The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

Episode 50: Check out the 2020 stats for kids and tech! Yikes!

2020 was a year none of us could have foreseen. These stats produced by Bark after analyzing 2.1 billion messages from kids online will blow your mind!

 

Download Bark’s Annual Report HERE

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

 

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So no doubt. If you have showed up here today, then you likely have a kiddo that is on the digital things, and you are looking for guidance and support in that realm. Right? Well, today I'm going to talk about barks annual report, where they basically summarize all of the things that they analyzed over the year of 2020, and help give you guidance on things that you need to be looking out for. This is profoundly amazing that they are able to produce this and give us a starting point for moving forward. In this year of 2021, stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:40):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, Hey friends, did you

Speaker 3 (01:06):

Here, there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids. Smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out.

Speaker 1 (01:40):

So if you go back to some of the first episodes of my podcast, I talk about this report for 2019. And at that time I found it to be like eye opening, that so much of this stuff was going on on these platforms. And I had no clue a couple of years ago. And so this report is even more amazing because we all know what we have been through in the year of 2020 and that the use of virtual learning and our devices for all of the different things in order to function in our world went way up. So we have seen those effects on our kids. Well, this report is amazing and disturbing, but also is going to give us some guidance moving forward. So you will know based on what platforms your kids are on, what things are more concerning on that platform.

Speaker 1 (02:34):

Okay. So I think this is going to be super, super helpful and give you insight into all of that. I will also link this report in the show notes, so you can download your own PDF. You can look at it more specifically and you know, really dig into it and then make a game plan for you and your family. Okay. So bark says in this report that they analyzed 2.1 billion messages across texts, email YouTube, and more than 30 apps and social media platforms. And these findings exclude school-based accounts. So these are all, all personal accounts. So bullying is the first section, and it says 76% of tweens and 82% of teens experienced bullying as a boy victim or a witness and alerts for cyber bullying range from mean-spirited teasing to hateful threats and provocation provocations. I can't say that word and additional statistics that they cite are from the CDC, that one in four students reports being bullied and then virtual learning during the pandemic has led to new forms of bullying, including zoom bombing, which I had not heard of this, but let's see what the zoom bombing is.

Speaker 1 (03:50):

So basically zoom bombing is aware kids or made fun of, or somehow bullied based on the view of their house wall on zoom. So if it was in their bedroom, if the bedroom was messy, if there was something in the background, kids would bully each other based on what they would see in the zoom room. So I had not heard of that until I looked at this report and wow, amazing, amazing. The next section has mental health that says 45% of tweens and 66% of teens engaged in conversations about depression, 66% of teens, 45% of tweens, or, you know, the younger kids. That's amazing alerts for mental health range from mild pessimism to talking about or planning to attempt suicide, additional statistics. They cite include that hospital visits related to mental health for kids, kids aged five to 11 and 12 to 17 increased by 24% and 31% respectively.

Speaker 1 (04:53):

And then nearly a third of high school students were unhappy and depressed much more than usual this past spring. I think we all know that that's probably not super surprising, but the statistics still kind of blow my mind. The next section is violence and it says 88.5% of tweens and 94% of teens expressed or experienced violent subject matter or thoughts alert for violence range from texting a friend about a fight at school, two direct threats against a child. And then other statistics cited include up to 1 billion children. Aged two to 17 have experienced physical sexual or emotional violence or neglect in the past year in a recent study warned of the high risk of childhood exposure to family violence during the COVID-19 pandemic. Now the next section is drugs and alcohol and says 78% of tweens and 91% of teens engaged in conversations surrounding drugs and alcohol.

Speaker 1 (05:52):

These stats really blow my mind to be in the 90% range for these Holy cow. That means almost every child that was online on social media or whatever has experienced this. Wow. It says alerts for drugs and alcohol can range from text about prescriptions, to videos of a child consuming illegal substances, additional stats that are cited include the frequency of both alcohol and cannabis use increased for young people after social distancing measures were put in place and 49% of young people were using substances by themselves. 31% did so with peers via technology and 23% with friends in person. Now the next section is self-harm and suicide. Thankfully, the numbers on this are lower. It says 41% of tweens and 66% of teens were involved in self harm, suicidal situation. That's still high alerts for potential self harm and suicide include anything from text messages about cutting to an email draft of a suicide note, national statistics.

Speaker 1 (06:54):

I can't say that word statistics very well. Can I surrounding self harm and suicide? Suicide is the second leading cause of death ages 10 to 24 and increased screen time in isolation due to COVID-19 have negatively affected the mental health of teens and tweens all across the world. The next section is sexual content says 70%, 70% of tweens and 87% of teens encountered nudity or content of a sexual nature. 87%. Holy cow alerts for sexual content can be anything from web searches for explicit content to a child receiving nude photos. Do you remember in my episode from last week where I talked about pornography being one click away on a lot of platforms that kids are on this is it Holy cow, additional stats are that sexting laws vary from state to state. Be sure to know the laws in your area research shows that teen sexting is associated with increased risk of bullying and victimization.

Speaker 1 (07:53):

And if you don't know what sexting is, it's basically kind of like flirt talk as well as sending pictures and different things through text or through the message parts of social media. Now, this is the part that I found to be really interesting. It breaks down some of these stats and tells us which apps are more Rhone or have the highest detection of these things. So the top five platforms that were flagged for severe sexual content, the number one is Kik. K I K I don't even know what that is. My kids aren't on that. The second one is Spotify. The third one is tumbler. The fourth one is going to blow your mind Pinterest. And the fifth one is by text message. Number one was Kik. Number two, Spotify, number three, tumbler number four, Pinterest, and number five texting. So if your kids do those activities, be aware of that.

Speaker 1 (08:45):

The next category for the top five apps or platforms is suicidal ideation. The number one platform that had that detected was Twitter. That number two was Instagram. The number three was discord. Number four was Tik TOK in number five with Snapchat. So that was for suicidal ideation detection. Okay. Twitter, Instagram discord, Tik TOK Snapchat. The next section is about depression in the top five apps were Twitter, Instagram discord, Snapchat, and Tik TOK. So that was pretty much exactly the same as the suicidal ideation, except for the last one, Tik TOK and Snapchat or flipped. Now the next section for top five apps is body image concerns. I think this is huge, huge, huge, especially if you have girls. I think this is a very huge issue with their self-esteem and one reason to keep your girls off of social media platforms, as long as you can.

Speaker 1 (09:47):

And then when you do allow it communicate with them about all bodies are perfect. And a lot of what you see on social media is not real life. And you should not compare yourself to any picture in anything that you see. Pictures can be doctored. Pictures can have filters. And so the pictures that you see on social media and everything portrayed on social media is often a highlight. Reel is not real life. So when you do allow your girls and boys to have the social media platforms, body image concerns is such a mega powerful thing that we need to have more voice about with our kids. Okay. The top app for body image concerns is tick tock. The second one, again, surprises me. I did expect tech talk to be the top for body image concerns. But the second one is Pinterest. I had no idea.

Speaker 1 (10:39):

I have only used Pinterest to look up recipes and things. I just had no idea that Pinterest had this sort of impact. The third one is Instagram and I could have guessed that that would be one of the top ones. And then the fourth one is Twitter in the fifth one is text messages. You've probably heard me talk about it in one of my episodes on the danger of text messages, but it's not something that's I originally thought was anything to worry about. And when I shut down all of the social media things that I had allowed, I kept texting available and didn't realize the danger of it at that time. So definitely monitor text messages. Okay. And then the next section is the top five apps or platforms for bullying. Number one is Twitter. Number two, surprises me. Number two is Spotify. I had no idea on that.

Speaker 1 (11:25):

One. Number three is Instagram. Number four is Snapchat. And number five is discord for bullying. Number one is Twitter. So I kind of would have guessed that for Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, but not discord or Spotify. Now the top five apps for hate speech. These kind of surprise me a couple of these surprise me too. Number one is Spotify. I guess I need to check out Spotify closer. I just thought it was a place for you to stream music. I will have to check that one out. The second is tumbler. The third one, Snapchat, the fourth one, Instagram and the fifth one discord. So hate speech, Spotify, Tumblr, Snapchat, Instagram discord. I would have thought Snapchat. Instagram would have been at the top for that. And then the last section that they highlight is for violence. And the number one app flagged for severe violence with Spotify.

Speaker 1 (12:17):

Number two was Twitter. Number three was Reddit. Number four was Instagram. Number five was discord. So we see a common thread amongst some of these apps, but I'm still surprised with Pinterest. I thought Spotify was simply for music. I knew discord was probably an issue. I have. I know nothing about Reddit. I need to educate myself on that, but I hope that this was helpful for you. And seeing that all of these apps have a risk. If you have given a smartphone and you feel like you need to adjust, you know, I highly recommend the pinwheel phone as a dumb smartphone. I also have a link for the gab phone. If you want to compare the two, the best thing about the pinwheel phone is you can put bark on it to monitor text messages, and then everything that is allowed on it is all kind of like vetted by a roup and a therapist and different things like that.

Speaker 1 (13:07):

There's no way for you to communicate with other people on the phone. And it's supposed to be to more like to teach your kid about using the phone as a tool, not just, you know, letting it control you. And then besides that younger kids, I've got the watch options listed, highly recommend those. And then for smartphones, get bark on your kid's phone. If you don't have it already, my code is be that mom, it is 20% off the subscription for life. And you also get a seven day free trial to set it up. You can cancel it at any time and the fee is really, really low. But let me tell you, it is quite amazing to have this data, these stats, and they are not meant to scare you, although I do find them scary. So I'm sure you do too, but this is just meant for us to educate ourselves as to move forward as to know that the digital things are not benign and that we need to be providing guidance in helping our kids step into the deep blue sea of the digital world.

Speaker 1 (14:08):

Like I said, in the last, last week's episode, these are just parts of our layers. They're parts of our village and you just can't go wrong with having something like this to help you out. Okay? So I am quite surprised by some of that stuff. And those numbers on the percentages are quite high. I haven't had the time to go back and find last year's report to compare the numbers, the stats, but I do believe all of those numbers are up from last year. So kind of to be expected because of all the digital things and the world that we have had to live in. But let's just move forward in linking arms with this being a village for each other, supporting each other as we guide our kids in this world. Okay. Hope you found this super, super helpful and that you have a great week.

Speaker 2 (14:55):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time. Hey, 

Speaker 3 (15:09):

You are a mom that has a lot on your plate like I do. And you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues. Please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Episode 49: When to call a time out on all of the digital things!

 Are you in need of calling a time out with your kid and all the digital things? At your wits end and not sure what to do? Listen in to this episode for a few tips!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Are you in need of a timeout when it comes to your kids and all of the digital things, have you reached a breaking point where you're like, Holy cow, I don't know what my next step should be, but something has got to change and change fast. Well, that is what we're going to talk about today. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:22):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson. Holy-moly check this out.

Speaker 1 (00:48):

You are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet. Check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb, smart phones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So this episode is inspired by a trend that I'm seeing among friends and moms that I'm in touch with on social media and the like where so many moms are at their wit's end, when it comes to using the digital devices, maybe the influence of that with virtual learning schoolwork, grades, all of the things I have seen the impact of this in my own family.

Speaker 1 (01:41):

And I'm just hearing from more and more moms that they are struggling right now. And I don't want to give you a couple of like assessment points that you can use to see where you're at and then see where you need to go from here. Okay. So if you are finding that your kid has less ambition, was school not focusing as well, having trouble getting up in the morning, kind of pushing the boundaries on the rules that you've placed for the digital things, or maybe you have pulled back on what your rules used to be. You've allowed the devices or the gaming consoles to be in bedrooms. If you have just gotten really lax on monitoring, or you just never have monitored, if you answered yes to any of those things, then this episode's for you. Okay? So I want to give you a game plan for this on what I would do moving forward.

Speaker 1 (02:36):

So like I mentioned, multiple times in this podcast across several episodes, the number one thing that I think every mom needs to do is get those devices out of the bedrooms. This is not something that has to be forever and ever, but when your kid is in school and still a kid that you set up healthy boundaries for how they use those devices and having a gaming console or having a phone in a bedroom is a recipe for disaster. The child psychologist that specialized in gaming disorder and things around the digital things say that it is very, very difficult for them to resist when a gaming console is in their bedroom. There's no reason for them to not stay up and do it, or, you know, go to bed and then get back up at some point to play their games. And then if you have allow a phone that opens up the doors for them to possibly be groomed by a predator or just, you know, activity that you maybe would not approve of, and that they would not do if they were sitting in a public, you know, a common area of your home.

Speaker 1 (03:41):

Okay. So if you were at this point where your kid is not doing well in school, doesn't want to get up for school, not engaging on zoom calls, whatever the situation is. That's the number one thing I would look at first is getting the electronics out of the bedroom and making it a non-negotiable and absolutely expect pushback. And if you have been one that has gotten really laxed on your rules and just kind of let them do their thing, because you know, they don't get to see their friends as much. And there's all this heaviness around this pandemic. And so you just kind of want to be that mom that let them do that. But now you're seeing that it's having this effect. If they haven't had boundaries around that, they're going to push back and they may even go through what I like to call a detox where their brain has to adjust.

Speaker 1 (04:28):

If they've spent a ton of time, as I mentioned in my digital bingeing episode and a few other ones, if they spend a ton of time on the electronics, it actually affects their brain chemistry related to like the instant gratification type response of playing a game. And then the lack of outside interaction in the world and all sorts of things around that. Okay. So they see that there's actually a detox where they kind of don't know what to do with themselves. You know, they don't, they just don't know how to entertain themselves anymore. They don't have like creativity for looking for something to do. It truly is a detox, but I urge you to stick to your guns on this. We tried kind of the baby-step route of not taking it away completely at first, and that just didn't work. So what we ended up doing was cold Turkey gone for like a month, all digital things.

Speaker 1 (05:20):

And, you know, we allowed like watching TV, but we truly did a detox of taken away all of the things. And it was amazing what came out on the other end of that old interests came back, curiosity in researching things and doing new things, creativity, all of it was just amazing. It was like the child that we knew before we gave an Xbox console and allowed it in the bedroom and then gave a smartphone was back here in front of us. And we hadn't seen him in awhile and it's, I blamed myself for that completely. I have no blame towards my children for the things that we have struggled with, because it was just my lack of knowing that it would have the impact that it did. And it was very disheartening that I didn't know how much that could influence things. So if you're experiencing this, get that console, get that phone out of the bedroom, set up boundaries for when they can be used, where they can be used and for how long they can be used.

Speaker 1 (06:17):

Smartphones should not be going to bed with them, put them on a charger in a central area of the home. If you don't feel like you can trust them to not come back and get it later, then put it in your bedroom, your bathroom, whatever to where it is yours, you could even go to the extreme of getting a lockbox for things they do sell them where they actually have chargers within them and you close them in your lock them. So if you get to a point to where you're needing to do that, because you truly can't trust, they're not going to come and get those things. There are options for that. I did do an episode or mentioned that a while back for one that had contacted me, wanting me to promote it on my podcast. So I do mention that and I'll see if I can find the link for that.

Speaker 1 (06:57):

If you want to check that one out, but the gist of it is get it out of the bedroom and set boundaries around it. If you don't have it in the bedroom now, and you're still having these issues, then I would look at the time that you were allowing on it and then set up like, you know, uh, a game plan, a family tech plan that is rules and a guide for where you're going to move forward with this communicate openly with your kid about why you're doing this, what your concerns are. What I have said is I'm sorry, I didn't know the impact of this decision when I let you do this. I've found out now that I don't feel like it's in your best interest for me to have this or you to have this in your room. And so we are going to make changes because right now your school needs to be the greatest priority in your life.

Speaker 1 (07:43):

It is very important for you to get an education. It's also very important for you to get a good night's sleep. And it is also very hard for you to regulate your time on these things. And so I'm going to help you out by not having them in your bedroom, you know, phrase it however you want, but it's absolutely essential that you set up these boundaries for them. And I think that you'll see a change this whole situation with the virtual learning. And like, if your school isn't face-to-face and you know, an actual school, then there's a whole other can of worms on that. Okay. So have compassion tread lightly around your kid with that stuff. But when it comes to setting boundaries around the use of devices around the use of a gaming console, and just all of the things that are a concern when those are used with no monitoring, these are just the very fundamental things that I would do.

Speaker 1 (08:33):

Okay. I'm not telling you that this is the only way, but I've read all kinds of stuff heard from all kinds of moms that it's a game changer for you to get it out of the bedroom. And it absolutely was my experience of doing that was so impactful. And I wish I would have known years ago. It would have saved us a lot of grief, but I didn't know, but that's why I'm here is to hopefully help you as you move forward with this. I don't think it has to be an all or nothing thing where you either have an X-Box or you don't or whatever it is that you were using. I think there is a way to move forward in life with using these things in a healthy way, in a balanced way, and in a way where you work together with your kid, knowing that the common goal is for them to be healthy and to grow up like developmentally strong, have a good mindset, a good self-esteem a good, you know, focus on what it is that they want in life.

Speaker 1 (09:31):

And for them to realize that it is great to have entertainment with playing a game and being with friends. But it also has to be balanced out with the other things that are important in the world. You know, like personal hygiene, eating exercise, some sort of like reading and intellectual development, all of those things are important and it can't be any other way to where all we do is sit on a game all the time. Okay. So I hope this was helpful for you. I have heard from moms recently that are struggling with this. And so that's why I wanted to bring this episode. I'm speaking from personal experience. I do have a son that was very much into gaming. And so this is absolutely one of the most impactful decisions that we made when we were trying to course correct what we were doing.

Speaker 1 (10:17):

So if you personally have made this decision to let things into the bedroom or not having any sort of monitoring or time limits boundaries around things, start that now. And I'd love to hear from you to see how it's going with you and your family. Jump in on one of the links in the show notes to connect with me, feel free to share my podcast with other moms who may be struggling, feel free to reach out to me. If you have your own story, you'd like me to share on the podcast, or if you'd like to be a guest on the podcast. If you could tell me more about what your family has done, what has helped your family? If there's something else I haven't mentioned that you feel like other moms could be helped with knowing. And you'd like to either share that story with me, for me to share or be a guest on my show, I would love to hear from you. I want to bring more moms onto the show to give their perspective. I know that my experience is not unique and very common across the world of all of the people I have listening across the world to the podcast. But I know that there are other facets that I myself may not have experience. So I would love to hear your story. And I surely hope that this is helpful for you in the wonderful path of guiding our children in this digital world. So chat with you next time. Thanks so much for listening.

Speaker 2 (11:32):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time either

Speaker 1 (11:46):

Before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up everyday, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

Episode 48: Monitor your kid‘s phone with this layered approach!

Are you giving your kid a smart phone and wanting to know the best way to set it up to monitor their use and activity? Use this approach today!

 

Here’s a suggested set up as discussed in this episode: 

 

You’ll need a computer to back up the phone for certain iPhone specific things. The phone and the computer need to be connected to the same WiFi.

 

Apple ScreenTime-for time constraints and filtering off wifi.

https://www.bark.us/guides/app-management-apple-screen-time

 

Gryphon router with built in free parental controls (time limits and filtering)-also has malware/virus protection built-in at the router level.

https://gryphonconnect.com/ways-to-become-a-tech-savvy.../

 

Bark parental monitoring - sends alerts about texts, searches, videos, etc that may need conversation.

https://help.bark.us/.../414888-what-bark-monitors-on-the...

https://www.bark.us/faq

 

Promo code for 7 day free trial of BARK and 20% off for life of subscription: BETHATMOM or click this link.

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Personally, I can look back on. As my kids have gotten older and digital devices became more and more prevalent and intertwined in our lives that this decision of giving my kid a smartphone was pivotal in their childhood development. And looking back, I would definitely do some things differently. And what I'm going to talk about today is one approach that you can have when you were at the point that you do want to give a smartphone, but you don't want to just let it all go and hope that they navigate it well. So stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:37):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, he friends. Did

Speaker 1 (01:02):

You hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So the other day I was in a parenting group on social media and saw a mom's question about giving her kid a smartphone. It was a decision she had already made, and she just wanted to know what was the best way to monitor that device.

Speaker 1 (01:53):

And it specifically was an Apple device. And so people proceeded to answer her question with their perspective and all of that. And so I chimed in and commented about what my approach would be. And she asked me, where on your podcast, do you talk about this? And I do talk about this approach sprinkled probably throughout most of the episodes, but I haven't talked about it specifically in a while. So I thought I would just kind of do an updated episode when I first started this podcast, which is coming up on a year, which seems crazy to me. And it seems like, I don't know if you have this feeling of what 2020 was, and it's almost like it went by super fast, but also super slow if you are new or haven't been around since the very beginning, I actually launched this podcast in March of 2020.

Speaker 1 (02:46):

And right as a right before this pandemic was hitting is when I launched it. And so I have been doing this as a part of all the other craziness. It isn't another thing that I added into my life just because I had such a very strong mission to share what I have learned in the process of raising my kids in this digital age and really find a way to get it out to people. So when I had the idea of the podcast, it was because I'm listening to other people that had podcasts and thinking, well, Holy cow, that could be something that I could do because like social media is very limited to algorithms and, you know, following all the little things that you have to do to market and reach people, but it's, to me, it's finite on there because it's dependent on the algorithms and other things.

Speaker 1 (03:33):

So I found that the podcast route was a great way to kind of get my voice out. I personally listened to a ton of podcasts simply because I spend a lot of time in my car. So I like to use that time listening to something that will help me to grow or learn something new. And so that's when I decided, well, other moms are probably busy like me, and this would be a good platform for me to get this information out. So I launched it. I started working on it in January of last year and I launched it beginning of March, I believe. And so back then, when I thought about, or when I talked about the differences of the different phones, I stress that an Android phone is easier to monitor and that is still the case. But I think back then, I kind of encouraged away from the, the iPhone.

Speaker 1 (04:19):

But as time has gone on, I personally, my whole family has I-phones. We've always had iPhones. It's hard to switch when you already have the phones. And so I have figured out how to navigate it with an Apple device. An Android device just has, they are more open about opening up apps to be monitored. Apple is much more private about that. And I think in terms of us having a phone and walking around and doing like banking and different things on our phones, I personally want the more private thing of the Apple phone, right? I don't want it to be able to be hacked into as easily and all of that. And I don't know if that truly is possible to do, but in terms of kids, the Android phone has more capability for monitoring with parental control apps, such as bark. Okay. So there is that standpoint that the Android is easier to monitor than the Apple, but it's not all is lost.

Speaker 1 (05:13):

If you prefer to do the Apple phone, it just takes a little bit of extra work in maneuvering to do the monitoring. But despite which device you get, this is the approach. What I'm going to talk about today is the approach that I recommend that you do without a doubt. You know, it is just the way it needs to be. It's going to seem a little bit like, Oh my God, that's like overkill, but bear with me. Let me just explain some of it to you. Okay. So with both an Apple and an Android phone, you want to have a layered approach to monitoring. And what that means is that on the Android phone, you want to use screen time and controls through Google family link and through an Apple device, you want to use the Apple screen time controls. So if you have your phone for an Apple device, if you have your phone, you go into the screen time settings, and then there is a way for you to add your child with their phone.

Speaker 1 (06:06):

And then you can go into the screen time settings of your child's phone, same thing with Google family link. I'm not sure that you can access it through your phone if you'll have all Androids, but I think you can look at it on line and feel free to contact me and correct me if I'm wrong on that. But personally, we do not have Android phones for the family. Now, some people say that they have Apple, but they gave their kids an Android. I personally don't know how to navigate that other than just using Google family link for the Android phone. So you just wouldn't access it on your phone. You access it through Google family link platform online. So I would use the screen time control to set up time constraints, like when they can use the device and then also to help you filter the wifi.

Speaker 1 (06:48):

So you can set it up to where explicit content isn't allowed and different things like that. That has worked really well for me, with my youngest. And over time, I have been able to kind of ease back on those restrictions as I see him developing more maturity around his decisions, but I absolutely would set that up to where you can control all of the things with the phone. You can also control whether or not they can add contacts to their phone. If they can delete context, if they can add or delete apps on their own. I have our setup to where they have to request to download an app. And then I get a notification on my phone and then I approve it from there. So that's the first step is I would use the screen time controls for time constraints for filtering, for setting up how you want them to be able to use that phone.

Speaker 1 (07:37):

So I will say that I do think it is important for you to set it up to where they can not add contacts, because what I have seen in my research about grooming and the things that these predators will do is they will try to get contact with your kid, develop some trust, and then they will say, you know, add me to your phone, you know, add me to this other platform. And so that makes it go under the radar of your monitoring. If that makes sense, if you're not familiar with what grooming is, go back a couple of months. I'm not sure exactly what episode it is, but I do talk about grooming and things that we need to be aware about aware of and watch out for when it comes to your child, being groomed on social media, but social media and allowing those things is a whole nother can of worms and not something that I recommend that you rush on.

Speaker 1 (08:26):

Okay. The next layer of what I would do for your kid's phone is to use a router that has parental controls. One that is highly acclaimed is the on or Griffin. I don't know what the proper pronunciation of that is, but it's spelled G R Y P H O N. Lots of parents rave about that router. Now, if you're not a tech person, you may be like, Oh, what's a router. And that's kind of, it was me before all of this came about in my life. So it's basically where your wifi hooks up in your house. If the other person living in your house, you know, your husband or whoever is the one that sets that stuff up, they will know what it is. If you've got internet in your FA your house, you have to have it, but the Griffin Griffin or [inaudible] router is considered one of the best ones for parental controls.

Speaker 1 (09:16):

I actually don't know the brand of the router that my husband recently bought, but it has parental controls. And he manages all of that. So you can set up time limits on there. You can set up filtering and it also has virus protection and all of that built into the router. Now, in addition to that, what I have also used is called bark home and bark home is something that you hook up to your router that is a filter as well. So if you have a router right now that does not have parental controls on it, you could get the bark home. And if you're not a tech type person, which I know the Gryphon router is pretty, uh, what do I want to say? Like, uh, you don't have to have like some type of tech degree in order to navigate it. It's pretty simple.

Speaker 1 (10:01):

And that's what makes it great and why a lot of parents will rave about it. But the bark home is a very simple thing you can put on and it integrates with the bark parental monitoring app that you put on the phone to help you monitor. So bark home to me is like, it's like a mother's dream seriously, because if you're not tech savvy, you can go into this bark home. You get on their site online. I do have a whole episode that talks about bark home. So if you're interested in navigating that, go back a few weeks or few months, and you should find my episode that specific on bark home goes through all the settings and how you set it up and all of that. Okay. But bark home, you can get in there and you can put Leno. You like select any device that connects to wifi in your entire home can be controlled through bark home, which is awesome.

Speaker 1 (10:50):

So you just have to go in and you find the device and you can set it up to where you are filtering the content that can be seen. You can shut down certain websites that you do not want access to hint, hint, YouTube, things like that. If you are needing to block those because they are, you know, out of control, you're not whatever, if you're not able to get them to be responsible about using it, and you just need it blocked. You can put it in specifically in there. The other thing with bark home, besides you being able to control specific devices, is it also monitors your Wi-Fi activity at a high level, and it will block the most explicit content from being accessed on all devices across the board, whether or not you have selected them specifically to be monitored more closely or not.

Speaker 1 (11:39):

So if they're on your Wi-Fi, they are monitored through this bark home and explicit content will be blocked. Okay. I think that's so awesome and such a great thing to have because it's so, so hard to control some of the things that are accessed. Like if you check out my episode, that is about one click away, it is talking about pornography. And they say that usually pornography is just one or two or three clicks away wherever your child is online. I think that is absolutely crazy, but it is true, you know, like on YouTube and if they're on any social media it's on there. Okay. So check out that episode, if you want to learn more about that, but them seeing pornography and all of that at younger ages is very prevalent. They see that most kids, if they have been online are being exposed to pornography, like by sixth or seventh grade, which is crazy, you know?

Speaker 1 (12:35):

And so there's all kinds of issues that come with that. So I like that the bark home we'll monitor for that explicit level of, or that explicit content. Okay. So that would be your next layer. Okay. So you've got the Apple screen time, or the Google family link where you are monitoring specifically for the device. Then you've got Griffin router and or bark home. Okay. And then what I recommend you do is get bark, which I know you've probably heard me mention bark is something that you put on your device on their device. And then you have it set up on a computer for monitoring. Now the drawback with bark and Apple is that it cannot monitor in real time for some of this stuff. It has to be backed up on the wifi. So like basically like if they're out at school and then they come back home, if they delete messages in different things while they are away from the Li-Fi, it may slip through.

Speaker 1 (13:29):

But I can tell you personally that with using bark on my son's phone, it has picked up so many things so many times, and it's almost a little comical. Some of the stuff that it picks up like him and my husband go hunting. And so one time he texted his grandpa and asked him about using one of his guns. And I got an alert for that. And then another time he was texting one of his grandma's and asked something similar, and it sent me an alert on that. And I am totally fine with that. There were things that were happening before I discovered the beautiful thing that is bark, that I did not know about. And like I have mentioned in other episodes, it was a mom that was monitoring her kid's phone. That helped me discover what was going on with my kid, because I was completely clueless to the potential and to the influence of all of these things.

Speaker 1 (14:22):

And that my child would deviate that far off from what I had taught him growing up. It's just, it's not something you can resist when you put a kids, you know, when you put the digital things in your kids' hands, they can't resist that influence. It absolutely influences them. So it was another mom that was taking up her kid's phone at night that happened to see something between this group, text of voice. And she contacted me and the other moms, and we were able to kind of see what was going on course. Correct. And into the story today, we are doing wonderful, but I do attribute that mom watching her son's phone closely to helping us other moms to course correct and keep our kids from going down bad paths. Okay. So the bar app is something that when I was going through that and trying to figure out how to move forward from it, it was something that, as I decided to give that phone back and let ease up on, you know, being like not letting them have it at all, I'm actually letting him use it.

Speaker 1 (15:22):

The bark app gave me some peace of mind while giving him some privacy. And I still have it on his phone. I have slowly pulled back on some of the restrictions that I have on it with screen time and other things like that. But I still watch everything very closely. Okay. So that will be the other layer. And so there are other things out there other than Bart. And I have looked at those other things, but me personally, I believe that bark is the best thing out there. Some people like to use some of those other ones, but I've found drawbacks to each one of them. And I think the most wonderful thing with bark is that their tech team and their customer service team is so very helpful with helping you navigate the tech stuff and figure things out. I've even heard that they contact parents.

Speaker 1 (16:08):

Like if they send an alert for something I heard of one time, or a mom was alerted that her kid was talking about suicide and bark followed up with that mom, like they sent an alert and then like a week later, they reached out to her and said, how is your daughter doing? Like how many companies do we know out there that care that much, that it's not just about the money bark truly cares for our children. And I didn't do this episode as a commercial for bark, but I just cannot say enough, giving a smartphone is such a huge decision. And like I've said in other episodes, I don't think that at any time we can say our kid is ready for that. Like, I don't think there are defined indicators for it because it's a very fluid thing when you give the phone and then they interact with it and things go on.

Speaker 1 (16:57):

Okay. So I don't say that you should never give them a smartphone. I think at some point you have to, but I would just tread lightly with it, meaning that I wouldn't give it too early and too young, and then use this layered approach to help you monitor, build up your village with using all of these things. And then also jump into my, be that mom community, my channel on telegram connect with me on Instagram, you know, build a community of moms where you are something that can help support you in this and help you have kind of a sounding board when things get tough. When maybe you need to reassess and redirect all of those things. It's just not a, like the path is bumpy sometimes, but these things can help you to navigate that and to have more peace of mind and especially with the bark and really the whole thing I should say, but gives you peace of mind helps you to sleep at night, truly helped me to sleep at night when we were going through our hardest days, there were nights where I would just lay there thinking, what am I missing?

Speaker 1 (18:01):

What if we do this? And I'm going to miss this. And it was because I had no clue before and I missed so much. And so I hope that this is something that can utilize that it's not too confusing. You know, just utilize this going forward so that your kids have a simpler path through their childhood years. I absolutely think that this digital age has made growing up harder than it was for us. I think it was simpler times when you could close the door on all of the social pressure and all of the things that are created and brought into our homes by allowing phones, social media and all of that stuff. Okay. So I could go on and on about all kinds of other tips that I recommend you do in addition to this, but for the sake of this episode, do this layered approach.

Speaker 1 (18:49):

Feel free to message me. If you have any questions. I am no expert per se. I am simply trying to relay what I have learned. So I hope that you found it helpful and check out the links in the show notes. For some of the things that I have mentioned, grab those for bark. There's a seven day free trial and 20% off for the life of your subscription. If you use my code, be that mom. So I hope that you'll take advantage of this. I hope that this was helpful for you and not too, too confusing, but I do think that these things can help you tremendously and will help your kid to have like a healthy relationship with their phone and all of the things. Okay. So thanks so much for tuning in and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (19:34):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 1 (19:48):

If you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Episode 47: Your kid aspires to be a professional gamer. What do you do?

The declaration many parents are hearing: Mom I want to be a professional gamer! How did you react to this? What should you do? Listen in for a few tips!

 

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app or on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Has your kiddo ever said that they want to be a professional gamer? How did you react? What did you do? How do we proceed with our kid having this as an ambition? Is it something we take seriously or something we dismiss? Let's chat about this.

Speaker 2 (00:17):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable, real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, he friends

Speaker 1 (00:42):

Here, there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids. Smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So I think this happens with both boys and girls, but more often with boys, I believe that they have made a declaration that it is their goal to be a professional gamer.

Speaker 1 (01:25):

My first thought on this, when I first heard this declaration was, Oh my God, like they're living in a dream world, right? Have you had that reaction to, and as I explored it more, I was quite surprised to see that this is actually a career for some. So when looking at it and thinking about it and conversing with my son about it, I came up with a couple of things that I think might be helpful for you. If you have been faced with this same thing, I believe it's kind of like our kids seeing they want to be an astronaut or they want to be a doctor or a lawyer. These things are achievable. So I think that a productive stance on this is to think about it in terms of them having an ambition, and then you helping them to define that and figure out what is involved with that and to support them in their belief, to build them up as a person.

Speaker 1 (02:17):

And of course, I'm not a therapist, a psychologist or anything like that. But as a mom, I have found, and I can even look back to my own mom and see that she always believed in me. And she was like my guide to help me realize what it is I wanted to be. And it's not a particularly productive stance to just tell someone, Oh no, you can't do that. Right? Like we should come from the stance you believing in them and them discovering what they're capable of versus us beating them down and them having to build themselves back up or come from a place of being defensive. So in terms of them wanting to be a professional gamer, while in our eyes, it's like, this is a make-believe world. If you Google it, look into it, you will see it is actually a career and can be quite lucrative.

Speaker 1 (03:04):

But it also is very, very difficult and competitive to get into. Now, a lot of people will automatically think, well, you know, all of these professional gamers are just these people that sit in their basements and don't have any social skills. And all they do is eat and they don't get enough sleep and all of that. But if you actually explore this, like Google it, you will find that it is truly a career in most professional gamers in order to sustain what they do and to be competitive because it's highly competitive. They have to have a healthy lifestyle and healthy habits in place of like eating and exercise and sleep and hydration and all those things that are so foundation for any of us at any point. So if you look at those things, this career, this professional gamer thing is actually a true career and it's not all about someone being addicted to gaming and stuck in their basement, no social skills and all of that.

Speaker 1 (03:59):

So what I recommend that you do with your kiddo, if they have made this proclamation is to support them in believing in themselves. And that they're capable of anything they put their mind to, but also help guide them in exploring these things, have them Google, what things a professional gamer has to do in order to remain competitive in order to get to the place where they are at. Of course, they spend a lot of time practicing on the game. So they will spend a lot of time on a screen, but they also are. Most of them, if you look at them closely, they're very mindful about their eating, their exercise, their sleep, their hydration, their mindset, all of those things, because all of those things play into their focus with their game, their speed with their game, their accuracy, with their game. So come from a place of building them up, create realistic expectations around that and around it, and then have them explore this and work on them, having a routine around it while also encouraging other activities in their lives, you know, normal developmental things.

Speaker 1 (04:57):

And to making sure that their priorities are in place for what things have to be done before they can spend time doing the game. If that makes sense. So I wouldn't come from a place of, Oh my God, that's so ridiculous. I can't believe that you think that you could do that. That's like a make-believe world instead come from this positive place of building them up and helping them explore. When I wanted to be a nurse, I'm a nurse practitioner now, but when I wanted to be a nurse, I made that proclamation when I was a very young kid. So what I did to explore that, and what was encouraged of me to do was to find in high school, a position where I was working in the field so I could get a feel of it. And then that could be like a yay or nay for whether or not I'm going to like it.

Speaker 1 (05:39):

Of course, I loved it. I loved working in the hospital and I did proceed with going to nursing school and eventually nurse practitioner school. But my mom didn't just dismiss it and say, Oh, it's hard. It's a hard field. I don't know if you want to do that. She actually encouraged me to explore it more, to find ways to, you know, tip toe into it and figure out if it was something I would like. So that's what I encourage you to do in anything that your kid is wanting to do, but especially for today's topic on wanting to be a professional gamer, help them to explore what is all involved with that study the ones that are professional gamers and have been successful at it. And then you can also interject which a lot of parents I see do other alternative career choices that are very similar, such as building games, somehow being a graphic designer or, you know, something that's related, you can kind of encourage those things, but I would not crush their dream of being a professional gamer because what eventually, or what it will actually do is crush them, not their dream because you're not believing in them.

Speaker 1 (06:41):

And it has to be them that discovers what they want and what they want to work towards. And there are actually people out there that are professional gamers and are successful at it. There's actually scholarships given, you know, like they give scholarships for sports to play football for a certain game. They actually have scholarships now for their gaming sports for different colleges. So it is a thing. So what I would do is just explore it with your kid. Okay. I hope you found this helpful and I'll chat with you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:12):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (07:26):

Before you go check this out. If you are a mom that is listening to this podcast, you are wanting to keep your kids safe in the digital world. But let me tell you what is so very powerful and what helped me so so much when things got really tough in my parenting of the digital natives world, I already had a routine of taking care of myself every day with not only the simple things like drinking more water and getting enough sleep most of the time. Anyway. Um, but I also had a routine of exercise in a routine of fueling my body with good nutrition, with guaranteed nutrition, through a smoothie, with tools that helped me during my workouts and this routine. It sounds silly that it could help so much, but it did help me so much when I was gutted by the challenges of raising kids in this digital age, it helped me have a safe place.

Speaker 1 (08:17):

It helped me have a strength that I otherwise would not have mentally and spiritually and physically. And then it also on a day-to-day basis helps me to be more present for the kids because I'm more present for myself. First, if you do not have this in your life, I want to connect you with this. I want to simplify this for you, connect with me and I will connect you with tools that work for anyone that simplify everything around exercising and eating and making this a habit that sticks. And that will be an example for your kids and your family. Connect with me. We'll have a discovery session. We'll figure out which options will work best for you. And then I will connect you with my online community to help support you as you get started and to help you keep up the motivation and the momentum to make this a lifestyle switch that lasts forever. So connect with me today.

Episode 46: If you are thinking of giving your kid social media, do this first!

Are you considering giving your kid a social media account? Here is one of many things I wish I would have known, but one of the most important starting out! 

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app or on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Social media is all the rave. It is how many kids communicate with each other. So when we don't allow it, a lot of times they feel this mega fear of missing out because it is how so many kids communicate. So if you are someone who has decided, okay, I think I want to move forward with letting them have a social media account, but I don't know what the most important things are when I move forward with this. Well today, we're going to talk about one single thing that I wish I would have done. There's multiple things I wish I would've done, but this one thing is something that I really, really wish I would have done. When I first allowed social media stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:44):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, Hey friends, did you hear

Speaker 1 (01:09):

There is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Alrighty. So this episode, we are just going to talk about giving access to social media, to your kiddo. If you were at the point to where you want to allow that, and one tip that you can do to help kind of tiptoe into this whole thing and kind of keep some control over what is going on until you have some peace of mind and can help guide them in expanding their independence on the platform.

Speaker 1 (02:07):

So, disclaimer, I must say is that I believe social media has influence and impact that is hard to comprehend and is very multifaceted. So proceed with caution with this. I'm not encouraging you to give a social media account to your kiddo until you are able to proactively guide them and spend the time doing this, do not proceed with this confidence that they are just going to know how to navigate it because every kid is different and the influences are just so very powerful. And we know our kids bend to self-esteem. I mean, not self-esteem, but peer pressure, just like we did as kids. And this is a form of peer pressure. So I want to give you this tip, but I also want you to proceed with caution and use your own judgment for your kid and be very, very active and proactive in this place to help guide your kiddo.

Speaker 1 (03:01):

And of course, you know, if you've listened to other episodes that I absolutely recommend that you get bark and bark home to help you with this monitoring, like I've said before, this whole parenting in the digital age takes a village like a huge freaking village. And that village can consist of the parents, grandparents, friends, the parents of friends, but it absolutely needs to include some form of monitoring such as bark that you can put on the device and on your home life. I, that will give you some peace of mind. It will help you to sleep at night because it's monitoring things that you don't necessarily want to have to be all in their business with things, but it's monitoring conversations and all of those things that they do on their phones and can give you insight to what's going on before you realize it.

Speaker 1 (03:49):

And bark has been found to intervene on conversations about drugs and alcohol violence, suicide, depression, anxiety, all of the things, cyber bullying, all of those things that many of us will not know about until it is too late in some way, shape or form. So I absolutely, if you're going to do the smartphone route, if you're, even if you're going to do a pinwheel phone, that one can use bark too, but get bark on there to help you monitor it, picks up on things that you otherwise would miss. Absolutely. So it'll give you peace of mind, help you to sleep at night and just be part of your village. Okay. But what I want to talk about is that if you are going to give a social media account, I absolutely would do this. If I could get a do-over and I did kind of do this when I realized that I needed to, but that is to have the password to that social media account and even start out by putting it on your phone.

Speaker 1 (04:43):

So they access it and do the things that they need to do through your phone first. So you can monitor things if you don't want to do it through your phone and they have their own phone, then you make sure that you have that password and that they know that you can look at that at any time. And that is not to, you know, just be all in their business, but it is to help guide them and help, you know, just see what they are doing. If they object to this and don't want to do this, then they're not mature enough to have that account because there's no reason they should be hiding anything from you. And if they are having, you know, seem to be wanting to do that, then that needs to be an open discussion about what's going on there. Why do you feel like you need to hide this stuff from me?

Speaker 1 (05:22):

So that is the number one thing that I would do if I could get a do-over besides just not giving a phone so young and not giving all of the things so young without realizing the impact. Okay. But I do think that that is so, so important for both your peace of mind and them just learning that this is kind of a dance that you're going to do together and that they will gain independence as time goes on and they demonstrate responsible use. And of course there are many other facets to this and you will have other things to consider. But for the sake of this episode, that is the number one thing that I would do. Now, I am together a B that mom movement method, which is basically going to be a roadmap for you to follow a method for you, to use with tools and resources for you to navigate this proactively and to feel like you are in control of what is going on with your kids.

Speaker 1 (06:15):

You have all of the tools and resources to make a confident, positive decision about what you do, where you go and how you proceed with this in a way that makes sense for you and your family and your personal preferences, your kids' temperaments, all of the different things. Okay. So I hope you will stay tuned for that jump on it. When I get it released, because I will have a significant discount so that we together can proceed in raising our kids in this digital age with a proactive stance that is based on knowledge and a method to follow. Okay. So I hope you will check that out. And I hope that you found this episode, helpful, proceed with caution with the social media things. But I do believe that there is a way to do it where you tip toe in it and help guide them. And then you let that independence out as they get older. And as you have more confidence and of course get bark on your side, barked at us, use code, be that mom for a discount on the lifetime of your subscription. So with those tools, that can be part of your village to help monitor and all that. So you can check out the links in the show notes for those, and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (07:24):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 1 (07:39):

You are a mom that has a lot on your plate like I do. And you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues. Please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Episode 45: Why is my kid obsessed with watching others play video games?

Is your kid obsessed with watching other people play video games? What is up with that? Listen in for a few insights to help you tame your frustration with this!

 

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app or on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Does it drive you crazy when your kiddo is just sitting, watching a video of someone else play a game? Does that just like drive you crazy? Because it makes no sense to you? Well, today we are going to talk about that and explore how we deal with this. Okay.

Speaker 2 (00:17):

Stay tuned. Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson. Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom

Speaker 1 (00:46):

And that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet. Check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. Okay, so let's talk about this for a quick second, because I know I am not the only parent that has been like, Holy cow, what is the deal with this? Why are they so obsessed with watching these videos of other people playing games? Like why don't they just play the game, right? Like, have you had those same thoughts? So I decided to do this podcast episode after having a conversation with a friend's husband and us, both having kids of similar ages and just talking about how frustrating it is to observe this and just not understanding it.

Speaker 1 (01:47):

And he was very vocal about it just being such a waste of time and it makes no sense to him. And I totally get that. Like I have totally been there in that frustration that seems to just keep climbing. Great. I've totally been there. So I get it. But what has helped me in this realm is to take a step back and to just kind of think about what exactly is going on here and try to understand it from their perspective, because we all know that we didn't grow up with all these digital things and they are growing up in a different reality than us. And so I think the least productive thing that we can do as parents is to just sit and criticize versus trying to understand. And so I think there's kind of three things going on here. Why one of the kids would sit and watch a video of someone else playing a video game.

Speaker 1 (02:40):

The first one is what I likened to when I was a kid, just kind of a side story here when I was a kid, me and my brother were on a bowling league was so much fun. I probably sound like a major nerd saying that now, but it was so much fun, but my grandpa played or, you know, it was like in a bowling league as an adult and was very much into the sport of bowling. And so when me and my brother would, you know, throw that first ball and then we would have the pin set up there, he would kind of give us pointers on where to stand and how to throw the ball in order to knock all of the pins down. It was all about strategy. It was about thinking through the movements and the motions and things in order to get, you know, to have success with the game.

Speaker 1 (03:27):

I think this is the same when it comes to football strategy, all kinds of sports strategy, there's always a strategy behind what you're doing. And I don't think that it's any different than someone sitting and watching a football game or a basketball game and not just watching it, but actually looking at the strategy behind their plays and their moves. Right? So that's what I think one reason kids enjoy this. If, you know, especially the older ones, like the teenagers who were really into gaming and stuff is it's about strategy and skill. And they're watching someone with more experience play this game so they can get pointers on how to be successful with it. And I think it's a whole other can of worms to talk about our kids and gaming, which we can do another episode on that. I already have a list of things that I want to talk about with that.

Speaker 1 (04:12):

But skill and strategy, I think is one reason why they sit there and watch that now a younger kid, maybe not so much a younger kid may be the second reason that I think that they do it. And that is entertainment, you know, for the ones that are older or the gamers that they watch. A lot of times, if you listen to the gamers, they have a commentary going, they're kind of witty, there's an entertainment thing to it. So they have entertainment as they watch it, which I don't think is any different than us watching TV. Like I can sit for hours and watch the show, friends and laugh and enjoy watching it. Even though I have probably seen the entire series of friends episodes, I don't even know how many times, right? Like probably at least 50 times all the way through. And I still get enjoyment out of it because it makes me laugh.

Speaker 1 (05:00):

And I relate to that from my growing up years, friends came out when I was in college and it's just entertainment. It's something I really enjoy. Now my son, one time when I was listening or watching friends got up and was walking past and he goes, I don't understand how you find that this show. So funny and interesting, like to me, it seems boring. Like they're all just sitting around talking all of the time. So I think that was a lesson right there. Now what one finds entertaining, another one won't depending on your life experiences, what you enjoy, all of those things. And then the third reason that I think that a lot of kids will do it is to have connection and that could be connection with other friends in real life that watched the same thing or interested in the same thing, thinking about the same thing, trying to strategize a game, or, you know, simply just, Hey, I, uh, did Minecraft in such and such, did this, have you ever tried that right?

Speaker 1 (05:55):

Or the other way of is if it's some like big, big name person that has a big account and they comment on their video and in that person replying to them, that would be a, another form of connection. It would be exciting to them that, Oh my God, this person that has this many followers actually commented on my comment and liked it. Right. And I think that's a whole nother can of worms when it comes to the acceptance factor, the approval factor, the I'm enough factor, the self-esteem factor that comes in with that. And that's going to be another episode that I do that not is not necessarily ideal, right? Like this generation of getting into social media and then suddenly they feel like they're not enough. And they need approval of others. That type of thing. I don't think that that's necessarily a good thing all of the time, but in the case that we're talking about here, about someone just sitting and watching a video game, I think that that is part of what plays into it.

Speaker 1 (06:48):

So what do we do? Do we just sit here and let them watch videos all the time because has these factors behind it? And now we understand that I still think that we can set limits just like we do on watching TV. And I think that you could probably consider this, like watching TV, the screen time of watching TV. So again, I would put limits on that as far as like how much they can watch. And then also if they're younger, I would look at who they're listening to making sure like, what they're saying is what you want them to hear. Like, some of them may get a little bit, you know, say like cuss words and stuff like that. So I wouldn't just let them go a free for all and be like, Oh, okay. It's like watching TV, so I'll let them do it.

Speaker 1 (07:28):

I think it still requires you to kind of being the filter and approving what it is that they can watch and listen to. And of course, a younger kiddo, I would limit that time much, much smaller, you know, not allow them to do it as much and also be very much into figuring out what they are listening to because not all of them are G-rated right. So I hope that this is helpful for you in kind of calming some of the frustration around this phenomenon of watching other people play games. It helps me to make sense of it a little bit when I put myself into their shoes and try to figure it out from that standpoint. And so I do believe that these are the factors that have them interested in it. And if we can come from a place of understanding and acceptance, then it's certainly going to help our kids to be like stronger and built up versus us just breaking them down by criticizing them for having this desire to sit and watch video games. And I know a lot of parents will typically just sit and criticize and be like, I don't get it. It's so stupid. Why are you doing that all the time? But I think if we can come from the standpoint of trying to understand it in this respect, then it goes a long way to help our kids grow up, to be confident and strong and believe in themselves and all of those things. Okay. So I hope you found this helpful and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (08:48):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (09:02):

Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

Episode 44: Did the kids get new tech for Christmas? If so, check this out!

Did your kiddo get a new digital device or gaming console for Christmas? A new game? Here are a few of my top tips that I wish someone had shared with me!

 

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com or email me at dolly@dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Connect with me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/dollydenson or https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So Christmas has come and gone. The gifts are unwrapped. Everything is out and the kids are excited and having fun with their new toys and new things. Right? Well, if one of those gifts happened to be some form of new tack, a phone, a gaming console, a new game. This episode is going to give you a few tips moving forward. So that that form of tech that they are interacting with is a positive experience going forward. Stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:31):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson

Speaker 1 (00:55):

Friends. Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Alrighty. So on the one hand, it is crazy to think that we are already in the last week of 2020. If you listen to this, when it is first published, on the other hand, it is like it's been the longest year of our lives, right?

Speaker 1 (01:45):

I cannot believe all that we have gone through this year. It's just crazy, but today's episode. I just want to talk about a few things that looking back on when I introduced my kids to all of the digital things, I wish I would have known simple things that you can do today and do moving forward to help your kid have a positive trajectory when it comes to using that gaming console or whatever the digital thing is that you gave your kid. If you listen to my other episodes, if you've been following my podcast, some of this may be repeat, but it's just good to reiterate a few key things that I think were pivotal decisions for my family when it came to these things. So I was like scrolling through my social media on Christmas day and looking at all of my friends posting about their kids and the things that they got.

Speaker 1 (02:40):

And it was just made me shutter almost when I would see the pictures and the videos of kids opening up the digital things. And personally, I don't think that these things are innately bad, but we have to set up the boundaries and the guidance that our kids need with these things. And it is my belief that they absolutely need guidance. And it is just not something that they can navigate on their own. Just like we wouldn't throw them into a swimming pool. Like if you've listened to my podcast for any length of time, you've heard me use that analogy that we give our kids floaties and lessons to swim. And it's the same thing when it comes to the digital things and access to the digital world. There's so much information out there that they literally drown in it. If we do not provide floaties and guidance, as they enter that, you know, see or pool of information, curiosity will get the best of them.

Speaker 1 (03:42):

You know, it's just the nature of, I don't want to say the beast, but the beast in the sense that it's meant to be addicting, it's meant to draw them in. It's meant to take them down rabbit holes. And then there's the aspect of the people coming that can access them in many different forms. You know, all of the things so definitely need to provide guidance. Now, as a side note, I just want to tell you about something that happened with me on one social media platform that I have joined. I joined a group that was focused on like screen activity and kids and families with screens. And I posted in there about one of my podcast episodes that I recently published. And I got a message from one of the admins asking me what my stance was on screens said that they had looked through my website and, you know, looked at my podcast and they couldn't see what my stance was related to screens.

Speaker 1 (04:37):

And I kind of thought it was the oddest question because do I have to have like a statement of what my view is on screens? And I think the, just of that question was, do you believe that people should have access to screens that kids should have access to screens? And there's actually this movement out there of like a screen free family. And I get the point of that in the sense that when you get to a point of addiction and, you know, without any monitoring or guidance, some kids, some families do have to take a detox from all of the things. But personally, I use, you know, I have a tablet that I have to use for work. I work remotely for my job as a nurse practitioner, I traveled to people's homes to visit them and I come back home. So I use a screen, I run my business through a screen.

Speaker 1 (05:26):

It's just like, I don't see that we can do this complete disconnect. It's not realistic for me because even my husband runs his business virtually as well. So screens are a part of our lives. So yes, I think there are moments that it is good to detox from everything disconnect, you know, reconnect with each other, those types of things. But I don't think it's a realistic stance going forward. And as we let our kids grow up and move out into the world, we don't want them to have that addiction to the screens. We want to have a separate, you know, identity that is not formed from that screen. But realistically, I don't think that we can be screen-free completely all the time. It just doesn't work. Especially in these COVID times that we're in right now. And we have to connect virtually in order to do our jobs and, you know, work out and all of the different things.

Speaker 1 (06:18):

So I just thought it was kind of an odd question, but the ultimate result of me letting her know my stance, which seems crazy to even have to share that my post was not allowed to post into that group. So I guess I just don't belong in that group that is trying to help guide people safely with screens, but it is what it is. You know, we all have to take a stance somewhere. And my stance is just that there are moments where we need to detox and be free of screens. And I certainly recommend that even if it's just a day or a weekend, but ultimately realistically, we cannot move forward into the world without screens. It just is not realistic. So I don't know if you wanted to know that information, but that is where I stand and I'm sticking to it. Okay.

Speaker 1 (07:03):

So let's talk a little bit about what you do if you just introduced your kiddo to some form of tech, if it was an Xbox, some form of gaming console, other than an X-Box, if it's a handheld device fit is a phone, okay. If you have gotten your kid, a gab phone or a pinwheel phone, kudos to you for introducing them to that, because you have saved yourself some time, but there are still things that you need to focus on and, you know, put some boundaries around. So the first thing that I want to say is location, location, location. It is not just buying real estate where that is important. It is so very important to have boundaries in place for where that console or device is used or lids. Okay. Now let me take you back. A couple of years, we bought our youngest and X-Box, and prior to that games were being played on our desktop computer and our computer room.

Speaker 1 (08:00):

And honestly, we were kind of like annoyed with the constant chatter and getting excited, playing the game and talking to friends. And so when we bought that X-Box we were excited to move it into this kiddos bedroom. It was like an intentional decision. You could have some privacy, you could play as games. And we wouldn't listen to his chatter all day long. I feel ashamed to say that now, because what happened was that was a pivotal decision that I wish I could go back on. So very bad other than not buying the X-Box at all. But here's the thing. When you put a device or allow a device into the bedroom, what happens is a couple of things. If it's a gaming console, the games themselves are addicting and draw them in and make it to where they kind of lose track of time. And they end up spending a ton more time doing that, then other things.

Speaker 1 (08:54):

And so they are in their rooms, isolated with the door closed. It just creates this feeling of being separate and isolated from the family. Those feelings may be misunderstood because they don't really know how to embrace that feeling. And it may kind of morph into affecting their self-esteem and their communication with the rest of the family, all of those types of things. The other thing is that you've opened up a little can of worms by allowing them to number one, access that at any time you don't have control over it. There are ways that you can set limits on it, but it's still hard to monitor it when it is in their bedroom. Number two, it is tempting. It draws them in to where they want to get up at night and they want to play the game. They want to get access to their friends, you know, that type of thing.

Speaker 1 (09:42):

And then number three, it opens the portal for predators and people with bad intentions for our kids to access them without you knowing it. If you listen to my episode about rooming and bullying, one of the things that a lot of these predators do, the one of the first things they do is ask where are you at? Are your parents in the room with you? And so when they are in a bedroom, it is more likely for things to happen that we don't want to happen. Okay. So location, location, location, if it is a phone, I would still put limits on where it can be used. I do allow my older kids to have their phones and they now self- regulate, I haven't provided the best guidance for them. That kind of slipped through my fingers until we got to the third kiddo. But our rules for the third one is that the device stays in the common area of the house and is housed in that area at night.

Speaker 1 (10:38):

It never goes into the bedroom, but the same thing with that, it has the same concerns and impact as the gaming console will, when it is put in or allowed in to the bedroom. I don't know that. I mean, you could say they can use it during the day in their bedroom, but again, it creates isolation. It's where they sit in their room and don't come out. And I will say that the decision for us to put the gaming console in the bedroom, that it eventually became a thing where before we had all this chatter and could hear all the things going on, and then it became to where we never were spoken to. And, you know, there's just this just a separation. Okay. Now we have an Xbox that is a family. X-Box we no longer own the one that we bought and put in the bedroom and that family X-Box stays on the living room TV.

Speaker 1 (11:26):

And it really is not something that is played regularly unless they have friends over or my best friend's kids are here and they all play together. It is an active, fun activity for them to play together on that. We mostly only do games on there that are active, you know, like on the, we, we have a we as well. So they, you know, play active things where they're up and jumping around, you know, playing some sports games, something like that on that family owned gaming console. So if you bought your kiddo a gaming console to put in their bedroom, I would rethink that. Like, I highly urge you to rethink that. And at this point, make the change. Now they play it in a central area and that way, you know, what's going on. And it also keeps that connection between y'all and, you know, you can set up boundaries easier that way and avoid the addictive tendencies that are so very much what I want to say.

Speaker 1 (12:23):

Like easier to go down the rabbit hole of if it's in a bedroom. Okay. So location, location, location, I cannot stress this one enough. It is vital that you set down rules and boundaries around where this thing is allowed to be consumed and used. Okay. The second thing that I want to emphasize is time, the amount of time that is allowed on that device. I know it's hard to do when you've given them a phone or this console, and you want them to just have fun, or maybe you rationalize it by, well, you know, we're in these COVID times. And so they don't get to see their friends as much, and this is their way to reach their friends, you know? Okay. So I get that and I've done that, but they still need time limits. If it is a gaming console and they're playing games, they absolutely need time limits because the games are set up to draw them in to make them addicted.

Speaker 1 (13:17):

And it gives them if you've listened to some of my episodes, I talked about this a few episodes back. It is meant to draw them in and like have addictive properties to it so that they continue to do it. And they get like a high dopamine reward without much work. So what that does over time is it desensitize their brain for the dopamine. And so they need to play more and more and more to get that same effect they have compared the effect of gaming as using drugs. No joke. They've done studies about it and said, it lights up the parts of the brain that are lit up with using drugs. So it is very powerful, very addicting. Now this does not mean that you have to box that up and return it, return it to wherever you bought it. But what this means is it is recommended to limit the time specifically for gaming things to a certain amount of time that is balanced by a low dopamine activity.

Speaker 1 (14:14):

So a low dopamine activity would be something that doesn't give you instant rewards, such as like baking a cake, you know, making cupcakes, doing some sort of craft, drawing, doing some form of manipulative thing in their hands, like a Rubik's cube or caboodle game. Those are two things that I bought my kids for Christmas. The caboodle games are a big hit. And then the Rubik's cubes, too. There's all kinds of Rubik's cubes. We probably will never get the Rubik's cube solved. I still have one from when I was a kid that I never solved, but it gives the kids something to do. I have them on the living room, coffee table, and they grab it and mess with it while they're on the couch, instead of, you know, sitting there with a phone. So you want to balance it out from the high dopamine and the low dopamine activity.

Speaker 1 (14:57):

So what that looks like for a younger kid would be like 30 minutes on 30 minutes off for an older kid, maybe an hour on and an hour off. It is so easy to let this slide because you're busy. You have other things to do. They're going to have a tendency to push back on that, but I highly recommend you find some way to be strict with that set a timer, you know, make it clear to them that you will not have any play time. If you don't stay with these limits, you know, we're going to set this up. It's important to me because I care about you and your health. I want you to play this game and have fun, but you also need to do something off of it. You know, have an open communication. It's not just about, mom wants to be mean, mom wants to set down the limits.

Speaker 1 (15:42):

Mom cares about you. And mom knows that this is something that can be a wonderful thing to connect with friends, to do new things. I know all your friends are doing it, so I want you to do it, but we're going to set down these limits and that's just the way it is for now. Okay. So when it comes to phones, if you bought a pinwheel phone, you have a leg up on this because on the pinwheel phone, you can set up modes to where there is a certain time where they can do certain things. And the way the pinwheel phone is set up, it is just made to where it doesn't have as much of a draw to spend a ton of time on it. The, and you know, like any of the apps that are allowed to be on the pinwheel phone have basically been evaluated by this group of therapists and, you know, people that are looking at how these apps interact with kids' minds, so that it is not like with a regular phone, it's not drawing them in just like mindless activity.

Speaker 1 (16:39):

Everything on the pinwheel phone has a purpose behind it. And it's designed to make it a tool, not so much a form of addiction. So if you got a pinwheel phone, you can set that up with modes, but I still recommend, I mean, you can make it to where it won't do a thing at certain times of the day or night, but I still recommend you take that phone at night. And that will be my third tip is whatever you have. It needs to be shut down and taken away at night. If you find that your kids are breaking these guidelines or rules that you are setting up, then that's the time where you need to pull back on allowing those things and make sure that they know that these are rules that are not going to be broken, or they lose their time on those things.

Speaker 1 (17:22):

That it's a privilege, not a right to use the things. And if they cannot monitor and control what they're doing and abide by the rules that you have set in place for their own wellbeing, then it's time to pull back on those things a little bit. That would be the time for them to have some screen-free time to break that addiction and to detox. And I know if you haven't experienced that, you're probably like what, like my kid wouldn't do that. I've raised them, you know, blah, blah, blah, trust me. I said the same things, but it's just a nature of these technology things. They are made to draw the kids in. And it's not a character flaw of your kiddo. It is not something that you have not done. It is simply the way these things are set up. And that's why you need to have these things in place to help them.

Speaker 1 (18:06):

So I would take their devices at night. If you find that, you know, they're getting up in the middle of the night and your rule is to not play the X-Box that here they are in the middle of the night, then you need to take the cord or you need to cut the Wi-Fi, you know, whatever it takes, you need to take the game away because the rules need to be followed or the stuff needs to be taken away. Okay. Okay. So the next tip that I want to tell you is just to be aware of the settings, if you're giving them any games or things that they are using, be aware of the settings and set up privacy modes and know if, if they can reach other people through those things, know who they're talking to have a conversation with them about not speaking with people.

Speaker 1 (18:44):

They do not know in person do not have anything set up on there to where it has their location, like a GPS thing, and do not give out personal information to anyone. You know, if you do not know them in real life, then you do not give out information. So I would be aware of what the settings are on, whatever you're giving them, the app, the phone, the gaming console, whatever, and set it up. Privacy mode. Don't allow there to be a location, those types of things. And then the last tip that I want to tell you is it's exhausting to keep up with all of these things, right? It's exhausting. And you're probably, if you're new to this and you've just started listening to my podcast, or you've just given this first thing and you found my podcast somehow, you're probably like, Holy cow, I want to take this back.

Speaker 1 (19:28):

Let me just take this back to the store. I don't have time for this. There is hope I promise you. There is hope. There are a couple of things that are like a mothers dream, a mother's gift and things that I wish I would have had when I first started down this path. When my kids were like middle school age, and a couple of those things I highly, highly recommend. One is bark. Bark is a parental control system that you install on your kid's phone. If you've given them a smartphone and it will monitor conversations, you can also put bark on the pinwheel phone. As of now, the gab phone doesn't have the capability, but the pin will phone. You can install bark. And if you're, you know, thinking well with the pinwheel phone, it has the modes and all of the things and all the apps can't communicate out to other people.

Speaker 1 (20:12):

So why would I need bark? But it's important if they can reach anybody, which means through text that you have some form of monitoring. And if you are not someone that has experienced walking this path, yet you may be saying, I don't want to monitor my kid. They'll tell me what's going on. I trust them, just trust me as a mother that is sitting on the other side of this, that you need something monitoring them. It's not just like it monitors their activity. It monitors what they search. It monitors websites that they try to access. But it also monitors conversations and bark has been known to help parents be aware of their kid with suicidal talk or different talk of violence, like mass shootings at schools. It is just amazing. If you look at their website, barked at us, they have their statistics. They have information on there, but it is amazing.

Speaker 1 (21:06):

The things that they have been able to detect and alert parents about or authorities about, and, you know, intervene to the sense that they can, you know, redirect that information, that conversation, that kiddo, whatever. So if you've got a smartphone or a pinwheel phone, highly, highly, highly recommend you get bark, they do have a seven day free trial. And if you use my code, be that mom altogether, be that mom or use the link in my show notes that will give you 20% off of the subscription for life. So as long as you have bark, you'll get 20% off. They have monthly plans, which are really, really affordable, and they have the annual plan, which saves you a little bit more money. But if you use my code, be that mom get you 20% off. And they do have a seven day free trial. When you sign up for that, make sure you look at their emails that they send with help on setting it up.

Speaker 1 (21:56):

And I promise you, it is the best thing out there overall in how it monitors and its ability to do all of the things compared to other companies, other things out there, it just simply is the best they have the best customer service. And if you have any trouble with setting it up, do not hesitate in contacting their tech team. And they will even get on a zoom call with you and help walk you through the information. And all of the things, one thing related to that is if you got your kid, an Apple device, Apple in and of itself is harder to monitor than an Android phone on one end. That is a good thing in the sense that Apple creates more privacy, more security around what you have on your phone and what you're doing on your phone. But when it comes to a Apple phone, being in the hands of your kids, it makes it harder to monitor and especially a few specific social media apps like Snapchat and Tik TOK, but that's a whole nother can of worms and not something I recommend you take lightly, but we can chat about that another time.

Speaker 1 (22:54):

But bottom line is bark is the best service out there. If you are having trouble monitoring your kids, Apple phone, it is not barks shortcomings. It is the limitations that Apple puts out. And so if you know, you get to a point to where you were having serious issues with your kid and an Apple phone, then maybe it's time to take that phone back. Maybe it's time to give them a pinwheel phone or an Android phone or no phone at all. Okay. But big picture bark is the best thing out there as far as helping you to monitor. Now, I think I might've skipped a little bit ahead with that conversation, but it's so very crucial for you to have some way to monitor and help you out. Even if you are someone who has all the time in the world, there is stuff that's going to be missed.

Speaker 1 (23:35):

Kids delete things and, you know, try to hide things. And it's just the nature of kids with curiosity and all of the things. So the other thing is just to open communication with them about all of this and make sure that they can talk to you of course, but I still would put some type of monitoring thing on them. The next level of monitoring that I highly recommend, well, there's two of them. One is whatever device you have putting screen-time controls on there. If it's an Android device, it's through Google family link. If it is an Apple device, use the screen time controls from your Apple device to control their phone, you can set up to where they can't use it. During certain times they can't add contacts or they can, they can't add apps or they can purchases in apps, all of the things.

Speaker 1 (24:17):

So there's a ton at your fingertips, just in the phone, you know, with the phone, but then add bark on it. That gives you another layer. And then the last thing related to that is using something like bark home using like you're at your wife eye level using either a router that has parental controls. There are several out there, or if you're not techie and that makes your mind go, Ooh, a little bit. When you think about trying to figure out the router thing, bark home is a great alternative to that. It basically hooks up to your router and provides like a filter and it will monitor all devices that are on your home wifi at a high level. And then you can set it up to where it monitors specific devices at a closer level, including gaming, consoles, laptops, Roku devices, the phones, all of the things you set it up.

Speaker 1 (25:08):

You, you know, you find that device that connects to your wifi and then you name it. And then you can go in and set up limits for that device. As far as like, when it can be used, what websites it can access those types of things. And when I say it monitors all the devices at a high level, it basically blocks the most explicit of explicit sites for all devices in your house. And then you can set it up for more specific things. If there's a certain device that you want shut down at a certain time. So it basically blocks access to the wifi, you know, all of those things. So I do have an episode that is specific for bark home. So if you scroll back through my episodes, I'm not sure which episode exactly that it is, but I have one about Bart home.

Speaker 1 (25:49):

I have one about Bart. I have one about the pinwheel phone. I have one about the gab phone. There's tons of information, my podcasts. So scroll back and listen to those things if you need that. But those are the things that I would look at as you move forward with this device, gaming console, whatever it is that your gave your kid for Christmas, this does not have to be a negative thing. It does not have to be a huge chore. I always say that what this is is in order to introduce your kid to the digital world and all of the things, it takes a village. And so I hope that I am part of your village. I hope that you use the tools such as bark and bark home for your village, and then you, the communication between your kiddo and you as part of your village use the rules and the boundaries is that you're setting up as part of your village.

Speaker 1 (26:34):

You need to, I have all of these different layers to your village to help you with this. It does not have to be a negative thing, but it absolutely needs to be a place of, for your kiddo. Okay? So I can't believe this episode is as long as it is. Cause usually my episodes are shorter, but I hope that you found this helpful. If you do not have bark, use my code@bark.us, or use the link in my show notes to get a 20% off your subscription. Plus a seven day free trial. My code is be that mom, if you need a pinwheel phone, my code is B that mom 10 and all spelled out. I also have a code for gab wireless. It's be that mom. So, and then I can put a link for bark home, which you can buy on Amazon in the show notes as well.

Speaker 1 (27:14):

So there are tons of tools out there. And this is kind of like, like I've said in another episode, this is like a dance that you kind of have to do when it comes to all of the tech and digital things. You have to kind of see how your kid interacts. You don't know how your kid is going to interact. I personally don't think that you can know ahead of time if your kid is ready. I think there are certain things that you can look at to see if they're ready, you know, based on age and all of that. But it has to be something that when you introduce it, that you set up time limits and you set up location limits, and then, you know, you move forward in a proactive way for your kiddo. Okay? And like I've said many times before the be that mom movement is about you being a proactive mom on this roller coaster of life. As we raise kids in the digital age, we are the first generation of parents to do it. And we are going to knock this thing out of the ballpark as long as we stick together. And we be that mom's strong. Okay. So you have a fabulous day and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (28:14):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (28:28):

Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

Episode 43: The Zigazoo App: The Tik Tok for kids with an educational twist!

The new Zigazoo app is the new Tik Tok for kids!! Sneak in a bit of education & help your kids connect with friends without safety & screen time concerns.

 

For more info on the scavenger hunts I mention, check it out at THIS LINK! 

 

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

 

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

It is the thing that drives the kiddo in your life to say, Oh my God, I need this right now. Is it alive in your house? Alive and well, the thing I'm talking about is called FOMO F O M O fear of missing out it's so, so huge with our kids right now, especially if they have friends who are allowed to do more than they are when it comes to having a device phone, all the different things. So today we are going to talk about one way that you can fight back against FOMO when it comes to one of the most popular apps out there that so, so, so many parents are allowing their kids to have at very young ages without realizing the risk. So stay

Speaker 2 (00:47):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable, real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson. Okay. So I have to tell you that

Speaker 1 (01:14):

Most didn't record this episode today because it is the week of Christmas. If you're listening to this in real time, maybe you'll hear it before Christmas, maybe not, but you know, the good old closet that I record in, well, the closet has become a Christmas present storage facility. And I had presents piled up on my little chair and desk and everything else that I have set up in my little makeshift recording studio in here. And so I came in here and I was like, Oh my God, it's just like crazy. So I cleared a path and I cleared off my desk and I'm sitting here in my cozy little closet, again, recording this episode. But what I wanted to share with you today is something that I think that you might really be interested in. If you have a younger kiddos, maybe you have an older child that who's has already been introduced to the phone thing.

Speaker 1 (02:04):

And then you have this younger one that is watching things going on and wants so badly to have these things that their older sibling has, or maybe your kiddo has friends who have been given a phone because their parents don't know all the risks and all of the things, totally no judgment there because I was one of those parents. And if I could only go back, but it is such a strong thing, the fear of missing out and what it entails when it comes to our kids, feeling like they are missing out with all the digital things. But before we get to that, let me just say, if you didn't already check it out, check out what I mentioned. And I believe my last episode about a virtual scavenger hunt that your family can do in your hometown. They actually have multiple different settings where you can purchase this scavenger hunt and go out into the real world and find different things that they have highlighted in the scavenger hunt.

Speaker 1 (03:01):

I'll put the link in the show notes. I shared about it, I believe in my last episode, but it's a great way for you to do something with your family that is off of screens and off of all of the scenes up and active and out in the world and getting vitamin D from the sun and just spending quality face-to-face in side-by-side time together doing something that will create memories and all of the things. So check out the link in my show notes. It is a great, great, great option for an extra little gift for Christmas or birthdays or whatever. Okay. So check it out. Okay. So the thing that I want to talk about today is an app that you can consider using. And this is always, you should always use these in conjunction with your kids. Don't just let your kids have access to it without exploring it yourself and making sure it is okay in your mind, in your eyes and with your values and all of the things to let your kid have access to. But this app is something that is kind of like a, a safer tick talk app. I had to make sure that came out right, because I've talked about the tick talk watch, and then the tick talk app. And it's all kind of spinning in my head. And I apparently can't speak well with those particular words. But this app is called the Zig Azu Zig Azu app, Z I G a Z O O. It is an app that is set up very much like tech talk, but is geared toward younger kids.

Speaker 3 (04:27):

It is an app that is supposed to be more educational and to do less of like the algorithm. Let me just show you things and, you know, just having anybody and everybody accessible to our kids and vice versa, it is actually created by a group of parents in the U S and teachers as well that want to give families and educators tools that they need to make screen time like smarter, safer, and more social without it like being a police that controls them or a police where it determines their, you know, their thoughts and their life and what they think of themselves, all of the things around self-esteem and things like that. So the app is set up to where you can have like a private channel that is for your family or for a classroom, if you're a teacher, and then it is set up to where you can subscribe to different channels that can be educational.

Speaker 3 (05:28):

Like there's some channels that are a zoo that puts out information, or has a video about a certain animal and education about that. And then ask a question and your kid can video themselves answering that question and post it to that channel in to that question. So it's a way for them to kind of interact in an educational way and it not just be like, you know, mindlessly scrolling and also them not being shown things based on how they interact, because we know that that is like a, what do I want to say? A rabbit hole that we all go down when we're on social media, you know, where all of a sudden we are scrolling along and we see something and then it takes us to something else and something else. And before we know it, we don't even know why we got on the app, you know, or we don't know why we get on the app.

 

Speaker 3 (06:15):

It's like pointless scrolling just to see what's going on in the world. But this is a way for them to interact with this app in an educational way that, you know, doesn't control them so much. Now I will say that looking at it, I wish there were more settings for safety and privacy and things like that because I get on and I can look at a channel and I can see all of the kids that have posted videos. I don't know that there's any like innate danger to that. There's no GPS tracking or anything like that with the app that I can tell. But at the same time, I would feel better if my kid was interacting and it would be a private video, but I don't know if that is necessarily something that can be set up with the nature of the app. But I really like how you can set up classrooms.

Speaker 3 (06:59):

You can set up like family pods and things like that, so that you are more in control of what they are doing, what they're posting, what they're consuming. And then also that there are educational things on here. Like I'm just looking at the different educational channels that they have right now. They have the Philadelphia zoo, the center of science and industry, the tech interactive museum, Glazer children's museum, the American Federation of teachers, the Phoenix zoo lit world, the Grammy nominated alphabet rockers, the Grammy nominated Brady Reimer, and then sweet farm and beings in pot. So the different channel options. So it's really kind of a cool app that you might want to consider as something that your kiddo can use a younger kiddo and use it on your phone. You know, not like I'm not suggesting, like get them their own phone and put this app on there.

Speaker 3 (07:51):

Of course, if it's geared toward younger kiddos would be something that they would use on your phone or your tablet or something to that effect, but it's smarter screen time activity and gives them something to do. That's similar to all those social media stuff, but much less risky and dangerous and impactful in, you know, all of the things. So highly, highly recommend you check it out and connect with me. If you have any questions, suggestions, any of your own insight on this app, if you've already used it, or you're a teacher I'd love to hear from you on that. Of course, I love feedback for anything and am looking for new ways to share information on this podcast. So always open to suggestions, but if you need support in this area, connect with me on social media, connect with me in my email, dolly@dollydenson.com, keep listening to the podcast.

Speaker 3 (08:43):

And if you're able to support the podcast by any of the sponsored information that I share with a scavenger hunt, with the pinwheel phone, with bark, all of those things help me to keep producing this information and being able to come to you with it. In addition to all the other things I have going on in my life, but highly, highly appreciate your support and love your feedback. I would love to see you in my, be that mom community. I have one currently on Facebook. I don't know how things are going to go in the next couple of months with that, but it is a large community on there. We're there to support moms in this whole path of raising kids in the digital age. And then I also have a channel on telegram. If you would like to subscribe to that. Telegram is a messenger app, similar to Facebook messenger, but it's not connected to any social media, what you do on there.

Speaker 3 (09:31):

Isn't tracked, you know, like on Facebook messenger, if you converse with a certain person, then when you go to Facebook, you will see their posts more. And if you talk about certain things and suddenly you'll see ads on Facebook related to those things. So telegram is just another way to get information without it being tracked through one of these large social media platforms. So I have made a channel on there. I don't have very many followers right now, but if I do get followers on there, I will be sharing more information on a regular basis, just like I do on my social media platforms. Okay. So hope this was helpful. And please let me know if you use this app and how your kids like it. If there's any pros or cons that I didn't mention, I'd love to hear from you. I can share it in a future episode. If it's something that you think needs to be shared and added to what I have shared here, okay. Hope you have a Merry Merry Christmas. If you were listening to this before Christmas gets to us, I hope that you have joyous and restful holiday season and that you find some peace and joy in this time of the year with your family and the things that matter most in your life. Okay. Thanks so much. Chat with you next.

Speaker 2 (10:41):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Episode 42: Here are a few non-tech options for gifts to give your kids!

Tech is all the rage, but sometimes a non-digital or non-tech related gift is nice to give. Here are a few ideas to help you find that perfect gift! 

For more info on the scavenger hunts I mention, check it out at THIS LINK! (I didn't mention it in the episode but was able to get them to provide an affiliate link to better connect you with their options, at no extra cost to you!)

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So continuing on the theme of Christmas and getting ready for that today, we are going to talk about things. We can get our kids other than tech, Holy cow, what a concept stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:16):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable, real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson. Okay.

Speaker 1 (00:40):

I know about you, but my kids have kind of gone through phases of wanting like all the digital things. And that's like all that we get for Christmas. And this year, I don't know if it's the effects of this whole virus and being at home more or what it is, but their interests are not tech related this year, which is kind of exciting to me, not that tech and the digital things are all bad, but I think if we're not careful, our kids kind of miss out on real life things going on. If all they're doing is sitting, staring at a screen or engaged in a game, I'm not saying that I'm totally against those things, but I think that, you know, if we don't allow our kids to be bored, if we don't allow our kids to have like self discovery and you know, hands-on things interactions in the real world with real people, I think that there is something that's lost there.

Speaker 1 (01:30):

And so I personally have been trying to encourage more real life experiences and things such as that rather than always talking about, you know, something digitally related. Of course, my kids now are older teens and one is in her early twenties. And so your kids may be younger and you're still in that phase of wanting all the games and digital things. But I wanted to give you a few ideas of a few really cool things that I came across when I was looking at some other things that other ideas of things that we could give our kid other than the traditional things. Okay. So let's talk about those. I have three specific things that I wanted to just share with you, for you to think about that you might consider as an alternative. So the first one is a really cool thing. If you go to scavenger hunt.com, it takes you to a website called lets rome.com.

Speaker 1 (02:23):

And it was really cool. They have these scavenger hunts set up that you can purchase tickets for them and you are doing it either at home. They have ones where you're at home and you're doing a scavenger hunt in your home, or they have ones where you actually go out in, you know, if you're in a major city or a city, they have cities all over the U S and I believe it's, their website says the UK Australia, a couple of other countries where you say where you're at, and then you get like logged in and they have a scavenger hunt specific for your city. How cool is that? So you could be outdoors in the city, socially distancing if you're doing that. And, you know, having this scavenger hunt where it's just you and your immediate family, the ones that are indoors, they have some options where you can set up and connect with other parts of your family.

Speaker 1 (03:12):

And it's kind of like a zoom, like thing that you're on to where you do these scavenger hunts together and parts of it. It's like where you call certain people in different things. So it's not real specific on their website. I haven't actually done them myself, but the reviews on them are good. And it sounds like it's really fun. So they have scavenger hunts where you, besides the in-home ones and outdoor ones, they have another one called a ghost hunt and a bar hunt and a zoo hunt. So I imagine those are, you know, maybe at your local zoo, I don't know what the bar is. Surely they're not going to have used a hunt for bars, drinking bars, and then the ghost hunt. I think like some of those might be something related to where, you know, in your city they're said to be ghosts or something like that.

Speaker 1 (03:54):

So I think I say that phrase, something like that a lot. I've noticed that. So if that's annoying to you, I'm sorry. I'm trying not to say it as much. It's funny when you're on a podcast and your voice is out there, you notice a lot of things that you, little nuances of things that you say that you wouldn't otherwise notice. Cause you don't listen to yourself as much. Like when I play it back, I'm like, why do I always see that? And I've even gotten to where, when I say, um, which most of the time, most of those are edited out. So you don't even hear them, but I can recognize them on the wave form on this podcast, on the recording app that I use and the recording program, I can recognize when I say by the wave form. Is that not sad?

Speaker 1 (04:35):

Aren't you glad I save you from listening to all those ums. So anyways, the next example of things that you might want to consider as a non-tech thing would be subscriptions. They have subscriptions for different things that could be like self discovery, things like kits, like real life, manipulative kits of different things, depending on the age of your kid would determine what kind you're interested in. I don't have any specific websites to refer you to. I do have one that I may drop in the show notes if I can find it, but basically just search for them. For my husband. Recently, he had his birthday, he likes to drink beer. He likes to brew beer. And so I bought him a brew makers subscription. So it's this, what are they called? Beer places, not winery, but I can't think of it. What is it? A distillery?

Speaker 1 (05:22):

I'm not sure. Maybe that's for alcohol in general brewery brewery. Can you tell, I have problems with some of my words, forming words with my mouth, a brewery. So I ordered that and he gets a kit every month and it's seasonally appropriate. So it'll be like something that's more for winter during the winter months. And I can cancel it at any time, but it's really cool because it comes with everything that he needs. He already has like the equipment he just needs, like the recipe and the different ingredients. So that's been really cool during the summer time, or I think it was around mother's. I ordered a subscription for my mom and my mom. That was, I wasn't seeing my mother-in-law, but I ended up not ordering her one. I ordered my mom one that was like a dessert a month. So she got like a new dessert shipped to her every month and they were really good.

Speaker 1 (06:11):

She really enjoyed it. She thought that was such a great gift. And it wasn't like just a one-time I selected three months. And then I was able to give that to her for mother's day, but she got it for three months in a row. So that was kind of cool, but they make these four kids depending on what their interests are. So I would do a search look for some subscription, you know, I would try to make sure that it's not one that you like have to buy, like these multiple ones in case you get it. And you don't like it that, you know, it has an option where you could cancel at any time or cancel after a certain number of subscription boxes or whatever, but that would be another option for you to do so it's something they can look forward to and something that they're actually doing in real life with their hands, with, you know, boredom discovery, all of those things manipulatives in their hands.

Speaker 1 (06:55):

So that's the second option. And then the last one that I wanted to say was just experiences something where you're actually like out in the world doing something. And I guess scavenger hunts kind of fall into that too. But I'm thinking more along the lines of, you know, just creating something that y'all do together. Last Christmas, we bought all the kids tickets to I fly. I don't know if you have that, where you're at, but it's basically like indoor skydiving. And so our plan was to do that in March or April. And that's when all of this pandemic stuff came down. And so we ended up not doing it and we still have not done it because we bought tickets for all of us, including my daughter's boyfriend, including my other. Daughter's a couple of her friends. So it's a huge coordination for us to all get together, but I've spoken with I fly and they said, our tickets are still good.

Speaker 1 (07:47):

We've just been kind of trying to ride out and see what happens with this virus. But that was something we were excited about last Christmas. It was going to be something that we did in person that we made memories doing. So that's another thing to think about is to just think about some type of experience in general, and it doesn't even have to cost money. You know, like if you have a place that you like to go hiking, you can say we're all going to go hiking at this certain day and time or something to that effect. So I would just think along those terms of something kind of think outside the box. I think that for me personally, I feel like Christmas has gotten very commercialized and sometimes we kind of lose focus of the point of the season. And so I've tried to pull back this year from spending as much money and also trying to purchase from the smaller businesses and people that may be hurting during this time.

Speaker 1 (08:34):

So I've been buying stuff off Etsy and, you know, just kind of thinking outside the box of things and not just buying from the big, huge stores that are already getting all of our business, but looking at the smaller places that, you know, trained to stay alive with what they're doing. And I sometimes think that those types of gifts that are more handmade that are more thought out that they're going to be more meaningful longterm. At least they are for when someone gives me something like that, versus just like a gift card. Not that a gift card, can't be thoughtful because if you think about something that, you know, someone likes a gift card can be thoughtful. Not saying that at all, but basically I think tech is okay in giving them digital things. But if you're looking for something outside of the box, something different to give them, I think these are some great options to think about. I hope that you'll check them out and I will put in the show notes, the links for the ones that I have. So you can check those out. So hope this was helpful. Hope you have a happy holiday season and I will chat with you next.

Speaker 2 (09:29):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Episode 41: How to know if your kid is ready for a phone!

The time is here and you are thinking about getting your kid a phone! Is your kid ready? What should you look for and how will you know? Is this a question you are asking right now? 

Listen in for a few tips on how to know and on a better question to ask as you make this impactful decision. 

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Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

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Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

All right. So to continue on the theme of what we talked about in the last episode, we are going to talk about stuff around tech and Christmas. And if you're still thinking about what in the world do I get my kid and you want to know, are they ready for their own device? How to know they're ready and what things should you be looking for in order to make that decision? That's what we're going to talk about

Speaker 2 (00:22):

Today. So stay tuned, welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable, real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson. Okay. So I think I might have missed

Speaker 1 (00:51):

Mentioned this in my last episode, but I have observed different moms talking about whether or not they should get their kid a smartphone. And there's been several threads that are quite eyeopening where someone will say, Hey, I'm considering getting my kid a smartphone. And I just want to know from all of y'all that have had one, or given your kid one, what is your biggest regret around that? Or how would you change it? And, Oh my God, it is overwhelmingly the consensus for most that they wished they wouldn't have got it at the age that they did, or they wish they would've known to put more controls on it, monitor more, communicate more about it. Pretty much the consensus among all of them was that it had more of an impact than they anticipated. And they wish it could go back in time and change that decision.

Speaker 1 (01:38):

Absolutely how I feel too. And while my kids are doing wonderful, now, I, like I said, a couple episodes ago, I feel like I made their growing up more difficult because I put that in their hands and I had no idea how to guide them. I didn't guide them. And unfortunately they were the victims of my lack of knowledge around that. And so I want to do this episode about how to know if they're ready for a smartphone or for a phone, and how do you start out with navigating it? So I looked at multiple sources for this different psychologist, different therapists, viewpoints, and just, you know, trained to kind of come together with kind of like common threads of what most people are saying that you should look at before you put a device in your kids' hands. And there's not a huge consensus on all of that, but when I kind of merge it with my own experience, I have to say that I don't think there's any way that you can just say like, they're ready.

Speaker 1 (02:38):

You know, like they're ready to take the floaties off. Let's just take the floaties off and let them swim. I mean, even when we are teaching our kids to swim, right, I've used that analogy multiple times when we're teaching them how to swim. We don't just go from having floaties to no floaties. So I think there's still a breaking in period there. And whether you think that they are, have the maturity, not, you don't know how that is going to impact them and how their decisions will be made when they have the social pressure of social media. If you allow that, and then the addictive tendencies of a screen, along with, you know, the pressure from other kids and what they're doing or what they have their phone for, like, you cannot predict how the trajectory will be for your kiddo until you actually go through the process.

Speaker 1 (03:28):

And so I think the better question to ask is, am I prepared to help guide my kid when I give them this tech, this phone, this digital device? I think that's the better question. And I'm really kind of like talking without any notes here. I'm just talking through kind of what is going through my head and how things could have been different if I had known different a couple of years ago. So I think that's the better question to have is, you know, I'm going to start from a place of, no, maybe they aren't ready, but am I ready to help guide them? Am I ready to do this? And how do I want to do it? So I think that is the beauty of the options available. Now, if your kid is younger, like six to 10, maybe a watch is the best option.

Speaker 1 (04:13):

And like I've mentioned in a few episodes ago, the tick talk watch T I C K T a L K is a very great option to stay connected with your kid. They can even do some things that a smartphone can do, but it also is very, very much restricted and controlled by you. It's not putting the world at their fingertips, but it is giving them a chance to interact with you, stay connected with you, do a little bit of tech stuff, but you know, still kind of have some limits on that whole thing there. Okay. And then a dumb smartphone would be your best option with a phone. I mean, I just don't even see any other option for starting out with a phone because, um, whether you use a gab wireless phone or you use a pinwheel phone, they're both better options than putting a smartphone in their hands.

Speaker 1 (04:57):

Now, if they're, you've already made it to the teenage years, they have not yet had a phone kudos to you. Holy cow, I didn't survive that long. Like I bended, I bent over to the pressure of all the other kids have phones. I want a phone to wanting to give that to them, was my gift. It felt good. I thought it was a wonderful thing that I was doing. So if you've already gotten to the high school years and you haven't yet given a phone at all, then sure. Maybe the smartphone is the best option for you. And maybe you don't want to start with a pinwheel or a gap wireless phone, but I still recommend that you move forward with some very defined rules and boundaries in place, whether you're doing the dumb smartphone or the actual smartphone. Okay. So regardless of which type of phone you start with, there are a few things that I would like lay down as the law, so to speak in your house from the get-go promise that this will help you later down the road, it's much easier to let out the privilege, the ability to use it for longer and have more independence than it is to give all of the independence and then have to reel it back in.

Speaker 1 (06:12):

So what I would start with first is making sure that your kid knows that it is your device. It is something that you own, and it is something that is a privilege. It is something that is not like, you'll see some posts out there right now. If you look for them, they'd say you should not be given tech like a phone or an iPad or something like that as a Christmas present, because it gives the message that it is theirs. So while you can give it as a Christmas present, I think it's just all semantics. You need to lay down what the rules are for its use. And one of those is letting them know that you were in charge of this phone and it is yours. And you can take it back. If you deem that, you know, they're not being responsible with it that, you know, we need to pull back on this decision and reassess.

Speaker 1 (07:01):

So that would be my number one thing that I would make sure you communicate is that regardless of which phone you pick that this is your device and it is a privilege to use it. The second thing I would do is lay down rules for the use in your house. So the things that I would look at is where it can be used when it can be used, how it can be used. I would set up parental controls on it. The screen time features whether it's an Android or a Apple, if it's a smartphone, they both have features on there where you can set up the restrictions on what can be consumed. If apps can be downloaded, all of those things. If you happen to get one of the dumb smartphones, the pinwheel phone has it already set up, it makes it very, very simple for you to be able to control when that phone can be used and what it can be used for.

Speaker 1 (07:48):

You can set up modes to where it is in a certain mode during a certain period of time. So wake up mode, they have certain apps that they could have access to that are necessary. During that wake up time in the morning school time, it could be shut down, except for being able to call you or text you at a certain time in the afternoon, it's their productive time or their education time. And so you have certain apps available that they can utilize for that. You have a free time where it's, you know, you can put what apps they can play with during that time. So it's basically helping them setting up boundaries and walls to help guide them and get that habit down of not letting the, the device control you. So with the dumb smartphone, the pinwheel is specifically, it takes a lot of those things out that can be kind of fluid can have glitches and things like that by already having it all in place and having kind of like filtered through a lot of the dangers of the different apps and things.

Speaker 1 (08:44):

So you don't have to take the time to do that with every single app that you allow on that device. That's the beauty of the dumb smartphones. And then the last thing that I want to share that I would absolutely make sure that you do is that you put in writing what your expectations are, especially for the use of a smartphone. So this could be an a contract form, or if you don't feel like that is necessary, just write out what the rules are like. The phone is going to be put up in mom and dad's room at night at this certain time, you know, whatever it is for you, where it's going to be used, what is allowed on it, those types of things. That way, when, if you, you know, realize that maybe a rule is being broken, it's clear, like you have clear, defined, realistic expectations and they know what they are, and then that's a place for you to start for communication.

Speaker 1 (09:35):

And, you know, then it just helps you to start from a place of like, if you let all of it out and then you have to reel it back in at a later date, it creates this feeling of like, you don't trust them. And there's this independence that they had and suddenly they don't. And so there's just a dynamic there that's a little bit harder to navigate. And sometimes, you know, it's, this is just kind of a ebb and flow type thing that it's not going to be a specific defined path. And it's kind of like you're doing a dance with all of the things, with all of the influences out there that in all of the stages and the things that they will be going through, adding any device in a smartphone and connectivity to friends and to the world and to information, it just creates a kind of another realm that, you know, they interact with you interact with, and it kind of complicates things.

Speaker 1 (10:25):

You know, I personally don't think that you can keep this out of their hands or should keep this out of their hands completely. As they get older, I think it's our responsibility to help guide them. But at some point they also need to do this. And of course, there's other factors in play there when it comes to peer influence and all of that. But this is kind of like, like, I can't tell you that you're going to do this, this and this, and this is how it's going to go, because it's your kid's temperament, it's influence of friends. It's, you know, your family dynamic. All of those things come into play. Kids that have attention deficit, sometimes interact with the digital things differently. So this is going to be something that I highly recommend. You just start from a place of not is my kid ready?

Speaker 1 (11:06):

But am I ready to navigate this with my kid? Am I ready to get in the boat with my kid and go down this river of these years of interacting with all of the digital things, assessing how it influences and figuring out which way to paddle next, if that makes sense, it's just not a set in stone thing. And I could talk on this for hours, cause there's just so much that comes into play with this. I'm actually putting together a course that you will be able to purchase come January that has so much more information and guidance than what I can offer in my short little podcast. But it has been such a huge undertaking trying to wrap my head around all of the things that we need to consider in this space with the digital things in our kids. And so it's taken me a little while to put it together, but when I get it out there, I hope that you will grab it and utilize it as a place for you to help navigate down the river of raising our kids with all of the digital things.

Speaker 1 (12:11):

So more to come on that I want to get a wait list or a signup list where I, you know, you can be on my newsletter and you can be first to know when I do get that ready to go. So you can grab it and have it as a tool for your family going into 2021. So I will keep you updated on that. I have not gotten it set up where you can sign up for a wait list for more information on it. But if you go to my website and sign up for my digital resource guide, that is there, it's a free download, then that will get you on my email list. And you will be the first to know when I get that ready to roll so that you can grab it. Okay. So go to my website, Dolly denson.com and go under tools and resources.

Speaker 1 (12:55):

And there are a bunch of things listed there to help you. One of them is the digital resource guide. And then I have a few other downloads. I also have things there to help you as mom when it comes to cooking healthy food. And family-friendly recipes that I enjoy. I have an instant pot and I love my instant pot. So I have a set of recipes there that my family loves that are simple and common recipes, but ones that are simplified by using the instant pot. I also have, I believe I have Crock-Pot recipes there and then Christmas cookies and a few other things there. So you can certainly download those as well, but to get on my list for this course, download the digital resource guide or one of my digital things that are listed there. I also have several things listed as well in the show notes that I have discount codes for to help you as well.

Speaker 1 (13:40):

So grab any of those that you're interested in. I hope this was helpful for you. I hope that you were ready to help your kiddo navigate this path. If you are deciding to give them tech for Christmas, please feel free to reach out to me. Anytime I am here to chat, I am your friend. I am not an expert on any of this stuff, but I certainly am someone living the real life of navigating this. And that is my goal is to help you as a fellow mom, to figure this stuff out and help support our kids to be strong and confident as they grow into adulthood. Okay. Have a great day. Thanks for listening. And I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (14:19):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.