The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

Episode 60: Add a digital filter at home to avoid what they can‘t unsee!

We can't always be by our kids side when using a computer at home, so this episode highlights two options to help you navigate this! 

 

Gryphon Router: CLICK HERE for more info!

Mobicip: CLICK HERE for more info!

BARK Home: CLICK HERE for more info! 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 

Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So, if you have been here for any length of time, you've heard me talk about the layered approach. When it comes to monitoring all the digital things, setting up boundaries and helping guide your kids in the digital world. Well, today we are going to chat about a deep dive, into a couple of tools that you can use to help you keep some peace of mind when it comes to letting your kids get on computers in school, issued devices and all the things I've talked about this in a couple of other episodes. But today I want to go specifically into two tools that I have found that I think could possibly be the best options out there right now. So I highly encourage you to check them out, but stay tuned. We're going to chat about this

Speaker 2 (00:41):

First. Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, Hey friends,

Speaker 1 (01:10):

Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Okay, so you hear me talk about not giving your kid, the smartphone at a really young age, starting out with something like a pinwheel phone or a gab phone, both are great, great options.

Speaker 1 (01:56):

And then complementing that with bark. If you use a pinwheel phone, if you give them a smartphone or whenever you do using bark to help you monitor while the other piece of the puzzle is when you let them access a computer to get online. And you're wondering, how do you regulate this? When ads pop up, that they can click on. And all of these things are at their fingertips and you're busy. You don't have time to always be sitting there with them and let's just face it. Our kids are like savvy and most often can navigate these things better than we can. Right? So if that is where you have struggled or where you're wondering if you are falling short on today, I want to talk about two things that I think you might want to check out. Both of them kind of do the same thing, but come at it from a different standpoint and depending on where you're at and what things you already have set up will probably be the deciding factor for you in which one of these things that you want to use.

Speaker 1 (02:53):

So recently I was looking through a parenting group that I was in and a mom asked a question about what to use, to monitor school issued devices and you know, their kid being on the computer at home. And how do they monitor that they already have bark for their phones, but they wanted to know how to monitor these other things. So if you've listened to my other episodes, couple back where I talked about the layered approach, I talked about getting a Griffin or Griffon router. I don't know how to pronounce that. I think it's Griffin. What do you think? I think it's probably Griffin. Hopefully. So the Griffin or Griffen, maybe Griffon sounds better. Great fun. Let's go with font. Okay. So the Gryphon router, I think they both sound funky is I think the best option out there when it comes to setting up a router with parental controls, but say you already have a router that maybe cost a pretty penny, or you're not so tech savvy and you know, maybe your spouse does those things like mine does.

Speaker 1 (03:53):

And you don't want to go down that road. Right? Well, I've talked about bark home and the options with that, but I found another option. Another thing that I think you might want to check out. So first off, let's do a deep dive into the graph on Griffin, the gray fond router. Let's call it gray font. Okay. Hopefully that sounds okay to you too. Okay. So let's check this out with the graph on router. So if you don't know what a router is, it's basically like what your wifi goes through. So think of it kind of as a filter, right? So back when I first started giving my kids, the devices and all of the things, ours was very basic, but now they make them to where they have parental controls on them. And they give you options at your fingertips to shut down the internet in your house, or to turn off specific devices or access to specific websites.

Speaker 1 (04:45):

So it's pretty sweet if you're looking for a new router to go this route, because I do think that they have kind of the best options. So let me pull up their information here and let's just chat about this. So this router has a, an app that you can download onto your phone and you basically can manage your child's online activities and ensure that they're getting a healthy amount of screen time. And, you know, you can access this from anywhere so you can see what they have been doing. It has where you can do content filtering. And it says content filtering with crowds ranking. I wonder what crowd ranking means. I guess that basically, Oh, it says an aggregated website reputation rating from multiple sources, including other parents. So basically if you come across a site that has been allowed in as dangerous, they probably have a way for you to communicate that, but basically it's sets it up to where you can filter out sites that you know, that they don't want to access.

Speaker 1 (05:47):

And then it also has, this is really cool. It says intelligent intrusion detection and malware malware filtering. I can't talk today, but this says that this router will basically recognize the activity of each device with a unique fingerprint and then warned you if that fingerprint deviates in any way from its normal activity. That's pretty sweet. If you think about like the groomers, if they're being groomed by somebody and suddenly their activity changes on their devices, or, you know, they just get curious and start going down some rabbit hole and looking at things that you don't want them to. Now, the next thing that it says, the feature that it has is it in, it has a browsing history. So even if they delete their browsing history, it keeps track of what they have done, what sites they have looked at. All of that. You can also set bedtimes on it and homework times, so you can make it to where it shuts down.

Speaker 1 (06:47):

At certain times when it's time to go to bed, you can also suspend the internet. So with a touch of a button, you can completely take the internet off so that they cannot access it whatsoever. And then it also has a safe search setting and a YouTube says safe search YouTube. It hides inappropriate content for your child by automatically filtering their search engine results. So this basically operates as a filter for you and gives you quite a bit of control. And I think that this is one of the biggest struggles for most parents is like, you know, you want them to go to YouTube. So you set up YouTube kids, you set up the parental controls. And then if they're a younger kid, things pop into YouTube kids that you don't think would be appropriate, but you don't know because you're not sitting right there with them.

Speaker 1 (07:33):

Maybe they click on something, it takes them down a rabbit hole. And like I've said, in my episode about porn, they say that porn is often one or two clicks away for every child that is on the internet. So it's not enough for us to just have these couple of different things. And then our tech savvy kids can do a couple of clicks and suddenly they're in something. We had no idea they can access. So the Gryphon router, I think, is such a great option if you were in the market for purchasing a router and going that route. So definitely recommend you check it out. I'm going to put a link in the show notes. So if you're listening to this on your phone, just scroll up a little bit, then you should be able to see the link. Now, the other thing that I wanted to talk about is not a router.

Speaker 1 (08:17):

It is software that you can use. And I do not know how to pronounce this. It's Moby sip. I think it's mob. I C I P and I will put a link in the show notes for this as well, but this is basically advanced internet filtering. So it's not the router. You still have your router, but this is another way for you to filter what your kid is seeing. And it is very, very similar to using the router, but probably less pricey. If you already have a router that's working that just doesn't have those types of parental controls are not enough functionality for shutting it down and all of those things. So this Moby set, I hope that's how it's pronounced says that it filters the internet. It will supervise the video content that your kid is watching through popular streaming services. And it will set up a robust age appropriate filtering.

Speaker 1 (09:15):

So you can basically turn things off individually, like HBO, Hulu, Netflix, YouTube, you just have like a little slide button where you can turn those things off and they cannot access them. And this is through the app that you can access on the computer, or, you know, on your phone. It also has a location tracker. So if they lose their device, you can find it through their location tracker. And then also it has a place where you can limit screen time. You can set daily screen, time limits. You can instantly lock and unlock family devices. You can set up a schedule to where it has a certain amount of time and you have a set bedtime, and you also can set it up to where once a certain amount of screen time is reached, that it shuts it down for that child, which I think that is pretty sweet.

Speaker 1 (10:06):

It also will manage apps and games and restrict the distracting apps and disable them. It says disabled them based on merit. So again, something that has like the ranking of, you know, education or distraction, or, you know, the other dangers that inherently come with some of these apps, but it says you can maintain a list of blocked apps to prevent your kids from even installing them in the first place, which if you've listened to some of my other episodes, the other things that you can do is to set up your screen time. If you have an iPhone or an Apple device is set up the screen times where they cannot download apps without your permission. But of course that there may be a way to get around that. So this is another way for you to monitor that. Now this also will block websites. You can set it up to only allow age appropriate websites, and it will keep a watchful eye and stay on top of usage, browsing history to spot online threats.

Speaker 1 (11:06):

And then, like I said earlier, it'll check your browsing history and give you weekly or daily report to see a snapshot of what they're looking at and what their browsing trends are. And then as far as like set up, it says that it has a single app for parents and kids. You set it up in parent mode on your smartphone, your scan, your QR code to set up your child's device. And then it will also monitor all family devices through that app and that dashboard. So as you can see or hear in the case of the podcast, these two things are very similar, kind of do the same things. And I think both are excellent for what they help with. I think that bark is still very much needed because the difference or the compliment of bark will be that it monitors conversations in activity on their phones.

Speaker 1 (12:04):

And then if you have bark home bark home is very similar to these things too. So you can certainly, I can put a link for all three of these things so you can compare them. But I think the most common thing I hear besides someone trying to get a handle on what's going on with a smartphone in the possession of their child, is how to manage them, navigating all the different websites when they have to be on a computer for school, or when they just allow them to be on a computer at home. I hear from moms of younger kids saying that they want to start letting their kid have access to certain games or different things on a computer, but they don't know how to make sure that they're not exposed to the other things. So I think both of these options are excellent for getting them set up and giving you a dashboard where you can see what their activity is.

Speaker 1 (12:55):

You can filter out sites, you can shut down once they reach that certain screen time limit. I think the mobi sip one is probably the simplest one to get into place. Whereas the Gryphon router is very much an asset to the, you know, to your layered approach. But if you already have a router and it's working well for you and it just doesn't have the parental controls, then Moby sit might be a better option for you. And it does monitor across all of the devices. So both are definitely robust and such a gift for us as parents navigating the wild ride of raising kids in our digital world. Like I say, over and over and over again. And if you compliment them with bark to help you monitor conversations and activity as well, I think that you have a major step up on this whole struggle and wild ride that we go through.

Speaker 1 (13:46):

And I kind of censor myself a little bit in what I share about personally with my own family and my kids just to protect their privacy and, you know, to honor the fact that they are children in that me putting devices in their hands and not providing any guidance. Cause I didn't know, better mint that the deviated off the little bit on the most ideal path, you know, looking back because of what I did. So I don't place any blame on them. I don't want to shame them or anything like that. They are a victim of the times and the fact that I was, you know, in the generation of parents, that we lived through the birth of this technology in this very intricately, interwoven, digital world that we have now. But I will tell you without, you know, sharing specifics, I will tell you, like, I think I mentioned in last week's episode, that these efforts that you're making while they seem like a burden and they seem hard at times and seemed so confusing, exhausting, you know, whatever adjective you want to put on it, they are worth it.

Speaker 1 (14:52):

Your children are worth it, your child's life and your childhood's development is worth this effort and it will pay off. You may not be able to see it now if your kids are younger, but it's so very important for their future. And one of the most profound things I've ever heard was from a psychologist that was talking about the distractions of the digital age and how disconnected kids get from their childhood development. If they are allowed to be on all of the digital things, unmonitored, unregulated with no boundaries is that they never get to discover their full potential and what their life is meant to be. It's kind of like they get disconnected and lost along the way until it's our responsibility to be that guide for them to set up those boundaries, those walls that even though they may not understand them, they may be mad at us because we are doing the things as the parent and as someone who lived through a childhood where we were not distracted by these things, we owe this to our kids to figure out how to navigate this, to figure out how to provide that for them so that they can stay connected to their childhood development and they can discover their full potential.

Speaker 1 (16:02):

I can tell you with my kids, that what I have learned is that our course correction over the last two years has helped our youngest to find some very deeply rooted interests that he has and to really find what he wants to do with his life. And before we put our heavy foot down on all that was going on and really set some very strict boundaries with it, all we hit allowed that disconnect enough, that I don't know that we would have made it back to where he was supposed to be in order to discover this for himself. Because you know, we know, you know, we can't tell our kids these things. They have to discover them through their own development, even as teenagers and young adults. So even if it seems hard, I want you to just trust me that this will be so very worth it, your child, their potential is so worth the effort.

Speaker 1 (16:58):

So when it gets hard, just to remember that, please go back to that and realize that you are that mom, that's going to be strict about these things with coming from a place of love and that, you know, that long-term, this effort is going to be worth it. So please be that mom for your kid. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope this helped you immensely. I will put the links in the show notes for these different options, so you can check them out. Some of the links are affiliate links. So I do get a small payment for using my link and thank you for using my link. It does help me to keep bringing you these episodes. So I appreciate it immensely. And I only share things with you that I believe in wholeheartedly and that I use myself. Okay. Thank you so much. I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (17:52):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (18:07):

Before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

Episode 59: When raising kids in the digital age is too much, do this!

Sometimes the day to day of raising kids these days is too much, but this episode talks about a few suggestions you can do to help you keep your focus and your resolve! 

 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

When looking at all the things that you're trying to manage with your kids, do you ever get overwhelmed and feel like, Oh my God, I cannot do this. Well today's episode is going to talk about how we focus on these things and a way for us to have more perspective, stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:22):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, Hey friends,

Speaker 1 (00:48):

Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So today's episode is coming to you from my front porch. Yes, it is true. I am not in my closet today, but today I am just feeling like I want a change of pace in new scenery while I chat with you.

Speaker 1 (01:36):

I think we can all agree that things have been heavy in our world. I know a lot of you listen to me from all over the world, which is such an amazing thing. And thank you so so much for tuning in. I have had some amazing reviews of the podcast come in in the last week. And I just thank you so much for your kind words and for tuning in and listening to me, if you haven't left me a review, please hop over there. It's very simple to do through the Apple app or whichever app you're listening to me through because that will help me to rank higher and be kind of pushed out into the inboxes of parents, looking for something of this nature to, you know, guide them. And it's always my goal to just get this into the ears of more moms and more parents in general, because this is absolutely a realm of parenting that is here to stay and we cannot ignore.

Speaker 1 (02:32):

So when you leave me review, that's going to help me to pop up the ranks for podcast and help more people. And we all need to be that mom. Right. So if you haven't yet done that, please do that. Thank you so, so much in advance. So today I want to take you back for a second. So I don't know if you've listened to my first podcast, but in them I talked about how I was born very premature. And one of being born premature sometimes is the vision of the baby being affected depending on how much oxygen they're exposed to when they're first born. So this is knowledge that I believe back when I was born, it wasn't as highly regulated or wasn't known. And therefore I have had very poor vision from when I was a kid. I don't know when it exactly declined, but it was discovered that I had poor vision when I was about the age of 14.

Speaker 1 (03:26):

It's kind of funny because I was in this class in high school, my freshman year that was kind of set up to be kind of like a college class where we were lectured to versus, you know, just busy work. So it was kinda set up different and I was required to pay attention to a lecture and take notes. And so that was the time that I discovered I could not see the board and, you know, got my eyes checked. And then I was like, Holy cow, the trees have leaves. I, you know, up until that time for, I don't know how long they had just appeared like green blobs. Like I just hadn't seen the world in that much detail. Right. So that was an amazing thing. But I do have very poor vision both near and far. So I promise this has a relation to this podcast.

Speaker 1 (04:10):

So hang with me. So recently over the past year, I have needed to go to the eye doctor. I wear contacts most of the time. I prefer that, especially when I'm working, I want to have my contacts on, especially now because of COVID wearing goggles or a shield. It's easier for me to wear the goggles that I have than it is a shield that also blocks my mouth when I visit patients that are hard of hearing as it is. And then putting a mask over my mouth and a shield in front of my mouth really blocks my voice. And it's so much harder to get through the visit. So I prefer to wear my goggles. Okay. So over the past year, I've needed to go to the eye doctor. My eye doctor I'd had for years had dropped my insurance right before COVID started. And that's when I was due for my next eye exam.

Speaker 1 (04:58):

And so I could not go and get my eye exam because of all of this stuff going on with COVID. So I finally found a new ID doctor and went to see him last week. And in the course of our visit, he told me that I had inflammation in my left eye, around my cornea. And while, you know, nothing major, easily treatable with some eyedrops, he said, I need to use these eyedrops for seven to 10 days and not wear a contact in that eye. And so that the prospect of that really kind of choked me up a little bit in the moment, because it is so, so hard to work right now with the mask and then to put the shield or the goggles on. And so the prospect of having to wear the shield for the next week was just, you know, no fun.

Speaker 1 (05:39):

And so he tells me, you can just wear one contact. It's not going to damage your vision. Long-term to wear one contact your eyes, or your brain will just get used to, you know, when you need to see it's going to use that eye, which seems totally bizarre to me. But, you know, I was like, okay, well that's news because then I can just wear my goggles, like I'm used to wearing, and I'll just wear that one contact. So for someone who doesn't have very poor vision, probably, you know, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But for me that my left eye, the eye that it's in, it's really hard to see with no correction. So therefore I'm pretty much working with one eye with everything that I do both near and far. So you wouldn't think that that's a big deal, right?

Speaker 1 (06:22):

Like just use that one eye. Well, I don't know if you realize this, but there's actually a lot to our vision that needs both eyes. And one of those things is depth perception. And so when we look at something, we can't tell whether or not it's closer or further away without the use of both of our eyes. I mean, you can, but it's, you know, some of the depth perception just isn't there unless you have both eyes. So in my week of working in my nurse practitioner job, I have one of the biggest things I've struggled with is when I need to take a drop of blood from a person's finger, I do a diabetes screening on them, and I need to take that drop of blood. But when you go to do a precise, what I want to call it, precise technique in collecting it with the little device that I use, it can be hard to collect that little drop of blood when I only have one eye to see it.

Speaker 1 (07:13):

Right. I know this sounds crazy. Please don't report me to the authorities, but you know, all in all, I am providing safe care. I get it done. But I have to look at that person's finger in that drop of blood, kind of with, you know, from a couple of different angles in order to get the perspective and to draw that drop of blood into the little device in order to do my test. Right. Okay. So that is so important for me to be able to look at the different angles, right? In order to collect the drop of blood Walton, the analogy that I want to make for this in relation to raising our kids in the digital world, is that when it comes to all of this stuff going on right now, all the heavy things in the world, not digital related, but you know, just all the things going on in the world right now that we're not sure where they're going.

Speaker 1 (08:02):

We're not sure who to trust. All of those things added on top of us navigating all the digital things. It can seem overwhelming, but I think that when it comes to raising our kids and, you know, going through the day-to-day stuff of, you know, like putting the phone up at night and setting the boundaries, it seems so cumbersome. And it seems overwhelming. And it seems like you just want to not do it right. Well, if you take a step back and look at it from a different angle and look at it from all perspectives and give it time to do the things it's supposed to do with guiding your children, you will see that it has an effect that with that depth perception of time, that you are able to positively impact your kids by guiding them. So while the day-to-day the close-in focus of those issues and the, you know, whatever rules and boundaries you're setting and how you're trying to guide them can seem so cumbersome and can seem in focus, but out of focus and, you know, just the whole big picture, you can kind of lose it in the daily things, right?

Speaker 1 (09:15):

If you can take a step back from that and really look at the big picture, you'll see that when you're looking with two eyes and you see the depth of everything that is going on your efforts today, and every day are going to be worth it. Right. And I bring that up because as I think about my own family, our troubles started where things kind of really came to a head in 2019. And it had probably been two to three years that we had given a gaming console with no guidance. We had given smartphones with no guidance, no limitation set up, absolutely nothing. Like we were completely clueless as to the impact of all of this stuff. Truly. So if you're there and you're trying to course correct, no judgment, don't guilt yourself just course correct. And keep moving. Okay. So when I look at how things are now, it's such an amazing thing.

Speaker 1 (10:10):

And I kind of feel like the ages of my kids and how it's all played out. Like on, in looking from one eye, it feels like such a heavy blow. And, you know, like I look at all the things that are available now with bark, with the pinwheel phone, with the gab phone, with the tick talk, watch all the things that are out there. Now, if I had had those back, when my kids were younger, things would have been so much simpler, so much easier, less overwhelming, all of that stuff. I mean, on one, you know, in one sense, right? When I look at that, I think why couldn't these things have been around when my kids were that age, but on the other hand, what I see now is that their ages and how everything played out was kind of a gift for us.

Speaker 1 (10:56):

And I think that all of us can choose to have that viewpoint when it comes to our kids and what we're going through, you can make it meaningful in your life. If you look at each one of the challenges is a gift and a way for us to grow stronger, both individually and as families. So with my kids, if you haven't heard some of my other podcasts where I talk about it, they are about four years apart. And each was given a phone that had more capabilities at a younger and younger ages. We went on the oldest one, her first phone, there was no smartphone that existed. It was simply, you know, a flip phone, something like that maybe had texting capability, but it was really cumbersome to text and no social media, none of that stuff. Okay. She still got those things at a young age and without guidance, but the capabilities were just not there as young of an age as it was for the middle one and the youngest.

Speaker 1 (11:49):

And so our challenges have been different for each one of them, but it's almost amazing to look at it now and to see how we had to manage things with each one of them. If I could go back, I absolutely would change some of the choices that I made. Even now. I feel like with our youngest, we made some very drastic changes that were so, so hard in the moment. But now looking back, looking with my two eyes and a perspective and some depths of the whole situation, we did exactly what we needed to do in the moment I followed my mother's intuition, my gut feeling on some things that others were denying were present, and we did what we had to do at the time. And now what we're seeing are the benefits of that, of our course correcting. But my point in bringing all of this up is that I can see from the other side now, not that we're through all of the hard years or through all the teenage years, you know, we have one smack dab in the middle and one that's right at the end of the teenage years.

Speaker 1 (12:51):

And we're still, you know, helping them to navigate and get through these years where they don't have as much awareness of the risks and all of the things out there. So, you know, very much still in the thick of it. But yet I think those hardest years are like the middle school years in the early high school years. And that's why giving them a fully functional device that connects them to all of the world just complicates those years, because those years are so hard as it is. But now looking on the other side of it, it was so worth it and I would change things, but I also wouldn't change some things because what it has done is brought strength to us as a family and to our kids and us individually, because of the things that we went through. And so if we look at things too closely, all the time to close up, we lose that perspective.

Speaker 1 (13:44):

We lose that depth perception. And so if you're overwhelmed in the moment with the things that you were having to deal with and the challenges and the you're the only person parent that does this, and I'm the only kid that doesn't have this, and why are you so mean or strict or whatever, you know, whatever you're hearing from your kids, take it and put it in the bigger perspective of things in their life, their childhood, their developmental process, to give you some perspective and some depth perception so that you can stay the course. I hope that makes sense to you that I have made some sort of sense with this analogy today, but I surely have been kind of sitting back a little bit in awe realizing that some of the things that I was so unsure about were truly the correct decision at the time.

Speaker 1 (14:38):

And if you're in that moment or you're trying to make a huge course, correction just know that your gut instincts are likely right on point for what it is you need to do. So in the make decisions to help guide your kids, knowing that they cannot navigate these things alone, and that is our responsibility to help them navigate that. But also remember the big picture that these decisions right now do add up and have an impact. So giving into it one time and, you know, letting them have more screen time or whatever is not a big deal, but make sure you keep the bigger perspective and the depth perception in line using, you know, all of the things, when you think about their future in order to continue to stay the course, guiding them with love and, you know, just giving them the things that they need to grow into responsible and healthy and balanced adults.

Speaker 1 (15:37):

Okay. So I hope this was helpful for you and I have a few episodes coming up that are going to have some more tools for you that I discovered that I think you will love. And we will just keep on rolling with this. Okay. So hang in there and be that mom for your kids. And when I say be that mom, it doesn't mean that you are strict and have all these rules, but it means that you are coming from a place of love. You were helping to guide them in this digital world. You were being responsible as a parent, knowing that they cannot do this alone. And you were also helping them to learn how to use tech healthy in responsibly. And to know that we can't keep it from them completely, but it is our responsibility. I can't talk responsibility to help guide them. Okay. So be that mom and be that mom's strong. Take care.

Speaker 2 (16:37):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 1 (16:51):

If you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Episode 58: What to know when allowing your kid on Pinterest?

Pinterest is more than just innocent pins. This episodes will give you a heads up on things to consider when giving your kiddo access to Pinterest.

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

Gryphon Router: CLICK HERE

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Okay. This one really took me by surprise when I started digging into it. And so I have to bring this to your attention too. If you are not aware of this today, we are going to talk about Pinterest and how it could be a risk for your kiddo and how we navigate it. Going forward. Stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:21):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable, real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson

Speaker 1 (00:46):

Friends. Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So Holy moly, like if it didn't have to get more complicated, how in the world is Pinterest, the place that we need to worry about the content that our child is consuming?

Speaker 1 (01:33):

It absolutely is. After I started digging, I was like, Holy cow, this is another place we need to pay attention to. Thankfully like I've mentioned and seeing their praises and probably every episode. And you're probably sick of hearing about them. Bark does monitor Pinterest. So that might be a major saving grace if you are wanting to allow your kiddo to be on Pinterest, but I want to talk about some of the specific risks. So you are aware. And so you can have a conversation with your kid and, you know, kind of keep a close eye on things when it comes to this. I think the biggest risk that all of us as parents have is to think that any of these things are benign and to not keep a close eye. So all of the things that I always talk about with monitoring and setting up that conversation and all of that is always, always, always a good thing.

Speaker 1 (02:26):

And just using something like bark to monitor, but also using which I haven't mentioned in several episodes, but the Barco Maddick that bark has where you basically can put in what sites you are allowing your kids to have. It can give you pointers on how to set up the settings for that site and the privacy settings and all of that. So those are always something that you can use to help you navigate these things. And if you were like me, or you're just kind of like sighing and like, Oh my God, another thing, like, how do I keep up with this is absolutely a feeling that I have. And it's just a part of us parenting where we have to do these things. So thank goodness for Bart. Thank goodness for all of the different awareness that is coming out in regards to these things.

Speaker 1 (03:12):

And hopefully the trajectory of all of this is that we are going to have more tools at our fingertips to help navigate this as time goes on, if we can just do some pushback against some of these sites that are just, you know, letting things go and our kids are the ones that are suffering in the process. And I think that's what we're seeing as far as like bark being produced in the pinwheel phone and the gab phone. Those are things that have come out of parents struggling with this, the Tik TOK watch there's the relay go device. Several of those things did not exist when my kids were younger and I was giving them the devices and all this stuff like there literally was not those options out there. So that's why when I talk about those things, I say literally they're like a mother's gift because I wish I could take them in a time capsule and go back in time and have them at my fingertips when I was navigating this years ago.

Speaker 1 (04:10):

So that's why if you were living in today's world and listening to this podcast and are, you know, grabbing these tools that are available for you to be so, so grateful for that, that these companies and these individuals that founded these organizations and these companies and these devices had the foresight and have the dedication to put this in place, because I do think they're an absolute gift for us as moms, but also for our children in the future that they deserve to have. And that we are allowing all of the digital things to Rob from them. If we are not implementing some sort of plan, you know, and being proactive about this. So let's talk a little bit about Pinterest and what it is that we need to be concerned about. The number one thing I think is that Pinterest isn't private and Pinterest has a chat feature.

Speaker 1 (05:04):

So anyone and everyone can be in touch with your kid. And to piggyback on that, a predator, a person that wants to take advantage of your kid could be watching what they pin and what boards they have. You know, if you're not familiar with Pinterest, it's basically like you have like a file cabinet and you're putting things in folders or a bulletin board where you're putting things or scrap. What do I want to say? Scrapbook something where you basically categorizing things and you're saving things for later. So I can look through there and I'm looking for a recipe for something really yummy that I like to eat chocolate chip cookies that are gluten-free. So cinnamon rolls, that's something I've been wanting to make. And I'm trying to find a recipe. That's good. That's gluten-free and dairy-free. So I don't get all of the block feeling from eating those things.

Speaker 1 (05:53):

And so I go on to Pinterest and I can pin those things and I can put them in categories such as healthy eating or gluten-free or, you know, healthy desserts for digital related stuff. I pin things on there. I have me be that mom movement board. I have one that's about digital safety. You can make a board that's about teen interest or teen safety, all those things. So basically you go on there and you can pin things according to your interests. Okay? So you've got, it's like a filing cabinet or a bulletin board, and you've got all these interests. Well, nothing is stopping from anybody else from going and looking at what your kid is, pinning, and then kind of gathering what their interests are and striking up a conversation with them. I've heard about several instances of moms saying that their kid was having a conversation with some stranger on Pinterest.

Speaker 1 (06:41):

So it is a thing. People have said that they've had this happen to their kid, where they are contacted through the chat feature. And as far as I know, I haven't found a way to turn off that chat feature. So that is a conversation that you need to have with your kiddo, not to talk to strangers. You never know who's behind that chat. Even if they send you a picture, we all know that can be edited. All the deep fakes and things that are out there in the world. It's very easy to edit how you look and make yourself look older or younger, all of those things. So have that conversation and let them know. You can never trust who is on the other end of that, unless you actually know them in real life and, you know, see them in real life. You never know who's on the other end.

Speaker 1 (07:20):

And so you have to be cautious about who you talk to in what you do on there and what you share and never, ever send pictures of yourself to someone you do not know. So that is the biggest risk that I see. The next risk that I see is what information can be consumed on Pinterest. So while Pinterest takes the stand of not being a place for pornography, and they're very aggressive about removing it, sexual content still pops up. Someone has said that their kid was able to figure out how to do a certain sexual act on there. Different things like that. Like things are always going to slip through. They cannot control all of those things. And Pinterest is also a place that's basically like linking to other websites. Like when I pin my episodes for the podcast, I'm pinning them to my blog post.

Speaker 1 (08:11):

So someone basically clicks on that and it takes them to my blog post. And then they can click from there to come to my podcast on Apple or wherever they listen to podcasts. So when they click on things on Pinterest, it's going to take them to another website. So that's where they can find pornography and sexual content. And that a note to make related to that is that if you are blocking YouTube and other things on their devices, they can find that they can access that like tech talk, YouTube, whatever the Ru Pinterest, when they click on those links. And then additionally, in addition to things like porn, some moms have said that that's where their kid learned to cut themselves in, or, you know, learned about, self-harm learned about suicide, learned about making things that are illegal. All of those things can be found on Pinterest.

Speaker 1 (09:05):

They also have Pinterest says that they ban this, they call it thin SPO, which is basically thin inspiration post. They ban those in their terms of service because they're usually accounts promoting disordered eating, but those type of posts still get through that have that unrealistic view of the human body. And then that will affect their self-esteem their body image and maybe induce eating disorders. There's that type of content on there too. And then the last thing is that it's basically hard to avoid the negative content that they can consume on there. And you don't know what that is. There's just so much that's on there. So just like I said, it's like a filing cabinet. Like they can look through and find the certain things that they're looking for, but that doesn't block them from the other things that are on there. Okay. So those are all very valid reasons why you should not allow Pinterest unmonitored.

Speaker 1 (10:04):

So definitely if you don't have bark on their device, bark does monitor Pinterest and I'm looking at barks website right now, and it says it monitors your child's account, including what they pin, even if it's a photo and accompanying descriptions, you'll get an alert if they encounter Pinterest porn or other issues like suicidal ideation self-harm and more along with recommended actions, you can take to talk to them and provide support. And like I've said, in other episodes, bark is very, very proactive in contacting you and following up with you. And sometimes you get silly alerts about like, my son is hunting him and my husband go hunting. And so sometimes it's a conversation with his grandpa about a certain gun that he wants to use or seeing such as that. And I'll get an alert for that. And it makes me laugh because I can see their whole conversation and it's all completely innocent and something that I'm aware of, but how wonderful is it that I don't have to be in their business all of the time I get to allow some privacy, but it still sends me alerts of things.

Speaker 1 (11:12):

It picks up on things that just might be a concern that it can't tell. But I can tell once I take a look at it, what a gift that is to have that now. So definitely consider that if you don't already have Bart use my code, be that mom for the discount. That's 20% off your subscription for the life of your subscription, one subscription for entire family. So whether you have one kid or 10 kids, it's one price and it has a seven day free trial for you to try it out. And when you sign up for that free trial using my code, I will send you an email with a link for downloadable tips for using bark and for navigating all of the things, my top tips for using that. Okay. So when you use that code, I will get in touch with you for that.

Speaker 1 (11:54):

If you're not interested in that, don't worry. I'm not going to spam me with any other emails. And, uh, you won't hear from me again unless you want to. Okay. So I hope that this was all very helpful for you. I was quite surprised when I started digging through the Pinterest stuff, I really just had no idea. My kids have never really taken a huge interest to Pinterest. My girls certainly do use it for things, but I don't think that they've ever liked used it for these types of things. But again, I did not monitor those things years ago, and now they are early twenties and upper teens. So they're kind of on their own. And we're navigating things in a new way now where they have more independence and are kind of adults. So there's that. All right. So I hope this was helpful for you and I will chat with you next time and please take advantage of some of the things I share in here about bark and pinwheel and the Griffon router.

Speaker 1 (12:47):

If you personally, as mom are needing self care, help getting into a workout routine, getting into focusing more on your own needs and your nutrition and things such as that. I use top of the line tools and have a support community for you. If you join me in my fit club, it is called the align, your life fit club. And I named it that because it literally is about aligning your daily actions with the way you want your life to be in a realistic way. No diets, no deprivation, just realistic, small baby steps with what makes sense for you. And then over time as you align those decisions, you will find that more of your life gets into alignment. And like I've said with other times that I've mentioned this, once you start having that foundation of strength for yourself, it trickles down to your kids, both just with your own inner strength and inner peace and your place where you are strong.

Speaker 1 (13:48):

And no one can take that from you because it's so, so easy as a mom to let all of your own needs slip away, you know, because the kids take so much time and energy and all of that. But once you have that place of strength, you're such a positive influence for your kid. As you show them that you can do this, you can be strong for yourself while being strong for them. And even when they're resistant to doing anything that you think is good, you know, those teen years where it's like, if it's mom or dad's idea, I'm not going to do it, they are watching. And over time they will pick up on what you're doing. You just need to stay consistent with it. So I did not know how to eat healthy, and I did not know how to influence my kids with doing that very much when they were much younger, but over time I have made baby tweaks to tiny tweaks to how we eat.

Speaker 1 (14:37):

And I exercise daily and I kind of integrate all of that into what I do. And while a few of them have been resistant to that, as they have gotten older, I see that they're picking up on what I do and what I say, and they're seeing that it's important. And so even if it looks like they're not listening or not interested or giving you pushback about changing, how you're eating or changing a few recipes that you make, or, you know, taking that time for your own exercise, your own self care, your own mental health over time, it does have an influence on them. So just stay strong and find that place for yourself for your own self care routine and all of that. And then the strength you get from that will trickle out and help you manage all these things. And when I was in my most difficult days, it was my police of my daily workout in my daily routine for taking care of myself.

Speaker 1 (15:29):

That gave me strength. In addition to like my spiritual and religious health and all of that, it gave me a place of strength that no one could take from me, even though I felt like the entire world around me was crumbling apart. So definitely while you're trying to find all of these places, navigating all of these things that I share with you still take that time for yourself. Find that place where you can have your own interest in your own things to fulfill yourself and to fill your own cup, because we cannot constantly give to others and lots we're giving to ourselves first. Okay. So I hope that was all helpful for you. I know I seemed like my last couple episodes have been a bit longer than I had been doing before. So I hope you stayed and listened for all of that. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for those of you that have connected with me on social media and through email and left me reviews. I appreciated immensely, and I'm so glad to be able to bring this information to you and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (16:28):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (16:43):

Before you go check this out. If you are a mom that is listening to this podcast, you are wanting to keep your kids safe in the digital world. But let me tell you what is so very powerful and what helped me so so much when things got really tough in my parenting of the digital natives world, I already had a routine of taking care of myself every day with not only the simple things like drinking more water and getting enough sleep most of the time. Anyway. Um, but I also had a routine of exercise in a routine of fueling my body with good nutrition, with guaranteed nutrition, through a smoothie, with tools that helped me during my workouts and this routine. It sounds silly that it could help so much, but it did help me so much when I was gutted by the challenges of raising kids in this digital age, it helped me have a safe place.

Speaker 1 (17:33):

It helped me have a strength that I otherwise would not have mentally and spiritually and physically. And then it also on a day-to-day basis helps me to be more present for the kids because I'm more present for myself. First, if you do not have this in your life, I want to connect you with this. I want to simplify this for you, connect with me, and I will connect you with tools that work for anyone that simplify everything around exercising and eating and making this a habit that sticks. And that will be an example for your kids and your family. Connect with me. We'll have a discovery session. We'll figure out which options will work best for you. And then I will connect you with my online community to help support you as you get started and to help you keep up the motivation and the momentum to make this a lifestyle switch that lasts forever. So connect with me today. 

Episode 57: Does your kid have an IG account? How about a Finsta?

Rinsta and Finsta. Which does your kiddo have? This episode chats about the difference and what the implications may be for having this.

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

Gryphon Router: CLICK HERE

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Have you ever heard of a Finsta? If you haven't, I'm right there with you. I never had either, but that's what we're going to chat about today. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:12):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, Holy moly. Check this out.

Speaker 1 (00:38):

You're a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet. Check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb, smart phones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code, be that mom 10 for a discount. Okay. So we all know that there's no way that we can control every single aspect of all of the social media things, right? Like if you're going to allow your kid to have access to the digital world in some way that there's always going to be work around and leave it to our kids to be, what do I want to say, savvy enough to come up with these things?

Speaker 1 (01:29):

And it is quite amazing. So the biggest tool that you can have in your back pocket is open communication with your kiddo about their behavior online and what you do and do not approve of. And the consequences. If you discover that they have not followed these rules that you set in place. Okay. But what I'm talking about today, Finsta is basically you have what they call Rinsta. R I N S T a, which is a real Instagram account. And then there's a Finsta, which is a fake Instagram account. So a lot of kids will use this as an alternative at count that maybe their parents don't know about, or maybe they are just trying to get away, like fly under the radar. I guess, of someone or some entity, maybe it's a place where they post things that they don't want a college to be able to scope out.

Speaker 1 (02:27):

Maybe it's their silly side, where they just share things with close friends or vulnerable side or mischievous or illegal things, or just a place to get away from parents to where they don't feel like they're being watched. So I personally did not know that this was a thing until my two youngest, Ron Instagram. And I actually stumbled upon one of theirs on accident because I opened up another Instagram account. It was for this podcast. I had my regular Instagram account that I'd had for years. And I went and made another account to open it up for the podcast. And when I did that, I connected it to my contacts on my phone. And it immediately popped up one of my kiddos extra account. And I was like, what in the world? What is this? Like, I had been watching their other Instagram accounts to see what they were posting.

Speaker 1 (03:22):

And if you haven't noticed some like, particularly boys will tend to have an Instagram account that they don't post a thing on. And you're like, why do they want to be on Instagram? They never post anything. And like I've said in episodes ago, what they're often doing is they're just there to look at content or they're just there to communicate through the messages. Okay. So it's not that they're not on there and doing things they're just not posting publicly to their account. Okay. So you may be watching their account and you're like, I don't have anything to worry about because they never posted anything. Anyway, there's still a lot of danger lurking on there and it doesn't just have to do with them posting anything. People can get to them through the messages. They can get content by who they follow and who they message and what content is sent to them, from friends, all of that stuff.

Speaker 1 (04:10):

Okay. So there's a lot of things that are lurking underneath the surface there that you have to look into. But when I made this other account, then it popped up. Here's some people that you may want to follow with this new account. And one of these was my kids' extra account. And so I addressed that and said, okay, I'm okay with you having another account, but why is it secretive? And why did you not tell me about it? And so we had a discussion there for that, but at the same time, it was quite disconcerting to discover this. And I thought I had a handle on all the things, right. I sewed did not handle, have a handle on all the things at that time. Like that was the tip of the iceberg. But so a Finsta is a fake Instagram account. The purpose of it is, you know, will vary depending on your kiddo and what their intentions are.

Speaker 1 (05:02):

But good news about this is that if you have something like bark set up, it will detect. If there's another account I have had notifications sent to me that says, my kid is act, you know, your kid says their name is active on. It says something like we see that blink, your kid is using an Instagram account. Do you want to monitor that? Or do you want to set it up? It says something like that, that alerted me to things going on that I wasn't aware of. So, so there is that that bark will pick things up like that. But bottom line is nothing is a hundred percent. They can always go and open other accounts. And so you just have to be aware that there's always that risk there. Now, a thing that you could do to get around that is taking their phones up at night and having their logins to all of their things and setting up the rules and the boundaries around their use.

Speaker 1 (05:58):

And that if you like them being clear and knowing that if you discover that they have these other accounts and have been dishonest with you, that there will be consequences, you know, reasonably speaking up to a certain age. And that is also a decision between you and your kid and, and their, you know, their age and how you feel that they can function on social media. So I guess ultimately what I'm saying is everybody can decide for themselves how you want to operate, but I can tell you that there's a number of years there where curiosity is high and what do I want to call it? Like realistic judgment of risks? Is that a good way to say it is not there? And so you have to figure out a happy medium between giving some independence and some privacy, but also keeping them closely monitored because the discretion of risks is not yet there.

Speaker 1 (06:57):

They say that that doesn't like fully develop until their early twenties. So, you know, it's just one of those things for the teenage years that you know, that they're not going to kind of get all of the risks. And so you kind of have to help guide them with those things and social media and all the digital things just basically puts a huge, extra layer on all of that. And all of us trying to monitor everything and navigate everything. And that's of course, while you're here listening to my podcast, right? So anyways, today I just wanted to talk about that in case you had never heard of it. I've actually known that this is a thing for quite a while because of my kids having it and me discovering it. And ultimately, I don't think it's necessarily going to be a bad thing, but it's up to you to decide what the rules are around it and you know what you want to have access and not have access to, but of course, putting bark on their device and then all the other monitoring things that I always talk about can certainly help you to navigate it as well.

Speaker 1 (07:52):

Okay. So I hope that was helpful for you and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (08:00):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 1 (08:14):

If you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Episode 56: Helping your kid sow seeds for success: Are you too late?

The digital world can be a great place to connect but also can cause us to disconnect. Listen in on this episode for tips to to reconnect with your kids.

For the book I mentioned in this episode, CLICK HERE

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Today's digital world can make us feel so interconnected, but also disconnected at the same time. So today we are going to talk about some strategies and some ways for you to move forward from that and avoid disconnecting from your kiddos and your kids disconnecting from their life and their future that they have ahead of them. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:23):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, he friends

Speaker 1 (00:50):

Was, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use it is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So before we get started with today's topic, I just want to say that my episode from a week, two weeks ago, I believe about the mom that lost her kid to the experimentation of taking a pill and unknowingly taking something that had too much fentanyl in it.

Speaker 1 (01:41):

And it killed her son. I've gotten a ton of feedback from that. And I just want to encourage you if you haven't listened to that, to go listen to that, it is so very utterly important that we're all so very aware that this is a very real risk for any one of our kids thinking they're innocently going to try this pill because someone else says it's, you know, a thing to do. And that one time is too much and takes their life. So if you haven't listened to that episode, definitely go back and listen to it. I believe it's from two weeks ago and, you know, share it with your friends and, you know, use the tips that I have in there to help discuss things with your kids, but also take the precautions that I mentioned and definitely be proactive in that because it's a very real threat for every single one of our kids.

Speaker 1 (02:29):

Okay. All right. So recently I was on social media on Facebook and I saw a post from a dad where it was almost like a plea where he said I messed up. I didn't know. And I gave my kid this gaming console and I've lost him. I've lost my kid to these digital things that I allowed him to have. He's lost all interest in everything he ever wanted to do before gave him the digital things. And he just has no interest of doing anything, but playing those games, I feel like I've totally messed up and I've lost my kid. Where do I go from here? I can so relate to that, that plea, that feeling that he was having, that he was expressing because I was there once too and sitting on the other side of everything that we have faced and we have walked through.

Speaker 1 (03:23):

I can tell you that there is always hope. There is always a place where you can readjust and course correct and get yourself moving in a different direction. If your kid is younger and you're listening to this, then those are the most critical years of, I think the middle school years are like the hardest years and the most critical years to really try to be proactive and navigating this and, you know, to take a very positive stance with all of it. But even if your kid is in the teenage years, it's not too late, it's just time to reassess and readjust. And yes, some of it may be painful and difficult, but at the same time, nothing is too hard when it comes to the future of our children. And I very much think that the influence of all the digital things is absolutely the most impactful thing that our kids have to deal with in their childhood these days.

Speaker 1 (04:23):

So it's always going to be worth it. So today I want to give you some tips. I want to give you some tools you can use and give you a game plan. So you can move forward from this. So whether you are regrouping from feeling disconnected and, you know, kind of seeing that this is happening with your family, or you are just trying to be proactive from the get-go and you haven't yet given your kids these things. I think these things can help. I believe that kids are very, very resilient and while we want to shape and mold them, you know, and shield them and all of that from the get go, if we have made missteps and need to regroup, reassess course, correct. We need to forgive ourselves a little bit and I'm talking to myself because I've had a lot of mom guilt around it, but I'll expand on that here in a minute and explain why it's not necessarily completely horrible thing when these things happen.

Speaker 1 (05:18):

And we have to course correct, mainly because it's, it's a learning, it's a learning point. I'm like stumbling on my words, but it's a place for you to have, like your struggle on something is always a place for you to build strength. So if you can view it from that place, then it's a place for you to figure out how can we use this to make us grow and make us stronger. So, you know, bringing this to actual real life tips, if you have given your kid a phone, a gaming console, whatever it is, and you have not set down boundaries, or you're just noticing that it's taking them away from their normal childhood interests. And they're doing that more and more. I just want to start by saying that they are resilient and they adapt quickly. And so it's just our role. Number one, as a parent, to be the parent, and to take a step back from the situation and look at the big picture.

Speaker 1 (06:12):

Some of what I'm going to describe today is outlined in a book that I love and that I highly recommend that I haven't mentioned on here in a while, probably since the very beginning of the podcast, but the book is called disconnected by Thomas Kerstin. And it's titled how to reconnect our digitally distracted kids. I'll put a link for that in the show notes, but in the book he talks about in one chapter about how we need to look at how we're planting seeds in our kids' mind in their childhood. Basically, if the seeds that they are having planted are based on their interaction in the social media world of feeling not good enough and being bullied and comparing themselves to others and having a low self esteem that we're planting those seeds to mold their childhood in their future around that. And they are adaptive in their resilience, but it's also their childhood.

Speaker 1 (07:10):

Is there time of sowing those seeds. And so we need to take a big step back and say, okay, we need to, if you're one of the ones like me, that you didn't want to like be that mom that was setting down these rules that was allowing them not to game all night long, that was moving the console out of the bedroom that was setting limits on the use of the cell phone. That was eavesdropping a little bit on social media accounts. If you are hesitant to do those things, because you've always allowed them and you are afraid that your kid is going to be upset that your kid's going to be ostracized or look different, or that they're going to think that you don't trust them, take a step back and look at the bigger picture of things, how things are going, the trajectory of how they are going.

Speaker 1 (07:52):

Are they planting good seeds? Is it a place where your kid is going to grow to be strong, be confident and, you know, just have a positive and productive stance and outlook in the world. Is that what you were creating with the things that you were doing right now? If you don't feel that that's the trajectory you're on, then that's when we need to step in and be a parent looking at the big picture and decide where we are going to go and where we are. We are going to set boundaries. Another thing that is kind of a phenomenon that's been going on for a while. And I feel like it gets before my time on this earth of us getting more and more disconnected from ourselves. And so I think this disconnection that we're seeing in our kids with the digital things is more pronounced now, but I do not think it's a new thing for this generation because me personally, when I look back on my childhood, there was a time where I was very connected with my creativity and my ambitions and goals. And then as we get older, it's kind of like, it's almost like it's taught to us to start doubting ourselves. And, you know, to just, you know, settle down, don't have those big ambitions, cause you're likely not going to get there type thing. I'm not that my mom necessarily encourage those things. She was always, you know, my biggest advocate and telling me I can do whatever I put my mind to, but society

Speaker 3 (09:14): And you know, all of

Speaker 1 (09:16):

The things out there, like just kind of telling you that you're not capable of that. So don't hope that high because you're just going to be disappointed. So I think that as a, another tip to what I've already added is that we personally ourselves need to learn, to look within and connect with ourselves and walk the walk that we want our kids to walk, reconnecting with ourselves. And part of that is learning to, you know, disconnect from those devices and spend time with each other. Face-to-face reconnecting in the world, reconnecting with things other than digital things. And I bring that up because last weekend, my family, we drove about a hundred miles away from our home to a place in South Texas, where they have hiking. And when we drove up to the state part, we lost complete signal on our phones. While out on our way there, we had an issue with our vehicle.

Speaker 1 (10:10):

We were in three different vehicles in one of the vehicles. And one, me and my husband were driving in, had an issue where something in a warning light came on on the dash. And so this is something that had been happening with this car. And so my husband was afraid to keep driving it as far as we needed to go, because he wasn't sure what the issue was. So we combined everything into two cars and he went back home and got another vehicle and then caught up with us. But we were still waiting for him to come before we started our hiking, but we went ahead and went to the park and we were going to wait for him there. Well, when we got there and we drove into the park, we all lost signals on our phone. Completely. Like there's no way we could have got a text out to say where to meet.

Speaker 1 (10:53):

There was no, no way for us to tell them that we'd already checked him at the, in, at the front desk. It was, you know, there was just no way to get in touch with them at all. We couldn't tell him where we had parked nothing. So, you know, the other part of the group went and parked. And then me and my daughter and her boyfriend drove out of the park and went back to the RV park that we'd been at and where we met up with friends and we went back there. So we could call my husband and tell him where to meet us at, and that we'd already checked him in. So when he did arrive, he knew where to go. So we went back to the park, we waited for him, we connected with him. And then we went on with our day.

Speaker 1 (11:27):

We hiked a total of 10 miles. Some of it was like steep and strenuous and a while we had a great time and I enjoyed the nature and being disconnected. My body is not used to a 10 mile hike. So I came home very, very, very tired. But my point in bringing that up, it was, it was a wonderful time for us to disconnect from the rest of the world and just spend time with each other. We talked, we laughed, we looked at nature, we just enjoyed the silence. And it was a great thing, but it was also a struggle. Like at one point we got to like the highest part of the park and we all had signals on our phone again. And we all instantly wanted to check in and see what was going on on our social media and see if we had any texts from anybody.

Speaker 1 (12:10):

And I tried to quickly shut that down, you know, for myself personally and not look at my phone, but it's so hard to disconnect from all of that because we're so used to being so interconnected, isn't that crazy that you're like, we're like more interconnected, but yet disconnected from our own like inner silence, our inner peace and, you know, just finding a place. I think I'd say, you know, a lot, don't, I I'm noticing that with this as I'm talking, but it's crazy how that works, that we're disconnected, but interconnected. And it's hard for us to get connected to our inner self and our inner peace. So my point is I think that we all can learn to kind of silence all of the outside noise and try to find our own inner peace and to find our own way of, you know, just connecting with ourself.

Speaker 1 (12:58):

I think I've said that over and over now, but in this book disconnected by Thomas Kerstin, he has a section where he talks about that. And he says, in the case of kids with all the digital things, that boredom is like a mental fertilizer and boredom is to the brain. What weightlifting is to the muscles, boredom is necessary. It is the spark of creativity. And we all know that creativity as a child is like us working mentally through the world and, you know, creating our construct of the world and what our interests are and all of that stuff. And the phenomenon that we're seeing with all of the digital interconnectedness is that our kids are losing their creativity and losing their boredom because they're never, they're never allowed or forced to be bored because they always have the digital things, always something to put in their hands so that they don't have to deal with that boredom.

Speaker 1 (13:54):

So I think the biggest lesson of what I want to talk about with disconnecting to reconnect is to create a time for your kid for a digital device disconnect where the digital devices are not available, where they are forced to be bored into, to be creative. And as someone who has walked through all of this with my own family, if you don't know my past story, my kids are mid-teen upper teen and younger, lower twenties right now. And each one got a device at a younger and younger age. And I saw the impact of that from the oldest to the youngest. I had no idea that it would have an impact like it did. I thought social media was just a place to post their pictures and connect with friends. And I just had no idea the ramifications, the risks that were out there, all of the things that we're trained to get to my kids and how I was opening the entire world to my kid on those devices.

Speaker 1 (14:54):

And so I've seen the impact for all of them. And I didn't create a place where there were no devices for them. I didn't set up those boundaries and to help them with that and our kids so desperately need that from us. So whether you are in the place of just starting this, or whether you are in the police of just starting this with your kids, or you are here in desperation like that, dad looking for a place to restart and figure out where to course correct, know that when you set up those boundaries for your kid, you're going to get pushback. Most likely if they have, are used to not having the boundaries, but know underneath that fit or that tantrum or that attitude, that they need you to set these things up. And I think I digressed from my point when I was talking about us going to the state park, but with my kids, I have seen the effect of doing this where old interests are reignited, where new creativity and new discovery happens.

Speaker 1 (16:02):

And it is because I set up the boundaries on the use of the devices. And that can mean, and it should mean not in the bedroom. I can't emphasize that enough, keep them out of the bedroom until they're able to self-regulate themselves and have a discussion about why that is important. Put the phones to bed at night in your room, in a place where you control, keep the gaming consoles out of the bedroom. Like if you have it in their bedroom, they cannot resist the temptation of playing it. It messes with their sleep. It's an, it becomes an addiction. It interferes with schoolwork and everything else in their life. So digital devices out of the bedroom and set up times to where it is a required digital free time. And then that forces them into the boredom and helps them with creativity and helps them to have those normal childhood desires other than getting their next little achievement on whatever game they're playing or checking in to see who's gone to what party or checking to see some girls picture that you're in BSF.

Speaker 1 (17:08):

You know, like all of the things that the, the doors that these open, this gives them permission to shut it all down. Even though it's you setting the boundaries, it's giving them permission to not connect with their friends. It's giving them permission to say, my mom won't let me be on this at this time. It's okay to be the bad guy, because in the end, they are going to be thankful as a mom that is sitting on the other side of so much struggle. I am seeing things that I once thought I would never see. Again. I once thought that I had made the biggest mistake ever as a parent and felt like the most horrible parent in the world. I want thought that the mistakes I made were going to have such detrimental effects longterm, but I'm telling you, you got to stick to your guns.

Speaker 1 (18:00):

You got to be the parent. You got to look at the big picture and look at the trajectory of your child's life, and then know that they are resilient, but they need you to set boundaries and they need you to guide them to have that non-digital time so that they can have the mental timeout from it so they can be bored. So they can find that inner peace in that abundance that comes within that. Otherwise there'll be too distracted in too disconnected from the world to find on their own. And you yourself. Like I mentioned with me, always feeling like I didn't, I was always looking outside of me for connection and meaning and all of that, me, myself, trying to dive more in to my own inner peace and strengthened my own boredom models of behavior for my kids. I don't know if I made that point clear earlier, but that models that behavior for my kids.

Speaker 1 (18:53):

So be the model for them. And while you're setting these boundaries up, set the boundaries up for yourself as well, and then they know, and they see that you are doing this same thing. Okay. So besides that, as you know, the, uh, tools that I mentioned in most of my episodes, I have a free download in the show notes of this. If you don't know where to look for the show notes, either swipe up, or there might be some like little dots that you click on, and then you go to show notes, but look in the show notes. And I have a free download for all of the resources that I normally list. I also have links in the show notes for all of the resources, but you can set up as tools to help you. You can set up bark to help you monitor.

Speaker 1 (19:35):

You can set up Griffin or Gryphon router and bark home to shut down parts of your home's Wi-Fi during certain times of the day, there's other tools out there that can help you to shut down access to certain things so that, you know, they know that this is how it's going to be at these certain times of the day, and there's no getting around it. And then there's also things like the pinwheel phone where you can set it up into modes. And then it's like at a certain time of the day, they know that the mood that the phone is on at that time is not to, you know, do all the things it is to be doing a certain thing. The pinwheel phone doesn't allow you to get to social media and those things. So it keeps the phone as a tool, not as something that's controlling the kid in everything that they do.

Speaker 1 (20:20):

So it's a great option for the younger kids. And if you have younger, younger kids, the tick tock tick tock watch is a great option for staying connected without giving them the smartphone and all of that stuff. Okay. So I haven't mentioned it, I don't think in my other episodes, but pinwheel changed my promo code. It is be that mom dash 10 T E N. So it's all spelled out altogether and then dash T E N. So if you are going to grab a pinwheel phone, use the link in my show notes, and then if it asks for the discount code and it's not already registered as that put in, be that mom dash 10 and for bark, it is still be that mom altogether that will get you 20% off in the seven-day free trial. And I highly recommend all of those. Again, I have everything in the show notes, click on my free download that will get you signed up for my email list, and then give you the links in all of my recommendations for basic boundaries to set up and help you.

Speaker 1 (21:18):

Okay. I hope this was super, super helpful. I think I kind of went around in circles a little bit, but I personally have tried to really work hard at walking the walk with the kiddos and doing more disconnect time. And I feel like it's been really meaningful and I enjoy it more than I used to. I think this past year of 2020 is made me really look at a lot of things and value things more. And so I hope that you are able to use these tips and move forward with all of this stuff to, and I hope that all of this stuff will help you navigate it a little bit easier. Okay. So I hope you have a great week and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (21:59):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (22:13):

Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up everyday, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

Episode 55: 12 months of the podcast: Year in review & look ahead!

2020 is a year none of us will ever forget to say the least, but it was also a year that this movement and podcast launched. What an amazing journey! 

 

As mentioned in the episode: 

Interested in learning how to podcast? This is the number one course I recommend for start to finish steps in all things podcasting, tech, podcast planning, cover art, and more: 

Podcast Pro University by Stef Gass: Click here to learn more! 

 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

Grab a Gryphon Router HERE 

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Today's podcast is going to be all about this past 12 months, a year in review for the be that mom movement podcast. It is pretty amazing. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:14):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson. Holy moly. Check this out if you are,

Speaker 1 (00:40):

Or a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet. Check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So it's crazy to me that it has been an entire year that I have been recording this podcast. When I think back over this past year, I'm sure you probably have the same sort of reaction where you are like, Holy cow, what just happened when I started the idea of this podcast, back in January of 2020, I had no clue what was coming, but I had a vision and a mission in my heart.

Speaker 1 (01:33):

And that was based on struggles that I had in my own family that blindsided us, that we had no inkling of an idea were anything to worry about or was going on until it smacked us in the face. And so this podcast came out of my vision of trying to reach more people than I could just on my social media platforms. And podcasting kind of like fell into my lap and became something that was on my radar that I thought maybe would be a way for me to reach more people. And that's when this idea was born January of 2020, it was then that I stumbled upon a podcast course. As I was listening to the Angie Lee podcast, she had a guest on and her name was Stephanie gas. And Steph, she goes by Steph has a podcast course that is called podcast pro university.

Speaker 1 (02:26):

And she talks about that on Angie Lee's podcast. And so I checked it out. It was more money than I wanted to spend at the time, but I knew that this was going to require a little bit of an investment and that it would come back in return. And, you know, with the benefit of how many moms I could help to navigate this wild world of raising kids in the digital age. So stumbled upon that podcast course. It took me through all the setup and getting it out into the world. And Steph even had a free community on Facebook where we could bounce ideas off of each other. I worked on the, the art for the cover and all of that. And it was such kind of a tedious process, but also so simplified by her whole course and program and all of that. So I launched this thing in March of 2020, just days before, or maybe right as all of this stuff with the pandemic was kind of coming out and, you know, the world was shutting down and all of that.

Speaker 1 (03:27):

So it gave me something to work on and it was kind of weird because suddenly I was at home and my job as a nurse practitioner was like put on hold as we regrouped and figured out how to function in this new order of things in the world. And so that gave me time to really dig in and focus on this and figure out what I wanted to do. My original vision was to do two episodes a week, but that became just simply not possible with all of the demands and the stress of these COVID times and being in the healthcare world and all of that. It just was too much for me to do two episodes a week, but I have done a few weeks where I've done like a bonus episode, but I still think that I stuck well to my vision and my mission for the podcast.

Speaker 1 (04:12):

So I hope that you have found this to be helpful. However, you have found it. I was just sitting here looking at stats of the podcast and I don't typically look at this very closely. Sometimes I'll glance at it to see if I'm ranking in any countries or, you know, if there's anything that pops out at me as being significant. Well, it's probably something I should be looking at more just to kind of see what's resonating with you most. But as I looked at this, I was just simply amazed that podcast is actually ranked all over the world. The majority of downloads have been in the United States. The next top country for download is actually Spain. I had no idea. I had not been looking at that. So all of you in Spain that are listening. Thank you so, so much. The other countries that are top ranking for downloads include Canada, France, New Zealand, United Kingdom, and Guam, and then Argentina, the Philippines, Australia, Saudi Arabia, Brazil, Germany, South Africa, the Netherlands, Malaysia, Indonesia Aruba, the United Arab Emirates.

Speaker 1 (05:19):

Some of these I haven't heard of by rain, Switzerland, Greece, India, Italy, Kuwait, Mali, Mexico, Norway, Poland, Sweden, Singapore, and then a couple that it says unknown. That just amazes me. And it's not something I've paid real close attention to, but I need to do that more, but thank you so much wherever you are for tuning in. And I hope whichever episode caught your eye, that it was enough for you to stick around and subscribe to the podcast. And I'd love to hear from you. I'd love for you to leave me a review. Let me know what resonates with this. If you have input into what's going on in your own life and your own family, something you can add to what sharing I'd love to hear from you. Some of what my vision was for the past year was to have guests on my episodes about every three or four episodes to have a guest.

Speaker 1 (06:07):

I've had some authors reach out to me and ask if they could be on my podcast. I'd like to have some therapist or someone that's kind of in the counseling world when it comes to helping guide kids with all the digital things or guide families. And then I'd also like to be a guest on other people's podcasts too, if my message will resonate with their audience. So that's kind of, some of my vision for this next year is to kind of expand in some of those ways 2020 was just way too much for all of us to handle I'm sure, but just having this, you know, I have my job as a nurse practitioner. I have this podcast, I am a wellness coach. I help women mostly, but really anybody. I help women to navigate the world of their wellness and aligning their daily choices with their health and despite all the busy and all of that.

Speaker 1 (06:55):

And then I have my three kids and my family and all the crazy things that are going on this year. So some of what I had envisioned didn't happen, but it is going to be something I'm going to be working on in this next year. A few other stats I wanted to tell you about is so I've had 55 episodes. I envisioned having many more than that, but I still think that the 55 I've done have been valuable and have resonated with y'all. I've actually had 3,643 downloads total for the podcast. I have friends that started their podcast at the same time as me that have massively more episodes, but I try not to compare myself to them and just work on making really valuable information, things that are pertinent to the times and pertinent to our struggles, you know, in the mom world. And as this ever evolving digital thing, you know, it's like a monster that just keeps on coming and we've got to just continue, continually figure out how to navigate it and Dodge it and all of that.

Speaker 1 (07:52):

But the podcast is also had 537 downloads in the last 30 days. And in the last seven days, 173 downloads, these things are kind of surprising to me because I just haven't paid attention to it very much. In the last 30 days, the top downloaded episode was episode 53. That was about the apps used for hiding things. And then the second most downloaded episode was episode 54 drugs on every street corner, where I talked about that one mom's son who died from taking a pill that they believed was leased with fentanyl. And he got it through a contact on Snapchat. So if you have not listened to that episode, please go listen to that and please have a talk with your kiddos. I had to talk with my kiddos because I just don't. We cannot assume that they know better because just of the state of the world we're in and the interconnectedness and all of that, the top episode of all time that has been downloaded is episode 33, the pinwheel phone.

Speaker 1 (08:53):

And I'm not surprised so much about because I have referred so many people to that episode and to the pinwheel phone. It is absolutely top notch, the best thing out there for us moms, when we are wanting to take that next step and give our kids a phone, the pinwheel phone is such a great option to start out with when you're ready to move down that road. It is giving them a little bit of the digital stuff, but it still gives you a lot of control. And of course you can put bark on it, which, you know, I rave about bark. So you can put bark on that and then you have more control. You can see what they're doing, help them guide them with responsibility and all of that before you step into the world of a smartphone and the increased monitoring and all of those wonderful things that we must face, we cannot ignore in this mom hood world in the digital age.

Speaker 1 (09:47):

The second most downloaded episode was a bonus episode that I did where I talked about us being unified in our mother's love. And I did that after seeing that my podcast was being downloaded in other countries, I think it was New Zealand. It ranked as one of the top parenting episodes that week. And so it just kind of blew me away to think that this there's so much, that's different about each one of us, every family, every, you know, place in the world has different cultures, has different ideas about things, beliefs, religions, all of those things. But this one thing, this digital world that we introduce our kids to is a common ground among us all it's undeniable. And if we deny it, then that's where the difficult days happen. And that's, you know, ultimately my mission is to help you to not deny that approach it proactively because our kids need us to do that.

Speaker 1 (10:48):

So, so bad. So that episode was all about a mother's love and how we are all here as mothers. And if you're a dad, you're welcome here too, but we're all here as mothers to just help each other navigate this. So I hope that that has done that for you. So ultimately this episode is probably a little bit boring. Maybe you're like, okay, let's go on to something more helpful, but I just want to thank you so much for listening for being here. I want to continue to expand on what I'm doing and provide you with more resources and more ways to help you navigate this. And I will continue to try to stay on top of the trends and the different things that are forever changing when it comes to the world of all the digital stuff. So I hope you will stick around, continue listening, leave me a review on Apple or wherever you're listening, if you haven't done so already those help the podcast to rank higher.

Speaker 1 (11:44):

So it gets into the hands of more moms. So you leaving a review would be a wonderful thing to help other mothers and to help get the word out to all of us as we build this, be that mom movement. The other thing that I'm working on right now, I've mentioned in a couple of episodes is a B that mom movement method course. And it is basically what I have identified as kind of a common thread among all of the struggles and kind of, I'm going to give you a framework to follow, to help you to, you know, even if, if you're first introducing your kid to a pinwheel phone or smartphone or all of the above, or if you're backtracking on those things, and then also give you tools to walk through the path and to reassess and to know when you need to seek outside help and all of those things, not that I'm an expert, but I've just done a lot of reflecting and researching and trying to find and bring together all of the things that could help us to make sure that we are on the front lines of this, not, you know, like in a proactive stance versus a reactive stance and where we are giving our kids the guidance that they need instead of always kind of being like building fences.

Speaker 1 (12:51):

But instead, you know, starting out with these tools in this framework, and then as you go along, it helps you to navigate it with your kiddo and helps them to mature with all of the technology as they get older, instead of allowing all the influences to come in and affect their self-esteem and affect their decisions in life. And, you know, just bombard them with things that takes them away from the normal childhood development that they should be doing. You know, getting sidetracked with being addicted, to gaming and being on their phones and Tik TOK and Snapchat and all the things and all the dangers that come with that. So I'm working on that. I had wanted to already have it out. Gosh, like in January. And it's just been one thing after another, with everything going on in the world, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (13:36):

So I just haven't gotten there yet. And I'm trying to give myself grace and not beat myself up too much about it, but do have a lot on my plate. So I'm working on that one thing I do want you to know, if you are interested in a pinwheel phone, they have changed my code to, I believe it's be that mom. It's been be that mom 10, and now it's be that mom dash 10 is I think that's what they told me. Okay. Yes. So it is be that mom dash 10 and 10 is T E N. So that's going to be the discount code for pinwheel, for bark. It is still be that mom, I have updated some things on my website to go to Dolly denson.com and go to the tools and resources. And there's some free downloads there for you. I'll also put these in the show notes, but there's some free downloads in there for you.

Speaker 1 (14:19):

There's more resources. I can't talk more resources for you as mom, your own health. There's some kid friendly recipes. There, just some light kid approved ones that my kids slash teenagers slash young adults. Like, and there's just a whole bunch of stuff there. I'm adding more stuff to that. I have a multiple things that I share there. And these are all things that I personally use for myself and my family. I would never promote something just to promote it. Some of them are affiliate codes. Not all of them are, but some of them are. And if it an affiliate code, it costs nothing extra for you, but it does give me compensation so that I can continue bringing you the things that this podcast is about. Okay. So thank you so much. If you do use any of my codes and it is an affiliate link, thank you for your support.

Speaker 1 (15:06):

You are helping me to bring this information to you. So I greatly appreciate that. I want you to know that besides that, if you do go to my website, I don't know why it's like this. I'm not real tech inclined when it goes to the website, but make sure you put the HTTPS colon slash slash www.dollydenso.com. I'll put that in the show notes too. Sometimes want to, if I just put in Dolly denson.com, for some reason, it doesn't show up, it doesn't come up all the time. I get like that error code. So not sure what's up with that, but thanks so much for tuning in today. And I hope this was enlightening that if anything else, that you are not alone in this journey, this is a worldwide journey. This is a mother's journey, no matter where you are in the world, know that you are navigating something that every other mother is, unless they just do not allow any to visual things and don't have, you know, any type of digital thing in their house.

Speaker 1 (16:00):

We are all facing the same thing. It's so, so very important that we join hands and we, you know, be that mom be that mom's strong for ourself and for our kids. So I hope you will continue to listen and just join hands with us. I have a telegram channel that I haven't been real active in yet, but if you have the telegram app, check out the link in the show notes and join me over there. And I also have one that help with wellness tips. I am on, I have a free community on Facebook and we have like 120 hundred and 30 people in there right now. So you're welcome to join me on there. If you're on Facebook and then I have an Instagram page too. So hopefully this next year, we will continue to expand on this and get you more resources and continue to bring you the things that you need to navigate this path.

Speaker 1 (16:48):

I think that the other thing that I want to say about 2020 is that it was the most challenging year for us in navigating this. My gosh, like how could it be harder? Because they saw like the episode, I did a couple of episodes back. I talked about barks findings for 2020, and they saw a huge spike in the number of kids that were having, you know, spending more time on virtual things, of course, because we were all doing school from home and all of that, some I know some of y'all still are. And then, you know, just the challenges of all of the games and the predators and all of the things out there that are trying to get at our children. So what a crazy year it was, thank goodness we have, I have tools like pinwheel and bark, and I'm glad that, you know, for the sake of bringing this to you, I think that my family, what we faced was put there for a reason.

Speaker 1 (17:38):

And I think that for every single one of us, if we can dig deep, we can find that that is the same, that whatever it is that you have been challenged with in this past, if you can use that, whether it's with your kids or yourself or whatever, if you can use that to somehow make you stronger and to stand upon that for your next step in your life, as a mom or your family as a whole, whatever it is, I hope that you can take those challenges from this past year and use them for good, whether it's just sharing it with a friend who has a kid that's younger and helping to enlighten them on what dangers there are, or, you know, if you want to have a bigger voice, if you would like to do a podcast or something like that, whatever it is that you want to speak about in the world podcast is such an amazing platform.

Speaker 1 (18:27):

I can put the link for the course that I took. If you are interested in that, you know, just as a side note, I'll put a link in the show notes, so you can check that out. But I think the lesson of 2020 and early 2021 is, you know, sometimes these challenges are there. I think all the time, these challenges are there to help us to grow and be stronger. So 2020 was by far a very hard year, no matter where you are or what your perspective was. So I hope that you and your children can somehow take that to be stronger and wiser and all of that, and also know that whatever mistakes you might've made, missteps, you might've made allowing too much screen time. All of those things, kids are resilient. Love them, support them, talk to them, regroup, reassess, and then move forward with a new plan.

Speaker 1 (19:17):

You know, a tweaked plan with, you know, them in mind, their wellbeing in mind, as well as having them as a part of the plan, if that's possible. And of course seek outside help if you need that too. Okay. So I'll quit rambling on, but I just want to thank you so much for listening. I had definitely seen a spike in listeners in the past couple of weeks, and that is just amazing to me. So I want to keep bringing you valuable information. Please email me@dollyatdelidenson.com. If you want to share your story with me, whether just, you know, something that I share on the podcast, or you could be a guest, or just send me what you have, if you just want to share it, one-on-one, I'd love to chat with you. Okay? So connect with me for any of those things. And thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (20:03):

Have a great week friends. Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out.

Speaker 2 (20:41):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (20:55):

Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

Episode 54: Social media: A hidden street corner dealing drugs to kids!

Did you know your kid can easily access drugs and dealers on social media such as Instagram or Snapchat? Listen in to hear one mom's tragic story! 

Dr. Laura Bergman's story: https://abc7chicago.com/dr-laura-berman-son-fentanyl-overdose-buy-drugs-social-media/10324555/

Interview with drug dealers that use Snapchat: https://boingboing.net/2020/02/06/its-easy-to-buy-drugs-on-sna.html

Childhood 2.0 movie: https://www.childhood2movie.com/

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

Grab a Gryphon Router HERE 

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Once upon a time, drugs were dealt in a sort of obvious way by hanging out on street corners or going to certain places to pick up drugs today, drugs are dealt through two very popular social media platforms and your kiddo is likely on one of these. So today we're going to talk about one story of a mom who thought she was doing everything right and low and behold, her child got ahold of something and did not survive. And she is sharing her story out on social media to help other parents realize this very, very real danger and to help other parents save their kids. So please listen today and please have a conversation with your kiddo when you're done. Please check out the links. I'm going to drop in the show notes for you to learn more about her story. And some of the other resources that I have found that are very, very disturbing, but are things that we absolutely need to know about today. Okay. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (01:01):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, he friends. Did you,

Speaker 1 (01:26):

You here, there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids. Smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So before we get rolling on this very important topic, I just want to tell you that I put together a couple of tip sheets that you can download that, you know, completely free.

Speaker 1 (02:11):

You just put in your email and then it will send you, or the next screen will be a place where you can download it. But I have a tip sheet for using bark and then other digital resources I recommend. And then the second one is a, just a general digital resource guide if I'm not necessarily specific for bark, but if you are looking to, you know, find more resources in things that are recommended, I have some discount codes in there too. Some of the links that I share are affiliate links, which means I get compensated for sharing those links at no extra cost to you, just as a way to help fund this podcast. So any support that you provide me is greatly appreciated. So I can bring more of this to you. And the most important thing that I want to do is to get these things in the hands of you and your children so that we can protect them because the digital world is absolutely a threat to their safety and their future.

Speaker 1 (03:06):

So that's why I'm here to help us all be that mom, but be strong, be proactive, join hands together to get this done. And the tools that I share are absolutely things I have used. I have checked out thoroughly and I do not share anything that I don't wholeheartedly believe can help you. Okay. So please check those things out, download those today. I'm hoping that they're helpful for you. Okay. So today I want to talk about this story that I've heard for a couple of weeks. This actually occurred at the beginning of February, I believe, but I keep having it pop up again in my newsfeed. And I paid a little bit more attention to it this last time and read more about what exactly happened and felt compelled to just set aside the thing that I was going to talk about today and bring this to your attention, because it's something that even with the best of intentions with bark and everything else that we do this slipped through this mom's hands and very much could slip through your hands too.

Speaker 1 (04:05):

Okay. So what I'm talking about is a mom by the name of Dr. Laura Berman. I believe she is on several talk shows in different things, helps with relationships, but she has a son. His name was CME and he was 16 years old. And beginning of February, I'm not sure the exact date. It was a normal day for them. He was looking at colleges and internships and he had come and had his dad make him a cheeseburger. And then he went back up to his room. It may maybe been an hour since they had seen him and he wanted her to come to his room. So he could talk about some stuff that he was doing for upcoming internships for this summer. Well, when she arrived in his room, she found him on the floor and he wasn't breathing. She called emergency services. They came, tried for 30 minutes to bring him back and they could not.

Speaker 1 (04:58):

She says that she thought she was doing everything right. She talked to her kids about all of the things, but she thought that what she needed to be worrying about with her child being on social media was nude pictures and things such as that, she never once thought that her son would experiment with drugs and that, that would kill him. But let me tell you how scary this is, because when you think about it, you're probably thinking my kid would never do that. Okay. Personally, in my own experience, what brought me to doing this podcast was not this, but could have gotten to this very quickly. I saw this stuff happening among peers of my son. And fortunately we caught onto it. But Dr. Laura, she says that about a year prior, her son was using marijuana and where she lived, it was legal. So they talked about it, but he had written out like this paper.

Speaker 1 (05:52):

She said that he researched everything. So he had written out this paper to argue his point of why using marijuana was okay, so they did not approve of it, but it was something that they were dealing with. Well, this day came and she contacted his friends and through his friends, she found out that he had been in touch with someone on Snapchat to get drugs. But when we're talking drugs, we're not talking heroin cocaine, which are something that you can't get, but we're talking a pill of what his friend thinks was Percocet. He thinks that's what he was trying to get from this drug dealer. And the problem is they're seeing this more and more. And CME story is just one story of many, many stories. Dr. Laura said that when she put her story out on her social media, she has been bombarded by stories from other parents going through the same thing, where they lost their child or almost lost their child.

Speaker 1 (06:52):

So this is very, very prevalent. But what she has found after talking to other parents is that they say that she's, she hears it. I don't have a way to verify this directly, but she, what she has heard is that there's a place that will make drugs. That look very similar to the drugs that you know, were prescribed like Percocet. I don't know that it's on the market anymore, but hydrocodone and those types of things they'll make the pill look like that. But it's laced with fentanyl. And it only has a tiny amount of fentanyl in there, but it's not precisely measured. So she said, basically what happened to her son was that it wasn't an overdose. It was actually poisoning that they believe there at the time that she did the last interview that I heard, they were still waiting on toxicology reports, but they believed that he had too much fentanyl in there.

Speaker 1 (07:42):

And if you're not familiar with what fentanyl is, how I'm familiar with it is anesthesia for surgery. So I've seen it in the hospital setting in the surgery setting, but not just out in the regular world. So they believed that her son took one pill of what he thought was Percocet. And it was laced with fentanyl. They say that the drug dealers will put it into the pills because it is highly, highly addictive. And so they're wanting them to get addicted and want more drugs and buy more drugs from them. So the problem with that is they don't measure it precisely. And so there's more and more stories about kids getting a hold of this and dying from it while they are experimenting with it. They think it's, you know, they're just experimenting with it. And of course, teenagers think they're mortal and don't understand that they can't die.

Speaker 1 (08:30):

And so, you know, they just try it. The really scary part of this is that she said that she had monitored them very closely up to the age of 14, but after 14, she felt like they were old enough to handle things. So she didn't know his passwords or how to get into his phone. And so at the time she did this interview, it had only been a couple of days or maybe a week since he had passed away, but could not get into his phone. Apple would not give her the information to get into his phone until they had a death certificate. She couldn't get a death certificate because of something like toxicology report or something like there's all these snowball things that kept her from getting into her son's iPhone. Okay. So I don't mean to laugh there, but I, that was more of a sigh.

Speaker 1 (09:19):

It's just mind boggling to me that this could go on and to go on in these apps, like Snapchat is largely an 18 and under crowd. And so they're preying on our kids. Through these apps. Snapchat is really hard to track as well as Instagram. And now Instagram has disappearing messages too. So it's really hard to track down the person. And when Dr. Laura talked to the police, when they came to her house, the friend of her son sent a screenshot of like the menu that this person sent her son with the different drugs and it had his username on it. And the cops basically said, you know, we can turn that in and investigate, but basically Snapchat may shut down that account. They'll just open it up under another name and they're not using their real name. And so it's pretty much impossible to track and to shut these people down.

Speaker 1 (10:11):

So, as I was looking at things to prepare for this recording to bring to you, I looked up stats and I just looked up drug use in teens and children. And these were from 2018. They said 18% would buy drugs online. And these were just very quick stats that I reviewed, but they said 30% of cocaine users said they can get cocaine through Snapchat in less than 30 minutes once they pay for it. So then I found a video and I'm going to put this in the show notes, but I found a video of a girl that I believe this was in like the UK or something someplace like that, not in the U S but she basically kind of investigated, like making an account on Instagram and Snapchat. She put a picture on there that was like, she was a young kid. And then she went searching, like searching for different names of drugs and very quickly, within a matter of minutes or less found accounts that had pictures of different drugs for sale, you basically message them. And then they ask where you are and then they'll deliver it to you. She did the same thing on Snapchat and within seconds, she had multiple people contacting her, asking what her address was, so they could get the money from her and deliver it like very, very quickly and very persistently. So then

Speaker 3 (11:33):

She went and met with

Speaker 1 (11:35):

These people. Like she made a deal with someone and went and met with them and asked them while they were disguised and undercover asked to talk to them about what they do. And these were basically teenagers saying that it's just a way for them to make money. And they said that the way they justify it is that they don't pursue these kids. The kids come to them. They said that they do to kind of give themselves a good name. Like they measure some of the drugs by weight. They'll pack a little bit of extra in. So the kid will know that they got a really good deal with them. And then they'll refer their friends. And then they said, there's no pursuing them. They just put the stuff out. They have people following their account. They put it out. They say what they want. They make the deal, they get the delivery.

Speaker 1 (12:17):

So this is very, very frightening because so many of us have given our kids Snapchat or Instagram thinking, you know, Instagram, I thought was a good place to take pictures. You know, post pictures, connect with your friends, Snapchat, same thing. But now we know differently. And we know that there are people praying on there. And honestly, I didn't know how easy it was until I started listening to Dr. Laura story about Sammy. And then I found this video of this girl, you know, checking out some of the drug dealers in, I believe the UK. So I want to give you a couple of things, suggestions that I recommend that you do. And just know that one thing that Dr. Laura recommends is that you always have the, in the code for their phone, the login for all of their apps, all of their things that they get into, but especially Snapchat and Instagram.

Speaker 1 (13:10):

So tips that I have for you is number one, have a conversation with your kid today. And I know I've had conversations with them, but I was never aware of this danger of the fentanyl. I had heard about it a couple of months ago, when, you know, we were trying to figure out all our things with our son, but I didn't realize how prevalent it was. So have a conversation with your kid, let them know that the pills that they may be getting are likely not what they think they are. And there's no way to know what they are. So do not experiment. I know, like with marijuana, a lot of times it's just experimentation, but that leads to other things. When they start get that like psychoactive response of, you know, the way it makes them feel, then they want to try other things.

Speaker 1 (13:55):

And it's a snowball effect that leads to other things. So a lot of times I know a lot of people were argue against me on this, but a lot of times marijuana is an entry drug just because of the psychoactive effects that it has. And then that leads to experimenting with other things. Okay. So even if you're in a place where it is legal, I still caution you on considering this. And then at the very least have a conversation with your kid and let them know, do not try anything. You cannot trust it. And a lot of these drug dealers are bringing in fentanyl to help you get addicted and to buy more stuff for them. And there's just always the chance that that fentanyl that's in there is too much because a tiny, tiny amount will be too much and will kill you, especially if the child is younger and smaller in size.

Speaker 1 (14:41):

Okay. So number one is have a conversation with your kiddo right away when you can, you know, try to check out the resources I share. And if you feel like any of them are appropriate for them to listen to, please have them listen to that too. Okay. A second thing, like I've said over and over and over and over again, if you've listened to any more of my episodes is number one. If they don't have a smartphone, don't give them one, at least not too soon. Start with a pinwheel phone or the gab phone, the advantage of the pinwheel phone over the gab phone that I think in this instance is a very, very important difference is the fact that you can put bark on that phone on a pinwheel phone. So it'll monitor the text messages too. Okay. And then if they do have a smartphone get bark on that phone, okay.

Speaker 1 (15:24):

Use the layered approach that I discuss in episode 48 and my digital download thing that I'm going to put in the show notes that I mentioned at the beginning is also going to have that layered approach in there with all the links and resources for you to get that set up. Okay. That will help you to monitor conversations. Okay. As far as like Snapchat, it's very difficult to monitor it because of the nature of Snapchat. Okay. Whether I keep saying, okay, don't I, whether you have an Android or an Apple, Snapchat is one thing that's very hard to monitor, but think about it like this. If you have bark on that phone, if they text their friend and say, Hey, I [inaudible], it's going to catch that. Okay, it's going to catch their activities in it that may give you, you know, some form of an alert as to what they might be doing.

Speaker 1 (16:12):

Some gut intuition that you need to check more. Okay. And then the third thing is watch besides the stuff I put in the show notes, which I'll put this in there too, but watch the movie childhood 2.0, in addition to the other resources that I give you. Okay. And I will put that in the show notes too, but watch that because it is about, it was made by bark. It's a documentary by bark, but it is about one of their workers going undercover as a kid. And it's mainly related to grooming, but it talks about a lot of things related to social media and all of the influences. Another good movie to watch is social dilemma on Netflix. All of those will give you a really good idea on the influences of all those things. Okay. But the main thing that I wanted to talk about was Sammy story in honor of Sammy in honor, his mother who's been so brave in sharing her story.

Speaker 1 (17:02):

She should shared it. I think the day that he died or the very next day. And that's when I first saw it, it was shared from a mutual brand that also is in the space of helping parents keep their kids safe. And that's how I saw it. That's how I started following her. But she's been so courageous, you know, through tears, through telling her story. And I just want to thank her so much and honor her and pass this along to as many parents as I can because our children, men are absolute treasure. They're our absolute future. And this trying not to cry this digital world can be such an amazing thing, but it can be such a scary thing. So let's band together, join arms, join hands, and be that mom that's proactive for our kid. But I just want to reiterate that bark would not have caught this for Dr.

Speaker 1 (17:52):

Laura because he used Snapchat. And because of the way that he messaged and you know, nothing's going to be foolproof. The biggest thing you can do is stay in direct communication with your kid and have all of these different safeguards in place so that, you know, when they're on their phones, you know what things they're looking at. And if you have the ability to not even introduce Snapchat, don't introduce it, don't get it or remove it. They don't have to have it. I had for my daughters, they both had Snapchat, but they're both older now. So I think that it was less dangerous than, than it is now. More. There weren't as many predators on there. And then all of them had Instagram, but for my youngest, no Instagram, no Snapchat. It's just the way it is. So if you, you know, make your decision on what you want to do with that.

Speaker 1 (18:35):

But personally, I think parents need to all band together and we need to push back on these social media platforms, if they can sensor by us just saying certain words or posting a certain article or video that, you know, they're self-proclaimed fact checkers are going to sensor, then they could do something about this. So that tells me that for whatever reason, it's just not their top priority. Maybe it's because it, you know, they're there to get money from us and from ads and things like that. So they just don't consider it a priority, their official statements from the different things that I watched said that they do shut down accounts and all of that, but it's hard to keep track of all of them. And I've always said that, you know, these predators are just very savvy about what they do and how they do it.

Speaker 1 (19:26):

But at the same time, going through the year 2020 and the election in the U S and all the things that have happened in the last couple of months, I'm not convinced that they couldn't do something about this if they really wanted to, but maybe what needs to happen is we just get our kids off of these devices or off of these apps, if they have smartphones. And we pushed back at the moms and we let them know who is boss in this world. And that is the mothers of this world. We are the boss and are the bosses. And we are the ones that are the protectors of our children. And we're not going to stand for this. We have to do that for the sake of our kids and their future in their beautiful lives that are ahead of them. Poor little Sammy's was cut short, and he had so many plans. No parent needs to go through that. And her Sammy was cut short on all the things that he wanted to do in life. So in honor of Sammy, please talk to your kids today. And let's put an into to this drug dealing that's going on on Snapchat and Instagram, and is so easily in the hands of our kids. Okay. Thank you so much for listening and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (20:35):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. He, if you are a mom that has

Speaker 1 (20:50):

A lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep, or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Episode 53: Smart phone apps & features made for hiding things!

These apps and smart phone features help keep things hidden on a smart phone! If giving your kid a smart phone, learn about these today! 

 

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Holy Toledo, you are not going to believe this. I'm going to share with you today. Some different things that you may not be aware that your smartphone can do, and in the hands of your kids, it can be a really, really scary thing. So stay tuned. We're going to chat about this.

Speaker 2 (00:20):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable, real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (00:46):

Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So I truly believe that curiosity is something that is just innate and natural for a kid to have, but with a smartphone in their hands, it is like, I don't even know the analogy to, to describe it as, but basically we're like putting a ticking time bomb in their hands.

Speaker 1 (01:43):

When we put a smartphone in their hands, and I've said, this, I've known this over the last year and a half, but these things that I'm going to share with you today are things that I didn't know our phones could do. And if I found the information which was on Instagram, I know that my kids could find it too. And your kids might as well and all in all, you know, when we give them a phone and we help guide them, there has to be a certain amount of trust. There we have to, you know, eventually allow them to do things. But if we're giving our kids a smartphone, when they're like middle school, age, or a little bit older, it can be a recipe for disaster, especially when they are able to do these things are run to talk about today. So I bet this is going to blow your mind.

Speaker 1 (02:26):

Like it didn't mind. So the other day I was on Instagram and I don't even know how I found this video, but it was basically a video that was like, I bet you didn't know what your iPhone can do. And I went and looked at his account and he has like multiple, multiple, multiple videos about all these different things that your iPhone can do that you may not have been aware of. Now, if you are not an Apple person and you have an Android phone, yours will probably be a little bit different than this, but still listen in because I bet you have something very, very similar in your Android phone. Now, when it comes to kids, this is one reason to put bark on that phone, no matter which type of phone they have, because bark is going to monitor their activity and let you know of concerning conversations and different activities.

Speaker 1 (03:13):

On top of that, having screen time controls to where they cannot download an app without you knowing, and they cannot delete an app without you, knowing will be helpful. If you have that set up beforehand, when you give them a phone, or you can do that ASAP. But if you haven't done that when your kid has had free reign for any period of time, these are some things that you need to be aware of in, you know, either way you need to be aware of these things because they completely blew my mind as I checked them out. Okay. So the first one is having hidden folders on your phone. Let me kind of describe for you. I'm not going to go into too much technical detail, but let me kind of describe for you what this looks like. So there's an app that's called shortcuts on your phone and you click on there to create a shortcut.

Speaker 1 (04:02):

And then you add an action. So say you have an app that you don't want your parent to know that you have on your phone. So you add the shortcut, you select the app and then you add it to your home screen. And then you can change the picture of the app on your home screen. So maybe like, make it look like a calculator or the weather app, several different apps that you as a parent would be like, Oh, no big deal. You know, it's just a weather app when it's actually them hiding another app. So getting around this would be to know what apps they have on their phone and that they're not able to download it or just get that smartphone out of their hands and give them a pinwheel phone problem solved. But that is one way that they may be hiding an app that you have said that you do not want them to have such as Snapchat, such as Tik TOK, such as Instagram, those types of things.

Speaker 1 (04:58):

Okay. The second thing that I discovered is secret photo app. Now this one is very interesting. I had no idea. If you go to the app store and search S a or secret photo album, there is an app that can be downloaded. And once that is downloaded, they can hide pictures in there. They can lock it with the password. They can even put a fake pin on it to where, when, like, if you were to say, what is this app? And then you click on it and it goes to, for you to enter a pin and you tell them what your pin, they can set it up to where that fake pin opens it, but opens it up to fake pictures or pictures that they've put there. So they basically could pull one over on you while you're thinking that they are giving you the pin to look at it.

Speaker 1 (05:48):

Okay. So they can put a fake pin on it that shows fake pictures. And they also can set it up to where, and I say they, but this could be anyone that's wanting to be dishonest on a phone, not necessarily our kids, but it's just important to be aware that these things are out there and that there are ways to hide things, but they also have it set up to where, if someone were to guess the pin on the app, like the correct pin and they get in, then the app takes a picture of that person and sends an alert to the owner of the phone. And then this app also has the capability of when the phone is turned face down. It will auto switch to another app. I don't know about you, but I've had it happen to where I walk into a room when one of my kids is on their phone and they immediately hide it, or they put it face down.

Speaker 1 (06:36):

Well, this app, when you put it face down would switch to another app. So even if you picked it up to say, what's on your phone, it wouldn't show them that. Okay. So it's called secret photo album, or just put in essay in the app store and it'll come up. It'll show you what the icon is. Okay. This third, third thing is where you can create secret messages. And this would be in the notes app on their phone. So the regular notes app, it's not an app that they download. So you having screen time restrictions on their phone, wouldn't catch this, but in the notes app, you can type a subject. And then you can add someone to that note. And then you can also lock the note. So if, when you add someone, that person that you added, they could speak to each other in the note could also be locked to where you cannot see it, that one's quite disturbing, right?

Speaker 1 (07:32):

Because that's already on their phone. That's no type of new adding that also could be done with a Google drive. You know, if you have restrictions and all they have access to, is there stuff for school, you can do that in a Google drive. You share a link between two people and you can talk back and forth on a Google doc or something like that. So once technology gets into their hands, there are so many ways around your monitoring and your restrictions, but something like bark would still pick this stuff up conversations and things going on. Okay. The next one is, if you have iOS 14 on your phone, if you hold down the screen, when you were on your regular phone and the little dots pop up at the bottom, like if you're on the regular page of your phone, the little dots, pop up at the bottom, tap on those dots.

Speaker 1 (08:20):

And let me see if it's going to do it for me. I'm trying to do it as I talk to you. So let me start again. So on your phone, I don't, if you hold down the screen and then if your phone is updated to the most recent update, you hold down the screen, like your finger on the screen, the little dots pop up at the bottom. You can click on those. There it goes. And then you can edit the pages. So you basically could have a screen of apps and you can remove them. So if you're like checking to see what apps they have on their phone, they could remove this one of apps. And then it's not going to show up for you. They can still get to it in their phone, but it won't show up as a page of apps. So they could certainly hide apps that they have downloaded from you completely by deleting that page on their home screens.

Speaker 1 (09:10):

Now, this one is something that can help you. We got to have some positive in this, right? Instead of being stressed about all these things, this is something that I learned that probably could have saved us a couple of dollars here and there. But if your kid or you gets water on your phone or drops water, or like drops it in water, or somehow gets wet, there is a water shortcut, a water eject shortcut that you can add to your phone. So Google water shortcut, and get the shortcut added to your phone. And then if it's dropped in water, you say, Hey, Siri, water, eject, shortcut, Oh, shoot. My computer's popping up the water reject thing. Hold on. I gotta turn this off. And it's going to start trying to eject it off of my phone. So you say, Hey, Siri. And then you say to pull up the water reject shortcut, and then actually please a sound that ejects the water out of the speakers of the phone.

Speaker 1 (10:09):

So if your kid comes to you saying that they dropped it in water, you can do this quickly and it will help eject the water out of the phone. So that's actually something that's pretty cool. Okay. And then another one to be aware of is a calculator plus app. And basically this is another way for them to hide pictures. So there it's called calculator. Plus there's a couple of different options if you look in the app store, but it's basically a way for them to hide pictures in a vault that just looks like a calculator and they just put in a pin and then it would open up to the pictures. So it would be another way for them to hide pictures from you using the calculator plus app. So lots of ways for them to hide stuff from us, lots of little intricate things about these phones that many of us are probably not aware of.

Speaker 1 (10:55):

A couple of other things to definitely be aware of is that if they are sending pictures to anyone else, make sure that the location is turned off on pictures. Otherwise when you send a picture to someone, it will, they can basically click on that and tell where that picture was taken. So if they're sending a picture on Snapchat, if they're sending one through Instagram, if it's to someone they don't know in real life, those are things that are very, very, very concerning for their safety. So definitely look into those as far as making sure that they aren't sending pictures to other people with the location on that picture, like the, whatever the geo tracking or whatever it is. And then other than that, some apps have it set up to where it now can say their precise location. So I would go into settings and turn off the location services for anything that doesn't have to have it on.

Speaker 1 (11:47):

So, you know, like a weather app, maybe it needs to have it on, maybe it doesn't, but, you know, use your own judgment to look through through those different apps and turn off location services, because they certainly have had instances where a predator of some kind, someone who has ill intent towards our children poses as a kid or a friend, and is able to track them down in real time through things like Snapchat in order to prey on them. So it's certainly something to be aware of, but all in all, as you can see, there are so many intricacies with these phones, if at all possible delay giving your ghetto a smartphone. I don't say that to laugh, to make light of it, but delay giving your kid a smartphone, if you can, as long as you can. And then after that, you know, proceed with caution and with a proactive stance, use bark.

Speaker 1 (12:37):

If you aren't already used my code, be that mom to get the discount on it. And that will help kind of be your eyes and ears for a lot of this stuff. And then if you do discover that things are being hidden from you, of course, that's your judgment call as a parent, how to proceed with that. But my personal opinion is that if they are hiding things from me while they do deserve some sort of privacy, you know, to the extent of, you know, growing up and wanting to have their own private life in their own private thoughts or whatever, if they are hiding things from me and I discover that somehow that's putting them in danger or is not for their best interest in their future and all of that, then it's time to pull that phone away. It's time to pull those privileges away.

Speaker 1 (13:21):

In my personal opinion, a phone is not a right. It is a privilege that is earned and just like anything else in life, if it's not being used responsibly. And I find that it is putting them in a place of danger, then it's time to pull that away for a little bit. We grew up without phones, they can do it too. That's what I've said before. So anyways, that is totally your judgment, your call, but I tried to do the little dance of giving trust and, you know, let's just kind of figure this out until it became evident that that just wasn't possible until we pulled away from that for a little bit. And that allowed us to reset from everything, you know, figure out what's most important in our lives and then take baby steps forward toward allowing more independence again. And that was probably the best thing we have ever done as parents was to put our foot down harder than we ever had before pull the electronics away completely until we could reassess and get our, you know, footing on the ground again, and then move forward from there.

Speaker 1 (14:20):

So you discover the dishonesty, use your own judgment, offer them to make decisions going forward. But if it comes to it, pull that thing away and reassess readjust allowed him to detox, allowed them to realize that there's more to life than what's on Snapchat or Instagram and all of those things. Cause I do think these digital things certainly make their childhoods much more complicated and making them feel like they are not enough. And all of the things that come with that, I think our childhood without the digital things was while still complicated was a much simpler time. So definitely don't hesitate to put your foot down on that as the parent, as you're moving forward. But I hope that this was helpful for you with different secret apps and secret ways that they could get around us. And if you've had some suspicion of something dishonest going on underneath the surface, maybe it's one of these things that's going on. So check that out. Okay. All right. Chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (15:18):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time. So before

Speaker 1 (15:32):

Where you go check this out, if you are a mom that is listening to this podcast, you are wanting to keep your kids safe in the digital world. But let me tell you what is so very powerful and what helped me so so much when things got really tough in my parenting of the digital natives world, I already had a routine of taking care of myself every day with not only the simple things like drinking more water and getting enough sleep most of the time. Anyway. Um, but I also had a routine of exercise in a routine of fueling my body with good nutrition, with guaranteed nutrition, through a smoothie, with tools that helped me during my workouts and this routine. It sounds silly that it could help so much, but it did help me so much when I was gutted by the challenges of raising kids in this digital age, it helped me have a safe place.

Speaker 1 (16:23):

It helped me have a strength that I otherwise would not have mentally and spiritually and physically. And then it also on a day to day basis helps me to be more present for the kids because I'm more present for myself. First, if you do not have this in your life, I want to connect you with this. I want to simplify this for you, connect with me and I will connect you with tools that work for anyone that simplify everything around exercising and eating and making this a habit that sticks. And that will be an example for your kids and your family. Connect with me. We'll have a discovery session. We'll figure out which options will work best for you. And then I will connect you with my online community to help support you as you get started and to help you keep up the motivation and the momentum to make this a lifestyle switch that lasts forever. So connect with me today.

Episode 52: How to help you AND your kid or teen have more FOCUS!

Focus is hard to come by with all the digital and worldly things! Check out this episode for a few tips to help you AND. your kiddo find more FOCUS!

As mentioned in the episode, for MOM focus, try out https://www.mysoulcbd.com and use code BETHATMOM for a discount if you want a natural way to help you with anxiety, sleep, or chronic pain. (Always discuss any concerns with your primary care provider before trying anything new.)

For more info on Shakeology to ensure you are getting in powerful nutrition each day and to complement your wellness efforts, check it out HERE and contact me for current specials when combined with a fitness/nutrition library subscription! Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com

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Check it out here for info about the two newest programs: #MBF or 9 Week Control Freak.  I HIGHLY recommend both of these as a great way to start or crank up your workouts, and all options include access to the entire workout library of top notch workout programs as well as nutrition guidance and recipe library included! 

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Virtual Fit Club for virtual accountability and support included FREE to all that join with a bundled pack that includes the annual virtual library and Shakeology and/or pre and post workout supplements! I always utilize these to help me with my workouts and wellness habits to be strong for myself first, and bonus bonus bonus points that with these we can model these behaviors for our kids!

.

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Focus focus, focus. It is like the focus of what we need to be doing in order to be successful in all of the things in our lives. Right? Well, I think focus has gone out the window for most of us, with all the things we are dealing with right now, what we've dealt with in the past year, all the virtual learning, all the digital things, all the things, focus is what we all need, right? That's what we're going to talk about today. And I'm going to give you a few tips to help you out.

Speaker 2 (00:28):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (00:53):

Check this out. If you were a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So focus is just one of those things that if you've listened to my podcast, or if you've researched the effects of all the digital things, being on a phone, being on a computer, always being on screens, focuses affected by those things just inherently in the nature of how those things are, but then add on the distractions of the world right now, things going on in 2020 with the pandemic things going on in 2020 with the elections in the U S if you're in the U S worldly events going on around the world related to all of the things going on, similarly in the U S there's a lot of things to be distracted with.

Speaker 1 (01:59):

And so I've seen in myself personally, having much more trouble focusing, I have personally have my nurse practitioner job, and then I have this side business of doing this podcast and my be that mom movement community. And I'm working on a couple of courses in different things for this. And then I have my wellness coach health coach business, where I help women to prioritize their wellness, their fitness and nutrition, and staying accountable to their goals. And I help providing help, like link them up with tools and then providing them a community to connect. So I have a lot of things going on, so I need to be focused and I've always had kind of a lot of things going on, whether it was these things or it was when the kids were younger, there's always been stuff going on. And I've never struggled with focus as much as I do right now.

Speaker 1 (02:52):

And I think some of it is at some level of anxiety. That's kind of always there because of everything I see happening and trying to process it all and deal with it all the extra challenges of my job and wearing a mask and all of the things I've never had so much trouble focusing. And this has been an observation that I've noticed over the last couple of months. I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels a little bit when it comes to really sitting down and getting things done. So recently my youngest came to me and said that he was having trouble focusing as well. And it was just a really difficult struggle with getting focused on school and getting focused on all of the things. Now he's attending a completely online school. He doesn't go attend school anywhere. And that has been a huge blessing.

Speaker 1 (03:37):

He was attending that before this pandemic stuff started. So it's been a huge blessing to have that in place. So his schooling has never been disrupted, but what has been disrupted is just having a set routine and having time to do his school where there's not always something going on right now. My husband works from home. He has his own business. He's working from home. One of my, my oldest daughter. She works from home. My next one is in college and she attends some classes in person, but also is at home a lot too. And then I personally have my nurse practitioner job where I am out of the home, but I come back home to the rest of my work. And then I have my side businesses. So everything's disrupted, like, it's just all been in disarray for the past year. You know, I'm sure you relate to this to some degree, right.

Speaker 1 (04:28):

Where it's just like world, as we knew it before is different. And I personally used to have a routine of things being up in the morning and I had my little quiet time, my little morning routine and my exercise and everything like that. And it was just this thing that I did. And I was, I, I like had strength in that. And then once, March and April of last year rolled around, it's just like, everything has been blown out of the water and I've never found that place of peace and focus again. So I see that in myself, self, my son expressed that he's having a similar thing. And while I don't think there's anything wrong with add meds and, you know, getting medications, if that's what you and your child's doctor or pediatrician determines is best for your situation. I wanted to find something to help out my son right now and see if we can find a way to help him focus outside of doing any medications or anything like that.

Speaker 1 (05:23):

And I certainly don't have a show here where I offer advice on medications or treating mint or diagnosis. So this episode, I just want to share with you some of the things I found that have been helpful for me and my family in this situation, thinking that maybe that will be helpful for you as well. If you're having trouble with this. Now, some of this may be easier to do with a younger child, but I think that it's valuable regardless of whatever age your kid it is. And I think it is a great thing to kind of set in place and get in for your kid and their daily routine before they are up and out of your nest and, you know, doing their own thing, because it's absolutely something that creates a sort of foundation and strength for you. And for them just as a way to function in life, regardless of what's going on, regardless of how old they are, or you are, it's just, you know, a great habit to put into place as a foundation for your own health and your wellbeing and your mindset and all of the things.

Speaker 1 (06:24):

Okay. So I want to share with you six tips that are just basic general tips you can use, you can implement for your kids. And then I want to share with you a couple of recommendations. I have specifically for you as the mom of things that have helped me. So the first thing to help with focus would be if you don't already have it to establish some sort of morning routine and just a routine in general for your kid. So that would mean a somewhat set bedtime at night, where they put their electronics up in your room or a central place in the house. They get a good night's sleep. They wake up at on a certain schedule, even though you'll probably get pushback from them. If they're not used to that sort of routine, they really do need a routine in place to help guide them.

Speaker 1 (07:10):

So if you have a morning routine of them getting up, you know, brushing their teeth, getting breakfast, whatever, you know, things that they do before they start school, even if they're not going outside of the home, have that morning routine in place now to help them to kind of get grounded and focused in the morning. The second thing that could be helpful is wearing regular clothes versus just staying in pajamas all day. It gives them the feeling that, you know, they're going someplace and it's not just a lazy day of laying around and doing nothing, you know, kind of wake up your body by putting on those normal clothes that they would be wearing. If they're going to a brick and mortar school, the third thing is having a schedule for the day. So if your kid isn't in a school to where they have like set times that they have to be online, then I would set up a schedule for when they do sit down and do focused work.

Speaker 1 (08:01):

And my son currently because of the weather conditions in Texas, where I'm at right now, doesn't have set classes for this week, but has assignments. And so I've been trying to implement, you know, get up and let's get your work done and then have free time later. So whether you have synchronous schedule or not just having a defined schedule of what's going to happen today, when lunch will be, when snacks will be, when your classes and schoolwork will be, and then that rolls right into the next tip is that having an end to the day. And that kind of means like, if they're on their computer, if they're on digital things all day long for their work is having an end to the day and an end to the digital things, a break from the digital things, a mind rest from the digital things. And then also just having unstructured time.

Speaker 1 (08:48):

So whether that is allowing them to play a game or whatever, you know, unstructured time where they get to choose they're doing, but also be mindful of like what I've talked about in some other episodes about having a time where their mind is not connected to something digital. And it's connected to something in the real world that doesn't offer like instant gratification of a game that they're playing, but something that they use their imagination for allowed them to get bored and get creative, you know, something that is like normal childhood play, manipulative play activity, exercise, you know, getting out and doing something where they're active and like, just try to implement that into their day. And that was actually, my next tip was non-digital time. So time where they just don't have themselves connected to a computer. And then the last thing is to discuss with them, their struggles with focus.

Speaker 1 (09:40):

If you do notice that they're having trouble staying on task, break things down into smaller increments of time, if that's what you need to do, discuss with them, if what their distractions are and together, try to make a plan on how to change that. I absolutely recommend getting them out of their bedroom, if it is their bedroom, where they were, you were trying to get them to do school because that's their place of rest. That's their place where their body is typically ready to wind down into sleep. So for us personally, we moved them into the kitchen or the dining area, and he sits at a table for his schoolwork. If that's too distracting, then if you have another place that's just outside of the bedroom that they can set up and do their schoolwork. I've found that that's helpful, but meeting them where they're at and figuring out together how you can tweak what you're doing, like with more breaks in between, or some type of different structure, different location in the house, those types of things, all of those things have helped us.

Speaker 1 (10:37):

So those are all the tips I have as far as the virtual learning and to help with focus in your kiddo. If you feel like these aren't enough for you and you need outside, help, certainly discuss with their teachers. If you need a therapist or need to talk to their doctor, those are all good things to do. So highly, highly encourage you to just have an open and honest discussion with your kid. Talk about the importance of school and also the importance of getting off of the digital things and doing something outside of that. And of course, what plays into this, that I've talked in other episodes about is just like the distractions that are inherent in the digital things like going off to you tube and doing other things other than the task that they are supposed to be doing on their computer. And that takes you down to some of the other topics I've covered about a layered approach with your electronics.

Speaker 1 (11:33):

If you have a Google Chromebook or just a regular computer setting up your wifi, parental controls and bark home, those types of things to where it limits certain websites at certain times, then that can kind of help guide you in that regard, keeping them on task and focused on what they're doing. This is certainly not something that is simple and easy to do. And it's kind of a new frontier for all of us. If we have not already been homeschooling or having our kids go to some type of virtual school, it has created a whole new world of things. So just recommend that you try to get into the routine, open communication, putting on regular clothes, having a set time for being off of the electronics and then just meeting them where they're at and trying to work together to find a way to be more focused and to stay on task when needed.

Speaker 1 (12:24):

Okay. Now the other thing that I wanted to talk about is related to you as mom and these same tips can apply to you, but I just want to reiterate that your wellness, your health is so, so very important. So a morning routine is something that's great for you. I would have a workout routine where you are exercising regularly to some degree that you are getting your body moving, pay attention to your nutrition, of course, and hydration. All of those things are very important to help you stay strong. And then in addition to that, as I've mentioned, in some of my episodes, I like to use something called my soul CBD. It is a CBD product or line that I trust and I've researched. I was very distrustful of the whole CBD industry and really kind of worried about it. And I discovered that you really have to find a company that you trust that sources from the U S that has third party testing to make sure there's no THC and just the quality of it and all of that.

Speaker 1 (13:21):

So I highly recommend that as a way to help you with anxiety and sleep. And then if you're someone who has chronic pain, it can help you with that as well. So I use my soul CBD, gummies, they're tincture and their capsules on a daily basis to help me with anxiety and just kind of chilling with everything that's going on. So if you're interested in checking them out, go to my soul, cbd.com and use my code, be that mom altogether for a discount. The other thing that I highly recommend for focus specifically is something called beekeepers naturals, and they have a, they call it B elixir, and it is basically something that helps it's called a nootropic. It's basically something that helps to kind of feed your brain with what your brain needs to function and to focus. So it's giving your body natural nutrition, your mind, natural nutrition, and helps you focus.

Speaker 1 (14:14):

So when I take my soul CBD to help me kind of relax and not be as anxious, and then I use the B licks are from beekeepers naturals. That helps me so, so much to focus. It's kind of crazy how much it helps me focus. And then the third thing is I have a super food. I call it my power up smoothie, but it's basically a smoothie that has protein has adaptogens has phytonutrients, has probiotics, prebiotics that I say protein and superfoods. So it's very high quality and potent, meaning that a lot of smoothies that are out there are like their nutrients are destroyed in the process of them being manufactured and shipped to you. They basically get to you and they're just powder and don't really have any nutritional value while there's only a handful of smoothies out there that have in them, what they say they do.

Speaker 1 (15:07):

So I personally drink one called Shakeology and it helps me with just giving myself nutrition that I need in order to function well. And then they also have a boost that you can add to it that is called focused energy, and it has natural caffeine in it, a naturally sourced caffeine that helps with focus as well. I will put a link to these in the show notes, if you want to check them out. And if you are interested in them, if you contact me, there are some bundled specials that I can offer you that where you can try these things at a discount while also getting access to the library of workouts that I use to make sure that I'm able to prioritize my wellness every day from home without having to pay for a gym membership without having to drive somewhere. It's something I access from home has all kinds of nutrition and fitness tools, as well as the opportunity to try to smoothie when you subscribed to that at a huge discount from buying it separately. Okay? So all of those things, I highly recommend. They are all things that I implement daily for myself to prioritize my own wellness so that I can be strong for my children, which in my opinion is like the whole point of our lives as moms is to do the best for ourselves as well as our children and everything that we can give our kids has to start with her own wellness. Okay. So I hope this was all helpful for you with focus and all of that. And I will chat with you.

Speaker 2 (16:37):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 1 (16:51):

If you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Episode 51: If you are raising kids in the digital age, hold on to this!

Raising kids in the digital age can sometimes be so hard, but when you have THIS, coming from a mom that has been there, it helps so so so much!

 

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hey there friends today, we are going to talk about hope and I think it's something that we all need a lifeline to when it comes to raising our beautiful children in this interconnected, intricate, ever changing digital world. Am I right? Or am I right? Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:20):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, he friends.

Speaker 1 (00:45):

Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. The last week, I hit you with an episode that had so much jam packed information about 2020 and how our kids interacted with all the digital things. It was a report that bark put together.

Speaker 1 (01:32):

And if you didn't check that out, go back. I think it's episode 50, check that out because it is so very informative and quite eyeopening to see which platforms are the most risky for our kids and ones that I never expected to even make that list. So if you didn't check that out, check that out, but if you did check it out, then you may be like, Oh my God, Dolly, this is just so complicated. I don't know how to keep up with the stuff. And you may be losing hope, right? Like sometimes you can be on top of things and be monitoring all the things. And sometimes it just feels so, so heavy. And so, so much of a burden, but it's so, so very important to make sure that we are staying on top of these things. So as a mom that has raised three kids, my kids are now 22, 18 and 15.

Speaker 1 (02:23):

And while the job of parenting I don't think is ever done, right. I feel like we have walked through some very, very difficult times. I'm seeing the other side of that hump or that Hill that we went over and not to say that we're completely through it or that we won't have challenges going forward. But I just want to give you a little inkling of a perspective. If you are someone who has still has younger children, or you're just kind of starting down this path and trying to figure out what to do. I want to give you some hope and something that you can clean to and hold on to in hard days in those days where you just feel like, Oh my God, I wish I would have never gotten that phone. I wish I never would have allowed that social media or you're one of those that's like, I don't ever want to allow the things like I just don't.

Speaker 1 (03:12):

I want to just keep them here and shelter them and not do all of this. Like, I'm just, I don't want to. So I want to give you a middle ground to all of that and something that you can hold on to. So if you've listened to some of my episodes toward the beginning of my podcast, which is coming up on a year ago, I have shared lots of information about my journey as a mom, raising kids in the digital age, my kids, their ages specifically made it to where our challenges were like the oldest one didn't get her first phone until she got a phone in middle school, but it wasn't a smartphone because smartphones didn't exist yet. And then with each one of them, they got a smartphone at a younger and younger age. So personally, this has given me a perspective that if your kids are younger right now, and you're just starting going through this, I think this will help you to understand the influence a little bit more.

Speaker 1 (04:05):

But what it's given me a perspective of is just how much of an influence the smartphone and the social media and the time spent on devices and the boundaries that we put up around the use of these things, how much of an impact it has on our children. My kids are doing beautifully. They are, you know, in every way excelling in their lives, but I can just see how our road of helping them grow up and navigate all the teenage things was made harder by all of the digital things. So what I'm seeing now, and the reason that I want to give you this message is that over the past year and a half, we really came down hard on making some changes because it became very evident that we had to, if we wanted to make sure that our kids were on the correct course to a bright and successful future.

Speaker 1 (04:57):

So we made drastic changes on where the phones were allowed and what things were allowed, and really put down initially put down some very hard restrictions. And then over time we have eased up on that at the same time as my kids have gotten older and specifically my youngest one, we have seen him go through some maturity along with the guidance of the digital things. And I've come out on the other side to some degree. And it just to me, is such a beautiful thing to see some of that maturity coming out to where it's not so much me having to put all the restrictions down and always, you know, be like, have all these rules and stuff, but more so we've had the period of time with no restrictions or very little, and the period of time with a lot more. And that has helped guide him to realize the effect that these things have on him and for him to self-regulate.

Speaker 1 (05:55):

So I think that be all of our goal is to kind of allow these things initially with a lot of guidance. And then over time as they get older, you let that out a little bit and have them kind of self-regulate and try to, you know, guide them toward the decisions that are best for them. And that creates an awareness for them of what's healthy and what is best. And of course, you know, if they're not making the best decisions, if you're noticing that they're backtracking, or if you're noticing that they are not handling all the things well, then it's time to reassess and readjust. But my point is that sometimes it seems so, so heavy and it's so much to navigate. It's so much to figure out and it's ever changing. I remember times where my youngest would ask me, can I have this game?

Speaker 1 (06:47):

You know, so let me go look at this game and figure out what this game is about. All I have 10,000 other things going on in my life that I need to pay 10 to do. And I really don't want to look up this game and want to just say, yes, that's fine, whatever. So what I'm trying to say to you is like, hold strong in what you're doing. Hold strong in always looking for the proactive way to guide your children through this because it's so, so very important for their future, that we don't make ourselves nonchalant around all of this stuff that we realize that this does have an impact on our children. But the beauty of it is that it does have a purpose and it will have a bonus a reason for doing this as they get a little bit older. So that's my whole message for today is

Speaker 3 (07:34):

Stay strong, hold yourself

Speaker 1 (07:37):

In that place of being proactive as you guide your kids. I'm not one that is going to say, you need to be a screen-free family, or, you know, I'm always for not, I'm not saying that. And I don't have that stance. I think there's a place in a time for there to be screen-free stuff when you are, you know, to have everything screen-free, when you need to do a detox and you need to figure out how to course correct. But our ultimate goal is to guide them to be prosperous and, you know, bright, happy, adjusted kids. You know, so as are adults. So as they get older, our goal is to guide them in an ever expanding use of all the digital things, without it hindering their wellbeing, their health, you know, their brain development, all of those things. So that's it. That's my whole message.

Speaker 1 (08:28):

I know that short and sweet for the most part, but I just wanted to say that there is hope there is a reason to do this. And the times that it gets hard, take a deep breath, take a step back, you know, take the time that you need to like regenerate, revive yourself, your know, your mindset, your energy, your focus, take time to do that when you need to, but don't get so lax you provide no, because when your kids give you pushback and when your kids are like, you know, giving you attitude and stuff, I believe that that's actually kind of a enacting out of what they are needing and what they are needing is for us to guide them, even though they will not admit that they may not know that, but they absolutely do need our guidance. And when they start acting out and having attitude and all of the things, it's actually their message to us that we need to, you know, take a stance and put our foot down on what needs to happen.

Speaker 1 (09:32):

And then, you know, move forward together, hand in hand communication with each other, figuring out how to do this together. But knowing that you are the parent and that you were doing this for a reason, and that there is hope on the other side of things. So I hope that makes sense and is helpful for you. If you are one of those that is feeling kind of exhausted with all of the things lately. I know I've been there and I've been like, Holy cow, this is hard. And I do believe that raising kids in this digital age has put on an extra layer of hard for us as parents. We're the first generation of parents to navigate this. And I think that my experience with my kids and the ages they were when smartphones came out and when I unknowingly let them have access to the entire world and offered absolutely no guidance, that there was a reason for that.

Speaker 1 (10:25):

And I hope that part of that reason is for me to bring you some of that knowledge that I have learned over the years and through all of the struggles so that you can do well with your kids too. And your younger ones have a much more proactive stance with how you were introducing tech and screen time and all of that. Okay. So hope that was helpful for you. And of course, you know, that if you've listened to any of my episodes, you know, there is bark to help you to help guide you. There is the pinwheel phone and the gab phone, both dumb smartphones that are a great way to start out with the tech stuff. But if you have given them an Android or an iPhone smartphone, absolutely get bark on their use code, be that mom for a discount, they give you a seven day free trial and 20% off using my code.

Speaker 1 (11:09):

And you can cancel at any time. It's a really, really low cost every month. It's so, so worth it though. So get that in your back pocket and make it part of your village. And that will help to guide you and take some of the difficult off of this whole thing, right? It still is something that we have to be proactive about, but bar absolutely helps to simplify it to some degree. Okay. So if you didn't listen to last episode about the bark stats for 2020, go back and listen to that because it's quite quite eyeopening. I still can't believe it when I think about it, because I had no clue with some of these platforms and websites. So check that out. I hope this one was helpful this week and hope you're staying warm and well, I am in South Texas in the us, and we are having very unusual weather where it is colder here than it has been.

Speaker 1 (12:00):

I think they said since like 1989, like the length of this cold spell that we're going through. So we have snow on the ground outside, and sometimes we get snow. It's not very often, but it usually is gone like, you know, by the next morning. But now we're sitting at like going on two days with some snow on the ground. So it's kind of cool, but that's one reason why I'm late getting this week's episode out. So I hope you're warm and you're well, wherever you are in the world, thanks so much for listening and I'll chat with you next time. Thank you.

Speaker 2 (12:31):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (12:45):

Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.