thing when we were younger, right? And then it came along and it was such an amazing thing to be able to connect with people that you otherwise probably would not see or talk to. Right? Like I know that I was able to reconnect with high school classmates college classmates, you know, family, that I never see that lives in other States or another part of the world. And so it's been this amazing way to connect. And I never once really thought about how me sharing about the kids' lives could negatively impact them in the future. Not that I'm sharing anything that's necessarily bad or embarrassing, but, you know, it's just natural for us to kind of share our struggles. And when that involves our kids, it can turn around and be something that works against them in their future.

Speaker 1 (04:39):

So much like I've talked about in other people talk about our kids, making a digital footprint and being responsible online. We have to be aware that what we are seeing and doing and posting is also a part of their digital footprint. Now, I don't think that it necessarily means that we need to like completely not share anything about them at all, but I'm going to give you some tips here. Some we're going to talk about some of the risks of oversharing and then some tips to help guide us in this so that you can move forward from this, you know, and be really proactive in what you were doing and sharing and all of that. Okay. So, sorry, I need to turn off this notification on here. So it will quit being, as we were talking and I always have trouble figuring out how to turn it off.

Speaker 1 (05:24):

So two things to consider, as far as the risks of what you share on your social media is the digital footprint that it creates for your child. So, you know, if you're sharing from birth, then you know, all of that is out there for people to gather in, to see, I suppose, that you can still make your accounts private or have a private account. That's only specifically for family. When you want to share things about your children. I think that would be a great way for you to do it, you know, to kind of get around this, but ultimately anything that's put out there can somehow be accessed and recovered by those that know how to do it. So anything that's shared, I would just, you know, think and rethink about whether or not this is something that should be shared and that maybe could come back to haunt them.

Speaker 1 (06:14):

The other thing is just a child's right to privacy, to confidentiality for things, you know, they've said that some parents, when they've shared stuff, that information is then gone and been used in the instances of a divorce or some type of legal matter. So there's always that issue. And then another thing is the identity theft that can happen if you were consistently sharing details about them. And then someone goes and can gather that information enough so that they can steal their identity or, you know, somehow mimic them. So those are the big things I would consider as far as risks for the things that you do share online. So some tips on how we can share safely is to set boundaries around what you share, discuss it with the father of your children, and then discuss with your children when they are old enough. Like when they get to teenage years, you know, their bodies are going through a lot of changes.

Speaker 1 (07:16):

They're becoming more self-aware, you know, all the things that they go through and knowing that anything and everything they do, you're going to snap a picture of it and go put it on social media. So you and your friends can laugh about it or family members or whatever, or, you know, not even laugh about it, but, you know, just the fact that that's always something that is possible. There needs to be set up some form of boundaries around that. What I have done is I never post something until I ask permission. If I can, of course, when the kids were younger, I didn't do that. But now that they are teenagers and older, I don't post things unless I have asked them if it's okay. And there was a period of time where one of my kids absolutely wanted nothing, no pictures put on social media or on my stories and would tell me that in almost appear kind of anxious when I would, you know, he'd find out that I was taking a picture or recording something.

Speaker 1 (08:08):

And the response was, don't put that on your stories or don't put that on your social media. So it was then in there that I decided that nothing would be shared or go up on my accounts. And most of mine are public because I do run this podcast and I run my wellness coach business. So they are public because they are a part of what I do as a business with helping other people. So I limit what I put in regards to my kids on those accounts. Okay. So that's always something to consider. Another thing is to consider an alternative sharing method with friends and family. So it could be a private account that you have separate that is specifically just for you and your family that you approve on that account. Again, that probably can be accessed by someone who really wants to get into it.

Speaker 1 (08:54):

So maybe you could through another route like a Google doc or something like that, if you feel that concerned about it, but having a private account would be an alternative way to share things without putting it out into the entire world. Another thing is to just check your privacy settings on all of your social media, just periodically doing this because over time the platforms amend their policies, you know, and change the way they do data sharing. So certainly be aware of whatever platform you're on, what their policy is for sharing things when it comes to your kids. And then the last thing is just, if you ever find that someone, a third party outside of your family is sharing information about your child, impersonating your child, somehow using that information and refuse to using that information about refuses, to remove the information or stop sharing it as they are.

Speaker 1 (09:49):

Then at that point in time, I would seek legal advice and also go to the platform, you know, reporting it in the platform and get it shut down that way. I have seen it multiple times where people say that someone has hacked their account. I've also seen it where children's accounts are hacked, or someone takes their pictures that they've posted on their pages. They saved them and they create a whole nother account and impersonate them and say that they are them, but you know, they are not them. And that person does not have control of that account. So those are definitely things to consider. And also, like, I always say a reason why kids do not need to be on social media platforms and especially not unsupervised, if you do make the decision to put them on some sort of social media platform. Okay. So I never really honestly thought about this as something to be a big issue, but I've seen it pop up more in some of the parenting groups that I'm in.

Speaker 1 (10:47):

And so that's what got me to looking at it and thinking about it and researching it and was shocked to see that it's actually a term that is now added to the dictionary and is becoming something that is more and more talked about among parenting groups and really something that we all need to be aware of. There's actually different legal proceedings and different things going on in the different countries in order to create privacy protection acts and different things like that in order to make sure that kids are protected. So it's definitely something that is not benign, just like all the other things. It's something to consider and think about when we are sharing things. So definitely recommend a private account specifically for the family that you want to share information with. And, you know, just be aware that things are not benign. So if you share about them, you know, misbehaving and doing such and such or making this or that mistake or not being in the potty, you know, all of those things that do seem so trivial can at one point someday be used against them and create a digital footprint that you can follow them.

Speaker 1 (11:54):

So definitely keep that in mind. And I hope that this has raised your awareness too, of the possibility of this. Okay, thanks again for listening. And I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (12:07):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time either

Speaker 1 (12:21):

Before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

Episode 62: Monitor your kids‘ smart phone use with this tracking tool!

Using a monitoring tool or device is imperative when introducing our kids to the deep blue sea of the digital world. The MSpy tool is a great option to consider! 

Check out the MSpy Tool HERE

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

The influence of a phone is insidious and it happens very gradually over time. But if we can set up a way to monitor our kids' use of the phone and help them have guidance, we can help that impact of the phone be a more positive trajectory. So I have talked over and over and over again about different ways to monitor your kid's phone and activity online. And today I want to talk about a new one that I have stumbled upon. And if you happen to be a listener from a country outside of the United States, which I know I have multiple listeners from other countries, this is something that is available worldwide and most likely available in your country. So it is something that you can utilize for your children no matter where you are in the world. So stay tuned. We're going to take a deep dive in looking at this and look at the pros and cons. And I'll give you the information so you can check it out and see if it would be a good fit for you and yours.

Speaker 2 (01:03):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson. Holy moly, check that

Speaker 1 (01:29):

If you were a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So if you've listened to even one or two of my episodes, you've probably heard me mentioned Bart and all the amazing things that bark is able to offer for your kid. But one thing that has always kind of bugged me a little bit is that bark is not available outside of the U S or the continental United States. If I am recalling correctly and they haven't changed anything.

Speaker 1 (02:17):

So for all of you listeners that are not in the us, I know that you're probably like, blah, blah, blah. Here. She goes again about this thing that I can't access. So today I want to talk about another system that is available worldwide and would be a great thing for you to check out. But before I go into that, I want to talk a little bit about our approach with this. So there's a lot of controversy around parental controls and monitoring. Some parents say that it is invasive kids say this too, that they need their privacy. You know, that they deserve to be able to do things and not always have their parents watching. So having walked through this without setting up the monitoring stuff to start, because it didn't exist at the time when I gave my kids smartphones and, you know, the ever increasing capabilities of the smartphones just kept expanding with, you know, as time went on, having walked through that, I want you, if you are a parent that is just now starting to walk down this path, I hope that you will take my advice.

Speaker 1 (03:19):

And if you've listened to a few of my episodes, you're probably like, Oh yes, I will. Because you can probably hear kind of the guilt and the regret that I sometimes express in what I'm sharing, because I absolutely wish that I could go back in time and start with something like this to help me to guide my kids because the influence and the different facets of it are just so immense. There's just so many things to take in. There's so many ways to get around things. There's just, it's just it's mind boggling. And if you're a parent that has any responsibilities, other than taking care of your kids, which is a full-time job, as it is, you don't have time for this. Right? And it also is just something that sometimes we can't grasp everything, but if we put something else in place that can kind of be our eyes and ears without us having to do it every second of the day, then it gives us a little bit of peace of mind.

Speaker 1 (04:18):

For me, it was me being able to sleep through the night again and not wake up in a panic thinking, what am I missing this time? What am I not seeing? What if I do this? Is it going to lead to this? I mean, the guilt that I felt, the panic that I felt using bark was something that finally gave me a moments, peace, where I'm like, okay, it's going to be doing that work for me so that I can relax a little bit about being freaked out about all the things that I missed and all the things that could have happened if we hadn't, you know, become aware when we did. Okay. So my stance is that every child needs guidance and needs monitoring to start what system you use for that is up to you. You know, you don't necessarily have to use one of these parental control monitoring things, but I will tell you that things will slip by and you will not catch everything.

Speaker 1 (05:08):

Things go too quickly. Life is busy, all of that. And so it's extremely hard to monitor things on your own. And I do think things get missed if you do it that way. Okay. So today we are going to talk about a service, a parental control service called inspi. And I did a search and looked at different options for things other than bark. And I do think that this one is ranks up there with bark. The differences of it is that it doesn't monitor exactly the same as bark. And you kind of have to manually set up some of the things that Barker already has in place, but like I said, it is available in other places other than the United States. So definitely a plus there. So let's talk a little bit about inspire. So, you know, as we've talked about in other episodes, the influences are immense.

Speaker 1 (05:59):

It's not just about content that you're wanting to keep them from seeing. It's also about who can get to our kids. It's also about cyber bullying. It is also about the use of the phone and how long they use it when they use it, what they use it for. And then there's sexting. There's just so many different things that we have to consider when we give that first phone or when we give that first smartphone. So inspi is really, really cool because it has this dashboard and on the dashboard, it has all of these different features. So it can give you a GPS location of the phone. It can monitor text messages. It can tell you all of the calls that have been placed. It can tell you browsing history, what words, what search things were used, what websites were accessed and what apps have been used.

Speaker 1 (06:53):

It can also tell you exactly where they have been with her phone and also set up a safe area, such as their school. And then you get a notification if they go out of that area. And it kind of begs the option that you also would have this as a way to track the phone. If it happened to get stolen or lost, you can also set up to where you block certain apps or block certain sites. You can monitor all incoming and outgoing emails. You can monitor instant messenger things like Facebook what's app, Snapchat, Instagram, and then you can put in keyword alerts, dangerous keyword alerts. So you could put in certain words that you want to make sure you're alerted. If they mention them in a conversation or they do any search for them. You know, it could be things like pornography, drugs, marijuana, stealing, you know, you name it.

Speaker 1 (07:48):

It could be anything that you want, but so you can put that in as well. You can also turn off your wifi through the app or turn off the access for that device to your wifi. And the dashboard gives you a device activity, chart, or graph that basically tells you what the phone is being used for. Like their browser history, their GPS locations, the text messages, certain apps that they tend to spend a lot of time on who they texted the most, who they called the most, the most visited websites, the last locations they were at. So it can give you all of those different things. And then like bark. There's some limitations when it comes to an Android phone versus an Apple. And like I've said, in other podcasts, that is an Apple inherent restrictions. So they basically have made it to where you can't have access to certain features in real time.

Speaker 1 (08:41):

So what inspire does very similar to bark is it's when it's backed up to the iCloud or sinked on wifi, then you will see the activity. So things like Snapchat and Instagram and what's app and telegram, things like that, it won't monitor them in real time. And for some of them, the monitoring of it is limited unless you jailbreak that phone and then inspi can monitor it more closely. So that goes back to what type of phone you get your kid and how you want to monitor. And I've said this before for my kids, I gave them all I- phones. I had no clue that there was a difference and I wanted them to have the same type of phone that I had. And hindsight, I probably, if I could go back, I would have given an Android phone, but there are advantages if you have an iPhone for them to have an iPhone, because you can use the screen time limits and other things you wouldn't have, if they have a different type of phone doesn't mean that you can't still monitor through the Google family thing.

Speaker 1 (09:38):

If they have an Android, it's just not like directly through your phone when you set it up. Whereas right now I can look at everything that's going on with my son's phone, through my phone, through the screen time, parental control things that I have set up. So there's always that limitation of Apple versus Android. But my opinion on that is that if you were that concerned about what they're doing, and you have that much level of concern or distrust, I don't know if that's the best word, because that seems kind of harsh, but if you're you have that much concern than perhaps they don't need those apps, you know, that is something that I made a decision on and, you know, just completely deleted them and set up the screen time limits on the phone to where they could not download apps without my permission.

Speaker 1 (10:19):

So that gave me control over what was done. And also with bark, it would tell me if they attempted to download the app, it would give me an alert. And I believe this inspi does something similar with that. So that is a way to kind of get around to that limitation with an Apple or an Android phone is make a decision what apps they are allowed to be on. And I will say that Snapchat, Instagram, some of those that have that difficulty in monitoring are such a slippery slope. And I personally do not believe that any kid that is younger needs access to those apps, not just because of that, not being able to monitor, but because predators are on there and it's very easy for them to slip into the inbox of your kiddo without you knowing to be very deceptive and show themselves as being a kid, you know, somehow deceiving your child, getting into the contacts of your child's phone.

Speaker 1 (11:10):

So they get them off of that app. And it just goes from there. And it's a very, very slippery slope that can be very scary and go very quickly. So I believe that those apps do not need to be something that a middle school or younger high school aged kid needs to even have access to. I know that's another one of those things that as it be that mom, as you know, being that mom means that you have to make a call on whether or not you restrict those things and potentially have your child look different, or be the only kid in the group that doesn't have that app. But like I've said before, if we could just get more awareness around these apps, that the dangers of them, we should make it more of a norm to not those apps than to have them.

Speaker 1 (11:55):

If we can just get more parents to wake up to the dangers. But I think that is a very, very steep Hill decline. And at the end of the day, we have to call the shots for our own kiddo, even if that means that we are going to make them, you know, be outside of that crowd and the ones that are true friends will stick around and we'll find a way to communicate with our child outside of, you know, like everybody only talks through Snapchat because there's a lot of predators and all of that on Snapchat. Okay. So all in all, I think that this inspi is pretty awesome. I was very excited to come across it because I know a lot of you that don't live in the U S that do listen to my show, or probably just, you know, like I always talk about bark and it's not something that you can access.

Speaker 1 (12:35):

So this would be a great way for you to control. And I do think that this whole raising kids in a digital age is a universal struggle across the world around the world. So we all need to work together to figure out a way to guide our children for the future that we want them to see, because we aren't stifling their potential by just blindly allowing them to be on phones and be out into the digital world to where they lose track of who they are and what they are meant to do and be in life. Okay. So thank you so much for being here. And I hope that you check this out. If you were in need of some way to monitor your kid and, you know, bark of course is always a great option. And if I didn't say it already, I might have the advantage of bark over inspires that bark is going to already have keywords in there and alert you of certain things, such as talk about drugs, you know, sex things, bullying things.

Speaker 1 (13:30):

They will automatically monitor that and follow up with you. They'll notify you and they'll follow up with you on what's going on, inspires a little bit more manual. So you'll be doing a little bit more of the work, but it is still a great option. So I would check that out and it also only applies to one device. Whereas bark is one price for the family. So inspires a little bit more in price overall, but it's still a great option for you if bark doesn't work or isn't available where you're at. Okay. So check it out. I'm putting the link in the show notes. If you use that link, it'll take you right to where you need to be so that you can check it out. So I hope you found this helpful and that you will use this as another tool in your tool belt to help you with navigating this path, make it part of your layered approach that I've talked about in multiple other episodes, where you are using multiple ways to set your kid up for success.

Speaker 1 (14:23):

And to give yourself some peace of mind through this wonderful world of raising kids in this digital age. And in case you haven't heard this already, my approach to all of this is always to have an open line of communication with your kiddo. So that doesn't mean spying behind their back and not letting them know that you're aware of what they're doing. And, you know, just create that atmosphere where this is like a joint effort for you, where it is you learning to trust your kid so that you don't have to monitor them as closely. But I just don't recommend you like spying on them. And not being honest with them. I know that there are situations where you may have to do that, but I just highly recommend that this is a concerted effort of you and your child to create that trust and to create those healthy habits around the use of the digital things. Okay. Thanks so much chat with you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:17):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 1 (15:31):

You are a mom that has a lot on your plate like I do. And you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues. Please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Episode 61: Tik Tok trends & the trickle down effect: Be in the know!

Whether your kid is allowed on Tik Tok or not, the trends tend to trickle down from peers that are, so listen in today to hear more about these & be in the know!

 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Whether your kiddo is on Tech-Talk or a friend of theirs is the things that happen on Tik TOK are trickling out in, uh, to our children's lives. And it can be something as simple as a funny little dance move or combination of dance moves, or it can proceed into things that could be dangerous or age inappropriate for your kiddo. So today we are going to talk about some of the trends that are seen on Tik TOK and how even if your kiddo is not allowed on that app, it can trickle out to them in their peer groups. So you can be on the up and up and be that mom for your kiddo. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:39):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host Darlie Denson.

Speaker 1 (01:05):

And did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use it is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So if you grew up around the time I did, I may be aging myself if you're younger than me, but I grew up in the seventies, eighties and early nineties when I was getting out of high school.

Speaker 1 (01:48):

And if you grew up during those years, you'll recall that we had movies coming out on VHS tapes. I'm not sure when DVDs and things like that started to evolve and come into the picture. But I mostly remember VHS tapes and, you know, having to go check them out at the local movie place where you check out tapes and be kind and rewind and all of those things. But if you think back to pre-internet days, a lot of times we learned our trends and slang and you know, what clothes to wear fashion sense, all of that through the movies we watched or the music or bands that we listen to. The ones that I remember right off the top of my head, as far as bands and music was like Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Bon Jovi, Bon Jovi was the first concert I ever went to.

Speaker 1 (02:38):

And I was 14 years old, which was so awesome. And then I recently, a couple years ago, saw him live again. And he was just as awesome as he was way back when, but then movies that we watch, like Greece was out dirty dancing, 16 candles, the breakfast club, you know, all of these movies that for our kids seem really old. But if you think back to those days, we kind of got like some of the trends, like the way we wore our pants and, you know, whatever the different clothes that were in style. A lot of times, those trickle down from those movies that we watched in the things that we were exposed to at the time, one hour fast forward to today's day and age here we are in 2021. The internet has been out for a couple of decades now, and it has expanded exponentially.

Speaker 1 (03:24):

And if you're listening to my podcast for any length of time, you know, that we are sitting here on kind of the precipice or the brink of always kind of trying to stay ahead of what is going on in that digital world to help our kids. And my philosophy is yes, there's danger in all of these things. We need to be aware of that, but we also have to try to find the balance and the dance when it comes to them using technology appropriately and safely, and in a healthy way, along with, you know, allowing some of the exploration and the things that our technology is used for these days, like virtual school and research for projects for school and, you know, anything and everything we can think of is connected to technology today. So I personally think that it's pretty much impossible to keep our kids away from it, you know, and maybe not even the best thing to do, keeping them completely away from it, but helping them to try to navigate it.

Speaker 1 (04:22):

So what I want to talk about today is just related to tic talk in the trends that happen on tech talk and how they trickle out into the world. And as I was preparing for this episode and kind of looking at the different things that are out there and what the trends tend to be and what categories they fall into, I was thinking, well, I know that a lot of parents are aware that tick talk has some danger to it in that it's one of those apps, much like Snapchat and Instagram, that has those features that make them hard to monitor. And so I was sitting here thinking maybe most parents listening to my show, don't have kids on Tik TOK. And so then this episode is not going to be pertinent. Maybe I should do a different episode. And then I thought, Oh, wait a second.

Speaker 1 (05:03):

Tik TOK is accessible, whether you have an account or not. So even if you are not allowing it for your kiddo, if they have friends that have phones and you know, maybe their friends, parents aren't as on the, up and up on being that mom or that parent, as far as being proactive in this space and really trying to help our kids navigate it, their kid may have free reign of that app. And if that is the case and your kid has say a pinwheel phone or a gab phone, those kids can easily text your kid a link or that video, you know, or video that they've downloaded. But Tik TOK is easily accessible by anyone. And it also, even if they don't see it, if you kind of look at what's been going on with some of the trends in the last couple of weeks, you can see that it's going to trickle from those that do have it out into the general population of kids, whether they have had the app or not.

Speaker 1 (05:58):

So it's good to just be kind of up on it. If you aren't on tech, talk yourself or don't allow your kid to, to be kid to be, I can't speak, but that's why I wanted to bring it up because I don't know if you heard about this, but over this weekend, before I recorded this podcast, which today is a Sunday night, and I believe it's like the 20, 25th of April, I believe it was yesterday. There was a trend that kind of emerged a couple of days ago on Tik TOK saying that yesterday was going to be national rape day or something to that effect. And it was supposedly like six guys on Tik TOK that did a video that talked about yesterday, being a day where they were encouraging people to go out and rape or sexually assault. Another person and Tik TOK has come out and spoken officially and said that they have looked through accounts and they've looked at everything and they don't see that this is something being promoted on their platform.

Speaker 1 (06:53):

But of course, if they do find anything that they would be shutting it down and making sure people are complying to their community guidelines. So as far as I know, nothing came of that, I didn't hear anything about that. So I think it was just one of those things that maybe someone said these things just to kind of see if it could be something that would spread, you know, something like that. But let's take a look at some of the trends that are seen on Tik TOK. So if you have seen videos or maybe you've done one with your kid of some dance moves, that is one that is really huge is, you know, just trend funny trends, things that are like dance or upon, or skit or some type of, you know, funny thing that they do. Some of the more specific ones that have come out recently was one about waking up in the morning and it had, let's see, what is it say when I'm looking at this one article about them, it had lyrics to a child singing a song about trying to get over a challenging time in life.

Speaker 1 (07:50):

And then it jumped cuts to a video about something from their past that was embarrassing or awkward. It tends to be one that a lot of the kids of the younger generations right now like to do, because they easily have access to videos from when they were younger, because, you know, smartphones and things have been around their entire lives. And another one that's like a funny trend was a psychedelic clown. And this, this says it was a self-deprecating trend where they incorporate a colorful, interactive clown filter with silly music, and then they use it to recount times they were a clown or they did something silly or embarrassing. So those seem pretty benign, right? Then there's some other ones that are creative trends and some of these can be kind of cool. I'm not totally knocking tick-tock. I do like to go on there and look at what's trending.

Speaker 1 (08:37):

And also it's very entertaining. I spend too much time looking at it sometimes, but it's very entertaining because people are pretty creative and pretty amazing what they can come up with on these things. But a few of the creative trends is one is a day in the life and it is talking about all the different activities that a person does in a day. So they make a mashup of their daily routine, all set to some type of, you know, upbeat tune. And then another one is a video says a video of something that lives in your head rent free. In other words, rent free means that you think about it, or you worry about it a lot for no reason. So these start out where there's a clip of a woman. So there's a clip of a woman asking for an example of a video that people love.

Speaker 1 (09:26):

And then they pick a favorite scene from a movie, a TV show, or a meme that they splice in to the video. So I think those, you know, some things can be fun and entertaining, things like that. Some other ones that another trend. So we've had funny, we've had creative. Another one is age inappropriate trends. So these are very popular with kids and popular with adults on the platform too. But sometimes they can be inappropriate for a child because they're sexually charged. One of them is a silhouette challenge and this one includes or features a red light filter. And then a quick change edit to where the user is standing provocatively in a doorway, sometimes in lingerie, sometimes with no clothes on at all. And it's mint. They said it started out as a body empowerment trend for adults, but it soon became controversial when someone was able to do an editing trick, to reverse engineer, the filter that was used.

Speaker 1 (10:27):

And that meant that it exposed these people in whatever it was they were wearing instead of having that filter, covering them up. So they were exposed so very, very dangerous if it was an underage person doing that. And you know, it got into the hands of, you know, pedophile groomer, someone that doesn't have good intentions. So definitely one to be aware of. And then another one that's kind of age inappropriate that has been popular is they call it the bus. It challenged B U S S it challenge. And it's done to a song and I don't know this song, but by Erica banks, that's the soundtrack for the challenge. And it requires users to squat down in slow motion and bounce. And it doesn't necessarily have to be suggestive like sexually, but it actually typically comes out that way. So that would be one that you probably wouldn't want your kid doing, but that silhouette challenges is the more dangerous one in my opinion.

Speaker 1 (11:23):

But now the other category of tectonic trends is dangerous. Tik TOK trends. Now, before I tell you what some of these are, I have to tell you that I don't think that this is a new thing for kids. I remember when I was a kid, there was a trend going around where you have someone else grab you from behind and squeeze your chest really hard to make you pass out. And I remember my friends and me trying that I didn't do it, you know, like I didn't pass out or anything like that, but it was something we talked about when we tried. And of course we weren't doing it right or something. Thank goodness. But I don't think things like this are necessarily something that is new. The problem is with social media, with all of these apps is they're so prevalent in so much at our kids' fingertips, which is totally the things we talk about.

Speaker 1 (12:08):

Right. Totally. Why you were listening to this podcast is to stay up on all of this stuff. So this, like, you know, the thread through what I'm seeing right now is that you just have to be aware that this puts so much of this information at our kids' fingertips so much easier. And so we need to be aware of these things and be on the up and up with our kids. So a couple of these dangerous challenges would be the Benadryl challenge. I've seen this ripple through my own kids high school, where you're challenged to take large quantities of the Benadryl in order to trigger hallucinations. The problem with that, as you can, you know, it can just make you sleepy. It also can make you have hallucinations, but there have been teens that have died from this trend. I don't know if it's directly related to tick tock, but I have researched this in the past.

Speaker 1 (12:56):

And I do know kids have died from this. And then the other one is a blackout challenge, which it sounds like much like the one I mentioned that I had seen when I was a kid where one holds one's breath manually, or while using something like a belt until they pass out. And then this one I don't really get, and I hadn't heard of, but it's called the morning after pill challenge. And it says that there was a rumor that pregnancy test contained a secret plan B emergency contraception pill. And so it sounds like they were using something in the pregnancy test. They were taking apart and using as a plan B pill. It's not real specific in this thing that I'm reading, but it says that the company for the pregnancy test had to come out and talk about it is what the tests are made of.

Speaker 1 (13:42):

And that it's not something that you should be ingesting. So as you can see or hear, there's a lot of things that can be conveyed and communicated to our kids. And of course, we're not going to be aware of every single thing because we're not sitting there in their business all the time. And, you know, as they go through those middle school and early high school years, those are the years that they tend to be curious. They tend to learn about, you know, more about their bodies, maybe have shame and, you know, depending on how they're educated and what you teach them and what they're taught by the people that they're around. So it tends to be a time where they hide things from you. And aren't completely honest with everything that they are doing or, you know, experiencing. So that is why letting them be on Tik TOK or any of these apps is definitely a slippery slope that we all need to make our own decision with.

Speaker 1 (14:35):

But we also just need to be aware of the dangers and how quickly they can get ahold of some of this knowledge. And like I said, at the beginning, even if you don't allow your kiddo on there, just be aware that if there are other kids that they were around, that can access tech talk that they likely are going to about these things, because kids talk and kids share. And especially if they're in some situation like riding a bus home, or, you know, some other situation where they're with other kids in some type of extracurricular activity, they're likely going to be exposed to these things, even if you're not letting them on the app on their own device. So, as you know, I always mentioned bark as a major tool in your toolbox to help you to navigate this, help you to monitor bark monitors at a high level, still gives your kid privacy, but they also monitor conversations and can alert you with things that you likely will have missed if you don't have something like that.

Speaker 1 (15:31):

And there are other options out there, if you are not in the U S I believe right now, bark is only in, in the U S if you are not in the U S I know there are some other options. If you were like in New Zealand or Australia or, or some other country, and you do have something similar to bark, would you please email me? I would love to hear about it so I can talk about it so I can share more about those things for y'all that do listen in other places other than the United States. My email is dolly@dollydenson.com. So D O L O y@dollydenson.com. Email me, and let me know what resources you have in your country that are similar to something like bark. That's a parental control system that will help you to monitor. I do have one that I have found recently that I'm going to share in another episode soon, that I think those of you that are not in the U S and even if you are in the U S and are looking for a different option, would be another great option for you, but I cannot stress enough how much bark cares for your child and cares for the future of this generation of children that are growing up so digitally interconnected.

Speaker 1 (16:38):

And they take it personally when they detect suicidal ideas, bullying, grooming, all of those things, and they will actually follow up with you. If they detect something or alert you of something, they will follow up with you to see how your child is doing, and to see if you need other resources. So if you are in the U S please take advantage of bark and go to bark.us and use my code, be that mom for a 20% off discount that gets you that discount for the life of your subscription. And the subscription is majorly affordable, especially if you divided out as a monthly payment versus annually. Okay. But they do have a two week trial for that, too. Okay. So all in all, I just want you to be aware of those Tik TOK trends and talk to your kiddo about these things, and just keep that open line of communication with them.

Speaker 1 (17:28):

But if you, if they have a device, please get some type of parental control monitoring system on there. Last week, I mentioned Moby sip. I don't know how to pronounce it correctly. I hope that's right. And then bark, of course, we've got the pinwheel phone and a gab phone. If you want to keep the smartphone out of their hands, always remember to be the parent and take the phone away. If you have concerns until you can figure out what it is and follow your mother's intuition, when it comes to all of the things, I promise you, if you have a gut feeling about something, there is something out there that is causing that gut feeling. So trust that and follow it. Okay. Thanks so much for tuning in, and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (18:08):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 1 (18:22):

If you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep, or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.